Consequences vs. Punishments: Why Kids Need Boundaries, Not Fear

In this heartfelt solo episode, host Albiona Rakipi dives deep into one of the most common (and emotionally triggering) parenting challenges: separation anxiety. But this isn’t your typical advice—this is a powerful reframe.You’ll learn why children protest when you leave, why dragging out your goodbye actually makes things harder, and how your own guilt might be sending the wrong message—even when you mean well.Most importantly, this episode gives you practical, loving strategies to help your child build self-trust, navigate hard feelings, and develop resilience, while giving yourself full permission to live a full, joyful life.Whether you’re heading to work or heading to dinner with friends, this episode reminds you: your joy is not selfish—it’s vital.In This Episode, You’ll Learn:Why separation anxiety is not “bad behavior,” but a growth edgeThe #1 mistake parents make when saying goodbye (and how to fix it)What your child actually needs in those tough emotional momentsHow to build a "bridge" between separation and safetyWhy your self-trust is the foundation for your child’s regulationHow to reframe “mom guilt” when you choose something just for youThe link between predictability and reduced anxiety in kidsThe critical difference between empathy and enmeshmentReal-life scripts and object-leaving strategies to ease transitionsWhy calm isn’t the opposite of anxiety—self-trust isQuotes to Remember:“The opposite of anxiety isn’t calm—it’s self-trust.”“Every time you go back in a panic, you’re telling your child they can’t handle hard things.”“Your child doesn’t need you to sacrifice everything—they need you to model wholeness.”“Joy begets joy. When you honor your needs, your kids benefit too.”Resources Mentioned:Substack Paid Parenting Community: https://albiona.substack.com/subscribeBook a 1:1 Coaching Discovery Call: https://calendly.com/albiona324/discovery-call Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What You’ll Learn in This EpisodeThe key differences between consequences and punishmentsWhy kids need consequences to feel safe and learn boundariesHow punishments often come from a place of reactivity and dysregulationThe role of natural consequences (like forgetting a water bottle) and logical consequences (thoughtful parent responses)Why the boundary itself often is the consequenceHow to implement breaks/resets (instead of timeouts) to help kids regulateThe importance of creating safe struggles to build resilienceWhen redirection works best (and why it backfires with older kids)Scripts and phrases you can use to give your kids autonomy while holding limits Resources & LinksExplore coaching and parenting support at The Parenting ReframeBook a free discovery call to see if 1:1 coaching is right for your family Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this warm conversation Tembi and Albiona cover:How From Scratch began — writing personal grief into a story that reaches others, and how that book later became a Netflix limited series. (Simon & Schuster)What “re-nesting” means (replacing the idea of an “empty nest” with a more generative, whole concept) and practical ways parents can prepare emotionally for children leaving home. (People.com)The creative process Tembi uses: listening, journaling, & exploring different art forms; writing as a practice to slow down and make meaning. (tembilocke.com)Concrete ideas listeners can use right away: short daily rituals (15–45 min), journaling prompts, scheduling “pre-planned joy,” somatic self-care, and negotiating new family rhythms like weekly check-ins.A deep look at Someday, Now — why Tembi created an immersive audio experience (ambient Sicily soundscapes plus narration), and what she hopes listeners will feel after they finish it: that there is possibility, love, and room for transformation even in endings. (Audible.com)Resources & linksTembi Locke — official site / about & book resources. (tembilocke.com)From Scratch — publisher page (Simon & Schuster). (Simon & Schuster)Someday, Now — Simon & Schuster audio page (audio edition/details). (Simon & Schuster)Someday, Now — Audible audio listing/preorder. (Narrated by Tembi Locke; release details & preorder.) (Audible.com)Tembi Locke on Instagram (announcements & behind-the-scenes). (Instagram) Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What You’ll Learn in This EpisodeThe inspiration behind Kids These Days and why Dr. Dobud and Dr. Harper felt compelled to write it.The three frameworks of the book: interference, intervention, and ideology—and how they’re shaping modern childhood.Why blaming phones and social media is an oversimplification of a much bigger picture.The concept of digital integration vs. digital interference—and how parents can approach technology more thoughtfully.How to foster resilience and mastery in kids without overstepping or over-fixing.The overlooked power of gratitude, generosity, and noticing what’s working in our kids.Why boundaries paired with empathy create the conditions for true growth.A reframe for parents: shifting from control and fear to presence, connection, and curiosity.Resources & Links🌟 Preorder Kids These Days by Dr. Will Dobud & Dr. Nevin Harper: kidsthesedaysbook.comConnect with Dr. Will Dobud on social media and at outdoortherapycentre.comLearn more about my work with parents: The Parenting ReframeFollow me on Instagram and TikTok for more parenting information⭐️ If you enjoyed this episode, don’t forget to subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review so more parents can discover these conversations.   Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I’m back for another solo episode today after a little bit of a summer break. I gathered some of your most common questions from my workshops, coaching sessions, and social media comments. In this episode I’m walking you through a few of the struggles that share a common thread and giving insight into what makes these things difficult for parents and how to work through them.Kids Who Don’t Like LosingThere are a lot of triggers for parents that come along with having a child who doesn’t like to lose which can cause eggshell parenting.When your child struggles to deal with something like disappointment or frustration, the answer is always that they need to experience it more often.Your reaction to their emotions as a parent is so important. Staying regulated in the moment will help deescalate the situation.Lectures don’t work. You’re helping them learn the life skill of tolerating frustration and managing the emotions that come with the frustration. Public OutburstsWe sense all of the people in a public situation and it usually feels much more judgmental in our minds than it actually is because of insecurities. When our ability to parent is tethered to our child’s behavior, it makes things very difficult.Make an action plan and practice getting cooperation at home so your child is prepared when you do a test run in public. Set your kids up for success so you aren’t trying to complete tasks when they’re already over tired, hungry, etc.PARR This was created for anyone who needs to work through managing their own emotions and reactions. Pausing is an important reminder that we can take the time to slow down and not make rapid fire decisions in the moment.Always reflect on “what does my child need at this moment?” You know your child best and can better understand their needs when you have paused.When Your Kids Don’t ListenWe rely on the idea that if our kids have the knowledge, they will react or behave appropriately. This simply isn’t true because their brains aren’t developed in this way yet.Kids are wondering “what happens when…” and they are curious what the outcome will be on the other side of their behavior. Once they know the action that is paired with your language is consistent, they will start listening better.We need to remember kids are simple and we usually overcomplicate things.Resources: Getting Your Kids to Listen the First Time You Ask Workshop: https://www.theparentingreframe.com/shop/p/getting-your-kids-to-listen-the-first-time-you-ask Four Reaction Types Podcast Episode: https://theparentingreframe.simplecast.com/episodes/beyond-good-or-bad-the-3-parental-reaction-blueprintsSchedule a free call about my 1:1 coaching, Reclaim Your Calm - https://www.theparentingreframe.com/coachingBe sure to sign up for my Substack newsletter for longer and more specialized parenting content: https://albiona.substack.com/ I hope you found this episode helpful; for more parenting tips, check out my website and blog for more information. https://theparentingreframe.com/Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe/Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In today’s solo episode, I’m answering your questions about how to ensure we don’t raise entitled kids. This is an important question that many of you have asked me on all my platforms. Being entitled can be a very triggering thing for a lot of parents, especially those that grew up without a lot of wealth. We want to teach our kids a sense of gratitude and caring for others. What it really comes down to is teaching kids the ability to tolerate frustration and deal with an outcome they don’t want. I’m sharing three things you can do at home to help build a tolerance for frustration.Gain the ability to waitWaiting will elicit frustration in kids, but if they want it badly enough, they will wait it out.How often do we quickly accommodate simple tasks for our child when we could weave in a wait time?By doing this, we are delaying gratification.Play a game with your childMake sure you go first and they go second.Find the longest amount of time they can wait, and then allow them to take their turn. Meet them where they’re at no matter how short the amount of time they can wait is.Let them struggle through a taskKids will often feign an ability to do something on their own even though they’re capable.The whining that happens with a task they don’t want to do is because they can’t tolerate the frustration of struggling with a task.Encourage them to keep trying, assuming you have the time.Resources: Paid Substack Community - https://albiona.substack.com/Schedule a free call about my 1:1 coaching, Reclaim Your Calm - https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/p/free-discovery-call-ck6qfBe sure to sign up for my Substack newsletter for longer and more specialized parenting content: https://albiona.substack.com/ I hope you found this episode helpful; for more parenting tips, check out my website and blog for more information. https://theparentingreframe.com/Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe/Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I get asked all the time about creating content and writing. In this video, I share a few tips on where to start if you don’t consider yourself creative, as well as the three books that changed the way I approach creativity, vulnerability, and fear.Here are the three books I mentioned:The Tools and True and False Magic. The Tools is by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels, and True and False Magic is written by Phil Stutz and Elise Loehnen (I spoke with Elise about this book on the podcast; you can listen here).Awaken Your Genius by Ozan Varol (He is one of my favorite writers)The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron (Morning pages changed my life) If the messages I’m sharing in this series resonate with you, I’d like to dive deeper to help you break free from what's holding you back.My transformation sessions are designed to help you move through fear, release blocks, and embrace change, guiding you to unleash the greatest version of yourself. Through a unique inner-parenting approach, you'll gain the tools to navigate any adversity.Email me at [email protected] to start your transformative journey. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In this quick solo episode, I’m talking about a newsletter I wrote on Substack about reaction types. There are many different ways parents can react when their child becomes dysregulated, pushes against a boundary they have set, or throws a tantrum. Many of these reactions are rooted in the ways we were raised by our parents or the experiences we had as we grew up. Today, I’m going to talk about the three reaction types I encounter most frequently during my coaching with parents and working with families, and I'll also provide a bonus reaction type at the end of the episode.1. Hyper-Reactor or the Punisher The parent who will go from zero to 100 instantly and doesn’t have the tools to regulate themselves.They feel discomfort because of their child’s reaction to something they don’t like. This may be rooted in an association from their own childhood, where they didn’t feel safe expressing their own emotions. Sometimes this can feel like the child is being disrespectful to the parent. 2. Panicked ParentThe parent who knows to control their big emotions around their child who is struggling but they are terribly uncomfortable with the situation.This parent over explains the boundary or tries to justify the decision or offer other choices to make the situation better.This isn’t perceived as a good thing by the dysregulated child, it just feels like more input and they cannot tolerate it. 3. The AdjustorThe parent who is an overthinker and is second guessing their boundaries all the time.When they go to hold a boundary and their child pushes back against it, they make adjustments to their boundary to avoid or stop dysregulation. This is a band aid approach to parenting because it doesn’t teach kids how to tolerate frustration. Bonus Type: Avoidant ParentThe parent who doesn’t have a hard time staying calm, but struggles so much to set a boundary, and avoids it at all costs. They are eggshell parenting and have crafted a perfect environment so their kids don’t have to experience any sort of hardship. Avoidant parents shut down when their kids become dysregulated.Resources: Substack newsletter - Beyond ‘Good’ or ‘Bad’: The 3 Parental Reaction Blueprints: https://albiona.substack.com/p/beyond-good-or-bad-the-3-parentalPARR Workshop: https://stan.store/theparentingreframe/parrworkshopBe sure to sign up for my Substack newsletter for longer and more specialized parenting content: https://albiona.substack.com/ I hope you found this episode helpful; for more parenting tips, check out my website and blog for more information. https://theparentingreframe.com/Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe/Follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

In the first video of my series, In Case You Were Wondering (This is a video series where I share wisdom and answer the questions I get that aren’t directly related to parenting), I’m tackling the first question most of you ask me: How do you move through fear?In this 6-minute video, I will help you shift from a fear-based mindset to welcoming more faith and trust into your process. What I cover:Growing an audience on social media when it feels dauntingAddressing limiting beliefsMaking career pivotsTaking ChancesMy two-step process for choosing faith over fearEnjoy, and feel free to leave a comment or share it with a friend. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Today on the podcast I’m welcoming back New York Times Bestselling Author Elise Loehnen. If you haven’t listened to the first episode where Elise was on The Parenting Reframe Podcast, it gives a great overview and conversation about her first book, On Our Best Behavior. You can listen to it here: https://theparentingreframe.simplecast.com/episodes/on-our-best-behavior-with-elise-loehnenElise is the author of On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and The Price Women Pay to Be Good, True and False Magic, a collaboration with Phil Stutz, and her workbook coming out soon, Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness. There are so many things we talk about in this episode from the creative process to parenting, the social context of her books to the ways women feel in their own bodies, and so much more. It’s always a pleasure to talk with Elise and get her perspective on so many different topics.Here’s what we talk about with Elise: Elise’s writing processes and how she uncovers societal norms and expectations through her work.An overview of her book On Our Best Behavior and how society forces women to be inherently good through the lens of the seven deadly sins. Her companion workbook Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness and how it helps individuals work through their own beliefs and change the negative narratives. How the stories you tell about yourself are almost always rooted in lack. What we can learn about compassion and patience from neurodivergent children.Recognizing as parents we need to relinquish control over our children and be a safe place for them to land. Letting go of micromanaging our kids to allow them to develop their own roadmap to reach their goals.The amount of energy and self monitoring it takes to stay a certain size or weight as a woman and the mental toll it takes over time. An overview of True and False Magic and how life is an ongoing evolution of feelings and emotions to work through.Resources: Elise’s first Parenting Reframe podcast episode: https://theparentingreframe.simplecast.com/episodes/on-our-best-behavior-with-elise-loehnenElise’s podcast, “Pulling the Thread”: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pulling-the-thread-with-elise-loehnen/id1585015034On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and The Price Women Pay to Be Good: https://www.eliseloehnen.com/onourbestbehaviorTrue and False Magic: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/778182/true-and-false-magic-by-phil-stutz-with-elise-loehnen/Choosing Wholeness Over Goodness: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/771811/choosing-wholeness-over-goodness-by-elise-loehnen-and-courtney-smith/ For more insight into parenting in today’s world, be sure to subscribe to my Substack: https://www.albiona.substack.comAnd be sure to follow me on TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@theparentingreframe and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theparentingreframe for more parenting tips and advice. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.