Internet safety: Predator-proof your kid

Ask Rachel anythingWhile counseling sex offenders, Anna Sonoda, LCSW learned firsthand that grooming, the prelude to child sexual abuse, is intentional, gradual, and observable. Her message to us is, we're not bad parents, we just have a skills gap and she wants to fill it. I grew up in an era of stranger danger, but the truth is the vast majority of abuse happens inside our homes, online and offline, with people our kids know. So how can we spot the signs that a predator is moving in on us and our kids? Anna says there are clear stages of grooming that, once we know about them, we can intercept. She introduces the "4F formula" for grooming: flattery, favoritism, forbidden fruits, and fear, and stresses the importance of recognizing grooming's subtle signs. Anna advises parents to set clear device usage rules, use parental controls, and maintain open communication with their children. She also advocates for delaying social media access until age 16 and emphasizes the role of parents in curating their children's online and offline environments.In this episode we cover:What Is Grooming? (And Why Your Gut Isn’t Enough)Who Is at Risk? Myths About “Safe” CommunitiesOnline vs Offline Grooming: Why Both Matter The 4F Formula: Stages of Grooming Parents Need to KnowRed Flags of Grooming in Digital SpacesDevices, Social Media and Age: What’s Really Appropriate?Practical House Rules That Reduce Grooming RiskBuilding “Predator-Proof” Kids Through ConnectionReclaiming Parental Leadership in a Tech-Driven WorldResources:Anna Sonoda: www.annasonoda.comIWF: https://www.iwf.org.uk/ UK-based for reporting and removing innapropriate imagesCommon Sense Media: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/ For useful and appropriate age guidancePredator’s Playground: AI, Gaming, and the Kids at Riskhttps://annasonoda.com/blog/f/predator%E2%80%99s-playground-ai-gaming-and-the-kids-at-risk?blogcategory=Online+safetyProtecting Families in the Age of AI: 'Take It Down Act' https://annasonoda.com/blog/f/protecting-families-in-the-age-of-ai-take-it-down-act?blogcategory=Online+safetyteenagersuntangled.substack.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingHint: it depends on how you define happy and successful.We all want our kids to be happy and successful but what does that mean? In today's episode, I'm joined by Giselle Goodwin, author of Can Women Really Have it All? to talk about our definitions of success and happiness, and how they impact the way we parent. In this changing landscape where what we inherit can mean more than how hard we work what expectations should we have, and what message should we be giving our kids about their future if we want them to be happy? Do we have much of impact anyway?Eldest daughter syndrome:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/eldest-daughter-syndrome-and-the-trouble-with-parentification/The Family Dynamic and the Role of our Community in our Success:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/141-success-what-nobody-tells-us-about-the-role-of-siblings-are-parents-that-important/Inheritcocracy: How Society has Changed the Rules of Successhttps://www.teenagersuntangled.com/136-society-has-changed-are-education-and-hard-work-less-important-now-than-parents/Dr David Yeager: 10 to 25 'Status and Respect'https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/Perfectionism:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/perfectionism-help-your-teen-and-yourself-overcome-the-need-to-be-perfect/High expectations episode and blog:Episode: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/standards-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/Blog: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/setting-expectations-without-piling-on-the-pressure/Why mothers aren't happy:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motherhood-and-careers-can-women-really-have-it-all/Giselle Goodwin: @gisellegoodwinwrites on Instagram and YouTubehttps://substack.com/@gisellegoodwinteenagersuntangled.substack.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingI’m so sorry. I make this podcast all by myself and I’m a busy mum who’s just getting the kids back to school and all that and I rushed to get the edit done last night and it turns out that the latest episode had music inserted in the most inconvenient place so you couldn’t actually hear the interview properly. Thanks so much to everyone who let me know but over five hundred of you had already downloaded the episode when I corrected it. If you were one of them. Sorry sorry sorry, please delete the old episode and download it again. Sadly, Apple podcasts are really slow to refresh episodes so you may have to give it a few days. The latest copy should be absolutely fine and trust me, it’s worth it. Dr Jody is amazing. Support the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingUpdated to correct the music issues at the beginning: This episode will change how you see “bad behaviour” and might just change how you see yourself, too.In this powerful conversation, with Dr Jody Carrington unpack what every parent and teacher needs to know about emotional regulation – and why you’re probably doing better than you think.In this episode, we cover:What emotional regulation really isThe “flipped lid” model and the role of the prefrontal cortexWhy kids don’t “lose their goodness” – they just lose access to itWhy your regulation matters more than any parenting hack“If the big people aren’t okay, the little people don’t stand a chance”How our phones, watches and constant comparison are quietly dysregulating usBehavior, consequences and connectionWhy a strict rewards-and-punishments model backfiresThe shift from “What’s wrong with this child?” to “What happened to this child?”Repair: the real superpower in families and classroomsWhy the best predictor of lasting relationships is the capacity to repairHow to apologise to your child (and your partner) in ways that actually healPractical tools you can use todayThe phrases “Tell me more” and “What’s the hardest part?”The “collect before you direct” principleEveryday connection habits: eyes, car rides, bedtime, food, and shared interestsHope for worried, exhausted parentsWhy kids should be “worst” with you (and why that’s a good sign)The 30% rule that lets you drop the perfectionism and keep going.Dr Jody Carrington:https://www.drjodycarrington.comteenagersuntangled.substack.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingI thought we'd kick off the new year with an episode on how building our own community of people we admire can dramatically change our future and break from a difficult past.In this episode, I talk with Mitchell Osmond, who transformed his life from financial instability, marital strife, and addiction to a thriving marriage, debt repayment, and personal health. Mitchell attributes his turnaround to two pivotal moments: a marital fight and a funeral that made him question his life's direction. He formed a "Iron Five" group of mentors and within 18 months paid off $100,000 in debt, lost 60 pounds, and improved his marriage. Mitchell emphasizes the importance of presence over perfection in family life and the need for men to connect emotionally with their wives and children. He also discusses the impact of fatherlessness and the necessity of role models for boys. Mitchell Osmond:  @dadnationco  Where to find Mitchell Osmondhttps://www.dadnationco.com/New Year's Resolutions:EPISODE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/70-new-years-resolutions-love-them-or-loathe-them-the-question-is-how-can-we-make-them-work-for-u/BLOG WITH MY TECHNIQUE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/teenagersuntangled.substack.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingThe anxiety epidemic:In 2020 the UK charity Mental Health Foundation surveyed more than 2,000 children and found 50 per cent of teenagers aged 13-19 were experiencing anxiety they found hard to control.  Substack notes and PDF to go with this episode:https://substack.com/@teenagersuntangled/note/c-193100671?r=2u24i0&utm_source=notes-share-action&utm_medium=webhttps://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/p/the-rise-in-teen-anxiety Suggested books:·        The Anxiety Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with Anxiety and Worry·       Breaking free from Childhood Anxiety and OCD, Eli Lebowitz.The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidthttps://www.anxiousgeneration.com/Key points taken from UNWINDING ANXIETY: by Judson Brewer Mindfulness is a key tool:'If you feel anxious it’s an uncomfortable feeling so you start worrying about it. Worrying is seductive because it makes you feel like you’re doing something to get to a solution. All it does is to distract you from the negative emotion. It temporarily numbs the difficult feelings and feels more rewarding to your brain than the original emotion.''If your brain learns that worrying provides temporary relief, then whenever you’re anxious your brain will trigger worry. It becomes a compulsive habit over which you have no control, but the worrying makes you feel more anxious.'·       The first step to understanding your own anxiety is simply mapping your own habit loops/ What kind of situations trigger anxiety or other difficult feelings? ·       Which behaviours has your brain learned to respond as a way to soothe or distract you?·       What is the result of those behaviours?'When you get into an anxiety loop use:RAIN:Recognise difficult feelings.Accept them and allow them to be there.Investigate the sensations in your body and emotions bubbling up.Note what’s going on, and simply observe yourself out of curiosity.Resources:https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/23/health/mental-health-crisis-teens.htmlhttps://www.forbes.com/sites/williamhaseltine/2021/08/25/depression-and-anxiety-double-in-youth-compared-to-pre-pandemic/?sh=22e0bfb2139fhttps://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/feeling-anxious-dont-worry-its-good-for-you-s70jvtdbxhttps://childmind.org/teenagersuntangled.substack.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingNone of us likes blowing a fuse when our teen does something that triggers us, but we all do it at some point. Nicky asked us to discuss this topic after she felt she'd overreacted to bad feedback from her son's teachers. We know it fixes nothing and leaves us feeling worse than before, but can we keep smoothing it over with an apology?  Click the link at the bottom to access all the tips from the episode and also a parent’s worksheet to help you unpack your feelings:https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/how-to-avoid-overreacting-and-why?r=2u24i0&utm_medium=ios&shareImageVariant=overlayIt was such a great topic to suggest, and when it was first aired I had some amazing feedback from listeners who'd suddenly realised that they were reacting in the way they had been programmed to by their own family.My daughter also told me that the main reason her friends don't tell her parents anything is that they think the parents either don't care or that they'll overract.That's why this podcast is so valuable. It gives us as space to stop and think about the things that come to us unbidden, so that we can upack them and make changes that help us with our own relationships.Long term, if we don't manage to adapt, we run the risk of ruining our connection with our teens because they learn that the best way to manage us parents is to keep quiet, hide, or lie to prevent a repeat.  So how can we stop ourselves from overreacting? We talk through some mindfulness techniques that could make all the difference. This is also a VITAL skill to teach our own teens. BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS:When You Lose It by Roxy and Gay LongworthThe Chimp Paradox by Prof Steve PetersRESOURCES:How to Stop Overreacting to Everything by Patrick Allanhttps://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-stop-overreacting#recaphttps://theparentingreframe.com/the-4-steps-you-need-to-stopoverreacting-and-yelling-at-your-kids-for-good/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201007/overreactions-in-adolescenceteenagersuntangled.substack.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWhat's the point of fathers? Michael Ray, father and gender equality campaigner says the way they're portrayed in the media and advertising sends the impression that they are either bumbling idiots or not an important part of raising kids.It was only when Michael was left raising his daughter alone that he became conscious of how little support there is for men taking on less traditional roles in the home. He highlights the lack of representation of fathers in media and advertising, noting that only 4% of parenting portrayals in Australia feature fathers. Ray argues that we've made big changes to our views of women but that hasn't been matched either in the workplace or in the media for men, and true equality is only possible if men are given more status and respect in the role of father.Michael Ray:https://michaelray.com.au/https://www.linkedin.com/in/michael-ray-574079183/teenagersuntangled.substack.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingIt's our connections, whether friends or partners, that make us want to get up and face our challenges every day. So when kids start a new school, college or university it's a time when friendships become the most important thing. With Phoebe about to leave for university, and Amelia recently started at a new college we thought it would be a great time to reflect on the evolving nature of friendships. In the conversation, the girls emphasize the importance of having a range of friends who suit the different sides of our personality, and the value of not being overly dependent on any one friend. They also discuss the impact of social media on friendships, the challenges of making new friends in new environments, and the importance of being open and vulnerable in friendships. Amelia advises against overthinking friendships and suggests focusing on personal growth during periods of loneliness.teenagersuntangled.substack.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anythingWe all have traditional times when our extended families come together to celebrate, give thanks, and share the warmth of mutual love. In the UK, December is a non-stop reel of songs about 'Simply having a wonderful Christmas time', and Instagram is awash with pictures of happy celebrations. Being with our family can give us a welcome chance to relax and be accepted for who we are but - let's be honest -  it can also bring out the worst in us. The break in routine - where everyone is forced together - can be a difficult adjustment. The expense can be crippling. Travelling to see family can be stressful, and then the raised expectations can set up the entire event for failure.We've all been there, so here are our tips on how to make the most of those gatherings when you have teenagers in the house.https://www.family-action.org.uk/our-voices/2021/11/12/connecting-with-teenagers-at-christmas/https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/2021/16-december-coping-with-family-pressures-and-expectations-in-the-run-up-to-christmas/https://www.bristol.ac.uk/news/2021/december/avoiding-stressful-christmas.htmlhttps://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/wellbeing/a29321/how-to-deal-with-family-fallout-at-christmas/https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/best-advice-family-christmas/605760teenagersuntangled.substack.comSupport the showPlease hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk