#131 - Working Hard on Your Marriage but Not Seeing Results? 3 Biblical Lessons for When You’re Discouraged

You may or may not have noticed there wasn’t a new episode last week. Maybe you’ve been around long enough to know I haven’t missed a week in over 2.5 years, really, 3 years at least if you count the FB lives I did each Saturday before the podcast came along. There’s been a shift in my heart, and I wanna talk about that today and what that means for The Jar Podcast, for you, and for me. Resources mentioned by Dr. Carol: Sexpectations course: Learn how to address your sexual story with honesty and compassion and write the next chapter with hope. Having the Sex Talk with Your Spouse Find a local Re|engage group near you! Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a ⁠SpeakPipe⁠ question! --> Join the ⁠Christian Wife and Marriage ⁠Facebook community

I don’t think anybody goes through a painful experience in their life and thinks, “Wow, this is a good thing I”m going through right now” or “Wow, this pain is really serving a purpose.”  I don’t think that perspective is often a first instinct, but it doesn’t mean that the pain that you’re going through right now in your marriage or in your heart is for no reason. In fact, pain can be a gift that we can actually use to start healing. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Have you felt like you’ve worked really hard to be a good wife? You take care of all the things.  You keep up the house.  You read marriage books. You listen to podcasts. You check the boxes and set more goals. But you feel like all your hard work is for nothing, like a deficit or you've overdrawn your relationship bank account. And it’s left you feeling pretty discouraged…  Piggy backing off of last week’s episode about how to cultivate contentment, this episode will get a little bit deeper, to more of the the root behind WHY there may be discontentment and offer 3 biblical lessons to apply to your marriage and battle your discouragement. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a ⁠SpeakPipe⁠ question! --> Join the ⁠Christian Wife and Marriage ⁠Facebook community

Last week I went mountain biking for the first time. I was visiting my boss for a midyear work retreat and after a full morning of working, we put the bikes on the back of the car and headed to the trail. In between some iffy moments, some bumps and scrapes and pauses to catch our breath, she’d say at every sharp turn or near any ledge “where you look is where you steer, so look ahead, not right in front of you.”Which got me thinking… where is your focus in your marriage and where is it steering you? When things get rocky or steep, sometimes it’s easy to focus on each obstacle, get discouraged by each slip, get impatient when you have to slow down, wish you were already to the downhill portion. Discontentment can begin to creep in and skew the beauty around us. It’s hard to be content when things are precarious, when circumstances or behaviors are disruptive, or our relationships are rocky. But it’s possible. Here are 4 ways to cultivate contentment in your marriage. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Some call it sassy. Some say it’s strong-willed. Others call it normal. When a wife purses her lips and puts her hands on her hips and corrects, finger shakes, eye-rolls, bites back with a comeback, or gives “the look.” The husband appeases, sits back, gives in, or avoids. She throws her hands up and exasperation.  Society can take this behavior and even create comedy routines out of it. Social media pokes fun with Reels and calls it #relatable. But is it excusable? If something is so normal… is it wrong? Don’t all wives get upset, get a little snippy, or sassy?  How’s that workin' for you, friend? Are these attitudes and angry moments making your marriage stronger? Are you ok with your words, thoughts, and actions in those moments or do you often feel guilty or wish you knew a better way to communicate?  Take a deep breath– let’s talk about where your anger’s really coming from, understand it, and then learn how to regulate your emotions so you can calmly communicate with your husband. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Does Your Husband Expect Sex Even When You Don’t Want It? Have you experienced trauma in you past that makes intimacy difficult for you? You want him to feel fulfilled but you just don’t enjoy it? You WANT this area of your marriage to be healthy, strong and comfortable, but there’s a lot to unpack. You WANT to open up to your husband about it, but you also don’t want to make him feel bad… plus, it’s just plain embarrassing sometimes! Whether it’s a phase of life, low libido, damage or baggage from past relationships, or your own past sin, this is NOT what you expected for your sex life in marriage. Whether you’re an exhausted mom of littles just trying to make it to bedtime with nothing left over, a newlywed just trying to figure this out, or a busy mom of teens chauffering everyone all over the place and managing all the schedules… this is for you. Let’s hear from Dr. Carol Tanksley today on this one super important factor that can lead to healing and a healthier intimacy with your husband.  Resources mentioned by Dr. Carol: Sexpectations course: Learn how to address your sexual story with honesty and compassion and write the next chapter with hope. Having the Sex Talk with Your Spouse Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a ⁠SpeakPipe⁠ question! --> Join the ⁠Christian Wife and Marriage ⁠Facebook community

You think you’ve gotten away with it… maybe he didn’t notice how you side-skirted the truth. He was so focused on getting his point across that he ignored the eye roll you just gave him. Man, he sure gets angry. Did you hear what he said?! He knows his actions were hurtful but he keeps doing them! You walk away from the conversation and around the house the rest of the day quietly fuming about what he did wrong. But girl, aren’t you tired of your own reactions? Aren’t you sick of your outbursts or your attitude? Caught in a cycle of pitting your sins against his and keeping tabs on who’s better? You keep a running list and his is pages long, while yours could apparently fit on a post-it note. Last week we talked about how to make an effective apology, and today’s topic is along the same lines, but perhaps even a precursor to making an apology or… an apology at a deeper level, on a broader scale. This goes beyond the in-the-moment or minor mistakes or mean words to say you’re sorry for, but zooms out a bit to an overall view of the issue really going on… and spoiler alert: the record shows the score’s a little closer than you might’ve thought.  But this ONE thing we’re talking about today will help you begin to put an end to or slow down the tit-for-tat, the record-keeping, finger-pointing, and blaming. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

You and your husband have just been fighting or you did or said something that was unkind. Maybe you’re keeping something from him. Either way, you’re feeling the tension, the space between you, and the guilt is getting heavy. You know you need to apologize. You think you understand your part in the conflict. You’re willing to take ownership, and you recognize the wrong on your end.  You want to say you’re sorry and get rid of the weight of the guilt and work toward a resolution… but you’re nervous. You’re scared to apologize. You’re worried about feeling rejected by your husband and maybe a little embarrassed. You’re not sure he’ll forgive you and actually, HE needs to apologize too!  Today we’re gonna talk about 3 steps you can take to make an effective apology, from a place of strength instead of shame. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community

Is your marriage unprotected and at risk for the enemy to attack? Or your own sin causing damage or destruction from the inside out? How do you fight back? I know you want to feel safe. I know you want your marriage to be healed, your heart to be whole, and for restoration to be possible. Today we’re countering the 4 dangers I mentioned last week with 4 ways to protect and safeguard your marriage from destruction. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a ⁠SpeakPipe⁠ question! --> Join the ⁠Christian Wife and Marriage ⁠Facebook community

I’m guessing you probably lock your front door at night, right? Do you lock your car when you park at the store? Maybe you don’t struggle with thoughts like “I better not sit with my back to the door” or “What’s the plan if there’s an intruder or a mass shooter” like I do, but I’m sure in today’s society it’s a bit more prevalent than it was even 3 years ago. You’re on guard. You’re more vigilant. You’re even leary and skeptical, at best: you’re prepared and on high alert, ready for anything. What about in your marriage? Are you just as protective of it as you are your house? Do you have a routine and habits in place to safeguard it, “locking doors” relationally as you do physically?You might be able to list a few dangers you know you could recognize quickly… but are you aware of both internal and external threats? I know you want to protect your marriage from things that could destroy it or tear it apart. I can tell you these are 4 dangers I wish I would’ve been more aware of before they wrecked mine… and they might be causing damage to yours right now. Loads of Love, Lydia --> FOLLOW so you don't miss a show! --> Leave a 5-star rating & written review --> Leave me a SpeakPipe question! --> Join the Christian Wife and Marriage Facebook community