Why Is It So Hard to Receive Love? The Psychology of Self-Worth with Dr. Marisa G. Franco

What do you do when you feel uninspired, creatively stuck, or disconnected from the person you want to be? Let’s chit chat about how to find inspiration again, reconnect with your creativity, and feel more motivated in your everyday life. If you’ve been feeling stuck in a rut or wondering where your spark went, this might give you a boost of inspiration.Tune into our self-love podcast to learn…Why feeling uninspired might have less to do with a lack of creativity and more to do with how you're approaching day-to-day lifeThe surprising connection between dopamine, social media addiction, and your ability to feel inspiredWhy boredom might be the gateway to your creativityHow to find inspiration in unexpected places, even when you feel stuck, unmotivated, or like you don't have the time, energy, or resources to pursue your creative interests We'll explore the link between creativity, spirituality, personal growth, mental health, and self-compassion.Whether you're looking for motivation or craving a little more magic in your everyday life, this episode is an invitation to look at inspiration differently. Because your creativity, curiosity, and capacity for joy are worth making room for.Remember: Inspiration is not something that happens outside of you. It's always within you, even when it feels buried beneath the noise. You don't have to criticize yourself into becoming more productive or turn every quiet season into another thing to fix. The path back to yourself starts with extra self-compassion, a willingness to embrace uncertainty, and the reminder that your self-worth has nothing to do with how much you accomplish. GET MY SELF-LOVE PLAYLIST: https://maryscupoftea.com/playlist Mentioned In This Episode:Only Murders in the Building's Mabel's Most Memorable Looks of All TimeLouise Hay meditationEsther Hicks lectureWayne Dyer speechHow to Create a Frequency so Magnetic Your Desires Chase You by Katie Clarke on YouTubeThe impact of walking on creative thinking: A systematic review and meta-analysis Deepen your self love journey with Mary’s books:The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself.100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself.Follow Mary's self love journey on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcastAnd if you’re enjoying Mary’s Cup of Tea, share it with the women in your life! Your support helps spread the gift of self-love! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you enjoy thoughtful recommendations that make you think, feel, and romanticize autumn, this one’s for you!In this fall favorites episode, I’m sharing what I’ve been reading, watching, and reaching for lately, from books that have changed how I think about friendship to the TV shows I’m obsessed with. Plus, a few self-care staples that are making fall feel warm and cozy.I also go off on tangents about female friendships, the beauty of connecting with strangers, fictional female characters, and why spending time together in person matters more than ever. I’m also sharing my feminist thoughts on East of Eden, my love for Ted Lasso, yummy cycle-syncing teas, my favorite lip liner, and the tea towels that are bringing a little extra charm to my kitchen.Mentioned In This Episode...How To Make Adult Friendships Easier with Kat Vellos on Mary’s Cup of TeaBestie Break-Ups and Why Female Friendships Feel So Fragile with Danielle Bayard Jackson on Mary’s Cup of TeaFighting For Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women's Relationships by Danielle Bayard JacksonTalking to Strangers: What We Should Know about the People We Don't Know by Malcolm GladwellEncounterism: The Neglected Joys of Being In Person by Andy FieldEast of Eden by John SteinbeckEast of Eden limited series on NetflixTed Lasso on Apple TV+Cycle syncing teas by Tea Lady BrooklynEspresso-colored lip liner by NYX CosmeticsThe earplugs I sleep with every nightCotton & jute blend tea towels from TargetThe thermos I use every dayDeepen your self love journey with Mary’s books:The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself.100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself.Follow Mary's self love journey on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcastAnd if you’re enjoying Mary’s Cup of Tea, share it with the women in your life! Your support helps spread the gift of self-love! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Why is it so hard to receive love, even when we desperately want it? In this episode, psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Marisa G. Franco and I unpack the hidden side of self-worth: how our early relationships shape the way we see ourselves, why love can sometimes feel threatening, and why shame may be a bigger problem than insecurity itself.You will learn…Why we sometimes pull away from people who love usHow your attachment style can shape your self-worth and the way you experience relationshipsWhy being “secure” shouldn’t mean becoming perfectly healed, unbothered, or free of insecurityHow you can work with memories to soften the way painful experiences affect your self-worthThe science behind how therapy modalities like EMDR, EFT, IFS, and inner child work can heal childhood traumaWhy emotional honesty and self-compassion may be more powerful than trying to suppress the parts of ourselves we don’t like Remember: Self-worth isn’t about becoming someone who never feels insecure. It’s about learning to treat your internal world as if it matters, including the parts of yourself you’re still learning to love.Dr. Marisa G. Franco is a psychologist and bestselling author, and leading expert on relationships, self-worth, and belonging. She works as a professor at The University of Maryland and authored the New York Times bestseller Platonic: How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends and her new book Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment. She speaks on belonging and self-worth at corporations, government agencies, non-profits, and universities.For tips on friendship, you can follow her on Instagram @drmarisagfranco or go to her website, www.DrMarisaGFranco.com, where you can download a list of practices to improve self-worth.If you enjoyed this episode, share it with the women in your life! Or on social media! Be sure to tag @maryspodcast and @drmarisagfrancoMentioned In This Episode...Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment by Dr. Marisa G. FrancoPlatonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends by Dr. Marisa G. Franco Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Being multi-passionate can challenge your confidence and sense of self. But what if having a million interests, ideas, and curiosities isn’t something you need to fix? In this episode, Mary explores why embracing your full range might be the key to greater confidence, creativity, and self-trust.Tune into our self-love podcast to learn…Why being multipassionate can make you feel behindWhat the Renaissance can teach us about curiosity, creativity, and refusing to be defined by just one area of expertiseThe woman Mary considers a modern-day example of embracing a wildly diverse range of interestsWhat multi-passionate people need to thriveHow bringing the different parts of yourself together can help you feel more wholeMary also shares advice for how to build a career and life as a multi-passionate person, from giving yourself permission to experiment to finding stability that allows you to take creative risks. She explores why transferable skills, connecting seemingly unrelated ideas, and making yourself more visible can unlock opportunities for multi-passionate people.Remember: You don’t have to choose one version of yourself in order to have confidence in who you are. Your curiosity, creativity, and seemingly unrelated interests might be the very things that make you uniquely you. Hopefully this episode will boost your confidence around being multi-passionate.Mentioned In This Episode...The Marginalian by Maria Popova: themarginalian.orgNo Bad Parts by Dr. Richard SchwartzDeepen your self love journey with Mary’s books:The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself.100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself.Follow Mary's self love journey on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcastAnd if you’re enjoying Mary’s Cup of Tea, share it with the women in your life! Your support helps spread the gift of self-love! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

We all know what it feels like to be hard on ourselves, question whether we're good enough, or let someone else's opinion become our own inner voice. All of this comes down to self-trust.In this deeply personal conversation, three-time Grammy Award-winning violinist Hilary Hahn (!!!) and I talk about self-worth, perfectionism, creativity, long-term dedication to your craft, and the lifelong process of learning to trust yourself. Hilary shares what decades of performing have taught her about self-trust, quieting her inner critic, finding her own style, and staying connected to the parts of herself that exist beyond achievement.You will learn…How perfectionism can disconnect you from your creativity, and what Hilary has learned about letting go of the need to get everything exactly “right”Why self-worth cannot depend on awards, praise, or other people's opinions, and how to recognize the voices you've internalizedWhat performing has taught Hilary about self-trust, presence, and getting out of your own headWhy your imperfections may actually be part of what makes your work and your presence more authentic and humanHow to cultivate creativity by giving yourself time to think, experiment, process, and develop your own ideasWhat it means to stay committed to your craftRemember: Your self-worth does not have to be earned through achievement or perfection. Self-trust grows when you learn to listen to your own voice, recognize what you value about yourself, and give yourself permission to be fully human.Hilary Hahn is a three-time GRAMMY Award-winning violinist known for her expressive musicality, technical expertise, and curiosity both within and beyond the classical music world. She has commissioned and championed works by more than 40 living composers, while her recordings have earned some of the highest honors in the music world. She also created #100daysofpractice, a social media initiative that has transformed practicing into a community celebration of creativity and artistic development, with more than one million posts shared by performers and students. She currently serves on the string faculty at Juilliard and continues to perform, record, commission new works, and connect with audiences around the world.If you enjoyed this episode, share it with the women in your life! Or on social media! Be sure to tag @maryspodcast and @violincase. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

There’s a lot more to self-love than feeling good about yourself. Though self-compassion is clearly associated with better mental health, stronger relationships, healthier behaviors, and greater resilience, the interesting part of the research is what happens underneath all of that: how changing the way you relate to yourself can actually change the way you behave, especially when you fail, struggle, or suffer.So let’s dive into the science of self-love and self-compassion to uncover some surprising ways they can change your motivation, emotional regulation, and relationship with failure.Tune into our self-love podcast to learn…Why self-compassion may be more stable than self-esteem, and why constantly evaluating yourself can get in the way of feeling good about yourselfWhether positive affirmations can be too positive, and why believing you’re exceptional might make failure feel even scarierWhy being kinder to yourself can actually make you more motivated to improve after you mess upHow your inner voice can work more like a supportive coach than a drill sergeantWhy self-compassion may help us regulate uncomfortable emotions and stop putting off things we know are good for usWhy something can feel comforting when you say it to yourself but completely insensitive when someone else says it to you, especially during griefWe’ll also get into a surprising question: do you have to think highly of yourself in order to love yourself? The science suggests there may be another way to feel secure in yourself, one that doesn’t require being the prettiest, smartest, most successful, or most impressive person in the room.Remember: self-love isn’t about convincing yourself that everything is great. Self-love is about building a relationship with yourself that allows you to be imperfect, learn from your mistakes, and keep going LONG ENOUGH TO GET BETTER.Mentioned In This Episode...Kristin Neff’s review of the research on self-compassionNeff & Vonk (2009), self-compassion and self-esteemBreines & Chen (2012), self-compassion and motivation after failureResearch on inflated praise and self-esteemResearch on self-compassion and bedtime procrastinationResearch on cultural differences in self-compassionResearch on grief support and messages after a deathResearch on helpful and unhelpful grief supportHeart rate variability and the HeartMath techniqueDeepen your self love journey with Mary’s books:The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself.100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself.Follow Mary's self love journey on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcastAnd if you’re enjoying Mary’s Cup of Tea, share it with the women in your life! Your support helps spread the gift of self-love! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Learning to love yourself can be complicated when the world around you keeps sending messages that you’re not worthy of self-love. Today we are joined by Dr. Thema Bryant to explore how racism, colorism, generational trauma, and survival strategies can shape the way we see ourselves.You will learn…How Dr. Thema’s childhood in Baltimore and time living in Liberia shaped her confidence and self-esteemHow to help young girls be more resilient to beauty standardsThe difference between personal, intergenerational, and collective trauma, and how survival strategies can be passed down through generationsHow to recognize when you’re living in survival mode, even when your life may look successful from the outsideWhy you can begin to heal and cultivate joy even while living in circumstances that continue to challenge youWhy some of our deepest healing happens in healthy relationships, community, and through dance, music, and movement Remember: You don’t have to wait for the world to become perfectly safe before you begin to love yourself. Healing can mean learning to stay connected to yourself while continuing to navigate an imperfect world.Dr. Thema Bryant is a psychologist, author, professor, sacred artist, and minister who is leading the way in creating healthy relationships, healing traumas, and overcoming stress and oppression. Her life changing books include Matters of the Heart, Homecoming, Reclaim Yourself: The Homecoming Workbook, and The Antiracism Handbook: Practical Tools to Shift Your Mindset and Uproot Racism in Your Life and Community. Her work empowers readers to connect with themselves and others while exploring mental health, relationships, trauma, and liberation.Get Dr. Thema's new book, Matter of the Heart: https://drthema.com/matters-of-the-heart/Dr. Thema completed her doctorate in Clinical Psychology at Duke University and her post-doctoral training at Harvard Medical Center’s Victims of Violence Program. She is currently a tenured professor of psychology at Pepperdine University, where she directs the Culture and Trauma Research Laboratory. Dr. Thema is also an ordained elder in the African Methodist Episcopal Church and leads the mental health ministry at First A.M.E. Church in Los Angeles. In 2023, she served as president of the American Psychological Association and is the host of The Homecoming Podcast.If you enjoyed this episode, share it with the women in your life! Or on social media! Be sure to tag @maryspodcast and @dr.thema Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Think of this like an extra-long voice note from a friend you haven’t heard from in a while. A lot has happened over the summer, but also, nothing at all. I took a little break from this self-love podcast thinking I’d have everything figured out before I came back. But jokes on me. 😂 This is somewhat of an “in-between” season for me, a knowing that change is on the horizon coupled with the realization that patience is not my strong suit. Nevertheless, I’m so happy to be back hosting our self-love podcast! In this comeback episode, I’m opening up about… how chronic pain has been affecting my mental health a social media experiment I did over the summer why we moved from Phoenix to Northern Arizona my journey of trying to conceive how I’m approaching this self-love podcast a little differently than before… Remember: self-love isn’t always about becoming a better version of yourself. Sometimes it’s learning to be okay with the version of you who is still figuring it out. Deepen your self love journey with Mary’s books: The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself. 100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself. Follow Mary's self love journey on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcast And if you’re enjoying this self-love podcast, share it with the women in your life! Mary’s Cup of Tea is nothing without the support of our self-lovers. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re somehow responsible for remembering, planning, anticipating, organizing, and keeping track of ALL THE THINGS in your relationship, this conversation with Eve Rodsky is going to make you feel very seen. Eve and I talk about the mental load women carry in relationships, the invisible and unpaid work that can be so difficult to put into words, and why creating a more equal partnership can completely change the way you experience your relationship. Whether you’re married, dating, single, or thinking about the kind of partnership you want someday, this is relationship advice you’ll want to hear. You will learn… Why women so often end up carrying the mental load in relationships The invisible work that goes into keeping a household and family running Why some of the most frustrating relationship dynamics are about much more than chores How cultural expectations can shape the roles we fall into with our partners What it can look like to create a more equal relationship without keeping score Why “doing it all” isn't necessarily a sign that you're doing relationships well How to start thinking differently about responsibility, partnership, and fairness If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “Why am I the one who has to think about everything?”, you are absolutely not alone. The mental load can be exhausting precisely because so much of it happens internally — and because a lot of the work women do in relationships doesn't look like work from the outside. And while we talk about this through the lens of heterosexual relationships, this conversation is really for anyone who feels like they’re taking on more responsibility than their partner. The goal isn't to blame women or men. It's to understand the systems and expectations we’ve inherited so we can start creating relationships that actually work for the people in them. Remember: the imbalance isn't your fault, but you can still be part of changing it. A healthy relationship doesn't have to look perfectly equal from the outside. It should, however, feel like a partnership where both people’s time, energy, and contributions matter. About Eve Rodsky Eve Rodsky transformed her “blueberries breakdown” into a catalyst for social change when she applied her Harvard-trained background in organizational management to ask a simple question: What would happen if we treated our homes as our most important organizations? Her New York Times bestselling book and Reese’s Book Club Pick, Fair Play, introduced a gamified life-management system designed to help partners rebalance their domestic workload and rethink the value of unpaid labor and care. In her follow-up book, Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in a Too-Busy World, Eve explores creativity, productivity, resilience, and the importance of reclaiming time for yourself. Learn more about Fair Play and Unicorn Space at fairplaylife.com If you enjoyed this episode, share it on social media! Make sure to tag @maryspodcast and @fairplay so we can see! Mentioned In This Episode... the Fair Play card deck Extreme Ownership book TED Talk Robert Waldinger: What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

How do you know if your romantic relationship consists of real, healthy love versus just chemistry, anxiety, or the excitement of something new? I’m talking all things love and relationships with renowned relationship psychologist Dr. Alexandra Solomon in one of my favorite conversations from the archive. You will learn… What actually makes a healthy relationship work long-term Why you shouldn’t necessarily trust the butterflies as much as you think How to become more self-aware in your relationships without overanalyzing everything What to do when you feel like you’re carrying more of the emotional burden How relationships, attraction, and desire naturally change over time This conversation is full of the kind of relationship advice I wish we all got before getting into serious relationships. We talk about green flags, communication, emotional labor, self-awareness, sex, marriage, and what it really looks like to build a healthy relationship with another person. And what makes a partnership last long-term. One of my favorite parts of this conversation is how much permission Alexandra gives us to stop trying to perfect our relationships. A healthy relationship doesn't mean you never get annoyed with your partner, never disagree, or never wonder if you're doing it “right.” It's about learning how to be curious about yourself and each other, communicate what you actually need, and keep growing together. Whether you're single, dating, married, or somewhere in between, there's so much relationship advice here to take with you. And if you're anything like me, you'll probably walk away thinking about your own relationship in a slightly different way. Remember: a healthy relationship isn't something you find and then magically get to keep forever. It's something you build, revisit, and grow into together.   Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, professor, author, and relationship expert. She is a clinical assistant professor in the Department of Psychology at Northwestern University, a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University, and the creator and host of the Reimagining Love podcast. She is also the author of Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want and Taking Sexy Back: How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. Learn more at dralexandrasolomon.com and follow her on Instagram at @dr.alexandra.solomon If you're enjoying this self-love podcast, send it to the women in your life! Or screenshot it and share it on social media. Be sure to tag @maryspodcast and @dr.alexandra.solomon so we can see it! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.