"Am I the problem?" When the Survivor is unsure if they are a victim

When someone who has harmed you is released from jail or prison, it can bring back fear and uncertainty. You don't have to wait for something to happen before seeking support. Ask about available release notifications, review any protective orders, and consider creating a safety plan with a qualified advocate. You cannot control another person's choices, but you deserve information, support, and options.Find help and info here-National Domestic Violence Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠⁠Safe Horizon- ⁠⁠https://www.safehorizon.org/⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/⁠⁠⁠⁠https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations/international-organizationsSexual Assault Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.rainn.org/⁠⁠Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services (ADWAS) provides advocacy services for Deaf and DeafBlind survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. ⁠⁠http://www.adwas.org/⁠⁠Suicide prevention- ⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/⁠⁠Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

A Note About Law Enforcement, First Responders, and Domestic Violence CallsDomestic violence calls can be unpredictable and dangerous for law enforcement officers and first responders. When they arrive on scene, they may have limited information and must assess a situation where emotions are running high and safety is a concern. I have tremendous respect for those who respond to these difficult calls.I also want to acknowledge the survivor on the other side of that interaction. Someone experiencing abuse may be frightened, overwhelmed, or struggling to explain what has happened. Their emotions may be misunderstood, and a situation may initially appear to be a simple case of “he said, she said.”But domestic abuse is not always something we can fully understand by looking at one incident. There may be a history of intimidation, coercion, threats, or control that isn't immediately visible.My hope is that we can extend understanding to everyone involved while remembering the importance of listening carefully, gathering information, and considering the broader circumstances. We can recognize the risks first responders face while also ensuring that survivors have an opportunity to be heard without assumptions or judgment.Navigating law enforcement or the Department of Child Services can feel overwhelming when you're already dealing with abuse. You may be frightened, exhausted, or unsure what questions to ask. If you can, keep records, ask for explanations, and seek support from a qualified advocate. And remember: a survivor's circumstances can be complicated. Listen before you judge, and look at the whole picture.Find help and info here-National Domestic Violence Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠⁠Safe Horizon- ⁠⁠https://www.safehorizon.org/⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/⁠⁠⁠⁠https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations/international-organizationsSexual Assault Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.rainn.org/⁠⁠Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services (ADWAS) provides advocacy services for Deaf and DeafBlind survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. ⁠⁠http://www.adwas.org/⁠⁠Suicide prevention- ⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/⁠⁠Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

If you've been given the opportunity to provide a victim impact statement, remember this: you don't have to perform your pain. You don't have to cry, sound angry, or find perfect words to prove that what happened mattered. Your statement can simply reflect the impact on your life. How do you start?Share "Who, what, and when" the incident or incidents happened. Take your time. Pause if you need to take a break. Creating this may stir up all sorts of feelings. Your voice matters, and you deserve to understand your options.Stay safe and God bless,MelFind help and info here-National Domestic Violence Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠⁠Safe Horizon- ⁠⁠https://www.safehorizon.org/⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/⁠⁠⁠⁠https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations/international-organizationsSexual Assault Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.rainn.org/⁠⁠Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services (ADWAS) provides advocacy services for Deaf and DeafBlind survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. ⁠⁠http://www.adwas.org/⁠⁠Suicide prevention- ⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/⁠⁠Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

Abuse within a family can involve threats, humiliation, physical harm, and financial control. It may also involve using family gatherings, children, or inheritance as leverage. You can love a family member and recognize that their behavior is negative. You can care about someone without giving them unlimited access to you. A hard part of family abuse can be the response from other family members. Some may not believe you. Others may insist that you reconcile or forgive and forget. If you need legal advice or need to talk with someone. Please reach out to a licensed professional, domestic abuse advocate, or law enforcement if you are in immediate danger. Tune into the Hope when there was none podcast for more on this and other topics. Find it on your favorite listening platform. Stay safe and God bless,Mel

Leaving an abusive relationship doesn't mean all the challenges are over. You may need to find housing, rebuild your finances, find employment, and help your children adjust all while processing what you've experienced. You don't have to rebuild your entire life overnight. Sometimes, progress is simply taking the next safe step. You are not behind, and you don't have to do it all alone.Find help and info here-National Domestic Violence Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠⁠Safe Horizon- ⁠⁠https://www.safehorizon.org/⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/⁠⁠⁠⁠https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations/international-organizationsSexual Assault Hotline- ⁠⁠https://www.rainn.org/⁠⁠Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services (ADWAS) provides advocacy services for Deaf and DeafBlind survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. ⁠⁠http://www.adwas.org/⁠⁠Suicide prevention- ⁠⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/⁠⁠Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

What does a toxic person look like? First of all this person may be someone in your family. Do you feel as though you are always to blame? Are you the Scapegoat? Dealing with someone that is toxic can be draining. Here are some tips for dealing with someone that is toxic in today's episode.Someone out there needs to know they are not alone and that they can survive. Perhaps you are a parent or friend of someone trapped in an abusive relationship and need to know how to help. My goal is to share awareness, offer empowerment, and educate others about emotional traumas and domestic abuse. Here I will share my story and also stories of courage and healing from Survivors, Coaches, to Therapists/Counselors.Find me here- https://linktr.ee/melindakunstFind help and info here- National Domestic Violence Hotline- https://www.thehotline.org/ Safe Horizon- https://www.safehorizon.org/https://www.domesticshelters.org/ https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizationsSexual Assault Hotline- https://www.rainn.org/

Abuse can happen between anyone. Whether this is between you and a family member, friend or intimate partner. Answer me this:Do you make excuses for this persons poor behavior?Do you dread seeing them or feel exhausted with them or after seeing them?Is there always the same excuse for why they hurt you?Does this person say that "they" are the victim?If this person makes you cry, intimidates you, or hurts your feeling more than once a month this is a RED flag. More on today's episode.Stay safe and God bless!Find me here- ⁠https://linktr.ee/melindajkunst⁠Find help and info here-National Domestic Violence Hotline- ⁠https://www.thehotline.org/⁠Safe Horizon- ⁠https://www.safehorizon.org/⁠⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/⁠⁠https://internationalwomenshouse.org/get-help⁠https://safeandtogetherinstitute.com/international-domestic-violence-resources/⁠https://www.domesticshelters.org/resources/national-global-organizations/international-organizationsSexual Assault Hotline- ⁠https://www.rainn.org/⁠Abused Deaf Women's Advocacy Services (ADWAS) provides advocacy services for Deaf and DeafBlind survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. ⁠http://www.adwas.org/⁠Suicide prevention- ⁠https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/⁠Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453National Center on Elder Abuse- ⁠https://ncea.acl.gov/suspectabuse#gsc.tab=0

What is Stockholm Syndrome? It's defined as feelings of trust or affection felt in many cases of kidnapping or hostage-taking by a victim toward a captor.First coined after a hostage situation in 1973 by Criminologist and psychiatrist Nils Bejerot. On August 23, 1973, Jan-Erik Olsson attempted to rob the Normalmstorg bank and took four bank employees hostage. After the hostages’ were released, authorities found that they had developed strong emotional bonds towards those that held them hostage. They said they were treated kindly and weren't physically harmed. Similarly survivors of abuse may also do the same. A survivor may feel:- Helpless- Isolated- That they are unable to break free - Feel guilt for leaving or thinking of leavingWhat can you do?Find support through a licensed counselor or therapist for a diagnosis.You may need medication. Find safe housing and know you aren't alone.Do you relate to this?Please stay safe and God bless,Mel

So what are these?Stalking involves a pattern of unwanted behavior directed at someone that causes fear or significant distress. Depending on the circumstances and applicable laws, it can include repeatedly following someone, showing up unexpectedly, making unwanted contact, monitoring their activities, or using other people to keep tabs on them.Technology-facilitated abuse can include:Repeated calls, texts, emails, or messages from newly created accounts after being blocked.Tracking someone's location through phone settings, shared accounts, family-location apps, or vehicle tracking devices.Accessing email, social media, cloud storage, or other accounts without permission.If you believe you're being stalked or monitored through technology, there are steps that may help. What is safest will depend on your circumstances.Consider your immediate safety and if you are in danger please seek help from emergency services.Document the behavior if you can do so safely. Keep a record of dates, times, unwanted contact, threats, unexpected appearances, and other incidents. Preserve messages, emails, voicemails, screenshots, and relevant account notifications. Keep if you are safe to do so or give a trusted person.Review your digital safety by a tech professional.Know you are not alone. Stay safe and God bless,Mel

You finally leave the abuser. You survive the abuse and now you are trying best to navigate the court system with someone that is assigned to your case that doesn't know you, your kids, or your abuser. They get to see your abuser in all his or her glory looking calm, charming, a devoted parent, hardworking and maybe a pillar in the community/church. They see you at your lowest emotional. Crying, brain foggy, angry, struggling to form words, and seemingly unwilling to cooperate. Professionals need to look at all of the evidence. To help out your case. Ask your attorney, child services, the GAL or CASA what information you can provide to help as well as what restrictions are there. Remember, the GAL or CASA is not your personal advocate. They are there for the wellbeing of your child. Keep communication professional. Give the Cliffnotes version (short version). Include dates, actual words the child said about certain events. Don't put it in your words or add your thoughts on what they could have meant. Distinguish between what you personally witnessed, what your child told you, what another person reported, and what you suspect. Organize your notes so you can find them readily for court or if you are asked to present your information. You may not be entitled to every detail of an investigation, and the professional may be limited by court orders, confidentiality rules, or the scope of their appointment. Do not coach your child on what to tell a GAL, CASA, therapist, or judge. Do not rehearse answers or tell them that they must choose one parent over the other. Speak with a family-law attorney who understands domestic violence and custody matters, if you can access one. If you cannot afford an attorney, consider contacting local legal aid, a domestic violence advocacy organization, or a law school clinic to ask whether assistance is available. Availability and eligibility vary. Perhaps you feel your evidence has been overlooked. Perhaps something you said has been misunderstood. Perhaps the professional seems to accept the other parent's account without asking about information you believe is important. If you believe the GAL or CASA misheard you, didn't get all the information, or misunderstood you don't write an essay or blast them. Take a moment to compose your thoughts, breathe and identify the particular statement or conclusion you believe is inaccurate. Explain the factual correction. Provide the supporting information you have. Then state why the correction matters to your child or to the issue being considered. This process can be tough and you may feel as though you are on a roller coaster! I get it and understand! You deserve to be treated with dignity, even when people disagree with you. Your child deserves to have their experiences and needs considered carefully. If you believe your child is in immediate danger, seek emergency help. For ongoing concerns, consult the appropriate child-protection professionals, your attorney, or a qualified child therapist who understands family violence and court-involved cases. For help with domestic violence safety planning, you can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or visit TheHotline . org, when it is safe to do so.