Anne Lamott on the Love that Holds Us Invisibly

Rabbi Sharon Brous was on her way to lead her community, IKAR—a Jewish community she founded 20 years ago with a new vision of how faith can center and connect us—in the sacred ceremony of Tashlikh, when she stopped to buy index cards and sharpies. It was an unexpected stop, given the day’s holiness: Every year between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, the two holiest days of the year, the Jewish community visits a body of water to release their sins, or anything they don’t want to carry into the new year, into the water. Still, Rabbi Brous was reflecting on the dying wishes of her dear friend and community member, Erin, and had a question for the community.  During her final days, Erin wrote that each of us has an innate sense of who we’re called to be. Yet, despite that knowing, too often we construct reasons to delay fulfilling our calling. On the brink of her own tragic death, Erin asked—What if we don’t have forever?—and urged her community to live urgently. When Rabbi Brous delivered her message to the IKAR community, overlooking the Pacific Ocean for Tashlikh, she asked: What are you waiting for? The question—What are you waiting for?—is the through-line of each topic we explore in this rich conversation about her book, The Amen Effect; From getting quiet enough to hear divine wisdom and cultivating our spiritual strength, to accompanying each other through joy and sorrow and, inspired by the Jewish ritual of being thankful for 100 blessings, creating our own system of blessings.  As you settle into this conversation, consider a yearning that exists deep within your heart. What are you waiting for to pursue it? What is one step you might take to move towards it today?

“When we are paying attention, we see how much love holds us invisibly.” This is the line that stayed with me most from Anne Lamott’s new, and 20th book, Somehow: Thoughts on Love. I read it during a stressful weekend and it illuminated the beauty of my family and friends’ care. As Anne says, “humanity is another synonym for God.” Anne’s gift is her rare ability to combine spiritual wisdom and laugh out loud humor into an operating manual for life, even, and especially, amidst its imperfection. In our conversation, we explore our ongoing journey to find our center and cultivate the sense of peace we deserve to reside in. Editor’s Note: I was moved by Anne’s definition of love in our conversation and couldn’t resist sharing my favorite part here… “There's a beautiful line in the Hebrew Bible…It talks about deep calling to deep. That could be the waterfall calling to the stars, but it could also be the deepest part inside me, inside my heart, calling to you; Calling to the redwood tree outside my window, the daffodils that just came up yesterday. Love is an energy…It’s everywhere we look."

Quentin Tarantino once said “I want to risk hitting my head on the ceiling of my talent.  I want to really test it out and say, ‘Okay, you’re not that good.  You just reached the level here.’  I don’t ever want to fail, but I want to risk failure every time out of the gate.”  This bold and farsighted perspective is a key ingredient that Eric Potterat and Alan Eagle highlight in their work with and observation of a wide-ranging group of elite performers across business, extreme sports, and the militarily. In their book - Learned Excellence:  Mental Disciplines for Leading and Winning from the World’s Top Performers - they share the five principles that anchor their approach towards perpetual excellence.  While the principles themselves may not surprise you, the discipline and execution prowess of the outliers we discuss will inspire you to reimagine your own pursuit of greatness.  Here’s a glimpse of the topics we explore: The distinguishing characteristic that makes elite performers singular. The role that biology and/or genetics plays in achieving excellence? The five principles of Learned Excellence. How negative self-talk can be a performance multiplier? The myth of one’s potential. Why ‘Growth Mindset’ is an incomplete discipline? The role your breath plays in helping you embrace adversity.

‘When we can combine our urge to be happy with wisdom instead of ignorance it becomes a homing instinct for freedom.’ This is one of the insights I was most eager to explore with renowned Buddhist teacher Sharon Salzberg from her new book, Finding Your Way: Meditations, Thoughts, and Wisdom for Living an Authentic Life. I was curious why, despite devoting so much time to learning about happiness, I continue looking for it in the wrong places. Sharon introduced us to the yearning held within our grasping in our last conversation and I was similarly moved by her wisdom in this one. “In most strongly emotional times, we're not looking at the emotion itself to try to see what’s at the heart of it and understand it more," she says. "We're looking at what the emotion is about; The story, choice, or circumstance. For example, I really wanted to buy a new car. I would spend my time thinking: Do I want that color or that color? Do I want that feature or that feature? I wouldn't pivot my attention to ask myself: What does it feel like to want something so badly? These emotions tend to be very complex. You might look at desire and see a lot of loneliness in there. You might look at anger and see a lot of sadness. If we can make that pivot and be with the emotion, we come to understand many things because that's the right relationship for wisdom or understanding to grow.” Sharon’s question—What does it feel like to want something so badly?—now arises as a moment of pause amidst my own grasping. Then, I reflect on a second question she shared while exploring the Buddhist concept of holding hope lightly: “There are some teachers who would say that desire is not the problem," she explains. "It's that what we want is so small. How about wanting to be really free?” Sharon offers us a new lens to view our life experiences in this conversation. From using physical pain as a model to navigate emotional pain to detaching from our expectations and desire for certainty, her perspective shifts help us navigate our lives with equanimity.

Remembrance is the first step we take with renowned coach and Reboot CEO and Co-founder Jerry Colonna in his new book, Reunion: Leadership and the Longing to Belong. At its heart, it’s an invitation towards deeper connection to our ancestors, ourselves, and each other. Each reader's path unfolds uniquely—through recognition, reconnection, and reclaiming—bringing them to a sense of belonging within themselves. Then, to one of the book’s central questions: How does my sense of belonging influence the sense of belonging I create for others? “I think what is often missing is landing into our own experience; Using our own body, almost as a tuning fork, to tune into what the other person is feeling,” he says. “When we do that, there's this wordless connection that feels both safe and nourishing because we can finally just be ourselves. That, to me, is the essence of belonging.” Our conversation is an exploration of Jerry’s own path to reunion, which takes him to Ireland to visit the grave of his father’s biological mother; To the shade of the cottonwood tree where conversations he had with his father, 30 years after his passing, helped heal their relationship; And, to the “both and” realization he arrives at with his mother, who despite struggling with mental illness, unwaveringly saved $2 a week to buy his brother and him a camera for photography class. Jerry encapsulates his journey by sharing that—“When I reunite with who they were, I move one step closer to my own wholeness”—and invites us to embark on our own. *Editor’s Note: While we experienced some audio fluctuations recording remotely, we’re thankful Jerry’s wisdom remains perfectly clear. Thank you for listening and understanding.

When Parker Palmer was approaching his seventies, he turned to a group of trusted friends to help him understand “what it meant to grow older in this particular dimension of life.” The process birthed one of my favorite questions he asks… What do I want to let go of? And, what do I want to give myself to? Despite articulating it in his seventies, Parker has devoted his life to it as an acclaimed author, teacher, and the Founder of the Center for Courage and Renewal. It’s why, after completing his PhD in 1969, he felt called to respond to racial injustice as a community organizer in Washington D.C. rather than pursue the secure academic path expected of him. “It was a job that met the challenge of my soul and gave that soul a chance to grow,” he says. “People would often ask me: ‘Why are you doing this?’ I remember saying: ‘I can't really explain it to you. I can barely explain it to myself, but I can tell you this: I can't not do it.’ ‘I can’t not do it' became a mantra for me. I started to understand that this is what one calls the soul's imperatives. This is a path that I'm walking because something in me understands that if I don't walk it—if I don't respond to some of the deepest yearnings of my soul—I'm going to lose my soul in the long run. I think [the soul] has something to do with the ‘being’ in human being; And, that our very beings cry out for a way of being in the world, for a service to the world, for something that makes our lives more than just our own. It’s a voice I think we all need to be listening for.” Our conversation is an exploration of how to connect more deeply with that voice. We delve into how to hear what Parker calls our “inner teacher” as well as the incredible practice he teaches for trusted friends to support each other in that process.

The soul’s liberation of realizing “I am” was amongst my first learnings from Zainab Salbi. A world renowned humanitarian, Zainab founded Women for Women International when she was 23 and dedicated decades to offering both human connection and $146 million of aid to over 400,000 women survivors of war and conflict. Her inner journey is equally inspiring and I was most excited to hear her answer to that ultimate question: Who am I? This experience of ‘descending all of her knowledge to her heart’ revealed that our hearts have a language—One she can only learn through emptiness. “There's no value of emptiness. Yet, it is only when I go to emptiness that I can feel the divine,” she says. “It may not be spiritual for everyone. Though, for me, that is the path of my joy and freedom because I go to the place where all the space is. It’s joy for no reason and all reasons. Love for all, no matter who. It is only when I arrive at emptiness that I can go to that vastness of emotions.” Zainab graciously explores her path of self-discovery—From the freedom of sharing the truth that imprisoned her from childhood to her evolving spiritual path and learning that “life regenerates itself like Earth,” which she’s honoring with Daughters for Earth: A non-profit she co-founded to fund women and girls securing the health of our planet. While our conversation is woven with wide-ranging insights, she threads it with a single invitation: To honor the life we’ve been given.

“Be sincere; be brief; be seated”  These six words by Franklin D. Roosevelt, which I stumbled upon during my early days as a 22-year-old sales manager, have profoundly shaped my communication philosophy. I’ve always believed that one’s ability to effectively communicate isn’t just a skill to be honed, it’s often the key that unlocks hidden potential; particularly in business and leadership.  Whether you’re an entrepreneur working to advance an idea, a leader inspiring your team, or someone in pursuit of a higher purpose - how you speak can be the diving line between capturing or missing opportunities. Nearly a decade ago, I met Matt Abrahams, and he challenged me to embrace style and structure in my communication.  And while I’m not naturally a process-oriented individual, I’ve come to appreciate the profound value of forging meaningful connections as a result.  I am thrilled that Matt’s latest book - Think Faster Talk Smarter - explores the topic of spontaneous communication; which each of us deals with on a regular basis.  The moments when you're stumped by an unanticipated question, or asked to comment during an unpleasant interaction - sure, it's easy to understand the importance of thinking on your feet; however, applying it effectively requires immense preparation.  In this episode, Matt and I discuss the various methods and frameworks that have shaped his work with entrepreneurs, leaders, and high achieving individuals.  Here’s a glimpse of the situations we discuss: The mindsets that ignite impactful communication An approach to crafting meaningful messages Why mediocrity is the catalyst to achieving greatness A method to communicate uncommon or complex ideas Why the first and last minute of a presentation are critical & how to approach them A framework for quick presenting or pitching What Martial arts can teach you about effective communication How to craft a sales presentation that doesn’t suck

“It is a high-stakes engagement to not miss the beauty of life.” This is the invitation and guidance Jon Kabat-Zinn gifts us in today’s episode. A mindfulness pioneer, Jon has played a foundational role in bringing meditation to the forefront of our culture; Admirably dedicating six decades to teaching, creating Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, and authoring over 15 books. I’m always inspired when Jon asks — What if life was the meditation? — and was honored to learn the various entry points we can practice it, all of which lead to “the room of the human heart when it knows itself.” We share a wide-ranging conversation exploring everything from cultivating equanimity to letting go of the stories we tell ourselves and discovering our shared wholeness. His practices are invaluable tools to be full participants in that high-stakes engagement.

“If the soul is not in the body, where is the soul?” I’ve always been intrigued by this question from Walt Whitman. So, it caught my attention when I heard Lauren Roxburgh say that our “fascia is transmitting our soul in our bodies.” Lauren is a pioneer in body alignment, holistic health, and fascia (the connective tissue that wraps under our skin and around our organs like a spider web). Everything clicked when she explained that when there is tension in our fascia—which can manifest as knots and tightness—our life force energy is blocked. She describes fascia as a “living matrix—holding and remembering everything that we experience in our lives.” When we feel overwhelmed by an experience, it gets stored in our fascia. In our conversation, we explore how her healing modality of movement medicine helps us move our emotions and experiences outside of our body, without even talking. Then, with a newfound sense of freedom, shift from trying to control life to becoming more open, receptive, and trusting. Resources: The Aligned Life Studio, where you can experience Lauren’s practices with a free 7-day trial Lauren’s Book: The Power Source: The Hidden Key to Ignite Your Core, Empower Your Body, Release Stress, and Realign Your Life