114. Are You Dating As Your True Self — Or a Coping Mode?

Send us a text Have you ever looked back at a relationship and thought, “Why didn’t I walk away sooner?” You’re not alone — and it’s not about weakness or denial. In this episode, Dr. Gemma Gladstone explores seven powerful psychological reasons we tend to ignore red flags in relationships — especially in the early stages.Drawing on schema therapy, attachment theory, and decades of clinical experience, Gemma breaks down why patterns like schema chemistry, abandonment fears, self-doubt, and people-pleasing keep us stuck in emotionally harmful dynamics — even when we know something feels off.Whether you’re dating, in a relationship, or reflecting on the past, this episode offers deep insight and gentle guidance to help you recognize what’s really going on beneath the surface.You’ll learn:What schema chemistry is — and how it hijacks your attraction radarWhy self-doubt and schemas like defectiveness or dependence make it hard to trust yourselfThe role of the abandonment schema in keeping you hookedHow emotional deprivation creates low expectations in loveWhy people-pleasing, guilt, and over-responsibility make it hard to leaveWhat it means to rewire your “love template”How to start showing up for yourself in new waysMentioned in this episode:The Red Flag Project Course — our online course to help you break toxic patterns and spot red flags earlyLove Wisely Group Coaching — now closed for enrollment. Join the waitlist here for the next round starting September 2025✨ Reminder: If this episode resonates with you, follow the show and share it with someone who needs to hear it.Let’s break the cycle — together.Support the show🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25). 🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access. 💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here! 😊Good Mood Hub Websitegoodmood.com.au 🚩The Red Flag Project Websitetheredflagproject.com 🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a textMeet Sophie, a 37-year-old woman who spent years feeling stuck in painful relationship cycles. Like many women I work with, she kept attracting emotionally unavailable or narcissistic men — despite knowing, deep down, that something wasn’t right.In this episode, I’ll walk you through Sophie’s journey: from identifying her relational schemas (like abandonment, emotional deprivation, and subjugation), to understanding how her childhood shaped her “love template,” to the powerful moment she made a clear commitment to change.We’ll explore how she:Finally ended a 7-year relationship that drained her emotionallyIdentified red flags and stopped rationalising harmRebuilt self-trust by healing her inner vulnerable childLet go of the idea that she had a specific “type”Started dating with emotional clarity, rather than fear or old patternsThis transformation is exactly the kind of work we do inside Love Wisely. If you’ve ever asked yourself “Why do I keep ending up in the same kind of relationship?” — this episode is for you.Support the show🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25). 🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access. 💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here! 😊Good Mood Hub Websitegoodmood.com.au 🚩The Red Flag Project Websitetheredflagproject.com 🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a textIn this important solo episode, Gemma reflects on a disturbing real-life conversation overheard between two teenage girls — one of whom casually describes being physically assaulted by her boyfriend. What follows is a powerful deep dive into why girls and women downplay harmful, even abusive, behaviour in relationships.From shame, trauma bonding, and fear of judgement to deeply rooted schemas like abandonment, defectiveness, and subjugation, Gemma explores the internal and social forces that keep so many women stuck — and why prevention, education, and early recognition matter more than ever.What You'll Learn:Why some girls and women minimize abusive behaviour, even when it’s clearly unsafeThe role of schemas (especially abandonment and shame) in tolerating harmHow early emotional wounds shape our dating choices and instinctsWhat trauma bonding is — and how it makes us rationalize abuseKey psychological and cultural reasons why walking away feels so hardWhy we must start taking early signs seriously — for ourselves and the next generationGemma also shares practical reflection prompts, including:What would I tell my younger self?What would I say to a friend in this situation?👉 If this episode resonates with you, or you wish you had trusted yourself sooner in the past — this one’s especially for you.💡 Bonus: If you’re interested in doing the deep work to break free from painful dating patterns and build safer, more secure relationships, sign up for early access to Gemma’s new 12-week group coaching program, Love Wisely — starting Mid June 2025.Support the show🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25). 🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access. 💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here! 😊Good Mood Hub Websitegoodmood.com.au 🚩The Red Flag Project Websitetheredflagproject.com 🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a textIn this solo episode, Gemma explores one of the most foundational concepts when it comes to healing relationship patterns—the abandonment schema.Whether you're currently dating or in a long-term relationship, understanding your own abandonment schema and how it influences your emotions, choices, and reactions is essential for cultivating emotional safety and secure connection.Gemma explains:What the abandonment schema is and how it developsHow it shows up in dating and relationships (from clingy overcompensation to total avoidance)The 3 common coping styles triggered by this schema—and how they quietly sabotage your love lifeWhy working with your vulnerable child mode is key to healing the abandonment wound3 powerful reparenting practices to begin calming your inner alarm system and making more grounded, self-honoring choices in loveSupport the show🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25). 🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access. 💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here! 😊Good Mood Hub Websitegoodmood.com.au 🚩The Red Flag Project Websitetheredflagproject.com 🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a textThe Red Flag Project – Learn how to break free from toxic relationship patterns – theredflagproject.comSchema Coaching & Support – Work with Dr. Gemma GladstoneSupport the show🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25). 🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access. 💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here! 😊Good Mood Hub Websitegoodmood.com.au 🚩The Red Flag Project Websitetheredflagproject.com 🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a textIn this mailbox episode, we dive into a listener question from Amy (name changed for privacy), who is struggling with the trauma bond with her narcissistic and emotionally neglectful mother. Amy shares her experience of emotional neglect, manipulation, gaslighting, and rejection—all while navigating the complicated reality of trying to maintain boundaries.Drs. Gemma and Justine discuss: ✔ What a trauma bond with a parent looks like – Why it’s so difficult to break free ✔ The cycle of hope & rejection – Why emotionally neglectful parents keep you in a state of longing ✔ How narcissistic parents offload their shame onto their children – Understanding the “shame exchange” ✔ Why boundaries feel impossible with a narcissistic mother – The emotional toll of walking on eggshells ✔ Grief and healing – The painful but necessary process of accepting that your mother will never be the mother you needed ✔ Moving forward – Why reparenting yourself is key, and how to start choosing healthier relationshipsThis is a deeply validating episode for anyone struggling with a difficult or narcissistic parent. If you’ve ever felt stuck in an unhealthy dynamic, confused by your mother’s inconsistent behavior, or burdened with guilt for setting boundaries, this discussion is for you.🔗 Resources Mentioned in This Episode: 📌 Episode 104 – Understanding Trauma Bonds 📌 The Red Flag Project – Learn how to break free from toxic relationship patterns – theredflagproject.com 📌 Schema Coaching & Support – Work with Dr. Gemma GladstoneSupport the show🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25). 🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access. 💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here! 😊Good Mood Hub Websitegoodmood.com.au 🚩The Red Flag Project Websitetheredflagproject.com 🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a textIn this episode, Dr Gemma takes a deep dive into one of the most common and persistent life patterns—people-pleasing. If you've ever found yourself constantly prioritizing others' needs over your own, struggling to say no, or feeling exhausted from always trying to keep the peace, this episode is for you.She explores:✅ What people-pleasing really is and why it’s not just one behavior but a collection of patterns ✅ The three main schemas that drive people-pleasing ✅ How early experiences and conditioning shape this pattern and why it can be hard to break ✅ Six powerful self-reflection questions to help you tune into yourself, your needs and your emotionsThese six foundational questions are designed to help you:🔹 Reconnect with who you really are beneath years of learned behaviours 🔹 Identify what you truly want, need, and believe—instead of looking outward for validation 🔹 Start making decisions from a place of self-awareness and confidenceIf you’ve been a chronic people-pleaser and you’re ready to start shifting this pattern, this episode will give you practical first steps to create real change.Resources & Links: 🔹 Learn more about The Red Flag Project: theredflagproject.com 🔹 Upcoming Therapist Webinar – Supporting Clients with Narcissistic Parents (March 27th) – Early bird discount ends March 8th! Registration Linkhttps://podcast.feedspot.com/australian_psychology_podcasts/https://podcast.feedspot.com/mood_podcasts/Support the show🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25). 🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access. 💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here! 😊Good Mood Hub Websitegoodmood.com.au 🚩The Red Flag Project Websitetheredflagproject.com 🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a textEpisode Description:Are you dating someone new and wondering if they’re truly a good match? Or do you have a pattern of attracting emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners? In this episode, Gemma breaks down The 7 Deadly Sins of the Narcissistic Dater—key warning signs that indicate deeper personality issues and potential toxic relationship dynamics.These signs often reveal themselves early—sometimes even on the first date. Recognizing them before you get emotionally invested can save you from heartbreak and manipulation.These behaviors aren’t just annoying quirks—they’re significant predictors of toxic relationship patterns. I also share 2 real success stories from women who’ve identified these red flags early, broken their old patterns, and found secure, emotionally available partners.Resources Mentioned in This Episode:🔗 Work with Me – Schema Coaching🔗 The Red Flag Project – Online Course🔗 Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here!💬 Let us know your thoughts on this episode! Send feedback or questions to [email protected] the show🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25). 🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access. 💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here! 😊Good Mood Hub Websitegoodmood.com.au 🚩The Red Flag Project Websitetheredflagproject.com 🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a textEpisode Overview:In this engaging Q&A episode, Dr. Gemma Gladstone answers two listener questions, diving into the nuances of emotional availability in relationships and managing complex dynamics with a narcissistic parent.Key Topics Covered:Emotional Availability in RelationshipsHow to assess emotional availability beyond just words like "I love you."Why actions, consistency, and reliability are key indicators of emotional connection.Navigating personal triggers while building a secure relationship.Dealing with a Narcissistic ParentSupporting a partner who is enmeshed with a controlling or manipulative parent.Setting healthy boundaries and fostering autonomy without becoming the "fixer."How schema therapy offers insight into narcissistic family dynamics and coping strategies.This episode offers relatable insights for anyone navigating relationship challenges or family complexities. Whether you’re questioning emotional availability in a partner or dealing with a narcissistic parent, Dr. Gemma provides practical advice, grounded in schema therapy, to help you move forward.Healthy relationships are built on emotional availability, mutual respect, and consistent actions. Understanding the deeper dynamics in family or romantic relationships can empower you to set boundaries, support yourself and others, and foster meaningful connections.Support the show🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25). 🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access. 💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here! 😊Good Mood Hub Websitegoodmood.com.au 🚩The Red Flag Project Websitetheredflagproject.com 🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!

Send us a textEpisode Overview:In this deeply personal and insightful episode, Dr. Justine Corry shares her experience of family estrangement, reflecting on her relationship with a narcissistic mother and the impact on her life. Dr. Gemma Gladstone joins the conversation as they both discuss the psychological toll of estrangement and how schema therapy can help individuals heal and move forward.Key Topics Covered:What drives estrangement and why it’s never an easy decision.The role of schemas in shaping family dynamics and coping mechanisms.Personal reflections on living without a parent and how to navigate the associated grief and loss.Understanding the motivations and limitations of difficult family members, including narcissistic parents.How self-preservation and boundaries can lead to healing and healthier relationships.If you’ve ever struggled with a difficult family relationship, faced the possibility of estrangement, or want to better understand the psychology behind toxic family dynamics, this episode provides both professional guidance and heartfelt relatability.Estrangement is never easy, but understanding the dynamics at play can help bring clarity and healing. With the right tools and support, it’s possible to move forward and build a life that aligns with your well-being.Support the show🩷Love Wisely - Doors are now closed. Join the WAITLIST to be the first to know when the doors open for the next cohort (Sept, 25). 🚩The Red Flag Project online course >> Get instant access. 💻Schema Circle Vault – Get your essential schema therapy resources here! 😊Good Mood Hub Websitegoodmood.com.au 🚩The Red Flag Project Websitetheredflagproject.com 🌻Help support our continued production. Are you a regular listener who loves our show? Consider supporting us with a contribution each month to help us keep going!