124. Narcissism Explained: What to Watch For in Relationships

Send Gemma a messageWhat limerence really is, why it hooks into our deepest unmet needs and how to gently unhook using a schema-therapy lens.In Part 2, Gemma explores limerence as a preoccupying, often intoxicating state that’s fueled by unmet needs - with abandonment and emotional deprivation schemas usually at the core. She explains why the brain’s reward systems (hello, dopamine) and a quieted prefrontal cortex can hijack rationality, making red flags easy to miss. You’ll learn practical, compassionate ways to reduce rumination, interrupt mental loops and begin reparenting the vulnerable parts that long for consistent care. Gemma also speaks to when limerence turns into a relationship (and why those tend to be high “schema chemistry”) and offers realistic hope for moving toward grounded, secure love.Key takeawaysLimerence = unmet needs + brain rewards. It’s human, common, and often temporary; shame isn’t helpful.Schemas under the hood: Abandonment (primary) and emotional deprivation are frequent drivers; attachment style can be a clue, but schemas give the nuance.“Schema chemistry” alert: Relationships born from intense limerence often trigger old wounds on both sides.Stop feeding the loop: Reduce cues (no social stalking, no photo scrolling). Notice → name → turn your mind.Circuit breakers that help: Mindfulness, imagery/rumination interruption, exercise, novelty/learning, supportive people, flow-state activities.Reparenting matters: Daily, gentle practices to meet needs consistently will dilute schemas over time.When to get help: If limerence becomes distressing, incapacitating or escalates into harmful behaviours, seek professional support.Practical steps you can tryName it: “This is the limerence loop.”Reduce reinforcement: Unfollow/mute; remove reminders.Shift attention: Choose a grounding task (walk, call a friend, learn something new).Reparenting micro-rituals: Daily check-ins with your vulnerable part; write a brief caring letter to yourself.Track triggers: Note what sparks rumination and plan alternatives.Therapeutic support: Look for schema-informed, experiential work.Mentioned in this episodeCoaching spaces now open with Gemma (limited).Love Wisely group coaching: next intake planned for late Feb '26 (waitlist in links).Reviews really help. Please rate on your podcast app.Contact: [email protected] the show🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight 🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26 💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle Connect with Me 📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone 📧 Email: [email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags!!Get instant access to the online course: Access now 🌻 Support the PodcastLove the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight  🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing BundleIf you’ve ever been mentally and emotionally stuck on someone - checking for “signs,” fantasising a future and riding waves of hope and anxiety, then you may have experienced limerence.  In Part 1, Gemma explains what limerence is (and isn’t), why uncertainty and fantasy make it so sticky and why the real issue isn’t the person (the “limerent object”) but your unmet emotional needs.  You’ll also hear where the concept came from and why it’s often confused with attachment or “true love.”In this episode, you’ll learnA plain-English definition of limerence and how it differs from attraction or loveThe two core fuels: uncertainty and intermittent reward (via fantasies and mixed signals)How imagery, rumination, and dopamine loops keep the crush aliveWhy limerence can last months or years and why it often doesn’t lead to healthy, secure relationshipsThe link with schemas and unmet needs (preview for Part 2)Gentle first steps to reduce the hijack (without shaming yourself)Key takeawaysLimerence is an internal state - more about your needs than about them.Fantasy offers temporary relief but reinforces the loop.Clarity ends limerence (rejection, genuine mutuality, or transferring the preoccupation) - but self-understanding is what prevents the next loop.Try this (starter steps)Notice and name: “This is limerence, not reality.”Pause the imagery: limit cues, put boundaries around fantasising/daydreaming.Reality-check: list what you actually know vs what you’re imagining.Re-invest in life: micro-wins, movement, sleep, friend time, creative focus.Journal prompt: “What core need am I trying to meet through this fantasy (safety, worth, belonging, soothing)? How else can I meet it today?”Teaser for Part 2 How schemas (abandonment, emotional deprivation, defectiveness, approval-seeking) wire us for limerence and a step-by-step plan to unwind it, rebuild self-trust, and stop repeating the pattern.Resources mentionedThe early research on limerence (originating in the late 20th century)Attachment theory (context), schema therapy (deeper lens)Support the show🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight 🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26 💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle Connect with Me 📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone 📧 Email: [email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags!!Get instant access to the online course: Access now 🌻 Support the PodcastLove the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message A listener asks: “What exactly is narcissism and how can I tell if I’m dating someone with narcissistic traits?” In this episode, Gemma breaks narcissism down into plain English. You’ll learn why it’s best understood as a personality style on a spectrum, how narcissistic coping modes show up through self-absorption and poor tolerance for your subjectivity and the concrete signs to look for in the early dating stage. We also cover boundaries, reciprocity and practical ways to tune into - and trust - your internal radar.What you’ll learnNarcissism 101: spectrum vs diagnosed NPD; why “narcissistic modes” matterThe central feature: self-absorption (and why it erodes empathy & reciprocity)Early dating indicators: shallow interest, interrupting, image obsession, contempt/arrogance, running down exes, boundary-pushingReality-checks for boundaries & differences: how they handle “no,” cancellations and disagreementWhy narcissistic dynamics chip away at self-worth and how to protect yoursA calm process for getting to know someone across contexts (and why to go slow)Try this - self-check prompts on a dateDo I feel seen, heard and not rushed?Can I say “no” or disagree without payback or sulking?Is attention reciprocal over time (not just in bursts)?Do their words match behaviour when it costs them something?Resources & linksDownload: Dating With Insight - After-Date Reflection Guide (free)Join the Love Wisely priority list for the next roundAsk Gemma a question for the podcast: [email protected] this helped, please leave a review on your podcast app - it really supports the show.Support the show🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight 🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26 💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle Connect with Me 📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone 📧 Email: [email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags!!Get instant access to the online course: Access now 🌻 Support the PodcastLove the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageEnrollments are Open, Doors Close Wednesday 17th 11:59PM (AEST)In this short bonus episode, I’m giving you a clear picture of what’s inside my 12-week group coaching program, Love Wisely, which begins Wednesday, September 24th.This program is for women who are ready to break free from old relationship patterns - especially the pull toward emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners and finally rewrite their Love Template so they can choose relationships that feel safe, secure, and deeply fulfilling.Here’s what you’ll receive inside Love Wisely: ✨ Weekly 2-hour live group coaching calls (recorded if you can’t make it live). ✨ A private online portal with foundational schema lessons, guided worksheets, and meditations. ✨ A private Facebook group, a safe space for encouragement, connection, and support. ✨ Two powerful bonuses: the Healing Your Inner Child mini-course and the Elevate Your Worth audio lesson & self-hypnosis recording. ✨ A special follow-up session in February to help you stay focused, integrate what you’ve learned and start the new year grounded and clear. ✨ And for the first five women who enroll, a complimentary 75-minute 1:1 coaching session with me.Most importantly, Love Wisely is heart-centred. It’s designed to meet you exactly where you are. Whether you’re dating, taking a break, or feeling disillusioned, you’ll feel nurtured, supported and guided every step of the way.We begin September 24th and finish on December 17th - the perfect time to complete the program before the holiday season and walk into the new year with clarity, confidence, hope and a plan!👉 Doors close Wednesday, September 17th at midnight. Enrolment details are in the show notes.Support the show🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight 🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26 💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle Connect with Me 📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone 📧 Email: [email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags!!Get instant access to the online course: Access now 🌻 Support the PodcastLove the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageGemma answers the most common questions she’s received about Love Wisely and widens the lens to address the deeper fears and limiting beliefs that stop women from changing their relationship patterns. You’ll learn how schemas (like abandonment, emotional deprivation, defectiveness/shame, subjugation, approval-seeking and unrelenting standards) quietly shape attraction, tolerance, and your choices and what it looks like to shift from fear-driven decisions to wise, Healthy Adult decisions.What You’ll LearnWhy “I want love” is not neediness and why there’s no shame in wanting a partner, the goal is a good partner.5 fears that keep you stuck (and the schemas beneath them):“What if I can’t change?” → defectiveness, hopelessness; how willingness and skills create traction.“What if I’m behind everyone else?” → inner critic, comparison traps; using the paradoxical theory of change (accept where you are to move forward).“I’ve tried before and it didn’t work.” → learned helplessness; why the right framework goes deeper than tips.“Maybe I’m not meant to find love.” → self-fulfilling prophecy; moving from fate to agency and changing actions that drive outcomes.“There’s no one for me / no one could love me as I am.” → defectiveness/shame; how this belief warps dating behaviour and tolerance for crumbs.Rewriting your Love Template: bringing unconscious maps into the light, strengthening your Healthy Adult, and re-parenting vulnerable parts so they’re not making dating decisions.A hopeful reframe: your beliefs are learned, not destiny and learned beliefs can be unlearned.Key Ideas & TakeawaysLimiting beliefs are echoes of the past, not predictions of your future.Compare yourself only to your own trajectory, not to others.No relationship is a waste if you extract the learning.Real change is skills + practice: noticing triggers, choosing different responses, and getting out earlier when needed.You already have an innate wisdom, schema work helps you hear it again.Who This Episode Is ForWomen who want a healthy, emotionally available relationship and are ready to stop repeating patterns with unavailable or narcissistic partners.Resources & Next StepsJoin Love Wisely (12-week transformational group coaching) - doors close Wed 17 September (midnight AEST). First 5 enrolments receive a Support the show🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight 🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26 💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle Connect with Me 📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone 📧 Email: [email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags!!Get instant access to the online course: Access now 🌻 Support the PodcastLove the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageWhen your heart wants closeness but your “old map” keeps pulling you toward distance, you’re stuck in the Catch-22 of attraction. In this episode, Gemma explains how early schemas quietly shape who you’re drawn to, why “chemistry” so often points you toward the familiar (not the healthy), and what it takes to consciously rewrite your Love Template so you can choose emotionally available partners.In this episode, you’ll learnWhat a schema is (quick primer) and why it’s more useful than attachment boxesHow the Abandonment schema fuels anxious preoccupation, magical thinking, and self-fulfilling patternsWhy Emotional Deprivation normalises giving a lot while rarely feeling seen or nurturedHow Defectiveness/Shame covertly lowers your standards and tolerates poor treatmentThe role of Subjugation and Self-Sacrifice in silencing yourself early, then staying too longWhy attraction isn’t random and how your Love Template (old map) picks partners for you on autopilotThe Healthy Adult shift: moving from familiar chemistry to choosing steady, emotionally available partnersKey takeawaysAttraction pulls toward what’s familiar, not necessarily what’s good.“I’ll just go with the flow” keeps you on autopilot; intentional dating rewrites the outcome.Knowledge is power BUT applied knowledge (with guidance) is transformation.Your patterns in romance often ripple into career, friendships, and self-worth, change one, and others shift.Try this this weekName your top 1–2 schemas you hear in this episode.Write one “Healthy Adult” decision you’ll make before your next date (e.g., “If communication is inconsistent in the first 2 weeks, I’ll opt out kindly and early”).List 3 signals of emotional availability you’ll move toward (e.g., follow-through, steady pace, repair after missteps).Resources & next stepsJOIN Love Wisely - NOW OPEN Enrollment closes 17th Sept ▶︎ Learn moreSupport the show🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight 🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26 💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle Connect with Me 📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone 📧 Email: [email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags!!Get instant access to the online course: Access now 🌻 Support the PodcastLove the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageIn this episode I answer a listener Q from “Maddie,” who’s in post-breakup limbo with an avoidant ex. I unpack blurred boundaries after a breakup, why “staying friends” can quietly erode self-respect, how trauma bonds differ from schema-triggered dynamics, and what it really takes to let go when your abandonment schema is pulling you back. You’ll also get a simple Relationship Review exercise to spot your patterns so you can date with clearer self-trust next time.What we coverThe self-respect signal: why “staying friends” sometimes keeps you stuckLove-bombing vs. real intimacy (and why early declarations are a red flag)Trauma bonding 101: replication, familiarity and unmet needsAvoidant–anxious dynamics and why they feel magnetic but unstable“Hard work” vs. “healthy work” in relationships - a practical litmus testHow to let go: grief, no-contact, and naming your modes without self-criticismThe Relationship Review: a step-by-step way to map your patternsTry this (listener worksheet prompts)“Where did I override red flags because of fear, guilt or hope?”“Which parts/modes showed up in me (e.g., Pleaser, Angry Protector, Vulnerable Child)?”“How did I actually feel most of the time in that relationship?”“What does ‘emotionally available’ need to look like for me, specifically?”Resources mentionedEpisode 104: The Good, the Bad and the Bond (trauma bonding explainer)Free guide: Dating With Insight: A Tune-In After Every Date (reflective prompts to help you notice how you felt in their presence)Free live masterclass: The Psychology of Attraction - why chemistry isn’t random and how schema chemistry pulls you toward the wrong partnersLive: Wednesday 10 September, 7:00pm AESTReplay available to all who registerIs Love Wisely for you? If you’re a self-aware woman with a history of emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners AND you’re ready to rewrite your Love Template™ the next 12-week Love Wisely group starts late September. Warm, structured and practical. Support the show🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight 🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26 💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle Connect with Me 📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone 📧 Email: [email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags!!Get instant access to the online course: Access now 🌻 Support the PodcastLove the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a messageWhy do caring, empathic women end up doing the heavy lifting in love, staying out of guilt and “rescuing” partners at the expense of their own needs? In this episode, Gemma unpacks the unconscious pull to fix others, how childhood patterns (self-sacrifice, subjugation, emotional deprivation) set the stage, and the real cost of over-functioning. You’ll learn how to shift from “fixer” to “feeler,” build healthy entitlement, and make self-supporting choices, even when guilt shouts loudly.Key TakeawaysRescuing often masks self-abandonment learned in childhood; guilt can keep you stuck. “Too much empathy” without objective distance leads to empathic distress and burnout. Ask: Am I a partner or a parent/therapist/saviour in this dynamic?Build healthy entitlement: your needs matter and boundaries are an act of care. Shift from fixing them to feeling you: journal, re-parent, seek support, and challenge all-or-nothing beliefs. Try This (Journal Prompts)“If I weren’t rescuing here, what feelings in me would surface?”“What belief equates caring for myself with hurting someone else?”“Where did I first learn that love = self-sacrifice?”“What would healthy reciprocity look like this week (one tangible boundary)?”Resources MentionedFree Live Masterclass (Sept 10) – The Psychology of Attraction: Why We Bond with Emotionally Unavailable Men (replay available).Work with Gemma – Coaching & the Love Wisely program (for women ready to rewrite their love template).Rate & Review If this helped you, a quick review on Apple or Spotify helps other women find the show. Thank you for being part of this work.Support the show🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight 🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26 💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle Connect with Me 📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone 📧 Email: [email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags!!Get instant access to the online course: Access now 🌻 Support the PodcastLove the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message Every past relationship leaves clues. Patterns you’ve fallen into. The kinds of people you’re drawn to. The roles you find yourself playing without even realising it.In this episode of Healing for Love, I’m walking you through 6 powerful reflection questions to help you see your love life more clearly and prepare you to approach dating in a new way.These are the same questions I explore with my Love Wisely clients, because when you understand your patterns, you can finally break them.The 6 Questions: 1️⃣ What patterns keep showing up? 2️⃣ What ‘types’ of partners are you drawn to? 3️⃣ What deeper patterns (schemas) might be playing out? 4️⃣ What role did you take on? 5️⃣ What did you tolerate that you wouldn’t today? 6️⃣ What red flags did you see but explained away?This isn’t about blame! Don't get self-critical or judgmental, this is just about clarity. Because clarity is the first step to creating a different future in love.Support the show🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight 🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26 💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle Connect with Me 📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone 📧 Email: [email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags!!Get instant access to the online course: Access now 🌻 Support the PodcastLove the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message Have you ever looked back at a relationship and thought, “Why didn’t I walk away sooner?” You’re not alone — and it’s not about weakness or denial. In this episode, Dr. Gemma Gladstone explores seven powerful psychological reasons we tend to ignore red flags in relationships — especially in the early stages.Drawing on schema therapy, attachment theory, and decades of clinical experience, Gemma breaks down why patterns like schema chemistry, abandonment fears, self-doubt, and people-pleasing keep us stuck in emotionally harmful dynamics — even when we know something feels off.Whether you’re dating, in a relationship, or reflecting on the past, this episode offers deep insight and gentle guidance to help you recognize what’s really going on beneath the surface.You’ll learn:What schema chemistry is — and how it hijacks your attraction radarWhy self-doubt and schemas like defectiveness or dependence make it hard to trust yourselfThe role of the abandonment schema in keeping you hookedHow emotional deprivation creates low expectations in loveWhy people-pleasing, guilt, and over-responsibility make it hard to leaveWhat it means to rewire your “love template”How to start showing up for yourself in new waysMentioned in this episode:Love Wisely Group Coaching — now closed for enrollment. Join the waitlist here for the next round starting September 2025The Red Flag Project Course — our online course to help you break toxic patterns and spot red flags early✨ Reminder: If this episode resonates with you, follow the show and share it with someone who needs to hear it.Let’s break the cycle — together.Support the show🎁 Download Free Guide: Dating With Insight 🩷 Love Wisely Priority list for Feb '26 💛 Access Elevate You Worth: Self-Worth Healing Bundle Connect with Me 📷 Instagram: @drgemmagladstone 📧 Email: [email protected] 🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com 🚩 The Red Flag Project - your ultimate guide to red flags!!Get instant access to the online course: Access now 🌻 Support the PodcastLove the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here