Episode 353: Why Your Child Doesn’t Listen When You’re Being Nice (and Why “Mean” Isn’t the Answer Either)

If you’re raising a child with big emotions, you know how draining it can be when they melt down, argue, refuse to cooperate, or fall apart after the smallest setback. It’s easy to assume these behaviors are defiance, disrespect, or laziness… but most of the time, they’re actually signs that your child is missing something that you can provide! In this episode, you’ll learn: The two main sets of skills kids with big emotions often lack How to recognize behaviors that signal a missing skill rather than misbehavior Why addressing missing skills reduces drama now and builds your child’s long-term confidence and self-esteem --  FREE WORKSHOP: Stop Working So Hard to Get Your Kids to Calm Down Other free resources to support you as you're raising a child with big emotions Join Rachel’s Facebook group Work with Rachel

Many kids with big emotions have big reactions when things don’t go their way. They may yell, slam doors, roll their eyes, or even say disrespectful things when they are upset. And while it’s natural for parents to think that our children are choosing to be rude or defiant, something else is actually happening instead. In this episode, you’ll learn:  What's going on in the brain that explains why Yuck behaviors are not a conscious choice Why this is NOT an excuse for negative behavior How kids can learn to handle their “Yuck Urge”… and how this builds their confidence rather than eroding it --  FREE RESOURCE: Understanding the Yuck Curve Other free resources Join Rachel’s Facebook group Work with Rachel

You’ve heard how important it is to have a strong connection with your children. But when we are raising kids who are anxious or sensitive, sometimes our attempts to connect with them are more about fixing a problem than about making a genuine connection… and they feel that! The good news is, one little change can improve your influence and help your child handle their uncomfortable moments with less stress (for them) and less exhaustion (for you). In this episode, you’ll learn:  What genuine connection looks like and sounds like How this strong parent-child connection SAVES you energy  A simple metaphor to help you remember how to make this type of connection in the moment -- FREE RESOURCE: Understanding the Yuck Curve Other free resources Join Rachel’s Facebook group Work with Rachel

A new school year can bring excitement, but for kids with big emotions, it may also bring worry, “what if” questions, and knots in the stomach. As parents, we want to jump in with reassurances, solutions, or distractions, but those attempts -- which are actually signs of our anxiety -- often increase our kids’ Yuck. Fortunately, a simple strategy can help us center ourselves so we can support our children more effectively.    In this episode, you’ll learn:  Why we need to regulate ourselves before we try to help our kids  Simple actions we can take reduce their anxiety (and our discomfort with their discomfort) What our children need in order to handle their transition to school with confidence, even when we’re not there to help --  FREE RESOURCE: "Discomfort is not dangerous" printable FREE RESOURCE: Understanding the Yuck Curve Join Rachel’s Facebook group Work with Rachel

Let’s be honest: Raising a child with big emotions can take a lot of energy. Dealing with resistance, dramatic reactions, and everything else in your life can be exhausting, so it’s natural to lose your patience (and, unfortunately, your influence). This episode shares a specific strategy to stay calm and keep your influence… even when it’s taking longer for your children’s behavior to improve than you’d like.   In this episode, you’ll learn:  The 3 main reasons kids don’t do what we ask Why we tend to lose our cool when there is a setback in our child’s progress A simple technique to help you stay calm and supportive rather than resentful of your child’s behavior  -- Resources to support you as you're raising children with big emotions Work with Rachel Join Rachel’s Facebook group

Having a strong relationship with our kids is a huge priority for many of us. So when we’re setting limits or addressing our kids’ big emotions, we usually approach them in a nice (or what we think is “respectful”) way. Unfortunately, many kids won’t listen – or feel confident – when we’re being so nice. So how can we raise kids who follow limits and can handle hard feelings… without ruining our relationship?  In this episode, you’ll learn:  What it really means to “respect” your children  One question you can ask yourself when you’re struggling to influence your children  What simple quality leads to long-term security and healthier self-esteem for your kids (and less guilt for you) -- Join Rachel’s Facebook group Resources to support you as you're raising children with big emotions Work with Rachel

Often when our kids refuse to do what we ask, it can seem like they are being deliberately defiant or strong-willed. But often in these situations, our kids are having a hard time with something beyond their control…and our frustration with them only makes things worse. Fortunately, when you take a closer look at what is really going on for a “strong-willed” child, you can see what they really need in order to feel and act more positively.  In this episode, we’ll look at several real-life situations from the dual perspectives of a child and parent. You’ll learn:  Why children with big emotions display more “strong-willed” behavior What’s really happen when a child is acting resistant or defiant  How we can can spend less energy addressing this behavior and expand their ability to handle things not going their way in the future  -- FREE RESOURCE: Know what to do when YOUR child displays strong-willed behavior Join Rachel’s Facebook group

It’s natural to want to help a child when you see that they’re upset. But sometimes our attempts to soothe their big feelings and calm them down actually makes things worse, leaving us feeling confused and helpless. Ironically, doing less in those situations – not saying much! – actually does more to make the situation better.   In this episode, you’ll learn:  What happens when we do and don’t try to make our child feel better  How to handle a child who questions why we’re not doing more  How this simple strategy sets kids up to be more resilient in the long run --  FREE RESOURCE: How to help someone when they're "in Yuck" (on the Yuck Curve) Join Rachel’s Facebook group  

This week, I’m doing something a little different: Instead of picking the topic myself, I’m answering parents’ questions. These questions demonstrate challenges that many of us face behind closed doors — and I’m sharing practical ways to handle them with more confidence and calm. In this episode, you’ll learn:  How to respond to two specific situations as a connected and confident Leader Parent  What to do when children respond negatively to positive feedback Why kids with big emotions frequently complain of being bored but resist any suggestion you make  -- FREE RESOURCE: How to raise children with big emotions with HEALTHY SELF ESTEEM Join Rachel’s Facebook group

When we’re raising children with big emotions, it can be exhausting trying to handle their behavior, moods, and attitudes along with everything else on our to-do list. Sometimes we lose our cool and say things that we regret… Other times, we find ourselves being too permissive just to avoid a meltdown. However, one simple phrase can help you find a consistent balance and become a more powerful positive influence, even in the hard moments! In this episode, you’ll learn:  How to balance connection and confidence, so your kids want to follow your lead How to use this phrase in a variety of situations (with real-life examples) The long-term effects of this approach, including how it affects them and how it affects you!  --  FREE RESOURCE: How to raise children with big emotions with HEALTHY SELF ESTEEM Join Rachel’s Facebook group The Leadership Parenting Academy and Success Lab