464. Why You Never “Deserve” or “Don't Deserve” Anything, Ever

There’s a word many of us use to feel validated or justified that actually keeps us stuck in self-doubt. Whether it sounds like “I deserve this” or “maybe I don’t deserve that,” this way of thinking quietly turns your life into a moral evaluation instead of a place where you get to make choices.In this episode, I explain why the idea of “deserving” is a mental trap and how it reinforces shame, second-guessing, and the belief that you need permission to want, enjoy, or change something. I share a different framework for relating to desire, hardship, and agency so you can stop debating your worth and start deciding what you want to experience instead.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/464Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

When you’ve spent most of your adult life believing your body has to look a certain way to be desirable, it can feel impossible to think anything different. In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener who feels stuck believing her body must change for men to be attracted to her, even after years of thought work. I also respond to a question about struggling to identify emotions beyond anxiety and feeling empty or disconnected. I explain why strong emotions are often the easiest to access at first, what it actually means to describe a feeling physically, and how learning to stay with sensations without judgment builds emotional awareness over time.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/463Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Do you ever fall off a goal, get back on, and then fall off again in the exact same way? In this episode, I explain why setbacks aren’t the problem and why the way you respond to them determines whether you actually make progress or quietly give up.You'll hear why simply vowing to “do better next time” doesn’t work, how shame blocks analysis, and how the combination of self-compassion and strategy is what actually creates lasting change. If you want to stop repeating the same setbacks and start building momentum, this episode shows you how.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/462Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Do you ever feel like if you could just find the right outfit, you’d finally feel confident? Or like the only way to calm your anxiety in dating is to get reassurance from the person you’re seeing?In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer two listener questions that show how easy it is to look outside yourself for emotional safety. You’ll learn how to stop outsourcing your confidence to clothes or other people and start creating emotional security from the inside out. Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/461 Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

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When the world feels financially chaotic, it’s easy to slip into survival mode and feel like money is the only thing standing between you and safety. To explore why this happens and how to create a steadier sense of financial safety, I’m joined by New York Times bestselling author, Tori Dunlap.Together, we talk about the systemic barriers women face, the guilt around wanting more, and why avoiding your numbers only increases stress. You’ll hear why financial education is one of the most powerful tools women have right now, and what changes when you start seeing yourself as a capable, autonomous financial agent.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/458Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Follow Tori on Instagram: instagram.com/torikdunlap/Her First 100K: herfirst100k.com

Ever wonder if you are pushing toward a bold goal or just fighting reality and wearing yourself out? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener question about how to tell the difference between challenging limits and ignoring real constraints like your energy, time, and capacity.I also answer a question about jealousy in polyamory and what to do when you feel physically activated watching your partner show affection to someone else. I break down why the sensation in your body is created by your thoughts, not the situation itself, and why this is work you want to do before you are in the moment.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/459Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Do you feel like you are always falling short of some invisible standard, no matter how hard you try? That sense of inadequacy can creep into your work, your relationships, and how you relate to your body, and it can quietly run your life if you never stop to question it.In this episode, I explore why insecurity is not a personality flaw or something you need to fix, but a signal that you do not feel emotionally safe with yourself. I break down how socialization trains us to measure our worth against external rules and expectations that were never designed to serve us, and why that keeps us feeling perpetually not good enough. Hit play to learn how to stop outsourcing your sense of safety and value, and how to build emotional security from the inside.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/458Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Does doing thought work make you calmer or does it turn you into someone who feels less emotional and more rigid? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a listener's question about whether becoming more logical means losing access to their emotions. You'll also hear my answer to a question from a listener who feels constantly angry during long school drop-off drives and blames other drivers. I'll show you how owning your choices and managing your mind can radically change how you feel without changing a single circumstance. Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/457Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

My new book "Take Back Your Brain: How a Sexist Society Gets in Your Head... and How to Get it Out" is officially available as an audiobook and hardcover wherever books and audiobooks are sold! Click here to order yours: unfuckyourbrain.com/book