#222: Stop Being a “Good Girl” with Elise Loehen

A special in-person recording where Mary has a heart-to-heart with her best friend Dahli! You can watch the video version on Spotify or YouTube. Tune in to hear… retreat reflections from Sedona to Portugal Dahli’s mental health journey exploring ADHD and autism our goals for 2025 Remember: live, laugh, love!!! Connect with Dahli on IG: @imdahlidurley Hire Dahli as a photographer or web designer: dahlidurley.com If you enjoyed this episode, share and tag @maryscupofteaa and @imdahlidurley on social media! Get Mary’s self-love books: The Gift of Self-Love, an interactive workbook that will help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself. 100 Days of Self-Love, a guided journal with 100 prompts to help you calm self-criticism and learn to love who you are.

In some ways, women are known as being the connectors, the party hosts, the drivers of relationships. A byproduct of spending centuries constrained to child-rearing and home-making is that many of us have this bio-cultural skill of building community. Why is it then that many of us feel intimidated by other women, lacking in our female friendships, and worrying if our friends truly like us? And as soon as we get over that, finally let someone close to us, they sometimes end up breaking our heart and with it, the friendship. Best friend break-ups involve as much grief as romantic break-ups and yet, we don’t have as many tools to deal with them. Luckily, Danielle Bayard Jackson is here to help us build strong friendships, especially those with fellow women. Danielle Bayard Jackson is a female friendship coach and educator who speaks nationally about the science of women’s platonic connections. She is also the author of the book Fighting for Our Friendships (May 2024). Danielle’s coaching business, Friend Forward, is dedicated to teaching women how to create and maintain better female friendships, and her expertise has been featured in The New York Times, NBC News, Psychology Today, Wall Street Journal, Oprah Magazine, Good Morning America, and a host of other media outlets. A former high school teacher, Danielle now uses her teaching skills and leverages her background to study what the latest research has to say about women’s cooperation, communication, and conflict. You will learn about... - the role jealousy plays in our female friendships - what we should/ should not expect from people in our social circle - the 3 key components to good friendships - how to cope with friendship break-ups Remember: self-love begs us to have a balance between independence and dependence. Follow Danielle on Instagram Learn more about Danielle’s book, podcast, and workshops here: https://www.betterfemalefriendships.com Danielle shares her insight weekly on The Friend Forward Podcast And if you enjoyed this episode, screenshot it and share it on social media! Make sure to tag @maryspodcast and @daniellebayardjackson

In this week’s episode, Mary discusses the importance of self-trust and how it plays a role in developing a deeper, more authentic relationship with yourself. She shares how trusting yourself means letting go of control over outcomes and embracing the process, especially when things don’t go as planned. Remember: Trust the process, release the result. If you enjoyed this episode, share and tag @maryspodcast on social media! Get Mary’s self-love books: 1. [The Gift of Self-Love](https://maryscupoftea.com/gift-of-self-love)*,* an interactive workbook that will help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself. 2. [100 Days of Self-Love](https://maryscupoftea.com/100-days-of-self-love)*,* a guided journal with 100 prompts to help you calm self-criticism and learn to love who you are. Mentioned In This Episode... [Ep. 221: How to Trust Yourself](https://open.spotify.com/episode/2ZV7Smsa4khbP572qbfiX0) [Ep. 212: How to Be Honest with Yourself](https://open.spotify.com/episode/4348mDRgl2GG1aRT43tZUy) [Ep. 81: How to Follow Your Heart](https://open.spotify.com/episode/5OiJtFCJ1obmWsJzpR1bMk)

Dear Mary, I would love some of your wisdom in relation to my ex. Things fell apart for reasons that are complicated and awful. But we tried to remain friends. I feel I made an effort, I kept messaging, I asked him about his life, I organized a catch up. I still had lots of feelings to process but I put them aside because I wanted to maintain a friendship. I backed off a bit while he was on holidays and when he came back and messaged me, I was in a bad place mentally. It took a week or so for me to respond and I told him the truth - that I wasn’t doing well. His response had no empathy. He didn’t ask what was going on or if I wanted to catch up. Do I tell him how I’m feeling or do I accept he can’t meet my emotional needs and let the friendship go? Love from, Anonymous If you enjoyed this episode, share and tag @maryspodcast on social media! Get Mary’s self-love books: 1. [*The Gift of Self-Love](https://maryscupoftea.com/gift-of-self-love),* an interactive workbook that will help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself. 2. [*100 Days of Self-Love](https://maryscupoftea.com/100-days-of-self-love),* a guided journal with 100 prompts to help you calm self-criticism and learn to love who you are. Mentioned In This Episode... Ep. 203 Coping with Getting Ghosted & Family Estrangement with Minaa B.: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/marys-cup-of-tea-the-self-love-podcast-for-women/id1495128359?i=1000653572865

This was supposed to be a well-thought-out, polished interview with artist and author Carissa Potter, better known as @peopleiveloved on Instagram. Instead, this turned out to be a vulnerable conversation about parents, religion, narcissism, and overall, our human-ness. Our guest today, or perhaps more accurately our co-host Carissa has over 800,000 followers on social media but the first sentence on her website says that “Carissa Potter is a human longing for connection.” She writes books, makes art & public commissions, and hosts the series Bad At Keeping Secrets (one of Substack’s featured newsletter of 2022) where she talks to other humans doing really interesting things. Carissa is the founder of People I’ve Loved, her platform and stationary line that bridges the gaps between people by helping them have authentic and sometimes difficult conversations. She was named one of Cosmopolitan’s 24 People (Genuinely) Making the World a Better Place and I couldn’t agree more. This is an extraordinarily raw and real conversation about... - why Carissa wishes she had kids earlier in life - the nuances of both of our religious beliefs - what Mary’s father is like - how being chronically late might be a sign of intimacy issues Remember: humans are complex creatures but at our core, all we want is connection with other humans. Follow Carissa on Instagram: @peopleiveloved Subscribe to Carissa’s newsletter, Bad At Keeping Secrets: https://peopleiveloved.substack.com And if you enjoyed this episode, screenshot it and share it on social media! Make sure to tag @maryspodcast and @peopleiveloved Mentioned In This Episode... Narcissistic Abuse: https://www.stopthespincycle.com/narcissistic-abuse

If you’re going through a difficult time, here are 5 reminders to ground you in self-love. You will learn... - Where mantras originate from and why they’re helpful - How to work with your mindset to gain greater perspective - What to tell yourself when you’re going through a hard time Which one of these affirmations resonated with you the most? Or do you have your own mantra that you love? Let me know by tagging [@maryspodcast](https://www.instagram.com/maryspodcast/) in your IG stories! Get Mary’s self-love book + journal: - [*The Gift of Self-Love*](https://maryscupoftea.com/gift-of-self-love): a workbook that will help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself - [*100 Days of Self-Love](https://www.notion.so/3c0dadab63e54f34982830413ea57a14?pvs=21):* a guided journal with 100 prompts to help you calm self-criticism and learn to love who you are Mentioned In This Episode... 240 votes TikTok by @imdaven: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTFwo3So6/

f you have a chronic health condition, then you know how extra difficult it is to navigate food and body-image struggles. Between wellness culture telling you to cut out this or that food and lose weight for “health reasons,” it can be triggering to manage your symptoms without slipping back into a restrictive mindset. And the worst part is, even medical professionals prescribe dietary restrictions without screening patients for a history of disordered eating. So is food freedom possible even while living with chronic illness? Nutritionist Abbie Attwood is here to help. You will learn... - how to challenge diet and weight-centric medical advice - practical tips for finding p eace with your body amidst chronic pain and symptoms - how to approach food with conditions like PCOS, Celiacs, Chrons, IBS, diabetes, and autoimmune illnesses Remember: Your body deserves COMPASSION even and especially in the face of chronic health challenges. Abbie Attwood (she/her) is an anti-diet, weight-inclusive nutritionist with a master’s degree in clinical nutrition. She runs Abbie Attwood Wellness, offering virtual nutrition therapy and body image coaching through both individual sessions and group programs. Abbie is also the host of the Full Plate Podcast and writes a companion newsletter. Abbie’s personal journey with an eating disorder emerged at the intersection of competitive running, neurodivergence, and chronic illnesses. These experiences fuel her passion for working with individuals who don’t always fit the traditional image of disordered eating, offering them a space to feel seen and supported. Her approach is rooted in self-compassion, social justice, and body liberation. Abbie helps clients worldwide heal from disordered eating, chronic dieting, body shame, and compulsive exercise, guiding them towards a more peaceful and respectful relationship with their bodies. She splits her time between Maine and the Bay Area, where she lives with her husband and their two quirky rescue dogs. Abbie is a lover of breakfast foods, good books, the ocean, and a scoop of ice cream any time of day. Follow Abbie on Instagram @abbieattwoodwellness Learn more about Abbie’s group coaching: https://www.abbieattwoodwellness.com/group-coaching And if you enjoyed this episode, screenshot it and share it on social media! Make sure to tag @maryspodcast and @abbieattwoodwellness Mentioned In This Episode... The Full Plate Podcast Episode: No, You Can’t ”Eat Your Way” To Diabetes With Erin Phillips, RD & Diabetes Specialist

The common misconception is that feeling your feelings means sitting, sulking, and staying where you are until you feel good enough to move forward. But there’s a much more effective way to process your feelings. Tune in to learn how + hear how Mary is applying this technique to her own life. Remember: emotions need motion! If you enjoyed this episode, screenshot it and tag @maryspodcast on social media! And make sure to get Mary’s books two on self-love: - *The Gift of Self-Love*: https://maryscupoftea.com/gift-of-self-love. This is a self-love workbook that will help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself. - *100 Days of Self-Love:* [maryscupoftea.com/journal](http://maryscupoftea.com/journal). This is a guided journal with 100 prompts to help you calm self-criticism and learn to love who you are. Mentioned In This Episode... [*When God Was a Woman*](https://a.co/d/c9bVe54) by Merlin Stone

*I feel two paths diverging in my life and I feel drawn to one, but it’s more practical and potentially easier and less expensive to do the other, yet, my heart years for more. How do I know if I’m on the right path?* Tune in to hear Mary’s advice on choosing the right path for you. Submit your questions: [email protected] Get Mary’s self-love books: 1. [The Gift of Self-Love](https://maryscupoftea.com/gift-of-self-love)*,* an interactive workbook that will help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to finally love yourself. 2. [100 Days of Self-Love](https://maryscupoftea.com/100-days-of-self-love)*,* a guided journal with 100 prompts to help you calm self-criticism and learn to love who you are. Mentioned In This Episode... [Four Thousand Weeks](https://amzn.to/4dH8YLm) by Oliver Burkeman

My whole life I have strived to be a “good girl.” But after this conversation with Elise Loehnen, I no longer want to be. You will learn... - the history behind the 7 deadly sins and how they’ve been weaponized by the patriarchy - who Mary Magdalene really was and how she got mislabeled as a prostitute - why thinness is the dominant beauty ideal in our current culture - the connection between PRIDE and ENVY - subtle ways women undermine each other Elise Loehnen is a writer, editor, and podcast host who lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Rob, and their two sons, Max and Sam. She is the host of Pulling the Thread, a podcast focused on pulling apart the stories we tell about who we are—and then putting those threads back together. Ultimately Elise is a seeker and synthesizer, braiding together wisdom traditions, cultural history, and a deep knowledge of healing modalities to unlock new ways to contextualize who we are and why we’re here. She’s also the author of the instant New York Times bestseller On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good (Dial Press/PRH). The book weaves together history, memoir, and cultural criticism to explore the ways patriarchy lands in the bodies of women and embeds itself in our consciousness—and what we then police in ourselves and in each other. Regardless of our religious provenance, the self-denial implicit in each of the Seven Deadly Sins—Sloth, Envy, Pride, Gluttony, Greed, Lust, Anger—reads like a checklist of what it means to be a “good” woman. With awareness, we can begin to recognize these patterns of self-restriction, break the story, and move ourselves and each other toward freedom and balance. Follow Elise on Instagram: @eliseloehnen Get Elise’s book, On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good And if you enjoyed this episode, screenshot it and share it on social media! Make sure to tag @maryspodcast and @eliseloehnen Mentioned In This Episode... Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb