5 Things I’d Change If I Could Rewrite My Self-Love Book

Five years ago, I published The Gift of Self-Love. Writing that book when I was just 20 years old was one of the most meaningful experiences of my life. And its message around confidence, healing, and self-love still feels deeply true to me today. But five years of living, growing, and talking with thousands of women about their experiences has also expanded my understanding of self-love in ways I could not have fully seen back then. In this reflective episode, I look back on the book with fresh perspective and share a few ideas I might approach differently if I were writing it today. This conversation explores how our understanding of self-love can deepen over time, especially as life experiences reshape how we see ourselves and the world around us. Get my books: The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself. 100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself. Follow Mary's self love journey on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcast If you’re enjoying our self love podcast, share it with the women in your life! Your support helps spread the gift of self-love! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, it’s never enough? Same. Let's talk about inadequacy– how to snap the F out of it and shift into confidence. Mary introduces her powerful self-love formula, which intertwines self-esteem, self-compassion, and self-worth, as she challenges listeners to confront their feelings of inadequacy. We also unpack the heavy feelings of inadequacy and shame and how redefining self worth can help you stop measuring yourself against impossible standards. You will learn... the difference between insecurity and deeper feelings of inadequacy how to question the timelines, expectations, and systems shaping your sense of self worth confront uncomfortable emotions instead of avoiding them reconnect with your inherent worth and rebuild confidence on your own terms create an “audacity list” to step outside comparison and reclaim agency in your life Remember: the goal isn’t to finally become “enough.” The freedom comes when you realize that standard was never yours to begin with. If you’re enjoying our self love podcast, share it with the women in your life to continue spreading the gift of self love. Deepen your self love journey with Mary’s books: The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself. 100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself. Follow Mary on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcast Mentioned in this episode: Why Self-Help Isn't Always Helpful for Self-Love How To Feel Confident When You Speak with Ryan O'Shea Why Manifestation Doesn't Work Without Self-Worth with Samantha Chung Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

If you’ve ever felt like you have to constantly optimize your life to deserve self-love, this conversation will help you rethink how you approach personal development. A deep dive into the complicated relationship between self-help and self love, and why the self-help industry can sometimes leave women feeling more inadequate instead of more confident. You will learn how to... recognize when self-help messaging is subtly making you feel broken instead of helping you build self-love break the exhausting cycle of pressure → shame → burnout that comes from most self-help advice cultivate self love through community, connection, and self-acceptance rather than endless self-improvement Remember: you don’t need to become a better version of yourself to deserve self-love. The most powerful form of self love is learning to accept yourself exactly as you are, even on the days when nothing feels optimized. If you’re enjoying our self love podcast, share it with the women in your life! Deepen your self love journey with Mary’s books: *The Gift of Self-Love,* an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself. *100 Days of Self-Love,* a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself. Follow Mary on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcast Mentioned In This Episode... My conversation with Oliver Burkeman about productivity Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman My conversation with Amelia Nagoski about Burnout Braiding Sweetgrass by Robin Wall Kimmerer Reddit discussion: Why self-help books are so popular in North America TikTok creator Paige Turner on self-help advice and gender Episode: How to Stop Comparing Your Current Self to Your Past Self Kurt Vonnegut & Joseph Heller story about “enough” Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Your voice changes when you feel insecure. It gets tighter, faster, or smaller, and suddenly you don’t feel confident anymore. In this conversation, we explore how to build real confidence by regulating your nervous system and learning to speak from a grounded, embodied confident place. Mary is joined by voice and communication coach Ryan O’Shea to explore how your voice can make or break your confidence. And no, this isn’t about fixing vocal fry or sounding “more professional.” It’s about learning how to feel more grounded, authentic, present, and confident no matter who you’re communicating with. You will learn… Why some people naturally command attention while others feel chronically unheard How nervous system regulation directly affects your voice and presence The difference between rambling and inhibition — and how to find the sweet spot A simple real-time practice you can use before a presentation, job interview, date, or hard conversation to feel more confident The 3 components of a powerful vocal presence Remember: confidence isn’t about sounding perfect. It’s about feeling safe and connected in your body when you speak. Your voice isn’t something to fix — it’s something to reclaim. Ryan O’Shea is a Los Angeles based voice, accent, and communication coach certified in Fitzmaurice Voicework®, Knight-Thompson Speechwork®, and Organic Intelligence®. Ryan combines her experience as an actor and coach to develop a holistic approach to voice and communication. She wants her clients to feel that learning voice and communication skills can help them feel more like themselves, so she merges voice and delivery skills with tools of nervous system regulation and presence. Ryan works with actors who you've seen (and heard!) on HBO, Showtime, Netflix, AppleTV, Fox, ABC, as well in audiobooks, commercials, and theatres across the world. And she’s worked with countless entrepreneurs, and corporate communication clients from Adidas, Tinder, Alpinestars, and more. Website: https://www.voiceandspeechwithryan.com/ Instagram: @voiceandspeechwithryan LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ryan-o-shea-27a473277/ Self-led Voice Course: Foundations of Voicework, https://www.voiceandspeechwithryan.com/foundations-of-voicework If you enjoyed this episode, share it with the women in your life! Or on social media! Be sure to tag @maryspodcast and @voiceandspeechwithryan Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Eating disorder recovery is a journey, and sometimes old patterns will show up even after you’re fully recovered. Let’s talk about 5 disordered habits you might still be doing (despite knowing better) and how to stop doing them.These subtle disordered eating are often framed as “normal” in our culture, but in reality, they’re leftover patterns from diet culture. Whether you’ve been in eating disorder recovery for years or are just beginning to heal your relationship with food and your body, it’s important to notice these sneaky habits so you can break free from them once and for all.Mary talks about the common ways women internalize harmful beauty standards and how those beliefs show up in everyday choices. From body-checking to moralizing food, these eating disorder behaviors might feel second nature, but they don’t serve your self love journey. Recovery is about unlearning toxic patterns and choosing self love, compassion, and confidence instead.Take a moment to reflect: Which of these 5 eating disorder habits are you still holding onto? Becoming aware is the first step toward true healing and building a positive mindset around food, body image, and self love.If you’re enjoying our self love podcast, share it with the women in your life! Your support helps spread women empowerment and self-love!Deepen your self love journey with Mary’s books:The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself.100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself.Follow Mary's self love journey on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcast Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

With special guest: my Sister!!! For my 28th birthday, I sat down with my 18-year-old sister to share 28 truths about confidence, dating, boys, people, and being a woman with self-worth.This conversation moves from chaotic sister humor to the deeper realities of building confidence as a woman. We talk about why most mistakes get made after midnight, how everything feels more dramatic in the dark, and why intensity is not the same thing as compatibility. We unpack the difference between attraction and anxiety, and why calm, secure love can is often the healthiest.Beyond dating and relationships, we get into the foundations of self-love: choosing your environment wisely, eating consistently, setting boundaries without over-explaining, and remembering that no one is coming to save you. We talk about body image, spotlight syndrome, conquering insecurities, being the average of the people you spend time with, getting to know your mom as a person, and why embarrassment is a choice.I hope this Mary’s Cup of Tea episode feels like a confidence pep talk from your virtual big sister.Remember: “The worst thing in the world can happen, but the next day the sun will come up. And you will eat your toast. And you will drink your tea.”Hope this episode is somehow entertaining and somewhat useful to your self-love journey.If you’re enjoying our self love podcast, share it with the women in your life! Your support helps spread women empowerment and self-love!Deepen your self love journey with Mary’s books:The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself.100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself.Follow Mary Jelkovsky on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcastMentioned In This Episode...Mary’s Self-Love Playlist: maryscupoftea.com/playlist Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

When the external world feels heavy, your internal world must stay regulated. Self-care is not about escaping reality. It’s about standing steadily inside it. This conversation is about how to stay emotionally regulated when the noise feels constant and the news cycle never ends.We’ll talk about protecting your energy, being intentional with your attention, and practicing self-care through boundaries with yourself. If your mental health has felt stretched thin by the state of the world, this episode offers perspective and encouragement.You will learn about…how social media functions similarly to propagandawhy energy management might be better than time managementhow I approach giving and charitable contributionthe idea of “joy stacking” as a form of self carewhy eye contact is a form of resistancesmall rituals that help you come back home to yourselfRemember: self-care is not disengagement from the world, it is how you stay resourced enough to meet it. Real self-care supports your mental health AND lets you contribute to causes you care about.If you’re enjoying our self love podcast, share it with the women in your life! Your support expands our self-love circle and shows others that mental health matters.Deepen your self love journey with Mary’s books:The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself.100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself.Follow Mary's self care journey on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcastMentioned In This Episode...A Small Light series on Prime Video“I’m Russian. Here’s how propaganda really works” by Silent East Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Many women talk about anxiety as if it’s a personality trait, but Dr. Ellen Vora offers a different lens: anxiety could be a mind-body signal that something in your mental health ecosystem needs support. In this conversation, we unpack what women misunderstand about anxiety, why mental health is deeply physical, and how to stop seeing anxiety as a personal flaw.You will learn…the difference between “false anxiety” vs. “true anxiety” (and why that distinction changes everything)is it the mind-body connection or the body-mind connection?how women’s bodies, hormones, and cultural stressors create a unique anxiety landscapethe drawbacks of traditional cognitive behavioral therapyphysical ways to take care of your mental health Remember: Anxiety doesn’t automatically mean something is mentally wrong with you. Often it’s your physical body asking for care, and sometimes it’s your inner compass asking for honesty. Either way, you deserve support that helps you feel safer in your body and steadier in your mental health.Dr. Ellen Vora is a board-certified psychiatrist who takes a functional medicine approach to mental health. Dr. Vora received her B.A. from Yale University and her M.D. from Columbia University. She’s also the bestselling author of The Anatomy of Anxiety: Understanding and Overcoming the Body’s Fear Response where she shares a whole-person perspective on anxiety, mental health, and overall well-being– especially for women.Follow Dr. Ellen on Instagram: @ellenvoramd Get Dr. Ellen’s book, The Anatomy of Anxiety: Understanding and Overcoming the Body’s Fear ResponseAnd if you enjoyed this episode, share it with the women in your life! Make sure to tag @maryspodcast and @ellenvoramdMentioned In This Episode...Quit Like a Woman by Holly WhitakerHealing Back Pain: The Mind-Body Connection by Dr. John SarnoThe Way Out by Alan Gordonresearch on Ketamine-assisted therapyWizard of Oz & Dark Side of the Moon Pink Floyd Theory EXPLAINED Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Sometimes the parts of us we’re trying hardest to fix are the ones working the hardest to protect us. Inspired by one of the best mental health books I’ve read recently, this episode offers a compassionate framework for understanding your inner world without pathologizing it.If you’ve ever felt conflicted, inconsistent, or torn in different directions, this conversation is for you. It explores why inner tension does not mean you are failing at mental health. It might actually make a lot of sense. This episode reviews my biggest takeaways from the book No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard Schwartz.We’ll explore ideas like:Why there are no bad parts — only misunderstood onesHow self-compassion creates internal safety instead of controlThe difference between being protector-led vs. Self-ledWhy mental health isn’t about eliminating inner conflict, but learning how to relate to itWhat it looks like to stay engaged with the world while still protecting your energy We also touch on something many of us struggle with: how to care deeply about the world without letting its weight completely overwhelm you. And why true self love does not require numbing out, bypassing reality, or carrying everything alone.Remember: Every part of your personality that you do not love will become hostile. The goal is not to get rid of parts of yourself, but to change how you relate to them.If you’re enjoying this self love podcast, share it with the women in your life! Your support helps spread conversations about mental health, confidence, and self-love in a way that feels real and sustainable.Deepen your self love journey with Mary’s books:The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself.100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts for calming self-criticism and learning to love yourself.Follow Mary's self love journey on IG: @maryscupofteaa and @maryspodcastMentioned In This Episode...No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz “How to talk to the worst parts of yourself” TEDx talk by Karen Faith Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

WOW!!! This just might be the most enlightening, inspiring interview on Mary’s Cup of Tea, thanks to our guest, Samantha Chung. Rooted in self-love and self-worth, Sam’s approach to manifestation is deep yet simple, grounded yet expansive, firm yet deeply compassionate.Contrary to popular belief, isn’t about positive thinking, vision boards, or proving your worth — it’s about the relationship you have with yourself. Sam explains why healing shame, releasing self-criticism, and relating to yourself with compassion is what actually changes what you attract.You will learn about...the surprising link between loving yourself and manifesting your dreamshow to reconcile manifestation teachings with privilege, access, and real-world limitationswhy Sam hates the word “manifestation” and the connotations it comes withhow to repair a punitive, damaged relationship with yourselfwhy self-compassion will not you complacentwhat body-image struggles reveal about safety, control, and self worthhow to face your own unworthiness and make contact with a deeply supportive part of yourselfthe ONLY emotion that lowers your vibrationaccess the emotional experience you think money, love, or success will finally give yousee manifestation as a lifestyle rooted in self-love, not a method to fix yourselfRemember: Manifestation doesn't work without self-worth. It's not about getting or achieving something, it's about who you become along the way.Samantha Chung is a transformational life and mindset coach, viral content creator, and host of the top-ranking podcast Spiraling Higher. She is on a mission to help people break free from their conditioned narratives and awaken to their most authentic, limitless selves. Her paradigm-shifting perspectives have inspired millions to step into self-love and embody their highest potential. Today, she’s here to help you do the same.Follow Sam on Instagram: @simplifying.samLearn more about Sam’s private coaching here.Share this self love podcast with the women in your life or on social media! Make sure to tag @maryspodcast and @simplifying.sam Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.