146. 9 Signs You're Building a Healthy Relationship (What Healthy Love Actually Feels Like)

Send Gemma a messageHow can you tell whether someone you're dating is genuinely emotionally mature?In this episode of Healing for Love, I share three important things to pay attention to in the early stages of a relationship, particularly if you've previously been involved with narcissistic, controlling or emotionally unavailable partners.Emotional maturity often reveals itself in ordinary, everyday interactions, especially when things don't go exactly as someone would like.In this episode, I explore:How your new partner responds when you have a different opinion, preference or perspective.What happens when you say no, set a boundary or disappoint them.How they respond when you express hurt, disappointment or give reasonable feedback.Why defensiveness, sulking and guilt-inducing behaviour can be important early warning signs.How your own schemas, particularly Subjugation and Self-Sacrifice, can influence whether you recognise and act on these signs.I also share the experience of a former client who noticed an important warning sign early in a relationship that later became deeply controlling.The goal is to become more aware of these patterns, trust your observations and make relationship decisions that genuinely serve your wellbeing.Work with meIf you're ready to break longstanding relationship patterns and develop a healthier Love Template, join the priority list for my next Love Wisely Group Coaching Programme, starting in February (link below)You can also explore my Love Wisely self-study course or work with me through 1:1 Schema and Relationship Coaching.Have a question or something you'd like me to discuss? Use the Send Gemma a Message button in the show notes. I'd love to hear from you.Support the show🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageHave you ever found yourself giving more and more to someone, hoping that eventually they'll realise how much you mean to them and want a relationship with you?In this episode of Healing for Love, I'm responding to a listener who shares her painful experience of a situationship following the end of a long marriage marked by controlling and abusive behaviour.Despite recognising that this new man was emotionally unavailable, dismissive of her needs and unwilling to offer a committed relationship, she continued to invest in him, hoping that if she loved and helped him enough, things would change.When the relationship ended, she was left struggling with feelings of inadequacy, rejection and being unwanted.In this episode, I explore:Why we can recognise that someone isn't good for us and still feel devastated when they reject us.How childhood experiences of emotional dismissal and conditional acceptance can shape our adult relationships.The role of the Defectiveness, Abandonment, Emotional Deprivation and Self-Sacrifice Schemas.Why some women feel they need to earn love by giving, helping and accommodating.How old relationship patterns can keep us attached to emotionally unavailable partners.Why another person's inability or unwillingness to love you is not a measure of your worth.I also discuss the importance of recognising the different parts of ourselves that become activated in relationships, and why understanding your Love Template is such an important part of breaking recurring patterns.Love Wisely - Self-Study CourseIf you're ready to understand your schemas, break unhealthy relationship patterns and rewrite your Love Template, explore my self-study course, Love Wisely.There's a special offer for podcast listeners throughout October (see link below).Support the show🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageDo you find yourself worrying about what other people think of you? Do you feel particularly sensitive to criticism, or find that your self-worth depends on whether others like, approve of or admire you?In this episode of Healing for Love, I'm sharing a lesson from my Love Wisely course exploring the Approval-Seeking Schema, also known as the Recognition-Seeking Schema.We look at how this schema develops, particularly through childhood experiences of conditional approval, and how it can influence your self-esteem, relationships, dating choices and sense of identity.In this episode, you'll learn:What the Approval-Seeking Schema is and how it develops.Why your self-worth may fluctuate depending on other people's opinions.Common signs and triggers of approval-seeking, including sensitivity to criticism, comparison and the need to impress.How approval-seeking can influence dating, attraction and the partners you choose.The important differences between approval-seeking, self-sacrifice and subjugation.How to begin shifting your focus from external validation towards your own authentic needs, values and preferences.Wanting to be liked is perfectly normal. The difficulty arises when other people's approval becomes the measure of your worth, and you begin losing touch with what you genuinely want.Support the show🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageWhat if you can see your relationship patterns clearly, but still can't seem to change them?In this episode of Healing for Love, I'm answering a listener question from a woman who recognises some of her schemas and can see what happens to her in relationships, particularly when she freezes and loses her voice during difficult interactions.Her bigger question is one I hear often:Is it actually possible for me to learn new relationship patterns, or am I destined to keep repeating the same ones?I begin the episode by sharing a beautiful update from a former client who once struggled with a strong abandonment schema and painful relationship patterns, but is now in a secure, loving relationship and has recently become a mother.Her story is an important reminder that our schemas can have a powerful influence on our relationships, but they do not have to determine our future.In this episode, I explore:Why recognising your schemas and relationship patterns is an important first step, but insight alone may not be enough to change themWhy you might freeze or lose your voice when confronted by someone who feels dominant, critical or intimidatingThe role of the subjugation schema in the freeze responseWhy we can automatically assume we're the one who has done something wrongHow abandonment, defectiveness, emotional deprivation and subjugation schemas can influence what we expect from relationshipsWhy schemas can begin to feel like predictions about our futureHow our schemas can influence our choices and create self-fulfilling relationship patternsWhy repeating a pattern many times doesn't mean you're incapable of changing itHow making the unconscious conscious helps us begin to change our Love TemplateOne of the most important ideas I discuss in this episode is this:Sometimes we start using the schema itself as evidence that the schema is true.If you've experienced painful relationships repeatedly, you might start thinking:"There's something inherently wrong with me.""Relationships never work out for me.""I'm never going to get the love and connection I need.""I can't speak up. That's just who I am."These thoughts can feel incredibly true. But schemas are learned stories and emotional templates. They are not facts about who you are, and they are not predictions of your future.If you've been wondering whether it's really possible to break old relationship patterns and create something different, I hope this episode gives you both insight and hope.Support the show🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message5 hidden love traps keeping you stuck in painful dynamics. Support the show🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageWho did you learn you needed to be in your family growing up?The good girl? The responsible one? The peacekeeper? The child who didn't need very much?The roles we learn in our family of origin can become deeply ingrained, and we can continue playing them long after childhood has ended, particularly in our romantic relationships.In this episode, I explore six common childhood roles I've observed in my work with women, and how these roles can become part of what I call our Love Template, the largely unconscious map that influences who we're drawn to, how we behave in relationships, what we tolerate and the patterns we repeat.I also share an excerpt from one of the lessons inside Love Wisely Foundations, where I take a deeper look at several of these roles and how they can continue playing out in our adult relationships.The important thing to remember is this:You are not the role. You learned the role.And what has been learned can be noticed, understood and gradually changed.Love WiselyMy next Love Wisely group coaching experience begins on 9 September.Over three months, I guide a small group of women through the process of understanding and intentionally rewriting their Love Template, so they can break long-standing relationship patterns and move towards healthier, safer and more fulfilling relationships.Priority enrolment is now opening. See the links in the show notes for more information.Support the show🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageWARNING: This episode contains natural bird songs, twigs breaking & leaves crushing underfoot, the occasional breathlessnes and the distant sound of kids playing in a park 😊 Love Wisely is starting again soon! If you have been waiting for your chance to join me for the next 3-month journey to rewrite you Love Template, sign up below!. What does it really mean for someone to be available for a relationship?In this walking episode, I explore one of the most painful forms of emotional unavailability: becoming attached to someone who is still entangled with another woman.Perhaps he says the marriage is over.Perhaps they still live together “for the children.”Perhaps he promises that once the separation, divorce or living arrangements are resolved, the two of you can finally have a proper relationship.Meanwhile, you are left waiting, hoping and accepting small pieces of connection from someone who is not genuinely free to build a life with you.In this episode, I discuss:The difference between being separated and being truly availableHow promises about the future can keep you emotionally investedWhy intermittent attention and small acts of care can feel so powerfulThe role of abandonment and emotional deprivation schemasWhy an unavailable person can sometimes feel safer than a real relationshipHow implicit recognition draws us towards familiar emotional dynamicsWhy being given crumbs can slowly erode your self-worthThe importance of choosing someone who is emotionally and practically freeI also share a personal experience of becoming emotionally attached to a married and unavailable man, and what that experience helped me understand about my own schemas.If you are waiting for someone’s circumstances to change before they can fully choose you, this episode is an invitation to step back and look honestly at what is being offered to you now.You deserve more than promises, fragments of attention and a place at the edge of someone else’s life.Love WiselyIf you have a recurring pattern of becoming attached to emotionally unavailable, avoidant or narcissistic partners, my Love Wisely group coaching experience begins in September.Inside the program, I guide a small group of women through the process of understanding and intentionally rewriting the unconscious Love Template that has shaped their relationship choices.Join the Love Wisely priority list through the link in the show notes.Support the show🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageMany women tell me they know what an unhealthy relationship feels like but they're much less certain about what a healthy one should feel like.In this episode, I walk you through nine signs that you're building a healthy, emotionally available relationship during the early stages of dating.Rather than focusing on red flags, we explore the aspects that signal emotional safety, healthy attraction and genuine compatibility.In this episode you'll learn:What healthy attraction actually feels likeWhy uncertainty is normal in the early stages of datingThe importance of relationships developing graduallyWhy emotional consistency mattersHow to recognise emotional safetyWhen physical intimacy is most helpful for building a healthy relationshipWhy staying true to yourself is essentialThe role of autonomy, authenticity and emotional availabilityWhy healthy love often feels different from schema-driven chemistryIf you've ever wondered whether a relationship is moving in a healthy direction, this episode will help you better understand what to look for and what healthy love actually feels like.Work With MeLove Wisely Group Coaching – my flagship group coaching experience for women ready to break long-standing relationship patterns and create healthier, more secure relationships.Join the Priority List - we start again in September!!https://www.drgemmagladstone.com/LoveWisely_WaitlstSupport the show🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageSituationships aren't new, but today they have a name.They're often marked by uncertainty, mixed messages, hope, and one person wanting much more than the other.In this episode, I explore five common signs that you're caught in a situationship that's unlikely to become the relationship you're hoping for.More importantly, we look at the psychology behind why so many intelligent women find themselves staying in these painful, ambiguous dynamics.In this episode you'll learn:What defines a situationshipFive signs your situationship is going nowhereWhy uncertainty can become so emotionally consumingHow situationships slowly undermine self-worth and confidenceThe role of abandonment, emotional deprivation and other schemas in keeping women stuckWhy understanding your relationship patterns is the first step towards changing themIf you've ever wondered whether you're holding on to hope rather than evidence, this episode is for you.Free MasterclassWhy Smart Women Override Red Flags in DatingDiscover the 5 hidden Love Traps that keep women stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns.Register via the link in the show notes.Work With MeLove Wisely Foundations – my self-paced online program.Love Wisely – my flagship group coaching experience, designed to help women intentionally rewrite their Love Template and break long-standing relationship patterns.For more information, visit:www.drgemmagladstone.comSupport the show🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageHave you ever wondered why relationships can feel so emotionally intense?Why you find it difficult to leave someone, even when you know they're not right for you?Or why emotionally unavailable partners seem to become a recurring pattern?In this episode, I explore one of the most important psychological patterns I see in my work with women - the abandonment schema (or abandonment wound).Drawing on nearly 30 years of experience in psychology and schema therapy, I explain how early experiences of inconsistency, loss, emotional absence or disrupted attachment can quietly shape our expectations of love, influence who feels familiar, and make it much harder to walk away from relationships that aren't meeting our needs.You'll learn:• What an abandonment schema actually is• How it develops during childhood• Why it often shows up most strongly in romantic relationships• How it influences attraction and partner selection• Why emotionally unavailable relationships can feel strangely familiar• The link between abandonment and overriding red flags• Why this schema can keep you hoping, waiting and staying far longer than is healthy• How understanding your abandonment pattern can become the first step towards creating healthier, more secure relationshipsIf you've ever found yourself repeatedly attracted to emotionally unavailable, avoidant or narcissistic partners, or you've wondered why leaving unhealthy relationships feels so incredibly difficult, this episode will help you understand what's happening beneath the surface.Free MasterclassWhy Smart Women Override Red Flags in DatingDiscover the 5 hidden love traps that keep women stuck in painful relationship patterns.Love Wisely Group CoachingMy flagship coaching program, offered only twice each year, where we work together over three months to intentionally rewrite your Love Template and create healthier relationship patterns.Private CoachingFor women wanting personalised support to understand and change long-standing relationship patterns.ConnectWebsite:www.drgemmagladstone.comInstagram:@drgemmagladstoneIf you enjoyed this episode, I'd really appreciate it if you subscribed, left a review, or shared it with someone who may need to hear it.Support the show🩷LOVE WISELY GROUP - Join the Priority List🎓LOVE WISELY COURSE - $50 off until 31 Oct. Instance access - use Coupon Code: LW50✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide💛 Elevate You Worth - Healing Audio Bundle (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY Connect with Me 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here