Why We Avoid Uncertainty (And How That Gets In Our Way)

Why do we cling to what’s familiar—even when it’s not working? In this episode we explore why humans are wired to avoid uncertainty, and how that shapes our decisions and our parenting. We discuss the Ellsberg Paradox, which explains why we often choose “the devil we know” over potentially better—but unknown—options. Whether it’s staying in a situation that no longer serves us, avoiding difficult conversations, or overthinking every possible outcome, our brains are constantly trying to reduce uncertainty—even at a cost. We discuss how the brain’s fear center (the amygdala) reacts more strongly to ambiguity than to actual risk, triggering stress responses like anxiety, overthinking, and catastrophizing. This helps explain why uncertainty can feel so overwhelming—even when nothing is actually wrong. We discuss Dr. Rue Wilson's notion of “toxic time travel" and how our search for reassurance pulls us out of the present into either mentally replaying the past or imagining worst-case futures, keeping us stuck in cycles of worry. We also explore how this shows up in parenting. Kids who resist new situations, struggle with transitions, or seem overly anxious may not be reacting to real danger—but to uncertainty itself. Understanding this can help us respond with more empathy and curiosity rather than frustration. Finally, we share practical strategies for managing uncertainty—for ourselves and our kids: Separating real risk from fear of the unknown Using curiosity instead of rumination Reality-checking anxious thoughts Focusing on what’s within our control Grounding ourselves in the present moment Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: ambiguity aversion Tara Cousineau for Harvard Graduate School of Arts and Sciences: Coping with Uncertainty Lauren Arcuri for the American Physiological Society: The Brain's Response to Uncertainty and Ambiguity Gretchen Rubin: How to Make Tough Decisions: Choose the Bigger Life Dorie Clark on Instagram: Your Brain Is Lying to You About Risk What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In honor of Women's History Month, this "Deep Dive" series highlights some of our past interview episodes about raising daughters. Janice Johnson Dias⁠ is a professor of sociology at John Jay College, and author of ⁠PARENT LIKE IT MATTERS: HOW TO RAISE JOYFUL, CHANGE-MAKING GIRLS⁠⁠. Her collaborative work on black girls’ mental, sexual, and physical health issues earned her a special Congressional recognition. In this conversation, Janice explains how we can embolden both our daughters and our sons to find their passions– but only by finding our own passions first. Janice argues that change-making is the path to true joy. You can find PARENT LIKE IT MATTERS here in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781984819628 What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell podcast, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why is it so hard to read more—even when we want to, even when we have stacks of books awaiting us on our bedside tables? We sit down with Meredith Monday Schwartz—co-host of the The Currently Reading Podcast—to talk about how to reconnect with reading in a way that feels joyful, flexible, and realistic. If you’ve ever felt obliged to finish a book you hated, or berate yourself for the time you spend scrolling instead of reading, this conversation is for you. It’s not that there aren’t good books out there. It’s that our phones are designed to win. Picking up a book requires focus and intention—two things that feel increasingly scarce. But reading offers a deeper kind of satisfaction than screens. Books can provide immersion, rest, perspective, and even emotional connection. Meredith argues that reading isn’t just a habit. It's a form of meaningful self-care. Stepping away—even briefly—can leave you more refreshed, focused, and able to engage with the world when you return. Meredith also argues for “delicious reads” over "should reads." Forcing yourself through something that doesn’t work for you can lead to burnout—and even stop you from reading altogether. Reader, Know Thyself A central theme of the conversation is learning what kind of reader you are. (Take the "What Kind of Reader Are You?" quiz here!) Understanding your preferences helps you: Choose books you’ll actually finish Avoid common “deal breakers” Create a reading routine that fits your life Permission to Not Finish (DNF) Books If you’ve ever forced yourself to finish a book you weren’t enjoying, this is your official permission slip to stop. Meredith is a strong advocate for DNF (“Did Not Finish”), with a twist: sometimes it’s not a “no,” it’s a “not right now.” A book that doesn’t resonate today might become a favorite later in life. Letting go of a book that isn’t working frees you to find one that does—and can instantly reignite your reading momentum. How to Get Back Into Reading Feeling stuck? Meredith shares simple, practical strategies to help you ease back into reading: Start small: Commit to just 15–20 minutes at a time Pair reading with a routine: Try reading during a bath or before bed Use multiple formats: Audiobooks, Ebooks, and print can all coexist Create a “book flight”: Sample the first few pages of several books and choose what grabs you Always have options: Keep a list of appealing reads ready to go If your kids used to love books but now prefer screens, you’re not alone. The most effective strategy? Model reading yourself. When kids see you enjoying books, it sends a powerful message that reading is valuable and enjoyable. There’s no quick fix—but there is long-term impact. Here's where you can find Meredith: IG @meredithmondayschwartz or @currentlyreadingpodcast The Currently Reading Podcast wherever you get your podcasts! View the list of all the books Meredith recommends in our Bookshop What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why is it so hard to get some kids to read—and is it even our job to make them love it? We tackle the reality of raising reluctant readers in a world dominated by screens. From decoding disorders to disinterest, we break down the different reasons kids struggle with reading—and why understanding the “why” matters more than forcing the habit. We share practical, judgment-free strategies to help kids engage with books and how parental expectations, school pressures, and comparison culture can complicate our relationship with reading. In this episode, we discuss: Why kids become reluctant readers (and the different types) Supporting kids with learning differences like dyslexia Why forcing “worthy” books can backfire Letting go of the pressure to raise kids who love reading Sign up for our newsletter here! Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Common Sense Media: Books for Reluctant Readers Amy Mascott for PBS Kids for Parents: What to Do When Your Child Hates Reading Susan Dominus for NYT: Motherhood, Screened Off Linda Flanagan for KQED: How Audiobooks Can Help Kids Who Struggle with Reading Mary Ann Scheuer’s Great Kid Books blog Campbell University: Alumni Experts: 6 Ways to Engage Reluctant Readers Scholastic Parents: The Five Finger Rule for Reading Will Help Your Child Find a 'Just-Right' Book Dawn Adkins for Providence Classical School blog: 10 Ways to Help Kids Choose Books Over Screens Jamie Martin for Understood.org: Do audiobooks get in the way of learning to read? What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell podcast, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parenting reluctant readers, kids reading habits, how to get kids to read, children and screen time, reading motivation for kids, reluctant reader strategies, audiobooks for kids, graphic novels for children, parenting tips reading, literacy development children, encouraging kids to read, reading vs screens, family reading routines, struggling readers support, dyslexia and reading, independent reading skills, raising readers, reading comprehension kids, parenting challenges reading, kids and books Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In honor of Women's History Month, this "Deep Dive" series highlights some of our past interview episodes about raising daughters. Donna Jackson Nakazawa is an award-winning science journalist whose work explores the intersection of neuroscience, immunology, and emotion. In, ⁠GIRLS ON THE BRINK: Helping Our Daughters Thrive in an Era of Increased Anxiety, Depression, and Social Media⁠, she unpacks the causes of the stress on American girls and its detrimental effects on their mental health. In this interview, we discuss: Why girls tend to be more depressed and anxious than boys How we've stolen girls' "safe in-between years" "Antidote" strategies for helping girls through adolescence Here's where you can find Donna: ⁠https://donnajacksonnakazawa.com⁠ @donnajacksonnakazawaauthor on Facebook ⁠Buy Donna's book!⁠ Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events:  ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/newsletter/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ What Fresh Hell podcast, mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, girls mental health, teen girl anxiety, teen girl depression, parenting daughters, social media and girls, adolescent brain development, why are girls more anxious than boys, helping girls through adolescence, girls and depression statistics, middle school girls mental health, neuroscience of anxiety, immunology and mental health, stress in teenage girls, protecting girls mental health, parenting in the age of social media, girls and self esteem, safe in-between years, raising resilient daughters, girls emotional development, mental health strategies for teens Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How can we best support our neurodivergent kids? Jessica Shaw, host of the podcast Everyone Gets a Juice Box, discusses the realities of raising neurodivergent kids—and the emotional, practical, and often isolating journey parents navigate along the way. Jessica shares how the concept of neurodiversity has evolved, why the “big tent” of neurodivergence can feel both supportive and lonely, and how parents can find connection through shared experience. Together, Jessica and Margaret unpack the challenges of seeking diagnoses, trusting parental instincts, and navigating conflicting advice from professionals and peers. They also answer some listener questions about raising neurodiverse kids. Here's where you can find Jessica: www.understood.org Listen to "Everyone Gets a Juice Box" here (and wherever you get your podcasts) What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, neurodivergent parenting, raising neurodivergent kids, neurodiversity in children, parenting special needs children, autism ADHD parenting, parenting teens with special needs, neurodivergent teens independence, special needs parenting support, parenting podcast neurodiversity, emotional challenges of parenting, early diagnosis neurodivergence, parenting community support, traveling with neurodivergent child, sensory needs children tips Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does it really mean to “age gracefully”—and who decided that was the goal in the first place? We unpack the cultural pressure on women to look younger for longer—and what we can do to resist it. From celebrity beauty standards and the billion-dollar anti-aging industry to the “mask of aging,” we explore why the gap between how we feel and how we look can become so jarring. We dig into: the rise of “stretched middle age” and “looksmaxxing” why we compare ourselves to unrealistic, often artificial ideals the impact of these messages on our kids—and how to interrupt the cycle Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Séraphine Roger for Vanity Fair: Short-Haired Demi Moore (And Her Dog) Stun At Gucci Kate Manne's Substack More to Hate Teresa Karpinska for Vogue: Was the Term “Ageing Gracefully” Coined by Men? Sarah Miller for The New Yorker: Desperate for Botox Meagan Fredette for W Magazine: Julianne Moore is Sick of the Term “Aging Gracefully” Becca Rothfeld for The New Yorker: The Captivating Derangement of the Looksmaxxing Movement Amber Wardell, Ph.D., for Psychology Today: The Paradox of Women’s Aging Barański, Jarosław for Hybris 32: Mask and Shame of Ageing Meredith Jones for The Journal of Popular Culture: “Skintight: An Anatomy of Cosmetic Surgery” What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, aging gracefully myth, anti aging culture, women and aging, body image psychology, motherhood and identity, beauty standards media, aging and self image, mask of aging psychology, looksmaxxing trend, female aging pressure, parenting and body image, cultural expectations women, self acceptance aging, modern motherhood podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In honor of Women's History Month, this "Deep Dive" series highlights some of our past interview episodes about raising daughters. Why are stereotypes of teenage girls rarely flattering? And even worse, what important traits are we not acknowledging in these young women? ⁠Chelsey Goodan⁠, author of ⁠UNDERESTIMATED: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls⁠, explains what teenage girls really want and need from us. Chelsey and Amy discuss: The generational shift towards a culture of support and empowerment among young girls today The significance of offering agency to young girls in shaping their identities and futures What teenage girls want from their parents more than anything else Here's where you can find Chelsey: ⁠https://www.chelseygoodan.com⁠ @chelseygoodan on IG and X Buy UNDERSTIMATED: ⁠https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668032688⁠ ⁠https://www.democrashe.org/⁠ ⁠https://www.acalltomen.org/about/⁠ Amy also mentions our Fresh Take with Judith Warner in this episode: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/fresh-take-judith-warner-on-what-grownups-get-wrong-about-middle-school/ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, teenage girl, female empowerment, feminism, mentorship for teens, gender equity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does dopamine actually do to our brains—and to our kids' brains? We welcome back science journalist and parenting expert Michaeleen Doucleff to discuss her latest book, DOPAMINE KIDS. After years as an NPR science reporter, and after writing the bestselling HUNT, GATHER, PARENT, Doucleff began noticing something unsettling in her own life: even during beautiful moments with her daughter, she felt pulled toward her phone. That realization led her to explore the powerful role of dopamine, the brain chemical tied to reward, motivation, and habit formation—and how modern technology and ultra-processed foods are designed to trigger it. In this conversation, Amy and Doucleff discuss how the dopamine-driven design of both screens and ultra-processed foods affects both kids and parents, often making it harder for families to reduce the use of these things in the home. They also explore practical ways families can reclaim attention, connection, and balance in a world full of digital distractions. Here' s where you can find Michaeleen: www.michaeleendoucleff.com Buy DOPAMINE KIDS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668049839 What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, dopamine kids, Michaeleen Doucleff, dopamine and screens, parenting and technology, kids and smartphones, screen addiction kids, dopamine parenting, digital distraction families, parenting podcast technology, healthy screen habits kids, raising kids in the digital age Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

First, we’re setting aside our own hopes and dreams to have (and raise) our kids. Then, we’re relentlessly mocked (perhaps correctly) for being overinvested in the fourth-grade luau. Are we living through our kids? And how do we stop? Psychologists have long said that mothers transfer our own unfulfilled ambition onto our children. “Symbolic self-completion theory” suggests that we look to our children as symbols of ourselves, and transfer our ambitions to them— which is why we’re not jealous when they get the big part in the school play; we’re a little too thrilled. Sing out, Louise! But as psychologist Wendy Mogel reminds us, our children are not our masterpieces , and pushing them towards our own notions of greatness prevents them from becoming the humans they are meant to be. In this episode, we discuss the pitfalls of “achievement by proxy distortion” and how to take a step back if you find yourself a little too enmeshed. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our Fresh Take with Wendy Mogel Wendy Mogel: BLESSING OF A SKINNED KNEE Our episode "Pushing Kids the Just-Right Amount" What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, living through your kids, parenting psychology, ambition transference, symbolic self completion theory, achievement by proxy distortion, youth sports parents, parenting expectations, supporting kids passions, parenting identity, parenting advice podcast, parenting and ambition, modern parenting challenges Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices