807 Scripts for When Conflict Makes You Freeze, Defend, or Shut Down

What if real transformation doesn't require blowing up your life? In this episode, Terri sits down with meditation teacher and author Light Watkins to discuss his book The Year You Transform and the fastest, most accessible path to lasting change. They explore why success doesn't always lead to fulfillment, the myth of the "Eat, Pray, Love" transformation, and how small, intentional discomfort (like cold showers, forgiveness, or quitting complaining) can radically shift your mindset. If you're feeling stuck, unfulfilled, or craving deeper purpose, this conversation will show you how to create real change—from the inside out. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/808

Many people can communicate just fine until a conflict arises.  Then the nervous system gets activated, and suddenly you're either shutting down, getting defensive, or saying things you don't mean.  Sound familiar? Our nervous systems get activated during conflict. It's normal for communication to be more challenging when you're activated than when you're not. That's just biology. When you understand how your body responds to stress, you give yourself a chance to communicate more effectively. When you're in conflict, what happens for you? Do you shut down?  Do you get loud?  Or begin attempting to please or appease the other person? I'm going to walk you through the top challenges I see as a psychotherapist. And I've put together a guide with some scripts for you at terricole.com/guide. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/807

Does fear feel like a stoplight in your head? Have you ever backed down from something important because it scared you? Today's guest, former U.S. Marine Corps Officer Jill Schulman, is here to help you rethink how you respond to fear. Listen to learn why fear is a part of bravery and you should "do it scared" instead of waiting to feel fearless. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/806

I've been hearing from so many of you that you're feeling overwhelmed by what's happening in the world right now. And if you are, you're normal. Because it is overwhelming. We were not designed to be in this hyper-aroused nervous system state for as long as we've been. Our bodies aren't meant for it. Our minds aren't meant for it. And yet here we are, living in a 24-hour bad news cycle that literally never ends. You know, it didn't used to be this way. There was a time when the nightly news was one person reporting on the day's events without editorializing. Now it's a circus of talking heads and pundits and narratives coming at you from every direction. And if you're trying to be a well-informed, good global citizen without being buried under a tidal wave of bad news, that's a really hard line to walk. If you're feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, anxious, or paralyzed, this one is for you. And you're not alone. I created a free guide including a guided meditation called One Love to go along with this post. You can grab it at terricole.com/guide. There are things you can do to keep your mental, physical, and emotional health intact right now. None of them cost money. Most of them are about changing your mind about what you're allowed to give yourself. So here's my psychological survival kit. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/805

Are you struggling with codependency, hyper-independence, or feeling lonely in your relationships? In this episode of The Terry Cole Show, therapist and bestselling author Nedra Tawwab shares powerful insights from her new book The Balancing Act: Creating Healthy Dependency and Connection Without Losing Yourself. We explore attachment styles, boundaries, healthy dependency, and how to stop expecting one person to meet all your emotional needs. Learn how to create balanced, fulfilling relationships without losing yourself in the process. If you're working on healing anxious or avoidant attachment, improving boundaries, or building deeper connections — this conversation is for you. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/804

Whether you are or partnered this Valentine's Day, you shouldn't wait for someone else's permission to feel loved. By now, it's a tradition: I'm sharing my annual Valentine's Day ritual to help you rest, relaxed, and love yourself this Valentine's Day, no matter what your other plans are.  Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/803 

Dannah had dreamed of a career in law enforcement since childhood, but her life was turned upside down right before college graduation, when a trusted mentor told her she was too empathetic for a career as a federal agent. How could she move forward when her true self and her true calling seemed to conflict? She found a way– as an author and expert who helps women navigate life with both confidence and safety. Listen to today's episode for more of her story and lots of tips to navigate our unsafe world without getting paranoid. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/802

Does your chest ever tighten when your phone rings and you see it's someone in your family who you know needs something? Does your stomach drop when you get a text message that says, "We need to talk"? If you're already exhausted before you say yes to a whole plethora of things your family of origin may need from you, this post is for you. Family obligations are something I have had a complicated relationship with. Growing up, I felt a deep loyalty to my family of origin, particularly my mother and my sisters. And it got complicated when I fell in love with my husband and became a bonus mom to three teenage sons. There was so much going on, and the truth is, you can't really prioritize both. There's a natural shift that happens when you have a family of your own, or like me, you marry into a family. And when I was the one keeping it all together in my family of origin, I had to really decide what I was going to do. I was confronted with the extent of my obligation. So let's talk about family obligations, guilt, roles we didn't actively volunteer for, and why so many capable, loving, high-functioning people feel trapped by the responsibilities they quietly resent. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/801

Do you think you're codependent? Or are you unsure? In this post, I'm going to walk you through nine questions to help you understand, pretty conclusively, if you are a high-functioning codependent. I want you to walk away with a clear snapshot of your own codependent behaviors. And I want to be clear: this is a no-judgment zone. If we get really judgmental, we're not going to look at what we need to look at. If we let shame dictate what we examine, we'll stay in denial. And then nothing changes. You deserve to create relationships, lives, and careers that thrill and fulfill you. So let's look honestly at where you are. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/800

When you're a high-functioning codependent, you don't look stuck. You look capable. You're the one who pulls everything together, gets it all done, and rarely asks for help. People see you as someone who has it handled. But there's a cost. And recovering from being a high-functioning codependent is the path to living the happy, healthy, balanced life you deserve. I created the HFC Recovery Code because people kept asking me for a condensed list to help them remember their rights and responsibilities when they're feeling overwhelmed or pulled toward doing too much. Read the show notes for today's episode at terricole.com/799