DEEP DIVE: Olivia Martinez-Hauge on Special Needs Parenting

This Deep Dive series revisits some of our past episodes about the joys and the challenges that come with raising kids with differences and disabilities. Olivia Martinez-Hauge is a marriage and family therapist specializing in the treatment of families, couples, and individuals who are caregiving for children or adults with neurodiversity. She is also a licensed occupational therapist with over two decades of experience helping children and their families. She is also a mother of three children, two with neurodiversity. In this "Fresh Take" interview, Olivia explains the grief and isolation that might come with special needs parenting her own journey moving past those emotions by parenting "from a place of present" the team of support that a parent of a special needs child needs how we can change our friend groups, schools, and societies to be more supportive of families with children who have special needs Whether you're a parent of a special needs or neurodiverse child, or just want to be a better friend to someone who is, you'll learn so much from this interview. Find out more about Olivia and her work at The Center for Connection and Neurodiversity here: https://www.thecenterforconnection.org/ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why does modern parenting feel so difficult? If a chimpanzee knows what to do without reading a hundred parenting books, why doesn't it just come naturally? Science journalist and author Elizabeth Preston is the author of The Creatures' Guide to Caring: How Animal Parents Teach Us That Humans Were Born to Care. Drawing from animal behavior, evolutionary biology, and neuroscience, this book explains why studying the parenting of every species from poison frogs to bonobos, from rats to birds, can remind us how human parenting is supposed to work—and how parental anxiety may result from the belief we were ever supposed to do things differently. In this episode, we discuss: Why humans are “cooperative breeders” Why maternal anxiety and hypervigilance is an evolutionary advantage, not a personal failure The truth about “mom brain” and what actually happens to the brain during pregnancy Why fathers and non-biological caregivers are equally capable of deep caregiving The role of alloparenting and why kids benefit from many trusted adults Why caregiving is central to what makes us human Here's where you can find Elizabeth: https://elizabethgpreston.com/ @by.elizabeth.preston on IG https://elizabethgpreston.substack.com/ Buy THE CREATURES' GUIDE TO CARING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593657102 What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do you get kids to help out—ever, at all—without default resistance that makes it feel like it's not worth the trouble of your having asked? Kids *should* contribute to their families' lives without their parents resorting to nagging or threats. Kids in other cultures, we are told, participate willingly and fully. Why does this seem so hard for so many of us? We discuss: Whether "chores" framing is part of the problem How gender roles shape the expectations of who's helping Whether they have to like participating for it to matter Why we seem to find this harder than our parents did Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Susan Newman for Psychology Today: Raising Baby Hunter-Gatherer Style Jennifer Katzenstein for Johns Hopkins Medicine Wellness and Prevention blog: How to Get Your Kids to Do Chores Reem Raouda for CNBC Make It: I’ve studied over 200 kids—parents who have an easy time getting their children to listen never use these 5 ‘toxic’ phrases Amy Sutherland for the NYT: What Shamu Taught Me About a Healthy Marriage Frank Bruni for the NYT: Tolstoy and Miss Daisy Deborah Gilboa: GET THE BEHAVIOR YOU WANT...WITHOUT BEING THE PARENT YOU HATE! Our Fresh Take with Michaeleen Doucleff, author of HUNT, GATHER, PARENT Subscribe to our newsletter here! What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series revisits some of our past episodes about the joys and the challenges that come with raising kids with differences and disabilities. What if we're looking at autism in the wrong way? Dr. Lynn Koegel, co-author of ⁠Hidden Brilliance: Unlocking the Intelligence of Autism⁠, explains how to engage with the strengths in kids with autism rather than focusing on what they're lacking. ⁠Dr. Lynn Koegel⁠ is a clinical professor at the Stanford School of Medicine. She and her husband developed Pivotal Response Treatment which focuses on motivation. She has been supporting autistic individuals for more than 40 years. Dr. Koegel and Margaret discuss: Why we're focusing on the wrong things when we assess kids with autism The power of peer support Connecting authentically with kids with autism Dr. Koegel explains that professionals are often trained to look at what's "wrong" with children with autism rather than what's right. It helps to look at the differences in children with autism, as Margaret likes to say, as morally neutral. Here's where you can find Lynn: ⁠autismPRThelp.com⁠ ⁠@lynn.koegel on Facebook⁠ ⁠hidden-brilliance.org⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are women really better at all the things we do? Or are we just used to doing more? Amy talks with sociologist and author Leah Ruppanner, author of the new book DRAINED, about her definition of the "mental load" and why so many women feel constantly overwhelmed. Leah defines the mental load as much more than keeping track of tasks. It’s deeply emotional work tied to caring for others, anticipating needs, and managing relationships. In this interview Leah breaks down the different types of mental load, from organizing daily life to providing emotional support, maintaining relationships, creating special moments for families, and supporting everyone else’s goals. While many partners contribute in visible ways, much of this broader, invisible work still falls to women. Leah also shares a practical framework for evaluating your mental load: understanding where your energy is going, who you’re carrying, and what you can delegate, drop, or rebalance. When reducing the load isn’t possible, rest and recovery become essential. Think of yourself as the family MVP. This episode is a reminder that the mental load is real, complex, and worth examining—and that making it visible is the first step toward meaningful change. Here's where you can find Leah: @prof.leahruppanner on Instagram, TikTok The Miss Perceived Podcast https://www.leahruppanner.com Buy DRAINED: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593850909 What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What is emotional intelligence, exactly? Is it the yin to IQ's yang? Is it equally crucial to our success and well-being? In this episode we talk about what EQ (or EI, depending on who you're asking) actually means, why it matters, and whether it can be taught to both adults and kids. We discuss: The four core components of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship skills (plus what's been taken off the list) Why emotional intelligence is morally neutral Why neurodivergent kids may experience emotional intelligence differently Practical ways to help kids build emotional intelligence Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Suzanne Ross for The Explainer: What is emotional intelligence and why do you need it? Crystal Ott for Ohio University Extension: What is Emotional Intelligence? Daniel Goleman on LinkedIn: The Four Domains of Emotional Intelligence Adam Grant for Medium: The Dark Side of Emotional Intelligence Peg Rosen for Understood.org: Emotional intelligence: What it means for kids Brigham Young University: Study visually captures hard truth: Walking home at night is not the same for women University of Cambridge Judge Business School: The psychologist who reminds us that emotions affect our working lives Find all of our guests' books, as well as books we personally recommend: https://bookshop.org/shop/whatfreshhellcast What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series revisits some of our past episodes about the joys and the challenges that come with raising kids with differences and disabilities. Kate Swenson writes and creates videos about her life as a mother of four and and an autism advocate for ⁠"Finding Cooper's Voice⁠," a living, thriving community of people who not only advocate for autism, but also make the world a better place for individuals with disabilities and their families. We discuss Kate's book ⁠Forever Boy: A Mother's Memoir of Autism and Finding Joy⁠ and her nonprofit ⁠The More Than Project, ⁠which supports the needs of special needs families that go beyond the needs of their special needs child. Kate tells us about: Kate's journey to finding the correct diagnosis for her child what led her to put her story out into the world the sometimes-loneliness of special needs parenting, and how the Finding Cooper's Voice community offers insight, support, and fellowship Get FOREVER BOY in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780778311997 and follow @findingcoopersvoice on Facebook and Instagram. What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when childhood becomes content? Journalist Fortesa Latifi, author of the new book LIKE, FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE, discusses the rise of influencer families and the growing world of kid influencers. We explore how parenting content has evolved from "mommy blogs" to today’s visual and monetized social media landscape, where children are often at the center of viral content. Fortesa explains why family vlogging is so compelling, and the powerful parasocial relationships audiences form with influencer families. She also breaks down the ethical gray areas of sharing kids online, including issues of privacy, consent, and the long-term digital footprint created for children who cannot fully understand or agree to their online presence. Fortesa discusses the role of viewers in driving demand for this content and the emerging legal efforts to regulate earnings and protect influencer kids. She offers a nuanced look at family vlogging, encouraging parents and audiences alike to think more critically about what it means to share children’s lives online. Here's where you can find Fortesa: https://www.fortesalatifi.com @hifortesa on socials Buy LIKE, FOLLOW, SUBSCRIBE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668080504 What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What are the parenting milestones no one tells you about—but that completely change your daily life? We asked our listeners about the little wins of parenting that make a huge difference in reducing the day-to-day chaos, from kids pouring their own cereal to finally being able to leave them home alone. Listen to our interview with Christina Martin here Subscribe to our YouTube channel! What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is about embracing the joys and acknowledging the challenges that come with raising kids with differences and disabilities. How do we celebrate and encourage kids with disabilities and differences, without letting our fears and preconceptions dictate what we think they can do? How do parents of kids with less understanding of differences and disabilities allow for children's natural curiosity? Meg Zucker, author of the book ⁠Born Extraordinary: Empowering Children with Differences & Disabilities⁠, was born with a genetic condition called ectrodactyly. She is also the mother of three children, two of whom share this difference. Meg is also the founder and president of Don’t Hide It, Flaunt It, a non-profit with the mission of advancing understanding, tolerance, and mutual respect for people's differences. In this episode Meg and Amy discuss: "Disability" versus "difference," and how people choose the words that feel right for them How Meg's experience growing up different made her parenting kids with differences a little easier—though maybe not as much as someone outside that experience might expect the well-meaning "thrusting of help" that we might reconsider Here's where you can find Meg: @MegZucker @Justflauntit_ Buy Meg's book: ⁠https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593419380⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices