Episode 360: When Your Child Says That Coping Strategies "Don't Work"

http://rachel-bailey.com/361When our kids resist, melt down, or push back, our instinct is to get them to calm down or cooperate...fast. We talk more, repeat rules, and try to convince them to “get it together.” But the more urgent we become, the more our kids resist and the harder everything feels. Fortunately, there a quick shift can help you respond more effectively, and in a way that you don't regret.  In this episode, you’ll learn: Why urgency fuels kids' resistance (and why it’s so hard to stop being urgent in the moment) How to recognize when your own fight-or-flight response is taking over A simple shift that helps you slow down so that you can regain influence and your child can calm down more quickly -- FREE RESOURCE: Understanding the Yuck Curve Other free resources to support you as you're raising a child with big emotions Join Rachel’s Facebook group Work with Rachel

When our kids are upset, we often suggest strategies to help them calm down or manage tough situations—like taking deep breaths, counting to ten, or breaking down assignments into smaller steps. But when those strategies don’t instantly erase the discomfort, both kids (and parents!) often conclude that “nothing works.” In this episode, you’ll learn: How to assess whether a strategy really “works” or not (so kids stop insisting that nothing works!) A powerful exercise you can try with your child to help them build tolerance for discomfort Simple ways to introduce the idea of tolerance in everyday situations (like chores, screen time, or schoolwork) -- FREE RESOURCE: Understanding the Yuck Curve Other free resources to support you as you're raising a child with big emotions Join Rachel’s Facebook group Work with Rachel  

When you're raising a child with big emotions, it’s natural for an "easier" sibling to get less of your time and attention. But a more flexible child may pay a quiet price -- giving in to avoid conflict, hiding their feelings, or believing they matter less. Chances are, you've noticed that but aren't sure what to do.  Fortunately, a few small shifts can make a big difference in how they view themselves (and will can make you feel less guilty).  In this episode, you’ll learn how to: Spot the signs that an "easier" child is struggling Show them that they matter (even if you've told them and it hasn't helped) Help them learn to stand up for themselves -- FREE RESOURCE: Understanding the Yuck Curve Other free resources to support you as you’re raising a child with big emotions Join Rachel’s Facebook group Work with Rachel

If you’re raising a child with big emotions, you know how draining it can be when they melt down, argue, refuse to cooperate, or fall apart after the smallest setback. It’s easy to assume these behaviors are defiance, disrespect, or laziness… but most of the time, they’re actually signs that your child is missing something that you can provide! In this episode, you’ll learn: The two main sets of skills kids with big emotions often lack How to recognize behaviors that signal a missing skill rather than misbehavior Why addressing missing skills reduces drama now and builds your child’s long-term confidence and self-esteem --  FREE WORKSHOP: Stop Working So Hard to Get Your Kids to Calm Down Other free resources to support you as you're raising a child with big emotions Join Rachel’s Facebook group Work with Rachel

Many kids with big emotions have big reactions when things don’t go their way. They may yell, slam doors, roll their eyes, or even say disrespectful things when they are upset. And while it’s natural for parents to think that our children are choosing to be rude or defiant, something else is actually happening instead. In this episode, you’ll learn:  What's going on in the brain that explains why Yuck behaviors are not a conscious choice Why this is NOT an excuse for negative behavior How kids can learn to handle their “Yuck Urge”… and how this builds their confidence rather than eroding it --  FREE RESOURCE: Understanding the Yuck Curve Other free resources Join Rachel’s Facebook group Work with Rachel

You’ve heard how important it is to have a strong connection with your children. But when we are raising kids who are anxious or sensitive, sometimes our attempts to connect with them are more about fixing a problem than about making a genuine connection… and they feel that! The good news is, one little change can improve your influence and help your child handle their uncomfortable moments with less stress (for them) and less exhaustion (for you). In this episode, you’ll learn:  What genuine connection looks like and sounds like How this strong parent-child connection SAVES you energy  A simple metaphor to help you remember how to make this type of connection in the moment -- FREE RESOURCE: Understanding the Yuck Curve Other free resources Join Rachel’s Facebook group Work with Rachel

A new school year can bring excitement, but for kids with big emotions, it may also bring worry, “what if” questions, and knots in the stomach. As parents, we want to jump in with reassurances, solutions, or distractions, but those attempts -- which are actually signs of our anxiety -- often increase our kids’ Yuck. Fortunately, a simple strategy can help us center ourselves so we can support our children more effectively.    In this episode, you’ll learn:  Why we need to regulate ourselves before we try to help our kids  Simple actions we can take reduce their anxiety (and our discomfort with their discomfort) What our children need in order to handle their transition to school with confidence, even when we’re not there to help --  FREE RESOURCE: "Discomfort is not dangerous" printable FREE RESOURCE: Understanding the Yuck Curve Join Rachel’s Facebook group Work with Rachel

Let’s be honest: Raising a child with big emotions can take a lot of energy. Dealing with resistance, dramatic reactions, and everything else in your life can be exhausting, so it’s natural to lose your patience (and, unfortunately, your influence). This episode shares a specific strategy to stay calm and keep your influence… even when it’s taking longer for your children’s behavior to improve than you’d like.   In this episode, you’ll learn:  The 3 main reasons kids don’t do what we ask Why we tend to lose our cool when there is a setback in our child’s progress A simple technique to help you stay calm and supportive rather than resentful of your child’s behavior  -- Resources to support you as you're raising children with big emotions Work with Rachel Join Rachel’s Facebook group

Having a strong relationship with our kids is a huge priority for many of us. So when we’re setting limits or addressing our kids’ big emotions, we usually approach them in a nice (or what we think is “respectful”) way. Unfortunately, many kids won’t listen – or feel confident – when we’re being so nice. So how can we raise kids who follow limits and can handle hard feelings… without ruining our relationship?  In this episode, you’ll learn:  What it really means to “respect” your children  One question you can ask yourself when you’re struggling to influence your children  What simple quality leads to long-term security and healthier self-esteem for your kids (and less guilt for you) -- Join Rachel’s Facebook group Resources to support you as you're raising children with big emotions Work with Rachel

Often when our kids refuse to do what we ask, it can seem like they are being deliberately defiant or strong-willed. But often in these situations, our kids are having a hard time with something beyond their control…and our frustration with them only makes things worse. Fortunately, when you take a closer look at what is really going on for a “strong-willed” child, you can see what they really need in order to feel and act more positively.  In this episode, we’ll look at several real-life situations from the dual perspectives of a child and parent. You’ll learn:  Why children with big emotions display more “strong-willed” behavior What’s really happen when a child is acting resistant or defiant  How we can can spend less energy addressing this behavior and expand their ability to handle things not going their way in the future  -- FREE RESOURCE: Know what to do when YOUR child displays strong-willed behavior Join Rachel’s Facebook group