Episode 351: When Your Child Gets Upset No Matter What You Say (The Power of Silence)

It’s natural to want to help a child when you see that they’re upset. But sometimes our attempts to soothe their big feelings and calm them down actually makes things worse, leaving us feeling confused and helpless. Ironically, doing less in those situations – not saying much! – actually does more to make the situation better.   In this episode, you’ll learn:  What happens when we do and don’t try to make our child feel better  How to handle a child who questions why we’re not doing more  How this simple strategy sets kids up to be more resilient in the long run --  FREE RESOURCE: How to help someone when they're "in Yuck" (on the Yuck Curve) Join Rachel’s Facebook group  

This week, I’m doing something a little different: Instead of picking the topic myself, I’m answering parents’ questions. These questions demonstrate challenges that many of us face behind closed doors — and I’m sharing practical ways to handle them with more confidence and calm. In this episode, you’ll learn:  How to respond to two specific situations as a connected and confident Leader Parent  What to do when children respond negatively to positive feedback Why kids with big emotions frequently complain of being bored but resist any suggestion you make  -- FREE RESOURCE: How to raise children with big emotions with HEALTHY SELF ESTEEM Join Rachel’s Facebook group

When we’re raising children with big emotions, it can be exhausting trying to handle their behavior, moods, and attitudes along with everything else on our to-do list. Sometimes we lose our cool and say things that we regret… Other times, we find ourselves being too permissive just to avoid a meltdown. However, one simple phrase can help you find a consistent balance and become a more powerful positive influence, even in the hard moments! In this episode, you’ll learn:  How to balance connection and confidence, so your kids want to follow your lead How to use this phrase in a variety of situations (with real-life examples) The long-term effects of this approach, including how it affects them and how it affects you!  --  FREE RESOURCE: How to raise children with big emotions with HEALTHY SELF ESTEEM Join Rachel’s Facebook group The Leadership Parenting Academy and Success Lab

When we’re raising kids with big emotions, we often learn how to navigate their behavior, moods, and attitudes to avoid meltdowns and dramatic moments. But sometimes, even when we’re doing everything “right,” our children’s behavior can throw us a curveball --  crying for seemingly no reason, refusing to do something they wanted to do, or getting disproportionately angry over a small inconvenience. These situations can leave us frustrated, confused, and powerless to help. In this episode, you’ll learn:  What we need to understand about our kids’ confusing behavior  Why specific reactions often make them more upset How to spend less energy addressing frustrating and confusing behavior  -- FREE EVENT: "The Negativity Reset" for a more positive summer (no live participation required) Join Rachel’s Facebook group The Leadership Parenting Academy and Success Lab

Many kids with big emotions seem to default to negativity—even after a day full of fun and connection. When we witness their lack of positivity, we often think things like, “Why can’t they just be happy?” or “Why are they acting so spoiled?” We feel frustrated that their mood can derail the whole family’s energy, and we feel helpless to do anything about it. But we are not helpless!  In this episode, you’ll learn: Exactly kids focus on what went wrong, even when so much went right How we keep ourselves stuck in a cycle of negativity – and a simple way to break free A quick plan that takes less energy and helps you respond with calm leadership when the negativity shows up Plus, you’ll hear more about a free event, The Negativity Reset, where you’ll learn exactly how to respond when your child is stuck in a negative loop—without rescuing, overexplaining, or letting it ruin your summer. -- FREE EVENT: "The Negativity Reset" for a more positive summer (no live participation required) Join Rachel’s Facebook group The Leadership Parenting Academy and Success Lab

Many children with big emotions also struggle with anxious thoughts. When our child feels scared, nervous, or overwhelmed, our first instinct is usually to reassure them that everything will be okay. But what if we are actually making it HARDER for them to feel better in the moment and build resilience for the future?  In this episode, you’ll learn:  Why, in our defense, we’re wired reassure our children when they feel anxious  What happens in our kids’ brains when we reassure them (and why they often feel more anxious after we try to help) Three things our children with big emotions actually need to regulate their nervous system --  Join the "Daily Lift" for daily encouragement for $1 Resource: Understanding Yuck and the Yuck Curve Join Rachel’s Facebook group The Leadership Parenting Academy and Success Lab

When we see our kids struggling with things like schoolwork, or friend drama, or dealing with a teacher they don’t like, we often offer suggestions to help them get through those situations more easily. But what should we do when our children give short or snarky responses to our genuine attempts to help?  In this episode, you’ll learn:  Why kids are so resistant to our suggestions, even if they know they’re good ones What we almost always do that makes the situation worse How to respond to this type of attitude so that you maintain your positive, powerful influence (and they don’t get away with anything!)  --  Join the "Daily Lift" for $1 Free summary of (and examples from) this episode Join Rachel’s Facebook group The Leadership Parenting Academy and Success Lab

People who have big feelings have many strengths. They understand other people really well and often have very strong, meaningful relationships. But there are also potential downsides to having big emotions, like having a hard time making decisions, feeling different from friends and family members, and feeling bad about themselves. Fortunately, there is something that we can do as parents to help our kids with these struggles, while strengthening their resilience and self-esteem.   In this episode, you’ll learn:  What it was like for me growing up as a highly sensitive person in a family that didn’t feel things as strongly Two common side effects of having big feelings What we can do to help our kids handle their discomfort in healthy ways and build their confidence rather than eroding it -- Join the "Daily Lift" for $1 FREE RESOURCE: Fostering Resilience Without Sacrificing Self-Esteem Join Rachel’s Facebook group The Leadership Parenting Academy and Success Lab

We know setting limits for our children is an important part of parenting. But kids with big emotions often have over-the-top reactions that seem disproportionate to the situation. How can we handle their reactions effectively when we are exhausted by their rudeness, disrespect, and negotiations?  In this episode, you’ll learn:  Why children have big reactions to reasonable limits What we’re doing as parents that often makes it worse How we can help our kids handle discomfort when things don’t go their way (without losing our influence!)  -- Join the "Daily Lift" for $1 FREE RESOURCE: Defuse dramatic situations by understanding the Yuck Curve Join Rachel’s Facebook group The Leadership Parenting Academy and Success Lab

It's natural to want to do a “good job” as a parent. We want to be attentive, be calm when our kids are having a difficult time, teach them all the skills they need to know in life…and it's easy to be really hard on ourselves when we don't do all of those things well. The good news is, our kids don’t need parents who never make mistakes -- they actually need us to be imperfect!  In this episode, you’ll learn:  Why it’s hard for us to accept that our imperfections make us better parents Four reasons we MUST be imperfect to raise great kids What we should spend our energy on, instead of trying to be good at everything  --  JOIN THE “DAILY LIFT” + WEEKLY “GET UNSTUCK” CONVERSATION FOR $1 Summary and examples from this episode Transcript for this episode Join Rachel’s Facebook group The Leadership Parenting Academy and Success Lab