Men and Sex - Why We Need to Rethink Manhood Feat. Destyn Land

Today on the show, I’m talking to the host of the Rethinking Manhood podcast, Destyn Land. Destyn and I discuss men and sex. Sounds simple but when you start to layer in shame, silence, and how by grade 3 you’re already comparing penis size–it gets a lot more complicated. I first saw Destyn’s work when a friend shared one of his posts on Instagram. It was a beautiful piece about men and how society has created this pressure to prove how “straight” you are. This could be by catcalling women or making homophobic comments. Destyn’s posts are always thoughtful, well researched and when I found out he had a podcast, I just had to listen. Resources from the ShowDestyn Land: @destynforgreatnessRethinking Manhood Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/3bQw3DWTRuCmlGXFvYrVya?si=c26149d4a7474d36Instagram: @rethinkingmanhood Boys and Sex by Peggy Orenstein: https://www.peggyorenstein.com/boysandsexEuphoria on CraveHeartstopper on Netflix and ComicsBi-erasure definition: https://www.glaad.org/bisexualThe Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks

Today on the show, I have brought back a crowd favourite—my husband, Levi Hildebrand. Levi and I talk about our experience of using Fertility Awareness Method over the past 8 months and the impact not being on birth control has had on our sex life. We also do a bit of a deep dive on masculinity and how just now Levi feels like he is choosing what that means for himself. Resources from the show! Levi Hildebrand Instagram: @levihildebrand Levi and Leah YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/LeviHildebrand Boys and Sex by Peggy Orenstein: https://www.peggyorenstein.com/boysandsexCome As You Are by Dr. Emily Nagoski : https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22609341-come-as-you-are

Today on the show, I am answering your questions about opening up relationships and BDSM. But I’m not answering them alone. I am honoured to share my interview with Registered Clinical Counsellor, Sarah Watson, who helps me navigate your questions surrounding trauma and sexuality. References from the Show!Sarah Watson: https://sarahwatsontherapy.com/Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel S.F. Heller: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9547888-attachedPolysecure by Jessica Fern: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52569124-polysecureCome As You Are by Emily Nagoski: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Come-as-You-Are/Emily-Nagoski/9781476762111Allura Website $50 webinars: Sex and Trauma : https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5b162a5675f9ee6cc62c56b5/t/61a68fc8cdbab21c1afb1d71/1638305736878/Sex+%2B+Trauma+Flyer.pdfSelf Harm Resources: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/cutting-and-self-harm.htmSexual Configurations Theory: https://www.academia.edu/37691857/_SCT_Zine_Mapping_Your_Sexuality_From_Sexual_Orientation_to_Sexual_Configurations_TheorySue Johnson: A(ccessible)R(esponsive)E(ngaged) you there for me? Debunking 5 Common Myths About Kink: https://www.slice.ca/sex-sessions-art-debunking-common-myths-about-kink/5 Things Science Has Taught Us About BDSM: https://www.sexandpsychology.com/blog/2021/8/16/5-things-science-has-taught-us-about-bdsm/B.C.’s Capital City Leads the Country in Trans and Non-binary Representation:https://www.coastmountainnews.com/news/b-c-s-capital-city-leads-the-country-in-trans-and-non-binary-representation/

Today on the show, I am sharing my interview with Farzana Doctor where we talk about non-monogamy, what sexuality looks like in your 40s, and what it means to be a quote unquote “good woman.” We also discuss her new book that is a collection of poetry, You Still Look the Same. I particularly resonated with her poem Boundaries and I know it’s a topic a lot of folks have asked me about. Resources from the Show!Farzana Doctor: https://farzanadoctor.com/You Still Look The Same Discount Code: use DOCTOR20 at check-out at https://freehand-books.comAudiobook link: https://libro.fm/audiobooks/9781778520648Seven Link: https://farzanadoctor.com/seven/Interview with Farzana in Season 2: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-love-doctor/id1519672109?i=1000536137699Burnout by Nagoski sisters: https://www.burnoutbook.net/Internal Family Systems therapy: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapy-types/internal-family-systems-therapyPolysecure by Jessica Fern: ​​https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52569124-polysecureMetamour definition: https://www.polydictionary.org/metamour/

Today on the show, we are talking about what you missed in your high school sex education and how puppets may be the best way to talk about sex. In our first ever group interview on the podcast, I talk to Hannah Mariko Bell, Sophie Underwood, and Kiley Verbowski, about our experience co-creating the play Going All The Way. We talk about our own experiences with sex education and how creating art has helped us navigate our own sexual journeys. Resources from the Show! Going All The Way Tickets: skam.ca/going-all-the-wayTheatre SKAM: https://skam.ca/What is Intersectionality? Kimberlé Crenshaw: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViDtnfQ9FHc&ab_channel=NationalAssociationofIndependentSchools%28NAIS%29Schitt's Creek Star Dan Levy on Playing Pansexual: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W4IXXM0A6vg&ab_channel=LarryKingSchitt's Creek Wine Analogy Scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrHYlJTqud0&ab_channel=RozCoreyClarkJapanese Fertility Festivals: https://allabout-japan.com/en/article/4349/

Today on the show, we are talking all about dicks. Like why is erectile dysfunction so common? Can you become dependent on Viagra? And can you still have sex after you ejaculate? To help me answer your questions about dicks, I share my interview with sex therapist and clinical sexual health educator, Paul Nelson. Paul emphasizes that sexual health education should address the entire self and how for many cisgender men, they think it’s only about their dicks. We also talk about how common erectile dysfunction is and the work Paul does as part of Maze Men’s Health. Resources from the Show!Paul Nelson at Maze Men’s Health: https://www.mazemenshealth.com/Instagram: @mazemenshealthFrank Talk: Men Talking About Erectile Dysfunction: https://www.franktalk.org/Maze Sexual and Reproductive Health: mazehealth.comMinx T.V. Show: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt11947418/American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists:  https://www.aasect.org/Boys & Sex by Peggy Orenstein: https://www.peggyorenstein.com/boysandsexThe History of The Man Box: https://remakingmanhood.medium.com/the-history-of-the-man-box-e6eed6d895c4International Index of Erectile Dysfunction: https://www.browardurologycenter.com/pdf/International-Index-of-Erectile-Function-IIEF-Questionnaire.pdfThe Psychology of Human Sexuality: https://nobaproject.com/modules/the-psychology-of-human-sexualityThe Sexual Medicine Society of North America: https://www.smsna.org/

Today on the show, I am talking about the Don’t Say Gay bill in Florida and why not talking about sexual orientation and gender identity is a bad idea for ALL kids, regardless of how they identify. I also share my interview with queer artist, sexual health educator, and doula, Simone Blais. Simone and I discuss the importance of peer to peer education, how we are constantly learning as educators ourselves, and she has basically convinced me that anyone who is wanting to have a child should have a doula. And there are ways to make that happen with support from our communities. Resources from the Show! Simone Blais: https://www.simone-blais.com/aboutBEDucated link: http://beducate.me/thelovedoctorCoupon Code: LOVEDOCTORNesting Doula Collective: https://www.nestingdoulacollective.com/Florida Legislature Passes “Don’t Say Gay” Bill to Restrict LGBTQ Topics in Elementary Schools: https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/florida-bassed-don-t-say-gay-bill-lgbtq-schools-1.6377169What is the US State of Florida’s “Don’t Say Gay” Bill? https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/what-is-the-us-state-of-florida-e2-80-99s-so-called-e2-80-98don-e2-80-99t-say-gay-e2-80-99-bill/ar-AAVsjrANative Youth Sexual Health Network: https://www.nativeyouthsexualhealth.com/Sexy Health Carnival: https://www.nativeyouthsexualhealth.com/sexy-health-carnivalOptions for Sexual Health Sex Sense Line: 1-800-739-7367 https://www.optionsforsexualhealth.org/sex-sense/Island Sexual Health Texting Line: https://www.islandsexualhealth.org/British Columbia Curriculum on Sexual Health:  https://www.curriculum.gov.bc.ca/sites/curriculum.gov.bc.ca/files/curriculum/physical-health-education/en_physical-health-education_k-9.pdf

Today on the show, we are talking all things polyamory. But hey, monogamous folks don’t feel like this isn’t also for you! Regardless of relationship orientation, we all have a lot to learn about communication, boundaries, and living authentically from the polyamory community and I have the perfect guest to guide us in this conversation. I share my interview with polyamory expert, relationship anarchist, and one of the main faces of PolyPages, Claire Travers. Claire and I talk about whether or not polyamory is right for you–or rather, why are you questioning monogamy? We also dive into a very important question: is polyamory queer?Resources from the Show!www.polypages.org Poly Pages (@polypages) • Instagram photos and videoswww.clairelouisetravers.co.ukPolysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Non-Monogamy by Jessica Fernhttps://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52569124-polysecureAmatonormativity: https://elizabethbrake.com/amatonormativity/Sexual Configurations Theory Zine: Mapping Your Sexuality https://www.academia.edu/37691857/_SCT_Zine_Mapping_Your_Sexuality_From_Sexual_Orientation_to_Sexual_Configurations_Theory

Today on the show, I’m giving you my perspective on the Freedom Convoy (I’m so sorry, it’s a whole thing and I have received a ton of questions about it!) and answering your questions on how to not compare yourself to past lovers. It can be a real buzzkill in the bedroom if you’re like “oh, how did they do it? Am I doing it as well as them?!” I also share my interview with social worker, host of Allyship is a Verb podcast, and LGBTQ+ educator, Chris Angel Murphy. Chris Angel and I get vulnerable in this episode and also share advice on how not to be an asshole on dating apps. Resources from the Show!BEDucated Link: http://beducate.me/thelovedoctorBEDucated Coupon code: LOVEDOCTORChris Angel Murphy: https://www.chrisangelmurphy.com/Instagram: @gendersexualityinfoAllyship is a Verb Podcast: https://www.allyshipisaverb.com/Sissy: A Coming-Of-Gender Story: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/40984365-sissyFreedom Convoy Article: https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/trucker-freedom-convoy-new-normal-1.6355574

Today on the show, I’m talking about what it’s like to come out as queer on YouTube (yup, I got some texts from the family!) and what it means for me to be queer and bisexual. I also share my interview with Fertility Awareness Educator and host of the Fertility Awareness Project podcast, Nathalie Daudet. Nat is an inclusive FAM expert who shares how FAM works and guides people to decide if it’s the right choice for them. Resources from the show! Fertility Awareness Project: https://fertilityawarenessproject.caNat’s FAM Instagram: @fertilityawarenessproject FAM Fundamentals: https://fertilityawarenessproject.ca/fam-fundamentalsRead Your Body App: https://www.readyourbody.info/Levi & Leah: 6 Things I Wish I Knew In My 20s: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBfXpE21cgs&t=618s&ab_channel=Levi%26Leah