Traumatizing or Resilience Building? Supporting Children Through Hard Things

I woke up anxious today and this conversation is about what I did to not let it ruin my day. 4am kid wake up, a bad dream, excitement, crappy sleep, all had my system wired from the minute I opened my eyes. I'd love to tell you I used this magic tool to regulate my nervous system and get on with my day, but instead what I want to share is the roller coaster of regulated, and re-regulated, and re-regulating that my day called for.ps. This is an episode re-post from 2024. It got deleted in a tech glitch and I wanted to give it back a place on the podcast.In this episode, you'll learn:How to do a quick nervous system check-in when you wake up activatedThe difference between "urge parenting" and "regulated parenting"Why your system might default to urgency even when you're not actually running lateHow to shift from sympathetic to parasympathetic states using breath, vision, and movementThree takeaways:Having a regulated nervous system doesn't mean you're regulated all the time. Part of regulation means having the ability to notice and ride those waves throughout the day.Moments of activation aren't points of failure, but points of practice. If you've spent a lot of time in survival mode, it's normal that your system is still primed for urgency—rewiring takes time and repetition.Your state determines your story. When you're dysregulated you  sees problems, when regulated you see solution and collaboration.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.riseaswe.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

When hard things happen to our children (our ourselves), our instinct is often to protect them from discomfort at all costs. But what if the goal isn't to shield them from difficult experiences, but to support them through those experiences in ways that build resilience? In this episode, I share a recent scary experience with my 5-year-old son getting industrial paint in his eye, and how understanding nervous system principles helped turn a potentially traumatic moment into an opportunity for connection and growth.In this episode, you'll learn:What happened when my son got industrial paint in his eyeHow fear and urgency can hijack our parenting in the momentThe three elements we need to feel safeHow to support nervous system repair after overwhelming experiencesWhy the goal isn't to protect our kids from hard things, but to support them through themThe three elements children need to feel safe during and after difficult experiences3 Takeaways:Hard experiences become traumatic when context, choice, and connection aren't available or restored afterward. Repair is more important than preventing ruptures.Co-regulation is your most powerful tool. Your calm, regulated presence after a crisis helps your child's nervous system settle and process the experience in a healthy way.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.riseaswe.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Have you ever felt like you're chasing symptoms across your body—from anxiety and depression to gut issues, chronic fatigue, or autoimmune flares? In this episode, we discuss the direct biological link between your mental and physical health. We explore how a dysregulated nervous system can be a root cause of both chronic anxiety and chronic illness, and why healing requires a whole-person approach that looks beyond siloed symptoms to support the entire system.In this episode, you’ll learn:How chronic anxiety and stress can directly lead to physical issues like gut problems, hormone imbalance, and low immunity.The common root causes—like past trauma and gut health—that can trigger both mental and physical symptoms at the same time.Why mindset work alone often isn’t enough to heal symptoms that have a physical root cause.A whole-person approach to healing that addresses your body and mind as one interconnected system.3 Takeaways:Your mental and physical health are deeply intertwined. Nervous system dysregulation can trigger physical illness—and physical illness can reinforce dysregulation.Healing one area supports healing in others. When you do nervous system regulation work, you're supporting immune function, reducing inflammation, and creating optimal conditions for physical healing.A "both/and" approach works best. The most effective healing combines nervous system support with appropriate medical care, emotional healing with physical treatment, and symptom management with addressing root causes.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.riseaswe.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

To wrap up our series on nervous system states, we move from theory to real life. This special episode features a powerful voice message from a listener named Brit, who shares a personal story of navigating a stressful travel day with her family. Her experience perfectly illustrates what it looks like when nervous system concepts become a lived reality. If you've ever wondered how this work actually unfolds over time, this episode offers a hopeful and practical look at the messy, imperfect, and beautiful journey of healing.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why nervous system healing is a gradual, layered process that takes time to integrate.What it looks like to move from intellectually understanding the tools to intuitively applying them in a stressful moment.How regulating your own nervous system positively impacts your family and relationships.Why the goal isn't to eliminate stress or never get activated, but to build flexibility and choice in how you respond.Key insights from the entire series to support you on your ongoing journey.3 Takeaways:Trust your own experience & be patient with the timeline.Start where you are & remember that setbacks are part of the process. The goal is flexibility and choice, not elimination of difficult experiences.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.riseaswe.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

In this episode of our series on nervous system states, we explore the ultimate goal: more regulation. Amanda breaks down the physiology and psychology of this "green zone" state and provides a rich toolkit for moving to make it your new normal as she compassionately discusses understanding what regulation truly is, why your system might resist it, and how to proactively create more moments of it.*This episode serves as Part 5 in our "Different States Series"In this episode, you’ll learn:What regulation feels like in your body and how it improves your overall health.Why your nervous system might resist feeling calm, and how to gently work with that fear.A toolkit of simple, proactive practices to help you cultivate more safety and ease in your daily life.Why the true goal isn’t constant calm, but the flexibility to return to your regulated "home base" after stress.3 Takeaways:Regulation is a state of internal safety, not just the absence of stress. It’s about presence, flexibility, and connection—not perfection or perpetual calm.You may have to learn how to stay in regulation. Especially if calm feels unfamiliar, savoring these moments is a skill you can practice. Regulation is a practice, not a destination.You don’t heal just by surviving less—you heal by living more. Regulation allows space for the joy, rest, creativity, intimacy, and meaning that make life rich.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.riseaswe.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Shut down is your nervous system's most protective response. If you've ever felt heavy, numb, and completely disconnected from life—like you're moving through a thick fog with no energy or motivation—you've likely experienced a nervous system state called "shutdown." This episode offers a deeply compassionate guide to understanding this protective state and provides a roadmap of gentle, micro-steps to help you slowly and safely reconnect with yourself and the world.*This episode serves as Part 4 in our "Different States Series"In this episode, you’ll learn:Why shutdown happens, from chronic burnout and overwhelm to unresolved grief and past trauma.How to understand shutdown from a "parts work" perspective, seeing it as a protector trying to keep you from feeling more pain.A toolkit of gentle, sensory-based practices to slowly reawaken your system without causing more stress.Why patience is one of the most crucial tools when working with this state.3 Takeaways:Shutdown is protection, not pathology.Gentle presence is more powerful than forced productivity. In shutdown, your system needs safety and patience, not more pressure. Address the overwhelm, not just the symptoms. If shutdown is a pattern, it's often telling you something important about your life circumstances, past experiences, or internal dynamics.Tools/Resources for shut down:Gentle Sensation & Warmth: Hold a warm mug of tea or a heating pad, wrap yourself in a soft blanket, feel the texture of a piece of fabric, feel your feet on the floor.Gentle Breath & Sound: Make soft humming sounds or quiet "ahh" or "ohh" sounds that you can feel vibrating in your chest, listen to slow and comforting music or nature sounds.Orienting & Vision Resets: Slowly look around the room, gently turn your head from side to side, let your gaze soften and rest on something neutral or comforting.Micro-Movement: Wiggle your fingers and toes, gently roll your shoulders or circle your wrists, sway slowly while seated, stand near a window for a moment.Symbolic or Actual Connection: Text a safe person (no conversation needed), pet an animal or tend to a plant, look at a photo of someone you love, watch a familiar and comforting show.Voice & Self-Talk: Whisper comforting phrases to yourself like, "I'm right here," or "It's okay to rest," or "You matter to me."Parts Work: Get curious about the part of you that has gone offline. Offer it compassion and reassurance without pressure, saying things like, "Thank you for protecting me from pain. Right now, it's safe to feel just a little bit."—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.riseaswe.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

"Freeze" is arguably the most confusing, nuanced, and self-blame-inducing state for people to understand. We often mistake it for laziness, depression, or some character flaw — it’s not.  It's a protective state that your nervous system creates when it's had too much for too long and doesn't know what to do next. This episode takes a compassionate deep dive into this common but misunderstood experience. We untangle what's happening when your body's gas and brake pedals are pressed at the same time and offer gentle, practical ways to find movement again when you feel trapped.*This episode serves as Part 3 in our "Different States Series"In this episode, you’ll learn:The key differences between freeze, activation (anxiety), and shutdown (depression).Why you get stuck in freeze, from current overwhelm to past experiences of powerlessness.How conflicting internal "parts" can create the gridlock that keeps you feeling paralyzed.A toolkit of "micro-mobilization" strategies designed to gently thaw the freeze response without causing more stress.Why gentleness, not force, is the most effective approach to healing a stuck system.3 Takeaways:Freeze is protection, not procrastination.Start micro, stay gentle.The deeper work: Address the internal conflict, not just the symptoms. Categories of Tools for Freeze mentioned in this episode:Small-Movement: Sway gently side-to-side, rock back and forth, walk slowly barefoot, gently shake out your hands, stand up and stretch.Gentle Breath & Sound: Notice your natural breath with slightly longer exhales (don't force deep breathing), make soft humming sounds or audible sighs, listen to rhythmic, lo-fi music. Whisper comforting phrases to yourself like "I'm here," or "I'm safe," or "It's okay to move slowly."Orienting & Vision Resets: Slowly scan the room and name 5 neutral things, gently turn your head from side to side, let your eyes rest on something calm like a plant or a photo.Sensory Grounding & Pressure: Wrap yourself in a blanket, place your hands on your chest and belly, press your feet into the floor, head containment practice, sip some water, feel a soft texture, put on socks.Gentle Action & Connection (1% or Micro): Put one cup in the sink, text one person back, sit outside for three minutes, pet an animal. Remember: small = safe = enough.Parts Work: Get curious about which parts are in conflict (e.g., the part that's exhausted vs. the part that's scared of being lazy). Acknowledge both parts and offer them compassion, reassuring them that it's safe to move slowly now.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.riseaswe.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

In this episode we explore the activated nervous system state—better known as fight-or-flight. If you’ve ever felt anxious, tightly wound, or like your body just can’t stop, this one’s for you. We explore why your system gets stuck in this high-alert state and, most importantly, provide a practical toolkit to help you work with your nervous system, not against it. Learn why "just calm down" doesn't work and what to do instead to find real regulation.*This episode serves as Part 2 in our "Different States Series"In this episode, you’ll learn:What activation actually is and how it shows up in the bodyThe difference between fight and flight energyWhy your system gets stuck in this stateWhat anxiety is trying to tell you through a parts work lensThe most effective in-the-moment tools to help discharge activationWhat doesn’t work (and why forcing calm can backfire)The deeper work required to shift out of chronic activation for good3 Takeaways:Your anxiety isn’t random.  It’s your body saying: “Something doesn’t feel safe.” Instead of asking "How do I stop this?" ask "What is my body trying to tell me?"Different states need different support. An activated body needs to move and discharge energy. Trying to force stillness often backfires. The goal isn't to just calm down; it's to help your body complete the stress response.Reactive tools are scaffolding for deeper work. In-the-moment tools are crucial for managing activation, but the long-term goal is to create a life your nervous system doesn't feel the need to constantly escape from by addressing the root causes.Categories of Tools for Activation mentioned in this episode:Movement – march in place, shake out your limbs, push against a wall, stomp, dance, go for a walkBreath (but not deep breathing) – try a physiological sigh (two inhales, one slow exhale), or blow air like you're cooling soupVision resets – slowly scan your environment, do lateral eye movements, shift focus from near to farSensory grounding – cold water, textured objects, strong scents like peppermint or citrusPatterned action – folding laundry, swaying, rocking, tapping rhythmsVoice and sound – humming, shushing, singing, or whispering soothing phrases like “I’m okay, I’m not in danger, I’m safe enough right now.”Parts Work: bring in the parts work perspectiveThe goal of these tools isn't to shut down the activation—it is to help complete it. They use up the energy your body has mobilized. And they begin to signal: “We’re okay now.”—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.riseaswe.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Ever wonder why a breathing exercise that works for your friend makes your own anxiety worse? The problem isn't you - it's that we've been treating nervous system regulation like it's one-size-fits-all. Your nervous system has different states (activation, freeze, shutdown, and regulation), and each one needs different kinds of support. In this episode, we explore why tailored approaches work better and set the foundation for understanding your nervous system's unique needs.This episode serves as Part 1 in our "Different States Series"In this episode, you'll learn:Why the same regulation tool can help in one nervous system state but backfire in anotherThe four main nervous system states and what makes each one physiologically and psychologically uniqueThe difference between reactive regulation (shifting out of a state) and reactive resourcing (supporting yourself within a state)Why these tools are temporary scaffolding while you do the deeper healing workHow to start developing flexibility and agency in navigating between different states3 Takeaways:Your nervous system has different states that need different tools. You have two choices when dysregulated: stay with it (resourcing) or shift out of it (regulation). These tools are temporary scaffolding, not permanent solutions. The real goal isn't to need these techniques every day forever. It's to do the deeper work of healing what's causing the chronic dysregulation while using these tools as support along the way.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.riseaswe.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Using a personal story about a difficult uphill walk versus an easy downhill one, this episode offers a powerful and validating analogy for the healing journey. Amanda explores why life and healing can feel so hard when you're dealing with anxiety or depression, diving into the real physiological and biological reasons your body is working overtime. This episode is a compassionate reminder that your struggle is not a personal failing and that the hard "uphill" work you're doing now is what creates the conditions for life to feel easier later.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why a dysregulated nervous system is "physiologically expensive" and makes daily life feel objectively harder.The reasons the healing process itself—confronting the past, feeling new emotions, and changing habits—also feels uphill at first.How underlying physiological issues, like hormone imbalances or nutrient deficiencies, can make the healing journey feel even steeper.Practical strategies for navigating the "uphill" phase of healing without getting discouraged.What the "downhill" phase of healing looks and feels like, and the hope that it is possible.3 Takeaways:Life with anxiety or depression feels uphill because it literally IS harder. Healing feels uphill because you're investing energy to create new conditions. The uphill phase is temporary and necessary. —Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.riseaswe.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise