260. Why You’re So Hard on Yourself (and How to Finally Stop!)

How often do you end your day thinking, "I could have done more"? If you're a high achiever constantly pushing, criticising, never feeling like enough, I have news for you. It's your subconscious protecting you.That voice that says, "work harder, fix it, you're not there yet," isn't discipline. It's not your high achiever nature. It's a part of you that learnt a long time ago that performance equals safety. And now? It's bloody exhausted!In today's episode, I'm taking you back to where that subconscious pattern started, and we're going to use parts work to meet the part that makes you so hard on yourself. We'll uncover the limiting beliefs that keep you in this cycle, find out why it fights so hard when you try to rest, and I'll show you how to not be so hard on yourself through subconscious mind reprogramming so you can finally rest without feeling guilty.Because you can be ambitious, successful, and still be nice to yourself. Wild concept, I know! If stillness feels dangerous and your to-do list shows up the second you sit down, this episode is for you. Let's stop confusing pressure with protection.Topics covered on Why You’re So Hard on Yourself: Why does being hard on yourself feel like the only way to stay safe?What if the voice pushing you isn’t discipline, but a terrified part trying to protect you?How did your subconscious learn that performance equals love and acceptance?Why does rest feel so dangerous when you’ve trained your brain that constant motion means safety?What happens when you acknowledge the part that’s been pushing you for years instead of fighting it?Is it possible to rewire your brain to crave rest as much as it currently craves pressureHow do high achievers break free from the dopamine-cortisol loop?Connect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram  | Facebook | YouTubeFind the full show notes & more resources at https://rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/why-youre-so-hard-on-yourself

"How am I supposed to protect my mindset when no one around me gets it?" I get this question at least once a week. Welcome to the stage of growth that no one prepares you for!When you start doing deep inner work, you'll be changing faster than everyone around you. You'll be healing, expanding, and suddenly the people closest to you are looking at you like they don't recognise you anymore. Your partner doesn't get your vision. Your family treats you like the version from five years ago (even though you're a completely different person). Your friends throw shady jokes about how 'you've changed'.And all of a sudden, you're stuck between two worlds. The one that shaped you and the one you're building.So in today's episode, I'm talking about how to protect your mindset, how to stop outsourcing your safety to other people, and how to hold and protect your energy while everyone else throws their doubts at you. And no, we're not cutting people off or building walls. We're strengthening the relationship you have with yourself.Because you can't shrink yourself into being understood. And your job isn't to make them believe. Your job is to keep expanding until your certainty becomes louder than their doubt.Topics covered on How to Protect Your Mindset:The time when my ambition became a problem in my relationship.Your subconscious need for belonging and how to rewire it.How to protect your mindset when your loved ones project their doubts and fears onto you.What does "protecting your bubble" actually mean without cutting people off?Why did setting boundaries make my friends hate me (and why I kept doing it)?Five subconscious practices for protecting your mindset.Connect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram  | Facebook | YouTubeFind the full show notes & more resources at www.rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/how-to-protect-your-mindset-when-your-growth-makes-people-uncomfortable

In this episode, I’m breaking down one of the most common patterns I see in female entrepreneurs, the weekly reset, the new plan, the fresh strategy, the “I’ll start again on Monday” energy that feels productive but quietly keeps you looping in the same place.Subconscious Prompts: What feels unsafe about doing it today?What part of me doesn’t feel ready yet?What identity am I still loyal to?What am I postponing that I could embody right now?What would the next level version of me do today, not Monday?If the future version of me was leading this week, what would she prioritise first?How does my future self hold herself on the days where capacity is low?What does my business look like when I’m consistently leading from the identity I’m becoming?If I fully trusted where I’m going, what would I stop negotiating with myself about?What does the “Monday reset” version of me do and what does the future version of me do instead?When I imagine the woman I’m becoming, what feels obvious to her that still feels difficult to me now?What would it feel like to move through today as if the identity shift has already happened?What becomes available to me when I start acting from the future self I keep postponing?Connect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram  | Facebook | YouTubeFind more resources at www.rebeccahaydon.com/podcast.

Do you ever ask yourself how some entrepreneurs make business look so simple? What is their secret? Is there something you’re missing? Well, in today's episode, I'm going to tell you all about the subconscious strategies that drive their business simplicity and growth.I'll break down what’s really happening beneath the surface for leaders like Alex Hormozi, Grace Beverley, Marie Forleo, Steven Bartlett, and myself! You’ll hear how repetition, structure, visibility, self-belief, and depth each play a role in creating momentum that feels natural, not forced. Plus, I'll share personal stories, honest reflections, and the patterns I’ve spotted after years of watching, learning, and experimenting.If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing everything right but it still feels heavy, this episode will help you see what might be missing. Now let's find out how to build a business that feels aligned and sustainable.Topics covered on Subconscious Strategies:What makes business look so easy for some people, and why can’t you seem to replicate the results even when you’re following the exact same business strategy?Alex Hormozi is the king of repetition. This is how his subconscious strategy fuels his success.How does Grace Beverley scale multiple businesses, and what’s her subconscious strategy?What is Marie Forleo’s subconscious strategy that keeps her visible year after year?How does Steven Bartlett keep moving forward, no matter how much criticism he receives online?Why are depth and meaning the foundation of my own business approach?What happens when your subconscious and business strategy finally agree?Connect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram  | Facebook | YouTubeFind the full show notes & more resources at https://rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/what-i-learned-studying-the-subconscious-strategies-of-business-giants

You know that moment when business gets hard, sales slow down, ideas aren't flowing, motivation dips and your brain immediately goes "What's wrong with me?"In this episode, we're breaking down the blame cycle that keeps high achieving women stuck, why your subconscious defaults to self blame when uncertainty hits, and the critical difference between looking at yourself through shame versus looking at yourself through curiosity.Discover how to shift from the "fixing" lens to the "curious" lens so you can actually lead yourself through challenges instead of spiralling into self criticism. Subconscious Prompts : What do I make it mean about me when things feel hard in my business?Where in my business do I default to self blame instead of self leadership?When I last experienced a challenge, was I looking at myself through the blame lens or the curious lens?What evidence do I have that I can move through challenges without blaming myself first?What would it look like to examine a current challenge through curiosity instead of blame?How can I show myself I'm safe to grow even when it feels uncertain?Topics Covered in How to Stop Blaming Yourself:Why high achievers default to blame when business gets hardThe two lenses: blame vs. curiosity and how they shape your realityWhat your subconscious is actually communicating (it's not what you think)The difference between fixing yourself and leading yourselfHow to pause the blame spiral and ask better questionsPractical steps to redirect fixing energy into leading energyConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meJoin The Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram  | Facebook | YouTubeFind the full show notes & more resources at https://rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/how-to-stop-blaming-yourself-when-business-gets-hard

Can't get clear on your next business move? You're not alone. In this episode, I'm breaking down why hustling for clarity keeps you stuck in confusion and what's actually happening at the subconscious level when you can't make a decision. Spoiler: it's not a discipline problem. Clarity is a byproduct of safety, not hustle. I'll walk you through exactly how to create the internal conditions that allow clarity to emerge, so you can finally stop second guessing yourself and start moving forward with confidence.Topics covered in this episode:Why confusion is actually a protection mechanism (and what your subconscious is protecting you from)The clarity trap: Why forcing clarity through journaling and strategy keeps you spinningWhat safety really means when it comes to making big business decisionsThe 5-step process to create safety so clarity can emerge naturallyHow to build evidence of your capacity so your subconscious trusts you to handle the next levelWhy clarity comes from embodying the future you, not analyzing the presentWhat changes when you stop hustling for clarity and start creating internal safety insteadConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram  | Facebook | YouTube Find the full show notes & more resources at https://rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/why-you-cant-get-clear-on-your-next-business-move

If you’ve ever felt like you’re showing up powerfully, but not fully, this episode will hit home.In today's episode I unpack the subconscious psychology behind the invisible gap between what you’re doing and what you know you’re capable of.I dive into why high performing women unconsciously hold themselves just below their edge, how your mind equates “more” with “pressure,” and the exact subconscious rewires that allow you to hold expansion without burning out.This isn’t about doing more.It’s about feeling safe enough to access the rest of your power, the 30% that’s already waiting to be expressed.Topics covered on The Missing 30%:The subtle ways high level women limit access to their full potentialWhy your subconscious links growth with pressure, rejection, or lossHow identity and safety create the ceiling on your capacityWhat “holding success” actually means on a subconscious levelFive practical subconscious shifts to access your missing 30%The difference between control and true capacityHow to build safety around expansion instead of pressureConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram  | Facebook | YouTubeFind the full show notes & more resources at https://rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/why-high-achieving-women-hold-back-their-full-potential

Do you feel like the bigger your business grows, the heavier everything feels? In today's episode, I'm exposing the five hidden CEO patterns that are keeping your business stuck, and trust me, you're probably running at least one of them right now.I've watched countless entrepreneurs hit their first big months, then mysteriously collapse back down, or build successful businesses while secretly feeling like they're constantly firefighting. Sound familiar? These aren't flaws or signs you're broken; they're outdated subconscious strategies that got you here but won't get you there. From the adrenaline achiever who thrives on chaos to the "can I hold it?" CEO who hits milestones but can't sustain them, I'm breaking down exactly which patterns are running your show behind the scenes.Plus, I'm sharing why that "I work best under pressure" mentality that built your business is now the very thing holding you back from scaling sustainably. By the end of this episode, you'll finally understand why strategy alone isn't fixing the problem and which specific pattern is creating your current bottleneck.Topics covered on The 5 Hidden CEO Patterns That Stall Growth:Why does business feel harder the more money you make, even when you have the right strategies?What’s really happening when you hit big months but can’t seem to get back there?Which hidden CEO pattern is secretly sabotaging your scaling efforts (and how leaving everything to the last minute is just one of them)?Do you keep hiring team members but still feel like everything’s on your shoulders?How does your need for control become the exact bottleneck stopping your growth?What hidden CEO pattern keeps you redoing your offer instead of actually launching it?Connect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipThe Subconscious InstituteCome say hi on Instagram  | Facebook | YouTubeFind the full show notes & more resources at https://rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/the-5-hidden-ceo-patterns-that-stall-growth

Everyone’s terrified of failure. But quite frankly it’s not failure that breaks most businesses, it’s growth.Failure feels familiar, predictable, even safe to your subconscious. Growth, on the other hand, demands more capacity, more identity shifts and more responsibility than most CEOs are wired for. That’s why so many plateau, sabotage, or collapse at the exact moment things should be taking off.In this episode, I’m pulling back the curtain on why growth exposes every subconscious crack you’ve been ignoring, the hidden patterns I see high level entrepreneurs run on repeat, and how to protect yourself so scaling doesn’t stall you, it sustains you.If you’ve ever wondered why your business looks “perfect on paper” but still isn’t working this one is for you.Topics covered in this episode:Why failure feels safer than growth to your subconscious.The capacity demands growth adds that no strategy can fix.The three hidden patterns CEOs fall into when they scale.Why strategy alone won’t save you if identity hasn’t caught up.How to rewire your subconscious so growth amplifies success, not sabotage“Growth doesn’t break businesses because growth is bad. Growth breaks businesses because it amplifies what’s already there.” - Rebecca HaydonSuggested Previous Identity Episodes to Listen Next:What Identity Work Actually Is (And Why Most People Get It Wrong)The Real Reason Why You Can’t Stay ConsistentWhy You Procrastinate (And What Your Subconscious is Really Protecting You From)Why You Always Feel Like There’s Never Enough Time (And How to Change It)Connect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram  | Facebook | YouTubeFind the full show notes & more resources at https://rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/why-growth-breaks-more-businesses-than-failure-ever-did

Are you confusing busyness with growth? In this episode of The Subconscious Expert, I break down what I call the illusion of momentum why your brain rewards you for ticking boxes, even when your business isn’t moving forward.We’ll dive into the neuroscience behind false momentum, the subconscious thermostat that caps your results, and the identity shifts that actually create sustainable growth. If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing everything but still hitting the same ceiling, this conversation will change the way you see momentum forever.Topics covered on The Illusion of Momentum:The neuroscience of why busyness feels like progress (but isn’t)How your subconscious ceiling acts like a thermostat for resultsThe difference between activity tolerance vs. receiving toleranceWhy real momentum comes from identity shifts, not more actionQuestions to uncover the identity running beneath your busynessHow to build subconscious momentum that sustains growth long-termConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram  | Facebook | YouTubeFind the full show notes & more resources at https://rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/how-to-stop-mistaking-busyness-for-business-growth