Building Your Kids' Tolerance for Frustration

In today’s solo episode, I’m answering your questions about how to ensure we don’t raise entitled kids. This is an important question that many of you have asked me on all my platforms. Being entitled can be a very triggering thing for a lot of parents, especially those that grew up without a lot of wealth. We want to teach our kids a sense of gratitude and caring for others. What it really comes down to is teaching kids the ability to tolerate frustration and deal with an outcome they don’t want. I’m sharing three things you can do at home to help build a tolerance for frustration.Gain the ability to waitWaiting will elicit frustration in kids, but if they want it badly enough, they will wait it out.How often do we quickly accommodate simple tasks for our child when we could weave in a wait time?By doing this, we are delaying gratification.Play a game with your childMake sure you go first and they go second.Find the longest amount of time they can wait, and then allow them to take their turn. Meet them where they’re at no matter how short the amount of time they can wait is.Let them struggle through a taskKids will often feign an ability to do something on their own even though they’re capable.The whining that happens with a task they don’t want to do is because they can’t tolerate the frustration of struggling with a task.Encourage them to keep trying, assuming you have the time.Resources: Paid Substack Community - https://albiona.substack.com/Schedule a free call about my 1:1 coaching, Reclaim Your Calm - https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-discovery-call-ck6qfBe sure to sign up for my Substack newsletter for longer and more specialized parenting content: https://albiona.substack.com/ I hope you found this episode helpful; for more parenting tips, check out my website and blog for more information. https://theparentingreframe.com/Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe/Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe 

I get asked all the time about creating content and writing. In this video, I share a few tips on where to start if you don’t consider yourself creative, as well as the three books that changed the way I approach creativity, vulnerability, and fear.Here are the three books I mentioned:The Tools and True and False Magic. The Tools is by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels, and True and False Magic is written by Phil Stutz and Elise Loehnen (I spoke with Elise about this book on the podcast; you can listen here).Awaken Your Genius by Ozan Varol (He is one of my favorite writers)The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron (Morning pages changed my life) If the messages I’m sharing in this series resonate with you, I’d like to dive deeper to help you break free from what's holding you back.My transformation sessions are designed to help you move through fear, release blocks, and embrace change, guiding you to unleash the greatest version of yourself. Through a unique inner-parenting approach, you'll gain the tools to navigate any adversity.Email me at [email protected] to start your transformative journey.

In this quick solo episode, I’m talking about a newsletter I wrote on Substack about reaction types. There are many different ways parents can react when their child becomes dysregulated, pushes against a boundary they have set, or throws a tantrum. Many of these reactions are rooted in the ways we were raised by our parents or the experiences we had as we grew up. Today, I’m going to talk about the three reaction types I encounter most frequently during my coaching with parents and working with families, and I'll also provide a bonus reaction type at the end of the episode.1. Hyper-Reactor or the Punisher The parent who will go from zero to 100 instantly and doesn’t have the tools to regulate themselves.They feel discomfort because of their child’s reaction to something they don’t like. This may be rooted in an association from their own childhood, where they didn’t feel safe expressing their own emotions. Sometimes this can feel like the child is being disrespectful to the parent. 2. Panicked ParentThe parent who knows to control their big emotions around their child who is struggling but they are terribly uncomfortable with the situation.This parent over explains the boundary or tries to justify the decision or offer other choices to make the situation better.This isn’t perceived as a good thing by the dysregulated child, it just feels like more input and they cannot tolerate it. 3. The AdjustorThe parent who is an overthinker and is second guessing their boundaries all the time.When they go to hold a boundary and their child pushes back against it, they make adjustments to their boundary to avoid or stop dysregulation. This is a band aid approach to parenting because it doesn’t teach kids how to tolerate frustration. Bonus Type: Avoidant ParentThe parent who doesn’t have a hard time staying calm, but struggles so much to set a boundary, and avoids it at all costs. They are eggshell parenting and have crafted a perfect environment so their kids don’t have to experience any sort of hardship. Avoidant parents shut down when their kids become dysregulated.Resources: Substack newsletter - Beyond ‘Good’ or ‘Bad’: The 3 Parental Reaction Blueprints: https://albiona.substack.com/p/beyond-good-or-bad-the-3-parentalPARR Workshop: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/parrworkshopBe sure to sign up for my Substack newsletter for longer and more specialized parenting content: https://albiona.substack.com/ I hope you found this episode helpful; for more parenting tips, check out my website and blog for more information. https://theparentingreframe.com/Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe/Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe 

In the first video of my series, In Case You Were Wondering (This is a video series where I share wisdom and answer the questions I get that aren’t directly related to parenting), I’m tackling the first question most of you ask me: How do you move through fear?In this 6-minute video, I will help you shift from a fear-based mindset to welcoming more faith and trust into your process. What I cover:Growing an audience on social media when it feels dauntingAddressing limiting beliefsMaking career pivotsTaking ChancesMy two-step process for choosing faith over fearEnjoy, and feel free to leave a comment or share it with a friend.

Today on the podcast I’m welcoming back New York Times Bestselling Author Elise Loehnen. If you haven’t listened to the first episode where Elise was on The Parenting Reframe Podcast, it gives a great overview and conversation about her first book, On Our Best Behavior. You can listen to it here: https://theparentingreframe.simplecast.com/episodes/on-our-best-behavior-with-elise-loehnenElise is the author of On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and The Price Women Pay to Be Good, True and False Magic, a collaboration with Phil Stutz, and her workbook coming out soon, Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness. There are so many things we talk about in this episode from the creative process to parenting, the social context of her books to the ways women feel in their own bodies, and so much more. It’s always a pleasure to talk with Elise and get her perspective on so many different topics.Here’s what we talk about with Elise: Elise’s writing processes and how she uncovers societal norms and expectations through her work.An overview of her book On Our Best Behavior and how society forces women to be inherently good through the lens of the seven deadly sins. Her companion workbook Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness and how it helps individuals work through their own beliefs and change the negative narratives. How the stories you tell about yourself are almost always rooted in lack. What we can learn about compassion and patience from neurodivergent children.Recognizing as parents we need to relinquish control over our children and be a safe place for them to land. Letting go of micromanaging our kids to allow them to develop their own roadmap to reach their goals.The amount of energy and self monitoring it takes to stay a certain size or weight as a woman and the mental toll it takes over time. An overview of True and False Magic and how life is an ongoing evolution of feelings and emotions to work through.Resources: Elise’s first Parenting Reframe podcast episode: https://theparentingreframe.simplecast.com/episodes/on-our-best-behavior-with-elise-loehnenElise’s podcast, “Pulling the Thread”: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pulling-the-thread-with-elise-loehnen/id1585015034On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and The Price Women Pay to Be Good: https://www.eliseloehnen.com/onourbestbehaviorTrue and False Magic: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/778182/true-and-false-magic-by-phil-stutz-with-elise-loehnen/Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/771811/choosing-wholeness-over-goodness-by-elise-loehnen-and-courtney-smith/ For more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.comAnd be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice.

On this week’s episode, I am talking to Dr. Cindy Hovington, founder of The Curious Neuron and the Reflective Parenting podcast. Dr. Hovington is a mom of three and has a doctorate in neuroscience. Her goal is to break down science-backed research on child development and parenting and turn it into applicable advice for parents. She is very passionate about parental well-being as she knows we have to take care of ourselves in order to be able to take care of our children. We discuss tantrums, setting boundaries, and strategies to keep yourself calm while meeting your child’s needs. This is the episode for you if you experience these challenges and want to understand more about the science of parenting.Here’s what we talk about with Dr. Hovington: How The Reflective Parenting Club was created to help parents find best practices while effectively managing emotions and stress.Acknowledging when we as parents are not sitting in the most calm emotional space and being able to pause and communicate these feelings to others.Parenting and changing behaviors takes time and does not change overnight.Using boundaries and discipline as a way to teach our kids what to do or not to do in order to set them up for success.Creating awareness around your own physical state can help calm stressful situations.How emotional states and stress can affect the overall state of your home and the way your child reacts in certain situations.Resetting challenging moments throughout your day to create moments of joy.Sharing your emotions with your kids can help create connection and evolve trust.Resources: The Curious Neuron website: https://curiousneuron.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/curious_neuronFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/curiousneuronThe Reflective Parent Club: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/Reflective Parenting Podcast: https://curiousneuron.com/podcasts/ For more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.comAnd be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice.

Back by popular demand, Joe Newman is here for his third visit to The Parenting Reframe Podcast. Joe Newman was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and has made it his life’s mission to help parents figure out how to “raise lions,” kids who want to do it themselves. His book, Raising Lions, is one of my favorites and a resource I recommend constantly. In this episode, we discuss the biggest issues we are seeing while working with families today. This includes longer discussion about tantrums, and why we don’t completely agree on what to do when your child is having a tantrum.  Here’s what we talk about with Joe: Why play deprivation is a problem today and why kids need more time to play independently.Kids need to experience struggle in social situations to create change and learn how to better manage their experience on their own. Providing all the answers for kids takes away an “I do it” moment and creates kids who identify as incapable and want things done for them. The nature of attachment between parent and child changes over time and the parent has to allow it to happen in an open and supportive way. How to reframe the negative perception of tantrums and child’s behavior.Why Joe and I disagree about whether or not to hold your child during a tantrum.Using a break as a self regulation tool to help kids get through a difficult moment and become more resilient. Allowing kids to experience deprivation and challenges on their own without judgment creates more independent, resilient, and happy individuals. Kids act as scientists to figure out their way around a situation so it’s incredibly important to hold your boundaries. Practicing holding boundaries at home will make doing it in public easier and reduce your feelings of anxiety in the situation.  Resources:Joe Newman’s website to set up a consultation or discovery call: https://www.raisinglions.com/Joe Newman on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raisinglions/Joe Newman on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@raisinglions1Raising Lions by Joe Newman: https://www.amazon.com/Raising-Lions-Joe-Newman/dp/1453639683/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1686055923&sr=1-1Raising Lions with Joe Newman podcast episode:  https://theparentingreframe.simplecast.com/episodes/raising-lions-with-joe-newmanA Raising Lions Q+A with Joe Newman podcast episode: https://theparentingreframe.simplecast.com/episodes/a-raising-lions-qa-with-joe-newmanFor more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.comAnd be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice. 

In this episode, I have the absolute pleasure of talking with Neha Ruch, the founder of Mother Untitled, the leading platform for ambitious women leaning into family life. A thought leader, writer and speaker on parenting, women, work and identity, Neha established Mother Untitled in 2017 after working for a decade in digital and brand strategy and earning an MBA from Stanford. Her new book, The Power Pause, examines how to take a career pause after having kids and is available now. We discuss how taking a pause in many stages of life has incredible benefits and the different ways it can look for moms. Here’s what we talk about with Neha: How the question of “What do you do?” has become intertwined in the fabric of who we are as individuals. Ways to change the language surrounding each chapter of your life to a more expansive view.A career pause makes room to chart out other ways you want to grow personally.How “The Mommy Wars” started and the way the narrative has shifted and become more fluid over time. The ways the COVID pandemic caused an examination of work and family balance.Tools to consider for a career pause when there are concerns about finances, work/life balance, and household contributions.Shifting the view of taking a step down from a career to gaining a collection of experiences. Resources:The Power Pause: How to Plan a Career Break After Kids--and Come Back Stronger Than Ever: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Pause-Career-Kids-Stronger/dp/0593716183Overwhelmed by Brigid Schulte: https://www.brigidschulte.com/overwhelmedEllse Loehnen podcast episode: https://theparentingreframe.com/podcast-episodes/episode-40-on-our-best-behavior-with-elise-loehnen/For more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.comAnd be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice.

Happy 2025! The past year has been really transformative for me personally and professionally and I’m excited for what this new year might bring. I want to thank all of you who take the time to listen to my podcast, read my Substack, or even watch a video clip on TikTok. It’s really affirming to know I’m reaching all of you in some way. A few updates for 2025 that I’m excited to share with you:New model for one-on-one coaching: I’m moving to a 12-week model, where you get 12 weekly calls with me. You’ll have me create scripts and plans to use in your home and answer questions as they arise. Only 1 spot is available for January!Group coaching is returning in February! This more affordable option offers the added benefit of gaining support from others in your situation.I’m launching a membership! I’ve been working on a membership and I want to make it as interactive as possible. It will be a hybrid of courses and live video calls. Stay tuned for more information! The Three Pillars to Connected ParentingWhen we adopt a martyr parent mindframe, it doesn’t benefit your children in the way you think it does.We pride ourselves on being really busy, but when we burn out, what happens to your family? A Process to Help Interparent YourselfParenting is a process full of wisdom and transformation that we can apply to moments in our adult lives like loss and growth. Using PARR to help us understand what our triggers are and cause us to have big reactions towards our kids. There’s always something we can change instead of resigning to being too tired or too busy while having a reactionary response. The five pillars of parenting yourself: master pausing, practice stillness, honoring simplicity, honoring change, trusting your intuition.Create an Environment Conducive to ConnectionShowing our kids we are the ones in control of our lives and priorities. There are moments when we can create meaningful connections with our kids but we need to be present and intentional about it. It’s healthy for kids to spend time alone, and being mindful of the time we spend with them makes it more impactful. Honoring Your Ability to Process Complex EmotionsIt’s likely many of us learned to suppress or bypass complex emotions due to our upbringing. Our discomfort when our own kids are having a complex emotion is something very foreign to us so we need to learn how to sit with it instead of trying to change or cover it up. In moments of dysregulation you can say “I am safe and so are they.” Resources: Sign up for a FREE 20 minute discovery call to see if 1:1 coaching is right for you: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-discovery-call-ck6qfThe Three Pillars to Connected Parenting article: https://albiona.substack.com/p/the-3-pillars-to-connected-parenting?r=dan8yThe Busyness Trap article: https://albiona.substack.com/p/spotting-the-busyness-trapSelf Regulation Workshop Free Download: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-download-emotional-regulation-for-parentsPARR Workshop Free Download: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-parr-workshop-downloadBe sure to sign up for my Substack newsletter for longer and more specialized parenting content: https://albiona.substack.com/ I hope you found this episode helpful; for more parenting tips, check out my website and blog for more information. https://theparentingreframe.com/Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe/Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe 

In today's solo minisode I’m talking all about strong-willed kids. I’ve been talking a lot about this in my emails and on my social media lately because I know it’s a topic that many parents struggle with. Strong-willed kids are the ones that I like to call fair fighters - they’re always keeping score and want to make sure everything is right in their world. But this can cause them to easily spiral out of control the second things don’t go their way. I want to share three key points that come up over and over again in one-on-one and group coaching in regards to strong willed kids.If this episode resonates with you, consider signing up for my group coaching program all about raising strong willed kids and emotional regulation for kids and parents starting November 21! The link to register is in the Resources. Does Your Kid Value Approval or Power? We set up an expectation and kids usually comply.Strong-willed kids don’t seek or value approval from authority or parents. It’s not important enough for them.Instead they value power but they don’t have the capacity to hold all of it. They try to find out how much power they can have until they start to lose control.Strong-willed kids will then look for an anchor to keep them in a safe state when they start to lose control.Explanations Don’t Work We try to give kids the tools and the choices to understand why things are happening. Explanations don’t deter a strong-willed kid from their actions.An explanation gives information but they are not lacking information. It may be a bigger issue of impulse control, tolerating frustration, sensory overload, or something else.If there is a lack of information, the next time they face something similar the outcome will be different. Get to the root of what skills they need to develop to reduce the behavior you don’t want to see. Self Regulate YourselfIt’s incredibly triggering for parents when a strong-willed kid is emotionally out of control. It’s important for the parent to self regulate themselves when the child is unable to.They are looking for someone to be calm in the storm.We have to create a really consistent, predictable structure through boundaries. This structuring takes time and will take a while to set the expectations and make changes where needed. Teaching them how to regulate their emotions is an important step to help your child foster their inner free spirit and communicate their needs and emotions.Resources: Sign up for my Group Coaching Program starting November 21: stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/group-coaching-raising-strong-willed-kids-51n42Joe Newman podcast episode: https://theparentingreframe.com/podcast-episodes/episode-49-a-raising-lions-q-a-with-joe-newman/ Sign up for a FREE 20 minute discovery call: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-discovery-call-ck6qfBe sure to sign up for my Substack newsletter for longer and more specialized parenting content: https://albiona.substack.com/ I hope you found this episode helpful; for more parenting tips, check out my website and blog for more information. https://theparentingreframe.com/Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe/Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe