Stop Asking Yourself the Wrong Questions: How to Unlock Deeper Fulfillment with Elliott Connie

Delanie Fischer chats with Elliott Connie, Psychotherapist and renowned leader in the field of Solution Focused Brief Therapy, about shifting the questions we ask ourselves in order to transform our lives. They discuss the difference between comfort and happiness, how to go deeper in times of indecision and struggle, and simple practices and rituals that create lasting change. Discussed in this episode:  SFBT and The Diamond Approach Rejecting Perfect Timing Syndrome  Has What You Want Changed? And Can You Trust It? The Worst Question We Ask Ourselves Comfort vs. Happiness (and Why Comfort Can Kill Us) Will Therapy As We Know It Become Obsolete? Can't Do It In The Ideal Way? Do It A Little Bit. What's Your Version of Sunday Pizza Night? Capitalism, Social Media & Pursuing What Matters The Toughest Life Lesson Elliott's Learned ---- If Self-Helpless has supported you in some way, a quick 5-star rating or review (if you haven’t already) means so much! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/self-helpless/id1251196416 Free goodies including The Quote Buffet and The Watch & Read List: https://www.selfhelplesspodcast.com/ Ad-free episodes now available on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/selfhelpless Your Host, Delanie Fischer: https://www.delaniefischer.com ---- Episodes related to this topic: Release Your Perfectionism Handbrake: Power Planning, Clean Rest, and Demystifying Procrastination with Sam Laura Brown: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/22e1c287/release-your-perfectionism-handbrake-power-planning-clean-rest-and-demystifying-procrastination-with-sam-laura-brown Cracking The Code To Behavior Change: Troubleshooting Tiny Barriers That Destroy Big Goals with Molly Maxwell: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/24e651e8/cracking-the-code-to-behavior-change-troubleshooting-tiny-barriers-that-destroy-big-goals-with-molly-maxwell 10 Fascinating Tricks For More Wins And Improved Well-Being with Janice Kaplan: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/23c60009/10-fascinating-tricks-for-more-wins-and-improved-well-being-with-janice-kaplan Need a Strong Dose of Optimism? 5 Tips for an Instant Perspective Shift with Bill Burke: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/255fd6bc/need-a-strong-dose-of-optimism-5-tips-for-an-instant-perspective-shift-with-bill-burke Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Delanie Fischer chats with John Wang, author of Big Asian Energy, about confidence, culture, and the power of conversation. They unpack how cultural conditioning, fear, and the desire to be "good enough” shape identity and self-worth. John shares the lessons he learned from his year-long experiment in radical honesty—during which he came clean to friends and family about past lies and committed to always speaking his mind in every interaction—and reflects on how this experience led to deeper connections and a new way of being. Discussed in this episode:  What Is Charisma, Gravitas, and Executive Presence?  Biases, Stereotypes, Discrimination, and Coded Language  Asian American Culture and the Workplace  Fear of Conflict, Confrontation, and Avoidance  The 1 Year of Radical Honesty Experiment 7 Adaptive Patterns: Achiever, Fixer, Chameleon, Charmer, Commander, Rebel, Invisible One  The Belief Behind Your Behavior and The Fear (and Illusion) of Death  Rejection as Redirection to Alignment + Finding Community and Belonging  The Achievement Monster & How To Get off the Treadmill  Internal vs. External Validation & When Affirmations Don’t Work (Try This) Self-Worth and Creating Your Own Metric for Success  High-Context vs. Low-Context Conversation  Self-Diminishment vs. Respecting Cultural Norms  The 6 Levels of Mitigating Language (Great for Baby Steps!) Saying No, Giving Direct Feedback & Becoming More Assertive  ---- If Self-Helpless has supported you in some way, a quick 5-star rating or review (if you haven't already) means so much!  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/self-helpless/id1251196416 Free goodies including The Quote Buffet and The Watch & Read List: https://www.selfhelplesspodcast.com/ Ad-free episodes now available on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/selfhelpless Your Host, Delanie Fischer: https://www.delaniefischer.com ---- Episodes related to this topic: “You’re So Sensitive”: Understanding Everyday Microaggressions, Implicit Bias, and Best Practices with Billie Lee & Dr. Gina Torino: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/2396d366/youre-so-sensitive-understanding-everyday-microaggressions-implicit-bias-and-best-practices-with-billie-lee-and-dr-gina-torino How A Sexist Society Gets In Your Head (And How To Get It Out) with Kara Loewentheil: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/23318969/how-a-sexist-society-gets-in-your-head-and-how-to-get-it-out-with-kara-loewentheil Why You Became A People-Pleaser: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/27c52c66/why-you-became-a-people-pleaser Mortality Awareness: Meaning, Motivation, and Your To-Die-For Life with Karen Salmansohn: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/2367345e/mortality-awareness-meaning-motivation-and-your-to-die-for-life-with-karen-salmansohn Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Delanie Fischer chats with Em Schulz, co-host of And That’s Why We Drink and one of Delanie’s best buds, to discuss past heartbreak, healing from breakups, and what they wish they would’ve known - like how to avoid tolerating, and dishing out, toxic behavior. Having been with their current partners for nearly a decade, they share their perspective on what’s led to the most relationship growth.  Plus: + 8 Things To Try During A Breakup (Weird Stuff Works)  + The Worst Things They’ve Done In Relationships  + Healthy Partnership, Marriage, and Personal Growth  Self-Helpless on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/selfhelpless Your Host, Delanie Fischer: https://www.delaniefischer.com EPISODES RELATED TO THIS TOPIC: Your Burning Relationship Questions Answered with Rachel DeAlto: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/3f1ddb9c/your-burning-relationship-questions-answered-with-rachel-dealto The Psychology of Infidelity: Why People Cheat, Non-Monogamy vs. Monogamy, and Sexual Mindfulness with Dr. Tara: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/24240595/the-psychology-of-infidelity-why-people-cheat-non-monogamy-vs-monogamy-and-sexual-mindfulness-with-dr-tara Craving A Healthy Relationship? Understand Your Attachment Style with Thais Gibson: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/228cc412/craving-a-healthy-relationship-understand-your-attachment-style-with-thais-gibson When My Husband Came Out: Sexuality, Betrayal, and Healing with Jessica Frew: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/229e6642/when-my-husband-came-out-sexuality-betrayal-and-healing-with-jessica-frew Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Delanie Fischer chats with Chika Uwazie, writer, cultural commentator, and someone instrumental in amplifying the soft life movement, to discuss life transitions, normalizing pivots, and prioritizing presence, rest, and joy along the way. They discuss timeline grief (when life doesn't go as planned), rebuilding and reinventing yourself as needed, and embracing who you truly are vs. who you've been told to be. Plus: + Lessons: The 20s and 30s (and Hopes for the 40s) + 2 Questions To Ask Yourself When You're Stuck + Your Phone Doesn't Have To Be Your Morning Routine Self-Helpless on Patreon: ⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/selfhelpless⁠⁠ Your Host, Delanie Fischer: ⁠⁠https://www.delaniefischer.com⁠⁠ EPISODES RELATED TO THIS TOPIC: How To Crush The Job Search (Even If You Feel Like Crap) with HR Expert Shelby McGuire Canlas: ⁠⁠https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/21ce2f57/how-to-crush-the-job-search-even-if-you-feel-like-sht-with-hr-expert-shelby-mcguire-canlas⁠⁠ It's Not Too Late To Start with Jared Champion: ⁠⁠https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/23f7190f/its-not-too-late-to-start-with-jared-champion⁠⁠ How To Let Your Ideal Lifestyle Inspire Your Next Step with Olivia Mulford: ⁠⁠https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/24291d42/self-helpless-snack-how-to-let-your-ideal-lifestyle-inspire-your-next-step-with-olivia-mulford⁠⁠ Hurry Sickness And The Busy Brain Cure with Dr. Romie Mushtaq: ⁠⁠https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/243d15fa/hurry-sickness-and-the-busy-brain-cure-with-dr-romie-mushtaq Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Delanie Fischer chats with Dr. Dave Rabin, board-certified psychiatrist, translational neuroscientist, and inventor, to discuss the future of mental health and medicine. They discuss the efficacy of psychedelic-assisted therapy, technological therapeutics, ancient modalities, and ground-breaking discoveries about consciousness. * This episode is not a substitute for medical advice. Please consult your doctor to determine which therapeutic practices are appropriate for you. Plus: + The Root of Mental Illness, Epigenetics, Trauma, and Consciousness + Psychedelics & Medications: Psilocybin, Ketamine, MDMA, and SSRIs + Near-Death Experiences, Synchronicities, and Extrasensory Ability Self-Helpless on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/selfhelpless Your Host, Delanie Fischer: https://www.delaniefischer.com EPISODES RELATED TO THIS TOPIC: Depression and Serotonin Syndrome with Dr. Tracey Marks: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/36a8f408/depression-and-serotonin-syndrome-with-dr-tracey-marks Rethinking Intuition, Belief, and The Nature of Reality with Vincent Genna: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/23db0212/rethinking-intuition-belief-and-the-nature-of-reality-with-vincent-genna 7 Reasons Why You May Have Insomnia (And How To Treat It) with Dr. Brian F. Licuanan: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/215f937b/7-reasons-why-you-may-have-insomnia-and-how-to-treat-it-with-dr-brian-f-licuanan 20+ Years Thriving with Stage IV Cancer with Kris Carr: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/22f2b084/20-years-thriving-with-stage-iv-cancer-with-kris-carr Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Delanie Fischer chats with Brittany Moore, who shares her experience being married to Steve Moore, a past guest on Self-Helpless and someone who has struggled with porn addiction (and now helps others overcome it). She describes how she found out, the impact it’s had on her, and where her and Steve are now after 20 years of marriage. Plus: + The Unexpected Way Brittany Found Out  + The Signs She Noticed But Didn’t Understand + Potential Isn’t Enough, You Need This Too Self-Helpless on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/selfhelpless Your Host, Delanie Fischer: https://www.delaniefischer.com EPISODES RELATED TO THIS TOPIC: Is It Porn Addiction? Inside the Impact, Neuroscience, and Recovery with Steve Moore and Mark Kastleman: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/2230ec70/is-it-porn-addiction-inside-the-impact-neuroscience-and-recovery-with-steve-moore-and-mark-kastleman 7 Shocking Truths About Codependency And Addiction with Heidi Rain: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/24c74079/7-shocking-truths-about-codependency-and-addiction-with-heidi-rain Sex and Love Addiction with Sex Addiction Therapist, Alex Katehakis: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/316e9795/sex-and-love-addiction-with-sex-addiction-therapist-alex-katehakis When You're A High Functioning Addict (And Modernizing The 12 Steps) with Dr. Samantha Harte: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/233469a8/when-youre-a-high-functioning-addict-and-modernizing-the-12-steps-with-dr-samantha-harte Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Delanie Fischer chats with Dr. Judy Ho, licensed clinical and forensic neuropsychologist, tenured professor at Pepperdine University, and TV host, about attention-seeking behavior. They take a deep dive into one common type, sympathy-seeking, to explore its root causes, distinguish between healthy and unhealthy attention-seeking, and share practical tips for approaching conversations with empathy. Plus: + Breakdown of 6 Common Attention-Seeking Behaviors + The Biggest Myth About Neuroplasticity—Busted + 15 Tips: Self-Auditing, Parenting, and Tough Conversations Self-Helpless on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/selfhelpless Your Host, Delanie Fischer: https://www.delaniefischer.com EPISODES RELATED TO THIS TOPIC: Understand Your Attachment Style with Thais Gibson: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/228cc412/craving-a-healthy-relationship-understand-your-attachment-style-with-thais-gibson What If You Did The Opposite Action Today? with Dr. Luana Marquez: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/273fa5be/self-helpless-snack-what-if-you-did-the-opposite-action-today-with-dr-luana-marquez 15 Signs of Emotional Abuse with Dr. Stephanie Sarkis: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/246a6f64/self-helpless-snack-15-signs-of-emotional-abuse-with-dr-stephanie-sarkis Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Delanie Fischer chats with actor and filmmaker Kit Williamson, best known for Mad Men, Eastsiders, and Unconventional , about the ebbs and flows of a long-term creative career. They dive into the resilience and recommitment required for longevity, navigating big breaks and dead projects, exercising creative agency, and behind-the-scenes insights into filmmaking. Plus: + The Process of Selling a Project vs. Creating a World + Avoiding Perfection Paralysis and Releasing Shame + Repurposing, Financing, and Getting Resourceful Unconventional: https://www.revry.tv/originals/unconventional?srsltid=AfmBOoqpHDsMf__K9un9PxTtwQO4rU5U2HGBxcf4lpN7JgG1bcpS429h Self-Helpless on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/selfhelpless Your Host, Delanie Fischer: https://www.delaniefischer.com EPISODES RELATED TO THIS TOPIC: We Need Your Art! For Health, Community, and More with Amie McNee: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/25b6ee3e/we-need-your-fcking-art-for-health-community-and-more-with-amie-mcnee It's Not Too Late To Start with Jared Champion: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/23f7190f/its-not-too-late-to-start-with-jared-champion Q&A: Publishing, Podcasting, and Creative Entrepreneurship with Literary Agent Lindsey Smith and Podcaster Delanie Fischer: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/23bfb9d7/qanda-publishing-podcasting-and-creative-entrepreneurship-with-literary-agent-lindsey-smith-and-podcaster-delanie-fischer Making Less And Living More with Creator of Lore and Lust Karla Nikole: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/24656068/making-less-and-living-more-with-creator-of-lore-and-lust-karla-nikole Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Delanie Fischer chats with engineer and choreo-roboticist Dr. Catie Cuan about the future of AI, robotics, and the art of human-robot interaction. They explore potential pitfalls, promising upsides, and everything in between—impacting creativity, health, the environment, and human connection. Plus: + Rethinking Machines in Hospitals and Beyond + The Evolution of Jobs and Emerging Careers + "Uhm...What if a Robot Becomes Conscious" Self-Helpless on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/selfhelpless Your Host, Delanie Fischer: https://www.delaniefischer.com EPISODES RELATED TO THIS TOPIC: We Need Your Art! For Health, Community, and More with Amie McNee: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/25b6ee3e/we-need-your-fcking-art-for-health-community-and-more-with-amie-mcnee Self-Helpless Snack: "What's Your Favorite Documentary?" (20 Documentaries To Watch This Year): https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/2542cab6/self-helpless-snack-whats-your-favorite-documentary-20-documentaries-to-watch-this-year Need a Strong Dose of Optimism? 5 Tips for an Instant Perspective Shift with Bill Burke: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/255fd6bc/need-a-strong-dose-of-optimism-5-tips-for-an-instant-perspective-shift-with-bill-burke 10 Powerful Journal Prompts with Kelsey Cook and Delanie Fischer: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/f034e4d1/10-powerful-journal-prompts-with-delanie-fischer-and-kelsey-cook Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Delanie Fischer is joined by Michelle “MACE” Curran—former fighter pilot, combat veteran, and the second woman in history to fly lead solo for the U.S. Air Force Thunderbirds—to share lessons from a demanding, high-stakes career. They discuss tactics for managing fear and self-doubt, navigating pivots and reinvention, and the importance of following your evolving excitement and sense of adventure. Plus: + A Breakdown of G-Force, G-Lock, and Going Supersonic  + The Treasure Chest Tip: Turning Missteps into Momentum + The Life Lesson Behind Call Signs (and How MACE Got Hers) Mace's book, The Flipside: https://macecurran.com/flipside/ Self-Helpless on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/selfhelpless Your Host, Delanie Fischer: https://www.delaniefischer.com EPISODES RELATED TO THIS TOPIC: 15 Tips For Managing Stage Fright In Work And Life with Em Schulz and Delanie Fischer: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/21e3bc9e/15-tips-for-managing-stage-fright-in-work-and-life-with-em-schulz-and-delanie-fischer When Your Dream Job Ends with Sam Fischer: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/23660c46/when-your-dream-job-ends-with-sam-fischer “You’re So Sensitive”: Understanding Everyday Microaggressions, Implicit Bias, and Best Practices with Billie Lee & Dr. Gina Torino: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/2396d366/youre-so-sensitive-understanding-everyday-microaggressions-implicit-bias-and-best-practices-with-billie-lee-and-dr-gina-torino Defiant Dreams with Sola Mahfouz and Malaina Kapoor: https://www.delaniefischer.com/selfhelplesspodcast/episode/226e5e22/defiant-dreams-with-sola-mahfouz-and-malaina-kapoor Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices