Episode 75: Breadcrumbs to Nowhere

And we're back! Hooray and big oof because Niederman ain't getting better! This episode takes us through "Heavenstone Secrets" starring sisters SEMENtha and Cassie. Pretty dummy Sementha is at the mercy of her older sister Cassie, whose only goal is to serve at the alter of Daddy! But (spoiler alert), not in the way you might think. Along the way, we get a devastating incident, a guncle, teen driving shenanigans, not leaving the house, the threat of gossip, and a fake/not fake pregnancy. Gird your loins, because we be TALKING!

Ya'll, this mans is trying to capture the vibe and it is just not happening. He even trots out some of our favorite players, like "Shut In The Grand House" and "Someone Is Weird About A Pregnancy" but Delia's third and final book drags for pages upons't pages until the last couple chapters. Then 4,000 things happen REAL fast. Give it a read or don't!

AKA "The love triangle that really tried to exist but totally didn't y'all".

Hola querido oyente! Let us jorney down Mexico way and meet Delia Ybarra, our newest protagonist! I'm sure you're shocked - SHOCKED - to learn that she is very beautiful, fresh, and innocent. This is a bilingual dirt poor to diamond rich Mexican soap opera but you know what? The VC vibes are non-existent! Anywho, we at least get some gross villians and some homosexual flavor (alerta de spoiler!)

Secrets! Who is she? Dunno, but she ain't here. Just ALICE, Karen and Jesse's daughter who for sure saw "Beetlejuice" one too many times. This book starts with one probable plot which gets put to bed halfway through the book. Time for a second plot I guess? And spoiler alert, we learn nothing definite about Karen's case or murder or whole deal so hope you didn't want that!

Let's hop back in time to 1962! A time where you could preform a murderous shenanigan (spoiler alert) and get away with it for an undetermined amount of days. A time where a quaint village beholds't an attic full of teen stabbin secrets. A time where a journey to ~*~ t h e c i t y~*~ was all you needed to soothe your troubled daughter who is definitely not keeping anything from you. The attic! Memba her? She welcomes you back in this book that is certainly simply OK.

Holy Hell y'all, have you seen "I Know Who Killed Me"? It is a legitimate masterpiece of terribleness. And as we all know, that's what makes a great movie! Lindsey Lohan stars in this sooooooooper mysterious mystery in shades of red and blue. There's torture, high school, poemitry, CSI, backgina, and a case of mistaken identity. Or is there?! If you're feeling adventurous, have a blue drink and a red drink ready and take a sip each time the color appears. Great fun until you get alcohol poisoning!

Welcome to our live watch of the 2000 lycanthropic coming of age tale "Ginger Snaps"! Ginger is not yet a girl, not quite a human and her possibly bewigged sister Bea has to clean up Ginger's literal and figurative messes. And menses. This flick as it all: practical effects, 25 year old teens, doobers, angst, and a very supportive Canadian mom. Never has the story girlhood on the precipice of becoming a woman been so accurately depicted!

Hey y'all! Let's go down to the farm! It's a magically dismal place where everything is wrong, and not JUST for the same ol' reasons. Sure, there's stuff far too sexual for a young girl, wacky friends, contrived scenarios, an old man trying to use hip language, family secrets, and uncomfiness. BUT ALSO a seemingly endless supply of details factually inaccurate from the prior book! You know it, you love (?) it, no rules, just Nieder-things!

It's time. I'm sorry. This is a Bad Book that gives Bad feels and now we gotta talk about it. If you know or have heard of this one, don't worry. We did not discuss the parts that gave us the ick. And for all the books that this mans has written, this is the one you shouldns't read the most. A 7 year old gets the puberty! Nider-NoNo!