Reacting vs. Responding in Grief: Your Nervous System Needn't be the Enemy

Get THE Leftover Pieces APP & don't miss anything! CLICK HERE TODAY -- Integration is mostly editing—conserving what helps, quietly retiring what doesn’t.Journal prompt: “If I gave my energy a budget, I’d spend more on… and less on…” Scan this month for flickers that actually eased a day—witnessing, one brick finished, a boundary honored, light as companion—and keep them on purpose. Rebuild with a quick three-column check: KEEP (works), DROP (drains), ADJUST (tweak). Aim for three bullets total; simple wins. Then step by committing to one change—schedule the keeper as a repeating block, remove a drainer from the calendar, or place an object (candle, water bottle, bracelet) where it will cue the tweak.Choose-your-energy menu:Hollow (low): Write one KEEP item. Stop there.Healing (medium): Do the full three-column check and circle one line.Becoming (higher): Put the circled item on your calendar with a repeat.To end today:Editing your grief life is an act of respect—for your person and for your nervous system. After suicide loss, you don’t owe the world the version of you that bleeds the most to prove you loved them. Keep what steadies you, drop what drains you, and adjust the practices that almost work. This is not giving up; it’s maturing your care. Let the metrics be honest: Did I breathe easier? Did recovery time shorten? Did I feel even a sliver more like myself? Put the keepers on repeat and let the rest go without a courtroom trial. Your energy is finite and precious; spend it where love can actually build something. Exhale. Keep what serves you; leave the rest. I’ll be here again tomorrow. 💜Support the show__________________________________________________________________________ Get THE Leftover Pieces APP & don't miss anything! CLICK HERE 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support central for grieving hearts. 🔗 Stay connected: Join my free email community for weekly check-ins, resources, and encouragement. 🌟 For moms: Explore the $9 Lighthouse Community — safe connection, tools, and hope. 🛠 Resources for all grievers: Start here. 🤝 One-on-one grief coaching for moms after child loss to suicide: Learn more here. 📞 Need help now? If you or someone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts, dial 988 in the U.S. & Canada, or text HOME to 741741.

Get THE Leftover Pieces APP & don't miss anything! CLICK HERE TODAY -- Touchstones let love travel with you without making every minute heavy.Journal prompt: “What I’m keeping from this month is…”Choose one flicker that feels like company: a phrase they loved, ten seconds of their song, a color that calls them to mind. Rebuild by placing a tiny touchstone where real life happens—light a candle at dinner, wear the bracelet, set a photo by the door, speak their name before you leave the house. Then step by anchoring it to a daily moment: “When I grab my keys, I touch the bracelet,” or “When the kettle clicks, I say their name.” Small, repeatable, merciful.Choose-your-energy menu:Hollow (low): Speak their name once and place a hand on your chest.Healing (medium): Put one touchstone where you’ll naturally see/use it.Becoming (higher): Share your touchstone plan with a safe person and invite them to mirror it once this week.To end today:Legacy is not a museum; it’s a living room. Touchstones let love move with you—into the kitchen, the car, the checkout line—without requiring a speech every time. After a suicide, memory can feel sharp or complicated; gentle, chosen rituals blunt the edge just enough to hold it. Speaking their name before you leave the house or hearing ten seconds of “their” song is not dwelling—it’s belonging. You’re showing your body that remembering is allowed and survivable. If a touchstone stings today, choose a lighter one; the goal isn’t performance, it’s companionship. Over time, these tiny ties stitch a steadier way to carry them forward without disappearing yourself. Exhale. Keep what serves you; leave the rest. I’ll be here again tomorrow. 💜Support the show__________________________________________________________________________ Get THE Leftover Pieces APP & don't miss anything! CLICK HERE 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support central for grieving hearts. 🔗 Stay connected: Join my free email community for weekly check-ins, resources, and encouragement. 🌟 For moms: Explore the $9 Lighthouse Community — safe connection, tools, and hope. 🛠 Resources for all grievers: Start here. 🤝 One-on-one grief coaching for moms after child loss to suicide: Learn more here. 📞 Need help now? If you or someone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts, dial 988 in the U.S. & Canada, or text HOME to 741741.

Reacting vs. Responding in Grief — Life After Suicide LossToday I’m “down the rabbit hole,” teasing apart reacting vs. responding after traumatic loss—not to shame reactions (they’re human), but to widen the space where we can choose. We’ll touch nervous-system patterns (fight/flight/freeze/fawn/flop), how to spot activation in real time, and how tiny, honest choices build a life aligned with values.If you’ve been listening to October’s Daily Nuggets, this pairs with Hope → Healing → Becoming very wellReaction: fast, automatic, discomfort-ending; urgent; body running the show. Response: chosen, value-aligned; includes feelings; checks context/impact. After suicide loss, we’re not “broken,” we’re activated. The work is creating a small gap between impulse and action so love gets a say.Five protection styles (no shame, just data): Fight • Flight • Freeze • Fawn • Flop Tiny mantra: “My body is loud. I don’t have to obey it.”How to tell you’re reacting (so you can pivot): Body (jaw/chest/gut, heat/cold, tunnel vision, fatigue) • Thoughts (catastrophe, always/never, fixing others) • Behavior (fast texts, ghosting, auto-yes). Common activators: the day they died (aka 'the worst day'), songs, smells, certain phrases, etc—treat as green lights to pause.I give a real, recent example in the episode of how this concept shows up for me now that I am more practiced at responding over being on autopilot and just reacting.... AND here are two grounded general (common) examples:The Hot Text: Phone face-down → 3 breaths → “This is fight” → normalize → draft, don’t send → after sleep, keep 2 lines, delete 10. Relationship and nervous system preserved.The Family Invite: Values check (honesty, tenderness, capacity) → two-liner: “Thanks for including me. I’m keeping things gentle this month and won’t make it, but I’m sending love.”Top 5 tools (details in the PDF inside the Lighthouse Community Library)Thread back to Hope → Healing → Becoming Hope = capacity (not cheer). Healing = nervous-system literacy. Becoming = the widening gap between impulse and action—where love, truth, and capacity meet.“When the wave lifts, I do not argue the sea. I plant my feet, name the water, and choose the next breath.” 💜Community Soon you will find the Download with examples in the Library inside The Moms Lighthouse Community (link below)Support the show__________________________________________________________________________ Get THE Leftover Pieces APP & don't miss anything! CLICK HERE 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support central for grieving hearts. 🔗 Stay connected: Join my free email community for weekly check-ins, resources, and encouragement. 🌟 For moms: Explore the $9 Lighthouse Community — safe connection, tools, and hope. 🛠 Resources for all grievers: Start here. 🤝 One-on-one grief coaching for moms after child loss to suicide: Learn more here. 📞 Need help now? If you or someone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts, dial 988 in the U.S. & Canada, or text HOME to 741741.

Get THE Leftover Pieces APP & don't miss anything! CLICK HERE TODAY -- The season gets crowded. Capacity isn’t disloyalty—it’s logistics for a heart carrying a lot.Journal prompt: “A boundary that made room for me was…”Choose your pace before the week chooses it for you. Let a flicker of relief lead: make one clear decision today and notice your shoulders drop. Rebuild with a concrete move—opt out (“Not this year”), leave early (“I can stay 45 minutes”), or tap-in an ally (someone who runs interference or signals the exit). Then step it onto the calendar: add start/exit times or your ally’s name and plan in the event notes so Future-You doesn’t have to negotiate in the moment.Choose-your-energy menu:Hollow (low): Remove one non-essential event this week.Healing (medium): Add an exit time to one commitment and text your ally.Becoming (higher): Add pacing notes to three upcoming events (opt out / leave early / ally + signal).To end today:Grief after suicide rarely fits the calendar the world hands you. Pacing isn’t selfish; it’s survival planning for a heart that’s still rebuilding. When you opt out, leave early, or bring an ally, you’re not disrespecting tradition—you’re refusing to sacrifice yourself to it. Your capacity will change week to week; let your plans change with it. The people who love you can handle clarity, and the ones who can’t are telling you something useful. There is no prize for white-knuckling through an event that costs you three days of recovery. Choose the version of participation that lets you wake up tomorrow with a little more breath than today. Exhale. Keep what serves you; leave the rest. I’ll be here again tomorrow. 💜Support the show__________________________________________________________________________ Get THE Leftover Pieces APP & don't miss anything! CLICK HERE 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support central for grieving hearts. 🔗 Stay connected: Join my free email community for weekly check-ins, resources, and encouragement. 🌟 For moms: Explore the $9 Lighthouse Community — safe connection, tools, and hope. 🛠 Resources for all grievers: Start here. 🤝 One-on-one grief coaching for moms after child loss to suicide: Learn more here. 📞 Need help now? If you or someone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts, dial 988 in the U.S. & Canada, or text HOME to 741741.

Get THE Leftover Pieces APP & don't miss anything! CLICK HERE TODAY -- When grief spikes—anniversaries, rooms that hold their echo—having a beginning and an ending lets your body know you’re not trapped inside the moment.Journal prompt: “My threshold ritual will be…”Hard moments deserve structure. Begin with a flicker that signals you’re entering on purpose—touch a photo or step outside and name the sky. Move into rebuild with a simple be-in-it container: time-box twenty minutes, breathe a long exhale on the minute, keep a touchstone in your hand. Then step out with a deliberate close: blow out the candle, wash hands or face, step outside and say, “I’m done for today.” Rehearse the three beats once on something smaller (scrolling photos, one phone call) so your body recognizes the exits when it counts.Choose-your-energy menu:Hollow (low): Do only the Close after a hard moment—wash hands, step outside, say “I’m done for today.”Healing (medium): Use Open + Close around one task (light candle → do the thing → blow it out).Becoming (higher): Run all three beats on a planned event; set a timer and jot one line afterward about what helped.To end today: Thresholds aren’t superstition; they’re trauma-aware choreography. When suicide loss surges, your body loses track of time—starts feel like ambushes and ends feel impossible. A simple open/close tells your nervous system, “There’s a door here.” You get to enter remembering on purpose, be with it for a finite span, and then leave with your dignity intact. If someone doesn’t understand why you wash your hands after scrolling or blow out a candle after a hard conversation, that’s fine—the ritual isn’t for them. It’s a breadcrumb trail for you, a way to keep love close without letting pain run the whole house. Practice on small moments now so, on the big ones, your feet already know the way out. Exhale. Keep what serves you; leave the rest. I’ll be here again tomorrow. 💜Support the show__________________________________________________________________________ Get THE Leftover Pieces APP & don't miss anything! CLICK HERE 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support central for grieving hearts. 🔗 Stay connected: Join my free email community for weekly check-ins, resources, and encouragement. 🌟 For moms: Explore the $9 Lighthouse Community — safe connection, tools, and hope. 🛠 Resources for all grievers: Start here. 🤝 One-on-one grief coaching for moms after child loss to suicide: Learn more here. 📞 Need help now? If you or someone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts, dial 988 in the U.S. & Canada, or text HOME to 741741.

Get THE Leftover Pieces APP & don't miss anything! CLICK HERE TODAY -- No heroics required. A window of light, a seven-minute finish, and a two-sentence check-in can turn a spinning day into a survivable one. Journal prompt: “What I’m keeping from this month is…”Your Personal Flicker–Brick–Step Plan (Rough-Day Ready) On the days when suicide loss surges—the date you didn’t mean to remember, the song that blindsides you, the blame-loop at 2 a.m.—you don’t need pep. You need a plan that can meet the wave.Rough days deserve a plan you can run on muscle memory. Start with a flicker that honors your grief, not erases it: stand by a window, touch their bracelet or photo, say their name and yours. Let that cue your rebuild—one small brick that steadies a body carrying trauma: a 7-minute shower; light a candle and breathe a longer exhale; clear the memorial corner’s surface so it feels gentler to approach; text one survivor-friend “no fixing—just witness?” Then take a step that carries them forward with you: add one line to your witness log about a memory; schedule the support group link for tonight; send a two-sentence check-in to another bereaved parent. This isn’t moving on. It’s moving with.Choose-your-energy menu:Hollow (low): Stand by a window holding their item (or hand on heart). Say, “I miss you, and I’m breathing.” Five long exhales. If tears come, that’s capacity doing its job; you’re done for today.Healing (medium): Do the flicker and one 7–10 minute brick aimed at activation (shower; clear one square; light candle + 3 rounds of 3-3-6 breath). When the timer dings, stop. Drink a full glass of water.Becoming (higher): Run all three: flicker → brick → step that carries forward (add a memory line, send the group RSVP, message a survivor ally for a 10-minute call). Save a pinned note titled “Rough-Day Plan: name • candle • 7-min shower • text Jess.”As we end today: Pre-deciding isn’t performative strength; it’s trauma care. A grief-true plan—speak their name, regulate your body, take one carrying-forward step—cuts through shame and gives the wave somewhere to go. Keep the structure, flex the pieces. On the worst days, being held by three simple moves is courage.Exhale. Keep what serves you; leave the rest. I’ll be here again tomorrow. 💜Support the show__________________________________________________________________________ Get THE Leftover Pieces APP & don't miss anything! CLICK HERE 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support central for grieving hearts. 🔗 Stay connected: Join my free email community for weekly check-ins, resources, and encouragement. 🌟 For moms: Explore the $9 Lighthouse Community — safe connection, tools, and hope. 🛠 Resources for all grievers: Start here. 🤝 One-on-one grief coaching for moms after child loss to suicide: Learn more here. 📞 Need help now? If you or someone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts, dial 988 in the U.S. & Canada, or text HOME to 741741.

You don’t need a five-year plan; one clear next action can steady the day in life after suicide loss. Journal prompt:  “When I picture myself exhaling tomorrow, the action that gets me there is…” What we mean by a “one-inch plan” (so we’re clear): A one-inch plan is small, specific, and scheduled—just enough structure to steady tomorrow without overwhelming today. Examples:Admin inch: “Print the form and put it by the door at 7:30 a.m.”Body inch: “Walk to the mailbox at 3:00 p.m., phone off.”Connection inch: “Text Sam at noon: ‘Thinking of you—no need to respond.’” Keep it to one action, one support, one time. If it takes more than 10 minutes to explain, it’s not one inch.A Flicker (Hope) — Clarity calms A single next action can quiet the swirl. Keep that quiet.To Rebuild (Healing) — The 1-1-1 plan 1 task: one thing you’ll finish tomorrow. 1 support: one person/tool that helps. 1 time: a start time on your calendar (even 10 minutes).Take a Step (Becoming) — Prep a breadcrumb Lay out one item you’ll need (document, clothes, water bottle) where you’ll see it. Future-you will thank you.Choose-your-energy menu:Hollow (low): Hollow — Write your 1-1-1 in notes. Stop there.Healing (medium): Healing — Put the start time on your calendar and set one reminder.Becoming (higher): Becoming — Add 1-1-1 blocks for the next three days.Food for Thought Today: Panic feeds on vagueness. One clear inch is often enough to move—then you plan the next inch from a steadier place. Progress, not pressure.Exhale. Keep what serves you; leave the rest. I’ll be here again tomorrow. 💜Support the show__________________________________________________________________________ Get THE Leftover Pieces APP & don't miss anything! CLICK HERE 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support central for grieving hearts. 🔗 Stay connected: Join my free email community for weekly check-ins, resources, and encouragement. 🌟 For moms: Explore the $9 Lighthouse Community — safe connection, tools, and hope. 🛠 Resources for all grievers: Start here. 🤝 One-on-one grief coaching for moms after child loss to suicide: Learn more here. 📞 Need help now? If you or someone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts, dial 988 in the U.S. & Canada, or text HOME to 741741.

Meaning is a companion, not a cure; a small act of service or creation makes room for both love and ache in grief after suicide. Journal prompt: “A value I still trust—and one 10-minute way to live it…”What we mean by “meaning that doesn’t erase pain” (so we’re clear): Meaning isn’t a cure or a performance. It’s a small, honest act that lets love move alongside ache. Examples:Service: sending a resource to someone struggling; leaving water/snacks for tomorrow-you; holding a door on a hard day.Art: four lines of writing, a quick sketch, a photo of something true—not pretty, true.Legacy: speaking their name, lighting a candle before dinner, adding one memory to your witness log. Keep it 10 minutes or less, tied to a value you still trust (kindness, truth, presence, creativity, service).A Flicker (Hope) — A purposeful minute Folding one kindness into the day can warm the edges. Keep the warmth.To Rebuild (Healing) — Pick one lane (≤10 minutes) Service: share a resource, hold a door, donate $1, check on a neighbor. Art: write four lines, sketch one object, snap a photo that feels true. Legacy: speak their name, light a candle, note one memory in your “witness log.”Take a Step (Becoming) — Name why it matters Finish the sentence: “This act honors [value/them/me] because [reason].” Say it out loud; then do the act.Choose-your-energy menu:Hollow (low): Hollow — Light a candle or speak their name once.Healing (medium): Healing — Do one 10-minute act in service, art, or legacy.Becoming (higher): Becoming — Schedule this act 2–3 times this week.Food for Thought Today: Meaning isn’t a verdict that you’re “better.” It’s a humble way to carry what hurts while letting your love move somewhere tangible. The act is small on purpose; the point is movement, not proof.Exhale. Keep what serves you; leave the rest. I’ll be here again tomorrow. 💜Support the show__________________________________________________________________________ Get THE Leftover Pieces APP & don't miss anything! CLICK HERE 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support central for grieving hearts. 🔗 Stay connected: Join my free email community for weekly check-ins, resources, and encouragement. 🌟 For moms: Explore the $9 Lighthouse Community — safe connection, tools, and hope. 🛠 Resources for all grievers: Start here. 🤝 One-on-one grief coaching for moms after child loss to suicide: Learn more here. 📞 Need help now? If you or someone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts, dial 988 in the U.S. & Canada, or text HOME to 741741.

Belonging doesn’t need a crowd; one steady person or tiny space can hold you as you are after suicide loss.Journal prompt: “The kind of space where I breathe easier is… and one way I’ll find/ask for it is…”What we mean by “tiny space” (so we’re clear): A tiny space is low-pressure, consent-based, and specific—a container that fits your current capacity. Examples:One-to-one check-in: 20 minutes, cameras off, “no fixing—just listening.”Micro-circle: 2–4 people with a start/stop time and one norm (no advice, confidentiality).Quiet co-presence: a phone call while you both walk; sitting together in silence; texting during a hard appointment. Name where, how long, and what it is/not. Small and clear beats big and vague.A Flicker (Hope) — One steady person A single safe presence can change a room. Notice how your breath shifts when you’re with them.To Rebuild (Healing) — Choose your container Find: a grief-savvy meetup, online circle, or support group. Pair: weekly 10–20 minute check-ins with one steady person. Host: a 30-minute “quiet tea” or walk with simple norms.Take a Step (Becoming) — Make the micro-ask Send one message: “Want to try a 20-minute check-in on Tuesdays? No fixing—just company.” Or: “Quiet tea Sunday? 30 minutes, arrive/leave as you need.”Choose-your-energy menu:Hollow (low): Hollow — List two names of steady people. That’s it.Healing (medium): Healing — Send one check-in invite with a simple time window.Becoming (higher): Becoming — Post or schedule a tiny gathering with clear, gentle norms.Food for Thought Today: Community isn’t a rescue; it’s resonance. When your truth is witnessed without rush or advice, capacity returns—and with it, room to become.Exhale. Keep what serves you; leave the rest. I’ll be here again tomorrow. 💜Support the show__________________________________________________________________________ Get THE Leftover Pieces APP & don't miss anything! CLICK HERE 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support central for grieving hearts. 🔗 Stay connected: Join my free email community for weekly check-ins, resources, and encouragement. 🌟 For moms: Explore the $9 Lighthouse Community — safe connection, tools, and hope. 🛠 Resources for all grievers: Start here. 🤝 One-on-one grief coaching for moms after child loss to suicide: Learn more here. 📞 Need help now? If you or someone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts, dial 988 in the U.S. & Canada, or text HOME to 741741.

Big days don’t require big performances; choose your size—opt out, scale down, or re-script—to protect your energy in suicide bereavement.Journal prompt: “For my next tender date, I’ll protect my energy by… (opt out / scale down / re-script) because…”What “choose your size” means (so we’re clear): You get to set the size of participation to match your capacity.Opt out = skip entirely this year. Example: don’t attend the gathering; plan a quiet walk + candle at home instead.Scale down = attend smaller/shorter/softer. Example: 20 minutes max, sit near an exit, sunglasses/earbuds, two people only.Re-script = change the who/when/where/ritual. Example: breakfast instead of evening, meet outdoors, write a note to them and leave early with an ally. Pair your choice with one ally, one exit signal, and one regulation (long exhale, step outside). Permission beats pressure.A Flicker (Hope) — Choice lowers dread Naming your option ahead of time softens the day. Relief is data—keep it.To Rebuild (Healing) — Pick one path Opt out: “Not this year.” Scale down: “Shorter, quieter, fewer people.” Re-script: “Different place, different time, different ritual.”Take a Step (Becoming) — Make it specific Write one sentence: “On [date] I will [opt out/scale down/re-script] by [what].” Add an ally + exit cue: “[Name] will text me at [time]; I’ll leave when I squeeze their hand.”Choose-your-energy menu:Hollow (low): Hollow — Choose your path and jot it in notes. One line.Healing (medium): Healing — Set one logistics step (time/location/message) and a regulation plan.Becoming (higher): Becoming — Invite a helper/witness and send the plan today.Food for Thought Today: Honoring the day doesn’t mean reenacting pain. Permission is protective: you’re allowed to design something your body can survive—and even, gently, feel held inside. Capacity changes; your choices can, too.Exhale. Keep what serves you; leave the rest. I’ll be here again tomorrow. 💜Support the show__________________________________________________________________________ Get THE Leftover Pieces APP & don't miss anything! CLICK HERE 💜 The Leftover Pieces is support central for grieving hearts. 🔗 Stay connected: Join my free email community for weekly check-ins, resources, and encouragement. 🌟 For moms: Explore the $9 Lighthouse Community — safe connection, tools, and hope. 🛠 Resources for all grievers: Start here. 🤝 One-on-one grief coaching for moms after child loss to suicide: Learn more here. 📞 Need help now? If you or someone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts, dial 988 in the U.S. & Canada, or text HOME to 741741.