Hayley Ladd: Finding Your Tribe

Acacia Larson grew up a pastor's kid in North Carolina, taught themself from 11 to 15, and talked their way into one of America's oldest girls' schools and then West Point. In Part 1, we get into growing up feeling different and loving it, being androgynous in one of the most gendered places on earth, and why Acacia walked out of the academy faster than anyone before them.Follow Standing Out on TikTok and Instagram @christopherallenofficial, and subscribe on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday.Standing Out Live: on Thursday 19 November I'm recording the Season 1 finale live at The Ministry in London with TRYBZ, with three guests including Jonathan Blake. Tickets are in my bio.References mentioned in this episode:- Emma Willard School - https://www.emmawillard.org/- United States Military Academy at West Point - https://www.westpoint.edu/- Don't Ask, Don't Tell - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don%27t_ask,_don%27t_tell- West Point disbands Spectrum and other cadet clubs (Stars and Stripes, Feb 2025) - https://www.stripes.com/branches/army/2025-02-05/west-point-identity-group-ban-16728098.html- Knights Out (West Point LGBTQ+ alumni) - https://www.knightsout.org/- Major Ian Fishback - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ian_Fishback- Yves Klein - https://www.yvesklein.com/CONTENT WARNINGS:- MISGENDERING- ANTI-LGBTQ+ POLICY- WAR AND MILITARY DEPLOYMENT- STRONG LANGUAGEChapters:- 00:00:00 Welcome to Standing Out- 00:01:15 Feeling different at seven: the girls' bathroom line- 00:03:03 Oldest of five and a pastor's kid in North Carolina- 00:06:29 A dad who was an actor, a tennis pro and a missionary in China- 00:07:55 Homeschooling and getting into Emma Willard- 00:14:59 Androgyny at an all-girls school and "it's none of your business"- 00:17:23 Why West Point- 00:21:51 Gender, hair rules and a 90% male academy- 00:24:45 Pronouns, the middle as a superpower and the shortest line- 00:29:47 Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Carol and finding your advocates- 00:32:23 Spectrum, the LGBTQ+ club West Point shut down- 00:34:49 Women in combat arms, ISIS and deciding to leave- 00:38:57 Four hours 37 minutes and life after West Point

Part two with Queera Lynn, the 1940s wartime drag queen taking on hate online. We get into faith healers who charge for miracles, whether Jesus could have been gay, why anyone who says they used to be gay is lying, what success really looks like, and the older gay men who paved the way for us. Plus Queera's new show, Deliverance, and the advice Queera would give a scared 15 year old: pick your site, not just your battle.Follow Queera on Instagram: @queera_lynnSee Queera Lynn's Deliverance on 5th November at the Two Brewers, Clapham: https://www.outsavvy.com/event/39096/apostle-queera-lynns-deliveranceFollow me on TikTok and Instagram @christopherallenofficial, and subscribe on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday.References mentioned in this episode:- Fighting With Pride, the charity for LGBT+ veterans affected by the armed forces ban: https://www.fightingwithpride.org.ukCONTENT WARNING:- RELIGION AND FAITH HEALING- HIV AND AIDS, INCLUDING A PARENT DYING AFTER STOPPING TREATMENT- CONVERSION PRACTICES ("PRAYING THE GAY AWAY")- HOMOPHOBIA- DRUG AND ALCOHOL ADDICTION AND RECOVERY- STRONG LANGUAGEChapters:- 00:00:00 Welcome back to part two- 00:00:47 Faith healing on a stage, not in a cancer ward- 00:01:46 The bishop who prayed HIV away- 00:04:31 Getting spiritual after getting sober- 00:05:22 Why cancer, HIV, gay and autism "cures" travel together- 00:09:35 Can religion and being queer live in the same space?- 00:09:49 Was Jesus gay?- 00:12:03 Why Jesus never talks about gay people- 00:13:29 Strong opinions and what activism costs- 00:17:03 "Used to be gay"? You're a liar- 00:20:59 What does success really look like?- 00:24:58 Respect your elders- 00:28:02 Surviving is success- 00:29:08 David, karaoke and the wise man of the tribe- 00:30:39 Deliverance: Queera's mega church experience- 00:33:40 Advice to a 15 year old Queera- 00:34:45 Pick your site, not just your battle- 00:38:30 Nobody chooses this- 00:39:12 Comedy on the edge- 00:41:24 Queera promotes Deliverance in character- 00:41:52 Thank you, Queera

This week I'm sitting down with Queera Lynn, the 1940s wartime drag queen and one of the funniest, most fearless voices taking on hate online. In part one we get into where Queera came from, why the character works so well, and why our existence is not up for debate.Follow Queera on Instagram: @queera_lynnSee Apostle Queera Lynn's Deliverance on 5 November at the Two Brewers, Clapham: https://www.outsavvy.com/event/39096/apostle-queera-lynns-deliveranceFollow me on TikTok and Instagram @christopherallenofficial, and subscribe on YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday. Part two is out next week.References mentioned in this episode:- Louis Theroux: Inside the Manosphere (Netflix) — https://media.netflix.com/en/only-on-netflix/81920687CONTENT WARNING:- HOMOPHOBIA, INCLUDING FROM WITHIN THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY- INTERNALISED HOMOPHOBIA- CONVERSION PRACTICES ("PRAYING THE GAY AWAY")- MENTION OF DRUG USE- RELIGION- STRONG LANGUAGEChapters:- 00:00:00 Introducing Queera Lynn- 00:01:05 Recognised out of drag in Wales- 00:05:48 Who is Queera Lynn?- 00:07:33 Why a 1940s drag queen- 00:09:38 Drag, real jobs and hard work- 00:18:37 From the stage to calling out hate- 00:20:35 The Straight Acting Brotherhood, exposed- 00:27:32 Why so many of us hated being gay- 00:29:10 Our existence is not up for debate- 00:31:57 Religion, rules and praying the gay away- 00:34:22 Being a Diet Coke Christian- 00:37:55 Street preachers and paying for healing- 00:39:07 Part two is next Wednesday

In part two of my conversation with West End performer Jaime Tait, we talk about love, honesty and making up your own rules after almost 11 years with his partner James. Jaime opens up about colourism, in life and on stage, about what it costs to be the empath and the peacemaker, and how he protects his own energy. It's a conversation about authenticity, and about choosing to heal rather than hurt.Missed part one? Start there first.Follow Jaime on Instagram & TikTok at @jaaytaitFollow along on TikTok and Instagram at @christopherallenofficial, and follow on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday.References mentioned in this episode:- Legally Blonde The Musical, UK and Ireland tour (Jaime's current show): https://www.atgtickets.com/shows/legally-blonde/- Urdang, now part of City St George's, University of London (where we trained): https://www.citystgeorges.ac.uk/about/schools/communication-creativity/performing-arts- UCLA Hollywood Diversity Report 2026, Part 1: Theatrical (published March 2026): https://socialsciences.ucla.edu/hollywood-diversity-report-2026-part-1-theatrical/CONTENT WARNINGS- RACISM AND RACIST LANGUAGE- OPEN RELATIONSHIPS AND SEX- STRONG LANGUAGECHAPTERS- 00:00 Intro- 01:20 Almost 11 years with James, honesty and making up your own rules- 04:16 Jealousy, feeling secure, and every version of yourself- 08:29 Advice for talking to your partner about opening things up- 13:48 Colourism: being a lighter-skinned Black performer- 18:38 Representation on stage and screen, and why it still lags- 24:15 Being the empath and the peacemaker- 27:36 Filling your cup first, and stepping back from draining people- 31:52 What authenticity means to Jaime now- 33:52 Hurt people heal people, and looking inwards- 35:57 A surprise for Jaime- 38:19 Outro

This week, West End performer Jaime Tait joins me for part one of a two-part conversation. Jaime and I went to drama school together when we were just 21 and so I thought I knew him. This conversation opened up a whole new side to jaime that I had never seen and I'm truly grateful for this honesty and wisdom.We go back to growing up in Birmingham as one of seven, what was expected of him as a Black boy, and the mindset that has kept him on stage for ten years and counting. It's a conversation about energy, self-belief, and feeling like you always have more to prove.A quick note: the first 10 minutes or so are audio only because of a camera problem. The video comes in at about 12 minutes.Follow Jaime on Instagram at @jaaytaitFollow along on TikTok and Instagram at @christopherallenofficial, and follow on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.New episodes every Wednesday. Part two is out next Wednesday ✨References mentioned in this episode:- Urdang, now part of City St George's, University of London (where Jaime and I trained): https://www.citystgeorges.ac.uk/about/schools/communication-creativity/performing-arts- Legally Blonde The Musical, UK and Ireland tour (Jaime's current show): https://www.atgtickets.com/shows/legally-blonde/CONTENT WARNINGS- RACISM AND RACIST LANGUAGE- HOMOPHOBIA- A PARENT'S REACTION TO COMING OUT- AN UNSETTLED HOME LIFE IN CHILDHOOD- STRONG LANGUAGECHAPTERS- 00:00 Intro- 01:29 Knowing someone at 21, and ten years in the West End- 03:15 Growing up in Birmingham as one of seven: what was expected- 04:53 Becoming the people pleaser, and the empath in the middle- 07:30 Knowing he was gay, and using comedy to change the subject- 10:30 Signs, labels and rules: "we're all very free beings"- 12:24 Keeping the love for performing, and why energy gets you hired- 16:58 Telling his dad he was gay the day before moving to London- 20:00 Dancing "like a boy" at Urdang, and embracing every side of himself- 24:12 More to prove: being Black and gay in the cast- 25:27 Minority stress, intention, and whether to correct people- 31:51 The most powerful skill: staying in a good mood- 32:40 Meeting James, self-belief and audition rituals- 39:17 "I know I'm going to be a lead role"

Part two of my conversation with talent agent Yan Javeri. We pick up in Switzerland and follow him through being outed to his family, a move to LA that arrived alongside profound loss, and building his own company from nothing. It's a story about grief, defiance, and what he'd say to the boy with the crocodile briefcase now.Follow Yan on Instagram at @yancameronj.Follow along on TikTok and Instagram at @christopherallenofficial, and subscribe on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday.References mentioned in this episode:- The Visionaries, the talent agency Yan founded: https://www.thevisionariesagency.com/ @thevisionariesagencyCONTENT WARNINGS- BEING OUTED WITHOUT CONSENT- FAMILY ESTRANGEMENT- A PARENT'S AGGRESSIVE REACTION (IMPLIED THREAT, NOT ACTED ON)- TERMINAL ILLNESS AND THE SUDDEN DEATH OF A PARENT (TWICE)- GRIEFCHAPTERS00:00 Intro01:24 Finding freedom in Switzerland02:52 Outed to his family07:20 What being outed cost him11:47 Leaving Switzerland for Australia and London14:04 Becoming a talent agent by accident17:54 Social media and the move to LA20:17 Losing his father weeks after landing23:29 When grief finally catches up25:31 Losing his mother, then his job28:15 No job, no visa, starting anyway31:32 Nine years single37:09 Advice for your thirties

This week, talent agent Yan Javeri joins me for part one of a two-part conversation. We go back to a childhood built on practicality rather than explanation, being sent to boarding school at eight while his brother stayed home, and the years he spent quietly studying other people to work out how to belong. It's a story about camouflage, and what it costs to build a version of yourself just to fit in.Follow Yan on Instagram at @yancameronj.Follow along on TikTok and Instagram at @christopherallenofficial, and subscribe on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday.References mentioned in this episode:- University of Westminster, Harrow campus (formerly Harrow School of Art, where Yan studied): https://arts.westminster.ac.uk/historyCONTENT WARNINGS- FAMILY ESTRANGEMENT- BOARDING SCHOOL SEPARATION AT A YOUNG AGE- BULLYING- AN EMOTIONALLY UNHEALTHY EARLY RELATIONSHIPCHAPTERS00:00 Intro03:08 Four pages of prep, and a year of therapy07:32 Always structured: mapping things out to feel in control08:24 A childhood of sensory overload and no explanations09:38 Sent to boarding school at eight, while his brother stayed home14:40 Negotiating his way back to state school15:38 The crocodile briefcase: culture shock in Essex19:59 Studying the popular kids, and building a version of himself23:34 Art school, his first boyfriend, and getting in by fibbing25:13 Fearless at Harrow: cleaning toilets at 4am for his freedom31:48 An invitation to Geneva

This week Christopher sits down with Wales vice-captain and Crystal Palace midfielder Hayley Ladd - 111 caps for her country, a freshly completed MBA, and newly married to her university sweetheart. They talk about the version of herself Hayley tried to force at university (pink cardigan and all), meeting her now-wife on the football pitch, and what representation looked like growing up in a town not far from London where she still couldn't see anyone like herself.Follow Standing Out on TikTok and Instagram @christopherallenofficial, and subscribe on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday.References mentioned in this episode:Crystal Palace Women — https://www.cpfc.co.uk/palace-women/Wales Women's national team (FAW) — https://faw.cymru/Loughborough University — https://www.lboro.ac.uk/Everton Women — https://www.evertonfc.com/women/Manchester United Women — https://www.manutd.com/en/manchester-united-womenArsenal Women — https://www.arsenal.com/womenWomen's Super League — https://www.wslfootball.com/Hayley Ladd on Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/hayleyladd/

In Part Two of this two-part conversation, Eugene Lynch continues his story — what happened after his HIV diagnosis, how shame and addiction quietly took hold, and the winding road back to honesty, healing, and a full circle career at the charity that once saved him. Follow Standing Out on TikTok and Instagram @christopherallenofficial, and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Wednesday. References mentioned in this episode:- Terrence Higgins Trust — https://tht.org.uk/- Terrence Higgins Trust on Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/thtorguk/- Donate to Terrence Higgins Trust — https://donate.tht.org.uk/- Terrence Higgins Trust's Positive Voices speaker programme — https://tht.org.uk/about-us/community-projects/hiv-training-and-speakers THIS EPISODE DISCUSSES:- HIV DIAGNOSIS- DRUG AND ALCOHOL ADDICTION- MENTAL HEALTH STRUGGLES, INCLUDING ANXIETY AND PANIC ATTACKS- SEXUAL ASSAULT (DISCLOSED IN DETAIL)- REHAB AND ADDICTION TREATMENTListener discretion advised.Chapters:00:02:15 Telling Tim: the day of his HIV diagnosis00:04:17 Guilt, shame, and hiding drug use from Tim00:05:03 The medication side effect that went unnoticed for two years00:07:48 The story Eugene told Tim about how he got HIV00:09:12 Hitting rock bottom in 201800:11:33 Reaching out to Terrence Higgins Trust for support00:15:21 A psychiatrist recommends rehab00:16:21 Wrestling with the "addict" label as a gay man00:19:16 Step One: writing down everything and reading it aloud00:20:48 The full story he'd never told anyone, and a therapist's reframe00:29:59 Telling Tim the truth years later, and a healing moment00:34:20 Full circle: from service user to THT director, plus his advice and how to support the charity

This week Christopher sits down with Eugene (@eugenelynch83) - a Dublin-born corporate professional turned TikTok HIV-awareness advocate followed by thousands. In Part 1 of this two-part conversation, Eugene traces the through-line from a two-bedroom house with no central heating in 1980s Dublin, through school years spent quietly hiding who he was, to meeting the love of his life at 4am in a Vauxhall nightclub - and the diagnosis that changed everything. This episode is only part 1, part 2 will follow next Wednesday.Follow Christopher on TikTok and Instagram @christopherallenofficial, and follow Eugene on TikTok @eugenelynch83 and Instagram @eugenelynch.Subscribe wherever you listen so you don't miss Part 2 - new episodes every Wednesday.References mentioned in this episode:Terrence Higgins Trust (HIV support and information) — https://tht.org.uk/NHS: Shingles, causes and who's at risk — https://www.nhsinform.scot/illnesses-and-conditions/infections-and-poisoning/shinglesFire, Vauxhall (nightclub) — https://thatsup.co.uk/london/nightclub/fire-london/The Netherlands becomes the first country to legalise same-sex marriage, 2001 — https://spectrumlocalnews.com/ap-top-news/2021/04/01/the-dutch-went-first-in-2001-who-has-same-sex-marriage-nowCONTENT WARNINGS FOR THIS EPISODE:HIV DIAGNOSISDRUG USEALCOHOL USEMENTAL HEALTH STRUGGLESHOMOPHOBIA / BULLYINGChapters:00:00:00 Welcome & meeting Eugene00:01:55 Born in Dublin, 1983: growing up working-class00:04:00 A quiet inferiority complex, and feeling "other" at school00:07:48 His aunt, and the wedding in Amsterdam she couldn't attend00:11:06 Secondary school: freedom, friendship, and the class "moment of realisation"00:16:46 University: becoming an atheist and deciding to "just be"00:19:31 2007: meeting the love of his life at 4am in Fire, Vauxhall00:20:12 A wild period, toxic relationships, and trying drugs for the first time00:24:30 Why he talks about HIV on TikTok00:26:04 Getting ill: shingles, diagnosis, and telling Tim