The Grumpies' Heard Island Edition: a risky America, determined penguins - & Australians see nothing happening.

This is the audio only version of the Grumpies' first video podcast. The full version is available on YouTube here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=le9t8gRT380

The Grumpy Strategists visit Trump tariffs' Ground Zero on Heard Island. While President Trump's shifting global moves are creating uncertainty about working with America, the good news is that Australian strategists & planners must have got everything about our world now right years ago, judging by the unchanging nature of Defence plans & budgets since the 2016 White Paper. The Grumpies end by noticing that the AUKUS subs will cost $500bn more than the cancelled French program, Xi Jinping's purges continue - & 5% GDP on defence is the new normal. No changes here.

Grumpy Strategist Marcus Hellyer talks with co-founder Peter Jennings in SAA's secure bunker deep in the Brindabella ranges. They discuss the puzzle of the Canberra consensus that Australia is in a much more dangerous world, sitting alongside the fact that Australia's government and its security agencies are then taking no useful steps to strengthen our security. Instead, Australia is stuck with a plan to create a small, perfectly formed Australian military - the Fantasy Force - sometime in the 2040s, to plug seamlessly into an American force structure - while not knowing if America even wants such a thing...They set out practical ways Australia's military can be strengthened over the next 1, 3 and 5 years.

Marcus and Michael explore the Government's confused position on disaster relief and the military. They assess the nuances in wombat-based pushback on US policies & set out the merits of the Government's emerging masterplan for tariff immunity. They outline various 'Plan B's for dealing with an unreliable or a more demanding America, canvass F-35 kill switches and the likely path for Defence in the March Budget.

Like Run DMC & Aerosmith's "Walk This Way" collaboration, except on.....defence stuff....Marcus & Michael join the AustDefMagazine crew to assess Defence officials' patient explanations of why everything they touch takes 10 years, minimum. Marcus reveals his previous career in standover work & organised crime as we assess Trump 2.0 6 weeks in. And we look at AUKUS' health and reason for living in the new world.With thanks to Pres Trump & the 3 PLA warships for highlighting the urgency of increasing Australia's military power quickly.

Recorded at the 2025 Australian Defence Magazine Congress, the Grumpies look at the world & ask so what? Oz is facing a national crisis due to events in the US, with Russia & Europe, & given disturbing scenarios for next steps here in the Indo Pacific. Damage to fundamental underpinnings of the decades long AUKUS project & the core of the Oz-US alliance are serious enough that alternative measures like hedging with others & increasing our own capacity are essential. But bipartisanship on Defence won't help - nor will throwing more cash at the broken department

The Grumpy Strategists apply science to the Australian government's early engagement with the Trump Administration. Insights from prey species threatened by a predator help. They look at Japan's approach to hedging against US risks and how this connects to the new frigate program & Australia. The episode ends going through the numbers on US Navy missile use in the Red Sea, and celebrating the ridiculous - ludicrous even - success that the latest numbers from Defence on exports indicate.

Marcus and Michael are back after a luxurious break to assess what Joe Biden ever did for us, what Trump 2.0 looks like as the rollercoaster starts, and what the unsleeping Australian Govt elves got up to over the Christmas period (these elves seem to be Bad Santa's little helpers). & we cover the Varghese review's approach to anyone providing alternative ideas to Canberra's Public Service mandarins - they'll be looked after as well as the Soviets cared for the Czar's children.

In Episode 30, Marcus and Michael look at what the numbers in Defence's Annual Report tell us about Defence's 'fasttracked' work on missiles, helicopters & ships. The numbers show systemic underachievement, not the generational, transformational change we hear so often from ministers & officials. Parents would be very unhappy with this report on their Defence child. But Houthi progress is impressive, as is the historic growth in senior Defence positions.

The Grumpy Strategists answer the call from Australia's Embassy in Washington. They search for meaning in Defence's new religious texts - the Strategic Review and Defence Strategy - amongst the snowstorm of other reviews, strategies & plans. The new Workforce Plan gets a makeover - it's now beige. A Senate Estimates satellite highlight gets airtime, while the Chief of Navy and Deputy Prime Minister Marles show their mettle.