What To Do When Old Patterns Resurface

Nathan Conradie was at a friend’s wedding in a beautiful castle in England when he noticed something he couldn’t ignore. He was surrounded by a moment worth celebrating, but he felt empty. A career that looked right from the outside had started affecting his ability to enjoy the rest of his life.A paramedic and university educator, Nathan had never imagined becoming an entrepreneur. He loved teaching and had followed a path that offered stability and respect. But an idea from a research project gave him something new to pursue, and over time, he began putting the pieces in place to build a business of his own.In this conversation, Nathan shares what that transition actually required: investing his savings, building alongside his university role, learning unfamiliar skills, and facing a level of stress he hadn’t anticipated. We talk about the financial and emotional realities of relying on a partner, why support needs an ongoing conversation, and the uncertainty that remains even when you’ve planned carefully.We also explore how losing close friends changed his relationship with time, and how becoming a father has brought a new question into focus: is he living a life he would want his son to see?This is an honest conversation about purpose, partnership, and weighing the discomfort of change against the cost of staying where you are.In this episode, we explore:The quiet moment at a wedding that helped Nathan recognize something needed to changeHow dissatisfaction with work can spill into the parts of life you care about mostBecoming an entrepreneur because of an idea, without having always dreamed of owning a businessWhat his gradual transition from academia to a tech startup looked likeThe difference between understanding a risk and experiencing itFinancial pressure, disrupted sleep, and the strain uncertainty can place on a relationshipWhy conversations about a partner’s support need to evolve as circumstances changeHow grief influenced his priorities and his decision to pursue triathlonWhat new fatherhood is teaching him about the life he wants to modelAsking for help, learning from experienced people, and making room for life beyond workResources & Links:Explore Nathan’s business, Proficien → proficien.comListen to his podcast, Bedsides & Boardrooms, exploring the intersection of medicine and business → bedsidesandboardrooms.comReady to step off autopilot? Visit thinkoutsidethelines.com to access free worksheets designed to help you cut through the noise, ask the right questions, and finally hear yourself clearlyExplore 1:1 coaching and other resources at thinkoutsidethelines.comFollow along on all platforms → @thinkoutsidethelinesEnjoyed the episode? Please share it with someone who might need to hear it, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next.

You were choosing differently. Trusting yourself more. Feeling the change. Then the people-pleasing, the overthinking, or the need for someone else’s approval showed up again, and suddenly it felt like all that work had disappeared.When old patterns return, it’s easy to turn a difficult day into a verdict on your progress. To assume you’re back at the beginning, or that the change wasn’t real in the first place.In this short solo episode, I explore what it means to recognize a familiar pattern without letting it define you. We look at the pull of old habits when life gets demanding, the self-judgment that can follow, and why noticing yourself slipping is a meaningful part of learning to choose differently.This is an invitation to meet yourself with a little more patience. To name what’s happening, remember what you’ve learned, and make one small choice from where you are today.In this episode, I explore:Why a return to familiar habits can feel like losing all the progress you’ve madeHow stress, fatigue, and overwhelm can make intentional choices harderThe difference between experiencing an old pattern and letting it define who you areWhy noticing people-pleasing, overthinking, or approval-seeking matters, even when it takes timeMeeting a setback with curiosity instead of turning it into a reason to judge yourselfWhat it looks like to notice, name, and choose again in everyday lifeResources & Links:Ready to step off autopilot? Visit thinkoutsidethelines.com to access free worksheets designed to help you cut through the noise, ask the right questions, and finally hear yourself clearlyExplore 1:1 coaching and other resources at thinkoutsidethelines.comFollow along on all platforms → @thinkoutsidethelinesEnjoyed the episode? Please share it with someone who might need to hear it, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next.

My guest today asked herself a question a lot of us are afraid to ask: was she building a life that was truly hers, or one designed to prove she had overcome her past? She grew up below the poverty line, in a home without running water and shaped by instability, and she put herself through school as a single parent. On top of that, she built a career of more than twenty-five years in the financial industry, leading strategy for multinational corporations, global risk management teams, and large-scale technology programs. She holds an MBA in Leadership and a Master of Arts in Humanities, holds numerous coaching accreditations, teaches leadership and risk management at two universities, and is completing her training as a Student Therapist in supervision through the Ontario Psychotherapy and Counselling College. Today she is the founder of Percepta Leadership, which provides psychotherapy for leaders and executives, and the Center for Applied Psychodynamics, which provides specialized coach training. She left the corner office to help other high achievers understand what is really driving them. Join me as we think outside the lines with Tanna Brodbar.In this episode, we explore:Achievement as a survival strategy, and the shame that can quietly power a whole careerThe difference between "it's not enough" and "I'm not enough," and why success can't fix the second oneGrowing up below the poverty line and building an executive life on top of itThe moment she realized she was genuinely good, that she had enoughWhy most people don't lack ambition, they lack support and self-permissionThe one mentor who treated her like a human being, and the difference it madeLeadership versus management: people as human beings, not human capitalHow the pandemic cracked open bigger questions about the human cost of successSeverance as an uncomfortably familiar picture of leaving your whole self at the office doorBuilding an internalized sense of security that no title, salary, or status can take awayRetraining as a psychotherapist mid-career, and letting two worlds collideResources & Links:Connect with Tanna and learn more about her work → perceptaleadership.com and centerforappliedpsychodynamics.comReady to step off autopilot? Visit thinkoutsidethelines.com to access free worksheets designed to help you cut through the noise, ask the right questions, and finally hear yourself clearlyExplore 1:1 coaching and other resources at thinkoutsidethelines.comFollow along on all platforms → @thinkoutsidethelinesEnjoyed the episode? Please share it with someone who might need to hear it, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.

You’ve left something that no longer fit, but what comes next hasn’t taken shape. The clarity you hoped for hasn’t arrived. There’s no clear plan. And some mornings, you wonder whether making a change was a massive mistake.We hear plenty of stories about the before and the after. The life that felt wrong, followed by the freedom of finding something better. But the space between those chapters can feel lonely, confusing, and difficult to explain while you’re living it.In this short solo episode, I explore the messy middle of change: the uncertainty of outgrowing an old identity before a new one feels familiar, the pressure to figure everything out, and what it means to lead yourself through a transition you can’t neatly plan.This is an invitation to give yourself room to be in between. To notice what’s emerging without demanding an immediate answer. And to consider whether the part you’re trying to rush through might have something important to teach you.In this episode, I explore:Why the middle of a transition can feel more like free fall than growthThe discomfort of no longer being who you were, while still discovering who you’re becomingHow the pressure to have a plan can make uncertainty feel like personal failureThe difference between managing yourself toward an answer and leading yourself through the unknownMaking space to listen for what comes next instead of rushing to fill the gapGiving yourself permission to move at a pace that allows something meaningful to take shapeResources & Links:Ready to step off autopilot? Visit thinkoutsidethelines.com to access free worksheets designed to help you cut through the noise, ask the right questions, and finally hear yourself clearlyExplore 1:1 coaching and other resources at thinkoutsidethelines.comFollow along on all platforms → @thinkoutsidethelinesEnjoyed the episode? Please share it with someone who might need to hear it, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next.

After eighteen years with the same company, David Nassief walked to his car carrying a cardboard box. Inside was a crayon drawing from his son with the words, “My dad, an important man.” At sixty-three, newly fired and worried about how he would support his family, David felt anything but important.What followed forced him to rethink more than his career. He had to confront how much of his identity belonged to a job title, how fear had kept him in a role he had outgrown, and why decades of earning good money had left him without the security he thought he was building.In this conversation, David shares the ordinary grocery-store moment that became a turning point, the lessons he carried forward from two failed businesses, and the experience of starting again when the world seemed to expect him to wind down. We also explore the difference between earning money and building wealth, the relationship between simplicity and peace, and the thinking behind his book, The One-Page Wealth Compass.At the heart of it all is a different definition of an important life: showing up for your family, contributing to others, and knowing who you are even when the title disappears.For anyone facing an unexpected ending or wondering whether it is too late to choose a different direction, this conversation offers an honest look at fear, identity, and finding a next chapter you want to live.In this episode, we explore:The parking-lot moment after eighteen years with one company, and the fear of starting over at sixty-threeHow a job title can become an identity, and what remains when it is taken awayThe grocery-store experience that pushed David to rethink who he was and what came nextWhy he stayed in a role he had outgrown, even when he knew it was time for a changeWhat two failed businesses taught him about building his next oneThe difference between earning a good income and building lasting financial securityThe thinking behind The One-Page Wealth Compass, and his search for a simpler approach to moneyHow financial independence changed his relationship with work, choice, and stressWhy he sees this stage of life as an opportunity for a new adventureRedefining importance through family, contribution, and helping other peopleWhy clear direction can matter more than moving fasterResources & Links:Connect with David, learn about his book, and sign up for the free One-Page Wealth Compass PDF → onepagewealthcompass.comReady to step off autopilot? Visit thinkoutsidethelines.com to access free worksheets designed to help you cut through the noise, ask the right questions, and finally hear yourself clearlyExplore 1:1 coaching and other resources at thinkoutsidethelines.comFollow along on all platforms → @thinkoutsidethelinesEnjoyed the episode? Please share it with someone who might need to hear it, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.

Let me guess. You feel like you're not doing enough. Even right now, there's a background loop in your head saying you should be doing more, be further along, be more productive. And it doesn't matter how much you actually get done, the feeling stays. Because it was never really about the work. It's about a belief: that your worth is tied to your output.This short solo episode takes that belief apart. Hustle culture didn't just tell you to work hard, it told you that working hard is who you are, until slowing down started to feel like falling behind. But doing more of the wrong things doesn't make you successful, it just makes you tired. There is a real difference between being busy and being aligned, and busyness is often the socially acceptable way to avoid asking whether any of this is what you actually want to be doing.In this episode, we explore:The belief that your worth is tied to your output, where it came from, and why the feeling never quiets no matter how much you doThe difference between being busy and being aligned, and how much of a full week is really just motionBusyness as a shield, and the hardest question it keeps you from having to sit withIntentional rest versus numbing, and why choosing to stop on purpose takes real courageWhat opens up when you do less of the wrong things, and why you are not your outputResources & Links:Ready to step off autopilot? Visit thinkoutsidethelines.com to access free worksheets designed to help you cut through the noise, ask the right questions, and finally hear yourself clearlyExplore 1:1 coaching and other resources at thinkoutsidethelines.comFollow along on all platforms → @thinkoutsidethelinesEnjoyed the episode? Please share it with someone who might need to hear it, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.

When Amanda Udis-Kessler came back for a second conversation, the ground had shifted again. In Part 1, she told the story of rebuilding her entire life at sixty. This time she goes inward, to the harder, quieter work of showing up as her whole self once the external obstacles are gone.What she keeps hearing, in her job, her friendships, and her own healing, is a single instruction: trade control for presence. After sixty years of managing life's challenges by trying to control everything, she is learning to simply be there, to listen more than she speaks, and to trust that presence alone can meet the needs of a moment. She calls the old habit the conscientious cartographer. The new practice is being a steady witness.Amanda is a queer pastor leading a progressive Christian congregation in Colorado Springs, which she calls the Evangelical Vatican of the United States. From that vantage point, the conversation opens out into attention and overwhelm in a culture built to keep us reactive, what it means to witness someone rather than fix them, and the internalized homophobia many of us absorbed without ever choosing it.This is a conversation about presence over control, listening over solving, and finding creativity and hope in a loud, fast, divided moment.In this episode, we explore:What it means to trade control for presence, and why that is so hard after a lifetime of managing everythingThe difference between being a witness and being a fixer, and why people often just need to be heardHow the urge to give advice can come from insecurity rather than confidenceWhy our feeds, our culture, and even our institutions are built to keep us overwhelmed and reactivePractical ways to notice the default toward negativity and gently choose something elseWhat it is like to be a queer pastor in one of the most conservative cities in the countryInternalized homophobia, how it shows up, and why we don't talk about it enoughReclaiming language and faith that were once used to cause harmWhere Amanda finds hope, and why her creativity feels like evidence of something bigger than herselfResources & Links:Connect with Amanda, her books, music, and work → amandaudiskessler.comHer free progressive worship music → queersacredmusic.comReady to step off autopilot? Visit thinkoutsidethelines.com to access free worksheets designed to help you cut through the noise, ask the right questions, and finally hear yourself clearlyExplore 1:1 coaching and other resources at thinkoutsidethelines.comFollow along on all platforms → @thinkoutsidethelinesEnjoyed the episode? Please share it with someone who might need to hear it, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.

At sixty, in the span of a single year, Amanda Udis-Kessler ended a thirty-year relationship, left the home she shared, walked away from a two-decade career in higher education, and became the pastor of a small church. From the outside it can look like one dramatic reinvention. Up close, it was anything but.There was no single lightning-bolt moment. There was a cancer diagnosis that reminded her she would not live forever. There was a health crisis that interrupted a lifelong eating disorder and, for the first time, left her unable to numb what she was feeling. There was a quiet, years-long knowing that something was off, and a marriage she could not bring herself to leave until her partner found the courage to ask the question first.Amanda is a writer, a musician, and now a pastor in Colorado Springs, a city she calls the Evangelical Vatican of the United States. In this first of two conversations, she traces how all of these threads came together, and what it took to finally say yes to a life that fit.This is a conversation about the slow, stumbling nature of real change, the difference between numbing a feeling and facing it, codependency and the boundaries that finally set her free, and why creating the life you want is rarely one big leap and more often a series of small, brave gates you walk through one at a time.In this episode, we explore:Why a wake-up call is rarely one dramatic moment, and more often a slow stumble through many smaller onesHow ending a long relationship, leaving home, and changing careers all unfolded in a single yearWhat it means to finally say yes to a change you have avoided for yearsHow a lifelong eating disorder kept hard emotions at bay, and what surfaced when she could no longer numb themCodependency in both a marriage and a career, and the boundaries that made a healthier life possibleThe boundary described as "the distance at which I can love both you and myself"Why you cannot change another person, only model change through the work you do on yourselfChoosing progressive Christianity as a form of resistance, and stepping into ministry in a deeply conservative cityHow to sit with a discomfort you can't yet name, and gently ask it what it is aboutResources & Links:Connect with Amanda, her books, music, and work → amandaudiskessler.comHer free progressive worship music → queersacredmusic.comReady to step off autopilot? Visit thinkoutsidethelines.com to access free worksheets designed to help you cut through the noise, ask the right questions, and finally hear yourself clearlyExplore 1:1 coaching and other resources at thinkoutsidethelines.comFollow along on all platforms → @thinkoutsidethelinesEnjoyed the episode? Please share it with someone who might need to hear it, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.

There's something you want to do. You've thought about it for months, maybe years. You've imagined it, researched it, talked around it with friends who told you to go for it. And still, you haven't started. If someone asked you why, you'd have a list of good, practical reasons. But underneath all of them is a simpler one you probably haven't said out loud: you're waiting for permission.This short solo episode sits with that quiet truth. Nobody hands out permission slips for career changes, creative projects, or hard conversations, and the signal you keep waiting for is never going to come, because that is not how permission works. The people who love you can tell you they're proud, that they support you, that you're ready, and it helps, but you still go home and don't start. The permission gap was never between you and them. It's between you and yourself.In this episode, I explore:Why "the timing isn't right" and "I need to learn more first" are often permission-seeking in disguiseWhere the habit of looking up for approval begins, and why it outlives the childhood that taught itThe difference between managing, waiting for the green light, and leading, giving it to yourselfWhy no one in any hierarchy is going to authorize the choices that matter most to youWhat it looks like to grant yourself permission, quietly and without apology, and start nowResources & Links:Ready to step off autopilot? Visit thinkoutsidethelines.com to access free worksheets designed to help you cut through the noise, ask the right questions, and finally hear yourself clearlyExplore 1:1 coaching and other resources at thinkoutsidethelines.comFollow along on all platforms → @thinkoutsidethelinesEnjoyed the episode? Please share it with someone who might need to hear it, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.

At fifty-something, Gila Melamed gave away ninety-eight percent of what she owned, converted first a small car and then a minivan into a home, and drove off to live nomadically in the wild she had always felt she belonged to. She does not call it an escape. She calls it an experiment in alignment.The road was the last step in a much longer story. Years earlier, at her lowest point, Gila survived a moment that nearly ended her life. A single sentence from her therapist, that a decision made seventeen years ago could be remade, gave her back her breath. She asked for a divorce that same day, and slowly began the years-long work of coming back to herself.Underneath it all was a childhood shaped by an abusive father, a loneliness she carried for decades, and the belief that her sensitivity was something wrong with her. Through her own healing, she came to understand it as her greatest strength. On a hot morning in Yosemite, off the trail and drawn toward the view like a magnet, she had the realization that anchors her life now: she had been on the right path all along.Gila is a former home and color designer turned nomad, writer, and self-published author of three books who documents her journey on Substack. She lives simply, works seasonally to fund her travels, and treats fear not as something to eliminate but as a dance partner she walks with every single day.This is a conversation about surrender, learning to trust yourself after a lifetime of other people's voices, the difference between fear and intuition, breaking generational patterns, and what becomes possible when you stop waiting and finally give yourself the life your heart has been asking for.In this episode, we explore:Leaving a conventional life to live on the road, not as an escape but as an experiment in alignmentThe turning point that gave her back her life, and the single sentence that changed everythingComing home to yourself after decades of living by other people's voicesWhy she came to see her sensitivity as a strength rather than a flawBreaking generational trauma, and choosing to parent differently than she was raisedThe realization in Yosemite that she had been on the right path all alongFear as a dance partner, and how to tell the difference between fear and intuitionSurrender, uncertainty, and finding aliveness in not having a planHow solitude in nature became a mirror and a teacherThe quiet ceremony of a slow morning, and presence as a daily practiceWriting as a way to process, and letting a loud inner voice lead her to finally share her storyIf you or someone you know is struggling, the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is available 24/7 in the US. Call or text 988.Resources & Links:Connect with Gila, find her three books, and follow her blog → gilacolorguru.comReady to step off autopilot? Visit thinkoutsidethelines.com to access free worksheets designed to help you cut through the noise, ask the right questions, and finally hear yourself clearlyExplore 1:1 coaching and other resources at thinkoutsidethelines.comFollow along on all platforms → @thinkoutsidethelinesEnjoyed the episode? Please share it with someone who might need to hear it, and subscribe so you don't miss what's coming next.