
Boys Are Born Expressive Until We Teach Them Not To Be #152
We keep telling boys to “toughen up,” then we act shocked when grown men struggle to name what they feel. Psychologist Gloria Vanderhorst, PhD joins us to unpack how that training starts early, especially when energetic preschool boys get treated like problems to manage instead of people to understand. She explains why boys often arrive with a broader natural emotional range than girls, and how social pressure quickly narrows that range to a small set of “approved” emotions like confidence and anger.
We dig into what emotional suppression costs across a lifetime. Gloria shares a vivid story from her clinical work where a three-year-old describes swallowing his tears until they become “rocks” he throws around the room, a child’s perfect explanation for how unprocessed sadness can transform into rage. We also talk about divorce and co-parenting, why many custody schedules serve adult convenience, and how “nesting” can give children more stability by keeping them in one home.
Along the way, we explore practical paths forward: men’s groups and retreats, journaling that includes drawing and movement, and therapy models like Internal Family Systems (IFS) and emotion-focused therapy that help people access early experiences stored beyond words. If you care about mental health for men and boys, emotional intelligence, and building stronger relationships, listen now, then subscribe, share with a friend, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations.
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