RE 568: Showing Up

Today we have Sarah. She is 49 years old and lives in San Diego, CA. Sarah took her last drink on August 6th, 2025.   This episode is brought to you by: Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored   Pick up your copy of Paul's newest book Dolce Vita. You can get it on Amazon, listen to it on Audible or order it at your favorite bookstore today.   Join us on January 10th for the start of our AF Ukelele Course. This course is sponsored by Kala brand ukelele and if you register, you get a code for 10% off an instrument.   [02:00] Thoughts from Paul:   This is the first podcast of the new year and maybe you are a new listener. Paul wants to cover some basics and let you know what we are about.   Recovery Elevator is about quitting drinking. The goal isn't cutting back, moderation or putting the beast back in the cage. It's full send on zero alcohol consumed.   Recovery Elevator is also about embracing that there is no right or wrong way to ditch the booze, just don't do it alone. No explanation needed her, we get it. What you'll find here and in Café RE is there is no judgment. We all know where you are and have been there ourselves.   Recovery Elevator is the podcast, courses, Dry January, sober travel, merch, Instagram and more.   Café RE is the non-profit alcohol-free community – it's the social app for sober people. We've got 25+ chats each week, Accountability Partner pairings, in-house AA meetings, book club, movie club, etc.   [06:27] Paul introduces Sarah:   Sarah is a painter and lives in San Diego with her partner and two daughters, 17 and 19. For fun, she enjoys surfing with her partner, backpacking with her older daughter and loves living on the beach.   Sarah says she grew up in an idyllic childhood. Her parents drank but not to excess. She recalls that she was a worried child with a tendency towards overthinking and had a addictive personality to many things.   Drinking wasn't part of her story while in school. She was on the cross-country team from seventh grade until she was a sophomore in college. After an injury took her out of the sport, she began to participate in parties more. She quickly recognized that drinking took away some insecurities and inhibitions and enjoyed that aspect but realized she couldn't moderate.  Sarah developed a "take it or leave it" attitude towards alcohol but developed an eating disorder. Food became the replacement for alcohol when it came to self-medicating.   After a divorce, Sarah made a new friend that was going through the same things. She confided in him about her eating disorder and he helped her find treatment for it. While in the process of recovering from the ED, she started using alcohol again and would replace meals with beer. Sarah began asking God, "why are we having me have another problem?" She knew she was meant for better things but was having a hard time stopping the addictions.   Sarah used prayer to try and find the help she was after. She began going to AA, listening to podcasts and working herself to try and gain the tools to decide the addiction wasn't an option anymore. She was able to gain some traction but relapsed after several months of sobriety. In spite of being upset about being back at day one, Sarah learned to just keep showing up for herself and others and stopped beating herself up.   Sarah has removed food and alcohol as options for coping. When she needs to get away, she utilizes the beach and the ocean. She enjoys the studio space with her art to help her get out of her head.   Sarah O'Connor Art   Sarah's Instagram   Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down We gotta take the stairs back up We can do this.     Café RE RE on Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube  

Today we have Jenn. She is 52 years old, from Washington, DC and she took their last drink on September 3rd, 2023.   This episode is brought to you by: Café RE – the social app for sober people   Join us for our Dry January course Restore at 8pm eastern time on January 1st. This is the first of 13 sessions throughout the month, and this course is all about accountability and connection.   [01:13] Thoughts from Paul:   Today Paul talks about the origin of the title to his new book Dolce Vita which will be released on January 1st.   What he has learned over the years in his own recovery and while interviewing hundreds of people on the RE podcast is that the addiction is trying to get us to the true Dolce Vita – the true good life. Of course, not the Dolce Vita at the bottom of a wine bottle because if you're listening now, you've already realized that it doesn't deliver.   The true Dolce Vita is seeing through the "I'll be happy when…" trap. It is stepping away from the me-me-me voice inside the head and leading a life where you walk others home after you find your own footing. It is recognizing oneness in a world of duality.   Paul's message before we enter the new year is yes, do the work, plan for the future. Put the bottle down but don't ignore the timeless part of you that is trying to land more and more into the true Dolce Vita. You're already there.   [06:51] Paul introduces Jenn:   Jenn is 52 and lives in the DC area with her two children. For work, Jenn is a civil engineer and for fun she enjoys traveling, camping, hiking, attending concerts and is a gourmet cook.   Jenn first drank in middle school and loved untouchable feeling she got from it. She never blacked out, but it helped her make friends and feel at ease. She was just drinking to have fun and that continued through high school and college. After graduation, Jenn moved to Richmond VA where there were bars on every corner.   Drinking became part of her routine until Jenn's boss warned her that she could lose her job if she continued. She would begin to put boundaries on her drinking when anything would happen and says she soon painted herself into a corner where the only safe place to drink was at home.   Jenn got married and they moved to Philadelphia. Both times her wife was pregnant, Jenn chose not to drink in solidarity with them but would go right back after the kids were born. Jenn traveled a lot for work and being in a high-pressure job, drinking was a way for her to ease the stress.   It was during COVID that Jenn would drink alone in the basement often and realized how miserable she was. Her kids were scared of her, she was not living up to her potential and suicide felt like the only option.   While watching a classic movie about a transgender person, Jenn found herself having an existential crisis and didn't know who she was anymore. This contributed to her drinking and created complications with her diverticulitis which required surgery. She had recently began taking Ativan in addition to her drinking to help with her stress and insomnia. After her mother died, she began to abuse the drug.   On Labor Day weekend in 2023, Jenn decided to quit the drug and had terrible withdrawals. She decided to check into detox for a week and while there realized that she needed to quit both the Ativan and the drinking. She started working the 12 steps and got a sponsor which also led to her going to gender counseling to help deal with her transition.   Life changed for Jenn when she began to live an authentic life. Her marriage didn't survive, but she and her ex-wife are still great friends and coparents. A job change has allowed her to spend more time with family and her recovery community. She supplements her recovery with podcasts, books, exercise and counseling. Her higher power gets her outside of herself and she has the goal to help others by sharing her experience.   Recovery Elevator It all starts from the inside out. I love you guys. We can do this.   RE on Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube  

Today we have Kristine. She is 34 years old from Toronto Canada, and she took her last drink on May 19th, 2025.   This episode is brought to you by: Café RE – the social app for sober people   Café RE is now a registered 501c3 nonprofit. Please visit the website or email [email protected] if you are interested in making a yearend donation.   Join us for our Dry January course Restore at 8pm eastern time on January 1st. This is the first of 13 sessions throughout the month, and this course is all about accountability and having fun.   Paul's new book Dolce Vita will be released in both in print and audiobook on January 1st, 2026.   RE Ukelele Course starts on January 10th. No prior ukulele or music experience needed for this beginner-friendly sober course.   [01:43] Thoughts from Paul:   An interview guest from an upcoming episode shared "if you think you're too far gone, you're not". This is a message that Paul is choosing to relay early with Christmas coming up. He feels that the next 10 to 12 days can be the hardest days of the year when it comes to navigating sobriety. The Fuck-It button is large and seems to follow you everywhere.   If you think you're too far gone, you're not. The fact that you are asking the question means the answer is no – if you woke up this morning, you're not too far gone. There is no such thing as being too broken to heal. You are not too far gone; you are just fashionably late to your own recovery.   [06:49] Paul introduces Kristine:   Kristine lives in Toronto with her husband and their rescue dog Flo. She works in tech sales and in her free time Kristine enjoys walking, exercise, reading and travelling.   Growing up, alcohol wasn't prevalent in her life and Kristine hated the idea of drinking until she was 15. In an effort to feel included Kristine began drinking at parties with her group of friends. She initially enjoyed the fact that alcohol helped her come out of her shell, but the occasional party turned into drinking every weekend.   There were red flags that Kristine didn't listen to, including waking up in the hospital after having her stomach pumped. Throughout college, friends and family would try to talk to her about it but she was convinced it was fun and wanted to live up to the party girl lifestyle.   After graduating, Kristine moved back home and her drinking was mainly on the weekends. She soon discovered craft beer, and it became a passion for her. Kristine began beer sales and drinking with clients became part of the job.   At 28 she met her husband. She says she brought her peace that she had never had before. Her drinking cut back and wasn't as problematic until COVID happened. This time period found them both drinking excessively and eventually, he said they needed to slow down.   Moderation attempts were tried and failed, and Kristine's consumption was more than her partner's which created a lot of tension. She was encouraged to go to therapy where she would never talk about her drinking.   Kristine's first attempt at quitting came after a fight with her husband. She felt great for the month she had quit, but old habits crept back and her drinking was worse than before. She was sad and/or angry all the time.   While her husband was out of town, Kristine had moment that found her realizing she could no longer live as a shell of herself. As soon as she acknowledged she could no longer drink, she felt a veil of darkness lift.   Kristine began listening to podcasts and identifying with others' stories. She was able to share with her husband and work towards gaining his trust back. He has been very supportive along with her family. With the help of journalling, apps and podcasts, Kristine is able to focus on her recovery and future goals. She has opened up in therapy and has been learning how to talk through triggers and work on a prevention plan.     Recovery Elevator Go big, because eventually we'll all go home. I love you guys.   RE on Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube  

Today we have Nathan. He is 45 years old from Harrisburg, VA and took his last drink on January 24th, 2023.   This episode is brought to you by:   Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Café RE – the social app for sober people   Get your 2026 started off poison free and join us for our Dry January course Restore at 8pm eastern time on January 1st. This is the first of 13 sessions throughout the month, and this course is all about accountability and having fun.   January 1st, 2026 is the official release date for Paul's new book Dolce Vita both in print and audiobook. He would love to have you on the launch team. Email [email protected] to join.   [01:59] Thoughts from Paul:   When asked what recovery has made possible, today's guest Nathan responded with the one word "everything" almost before Paul could finish the question.   The sobriety space, especially the 12-step world, is full of cheesy recovery slogan, but Paul shares one that he laughed at when he first heard it. The saying is, you're giving up one thing for everything. And that one thing is alcohol.   If you ride a drinking problem long enough, it will take everything from your life. But when you quit, nearly everything that was taken will be returned. Not all in one day of course, but a life without alcohol will give you everything. More money, more sunsets, more time with aging parents, more memories, a better outlook on life and more growth.   [05:56] Paul introduces Nathan:   Nathan lives in Harrisonburg, VA where he works in the philanthropy space in higher education.  He and his wife have two children, 11 and 14 years old. For fun, he enjoys spending time with his family and out in nature.   In high school, Nathan was very active in a variety of high school activities. Having a reputation to maintain, Nathan kept his drinking private. Nathan went on to college and says it was the typical experience with the exception of losing a friend to a drunk driving incident in which he feels partially responsible for.   While he used alcohol to cope with the pain of the loss, he also used the loss to propel him into trying to make changes in programs at school and how he approached is own drinking. Nathan still did much of his drinking in private because he knew he couldn't drink how he wanted to in public.   Over the years, Nathan didn't think he had a problem, but he was hiding the quantity he drank from everyone. Once COVID came, the isolation, the unknowns, and the loss of multiple family members found Nathan's consumption changing a bit. He began to realize the behavior wasn't normal but believed it was a moral failing, or lack of discipline rather than the alcohol being the source of the problem.   At 41, Nathan began to use health related goals as motivation to moderate. He didn't drink daily, but when he drank it was with the intention to get drunk. After finding himself in handcuffs with his car in the ditch, he wanted nothing more than to just "fix it". It was at this time when his wife approached him and said it was time for him to go to AA.   Nathan didn't identify as an alcoholic and was initially resistant, but a voice in his head said he had no excuse not to go. Getting some great advice at the first meeting that really resonated with him, Nathan left with the Big Book and went on to attend 90 meetings in 90 days.   The first three months were all about survival for Nathan. After his legal troubles ended he had a shift from "I have to do this" to "I want to do this". Recognizing that he could use his recovery to help others, he and some friends are trying to reach the younger demographic in his area. Service has become very important, and Nathan is now a sponsor for others in the AA space.   Nathan's parting piece of guidance: You're never going to wake up in the morning and regret not drinking the night before.   Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up. We can do this. I love you guys.   RE on Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube  

Today we have Yeimy. She's 30 years old, from Rhode Island and took her last drink of alcohol on January 19th, 2025.   This episode is brought to you by:   Café RE – the social app for sober people Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored   January 1st, 2026 is the official release date for Paul's new book Dolce Vita and he'd love to have you on the launch team. Email [email protected] to join.   Registration for Recovery Elevator's Dry January course Restore is open. We are meeting 13 times live in the month of January to give you the best chance of ditching the booze.   [03:30] Thoughts from Paul:   Paul shares with us a concept that he still struggles with but has made progress. It is embracing the world of duality that we live in. Of course, we would all want to be happy all of the time, but living in the world of dualities, we have to have opposites for defining purposes.     Do your best to embrace it all. Square your shoulders to this thing called life and don't get attached to any of it.  When you have a good day, be grateful. When you have a shit day, be grateful, knowing that you need them both equally.   [06:33] Paul introduces Yeimy:   Yeimy is 30 years old and works as a phlebotomist. Yeimy says she is still figuring out what she likes to do for fun but says she enjoys spending time with family and trying new things as in food or places.    Yeimy says she was born into alcoholism as both of her parents were heavy drinkers. She doesn't specifically remember her first drink but was allowed to drink as a teenager when on vacation in the Dominican Republic.   In her early 20s, Yeimy worked in a bar and was able to drink on the job. Paired with other substances, Yeimy says her drinking became limitless.  After COVID happened, she started drinking alone at home. Occasionally Yeimy would question how much she was drinking, but when she mentioned it to friends, they would reassure her that it was fine, and she was just having fun.   Over this time, Yeimy said she had a few small rock bottoms including a two-week hospitalization, crashing her car and waking up in strange places from time to time. She didn't take the hint that she should stop the drinking and substance abuse and was determined to continue until something worse forced her to stop.   In 2022, Yeimy went to rehab. She says she wasn't ready but due to the concern of a friend, she went for 30 days and was able to stay sober for another 30 days but became overwhelmed when she went right back into her life with the same people and places.   Yeimy attempted to moderate from time to time to try and avoid losing jobs and relationships like she had in the past. In 2024 while in the early days of her relationship with a non-drinker, Yeimy says she felt like her drinking was under a microscope. She would try to hide her drinking but that became exhausting. December 2024 found Yeimy having a lot of moments and mishaps that led her to realize she couldn't do this anymore.   Yeimy began to go to AA meetings again but was still drinking. Her last rock bottom was when she fell asleep on the job the day after a blackout at a party. She was embarrassed and finally admitted to her boyfriend that she had a problem, and he said he would support her and she was relieved to have finally told him.   Whenever Yeimy felt the urge to drink, she attended meetings or listened to podcasts, staying focused on recovery for her first two months. With family support, she grew confident in her progress; she now works through AA steps with a sponsor. Physically, Yeimy feels strong, and mentally she is more focused and decisive. Journaling, meetings, and connecting with sober people help her stay on track. She can now spend time around her drinking family, though she limits those interactions.   Yeimy's parting piece of guidance: if you think you have a problem, you most likely do.   Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up. We can do this.   RE on Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube  

Today we have Jack. He's 39 years old from Phoenix, AZ and took his last drink of alcohol on June 23rd, 2025.   This episode is brought to you by:   Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Sober Link - sign up and claim your $100 enrollment bonus   Registration for Recovery Elevator's Dry January course Restore opens today. We are meeting 13 times live in the month of January to give you the best chance of ditching the booze.   Recovery Elevator now has its own coffee created with Rise Up Coffee Co. 25% of each bag sold will be donated to the nonprofit Café RE.   January 1st, 2026 is the official release date for Paul's new book Dolce Vita.   [03:43] Thoughts from Paul:   Paul wants to do a check-in today. How are you doing at the end of 2025? How are you feeling after Thanksgiving and heading into Christmas? How are you feeling about yourself and your sobriety? This time of year can be a lot for many of us, but he wants to remind us all that we are not alone, even if you are listening to this podcast alone.   Our drinking problem likes to tell us that we are the only one in the world that has or has had struggles with alcohol, but that's simply not true. More than ever are struggling, more than ever are quitting and more than ever are putting down the drink. Addiction wants us to feel alone. The first step is to recognize this voice; the next step is to join the growing movement into alcohol-free living. You are a part of this movement.   [08:42] Paul introduces Jack:   Jack is 39 years old and lives in Phoenix, AZ. He works as a trial attorney and outside of work likes to help community organizations. In his free time, Jack enjoys playing music and spending time in nature.   Jack was adopted as a baby after his birth mother arrived in the US from Mexico. His parents were very supportive and loving of Jack, but they share different viewpoints from him.   Jack says he had his first experience with alcohol two years before his first drink at age 16. After an argument with his mother about going to a friends house, Jack had stormed into his room enraged. As he sat with his big emotions, he had the thought of "I need a drink" for the first time. His first actual drink came at high school graduation and he felt the desire to cut loose for the first time.   The drinking started as a weekend activity, but Jack says he really took to it. Drinking didn't make him tired; it energized him and took the stress away. Over the course of his college attendance, the weekend drinking with friends turned into daily drinking alone for Jack. He says he didn't feel normal unless he had a buzz.   For Jack, he always knew that eventually his drinking would become a problem. He says at one point it was his dream goal to survive through the week with normal drinking and then have a weekend where he could get a lot of alcohol and just spend time by himself getting wasted.   Given his career as public defender, Jack found himself frequently helping others with addiction issues but was hesitant to do anything about his own thinking he would get around to it eventually.   A year before his quit date, Jack says he entered recovery. There were some traumatic events that found Jack moving out of the house he shared with roommates due to a disagreement and breaking up with a girlfriend. He moved back into his childhood bedroom and for the first time realized he wasn't the victim in everything and had to take ownership of his part of things.   Jack decided it was time for change. He began doing the research, counting the days and celebrating the milestones. There were hiccups and Jack wants to remind those struggling that it is ok. We just keep trying and eventually we will get there. Jack says he identifies with the idea that in recovery we become better people than we were before.   Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up. We can do this.   RE on Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE YouTube  

Today we have Emily. She is 43 years old from Sacramento, CA and took her last drink on December 20th, 2024.   This episode is brought to you by:   Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Exact Nature – code RE20 saves 20% off your order   Registration for Recovery Elevator's Dry January course Restore opens on December 1st. We are meeting 13 times live in the month of January to give you the best chance of ditching the booze. There are plenty of teachings throughout the month, but the best part of the course is that it's community-based. It's all about building connections over our shared interest of an alcohol-free life.   Costa Rica, February 21st – 28th, 2026. Two spots have opened up for our next Sober Travel Trip. Come join us!   [03:03] Thoughts from Paul:   Happy Thanksgiving to our American listeners!  Paul is wishing everyone a week of peace, calm, turkey, pumpkin and hopefully whipped cream and lots of ice cream.   Paul was going to give us 10 tips to help you stay alcohol-free this week, but if you get this one right, then you should be ok… Somebody – ideally everybody – at your Thanksgiving dinner needs to know that you are not drinking or of your plans to stay sober. We at RE call this burning the ships and AA calls this radical honesty.   Ok, here's a second tip – do your best to be thankful or find things to be thankful for. Thank the universe for your willingness to show up. For your willingness to listen to a podcast about making profound change. This shit ain't easy.   Paul and the rest of us at RE are grateful for you all and for your support over the years. THANK YOU!   [07:59] Paul introduces Emily:   Emily lives in Sacramento, CA with her husband and four children. She is a flower farmer. For fun, she enjoys playing music, spending time outside, talking to animals, reading and taking naps.   Emily only drank a handful of times prior to age 38. She was raised Mormon with a loving family in a small town outside of Yosemite. There was no exposure to alcohol for Emily growing up. She says every time she did drink she felt enormous guilt and shame due to her religion and the pressure to fit the mold of what she was expected to be.   Between the ages of 33 and 37, Emily and her husband started a charter school for the arts in California. It was very successful but was closed down after five years because of politics in the small town. Emily tried to be resilient and keep moving forward, but a series of personal blows to her and her family found them moving two hours away from family in friends because of a job.   Emily began to realize her life in the church wasn't aligned with her personal values. Since they had moved away from family and friends, Emily decided to try "mommy wine culture". She began drinking wine in a coffee mug after the kids went to bed in an effort to be discreet with it and enjoyed how it calmed her down and not think about everything that was going on.   Emily didn't have much knowledge about how alcohol affected people, and her drinking progressed quickly. She decided to check into outpatient rehab in 2021 with the support of her husband. She had six months of sobriety and then thought she could moderate. That idea ended terribly one night in December 2024 when Emily got arrested for domestic violence.   After the incident, Emily and her husband separated and she was only saw the kids every other week. She drank a few times but decided it wasn't worth it anymore. She began therapy to try and uncover why she felt the need to soften the edges of her life.   One of the many things that Emily feels she has gained in recovery is the ability to trust herself again. She and her husband have reconciled and are rebuilding a strong foundation. Emily says that in addition to therapy, she enjoys podcasts, reading quit lit, journaling and Refuge Recovery.   Recovery Elevator It's all about the journey and not so much the destination. I love you guys,   Café RE RE on Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE Merch RE YouTube  

Today we have Kevin. He is 48 years old and lives in Napa Valley, CA. He took his last drink on September 22nd, 2025.   This episode is brought to you by:   Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Exact Nature – code RE20 saves 20% off your order   71% of Europeans are drinking less alcohol and the future generations are opting out in general, according to a new report for Circana.   [02:59] Thoughts from Paul:   On the last Sober Travel Trip to Peru this past October, Paul was reminded of one of life's greatest teachings: it's the journey that matters, and not the destination.   He tells us about how he and 16 other fellow travelers hiked the Inca Trail to go to Machu Picchu. After over 20 grueling miles, they found out at the gates that their tickets to explore this natural wonder weren't valid for that day.   Everyone was understandably disappointed. Since everyone on the trip is in recovery, they already have been working on concepts such as surrender, embrace life on life's terms and of course, to place more mental energy on the journey than the destination.   Paul says he will never forget how the group responded to receiving the bad news and it was one of the greatest gifts he has received while doing sober travel.   [08:34] Paul introduces Kevin:   Kevin lives in northern Napa Valley, CA but grew up in the Midwest. He and his wife have been together for over 30 years, and they have two teenage children, one dog and two cats. Kevin says he is between careers right now, but previously he worked in wine sales and in the tech industry. For fun, he enjoys playing music and is big into fitness.   Kevin grew up the youngest of three boys in a great community. Alcohol was always present, but he doesn't recall any immediate family having issues with it. His first drinking experience was when he was in seventh grade when he and some friends raided his parents' liquor cabinet. His brother confronted him about the drinking and warned him he shouldn't be doing it.   Throughout high school, Kevin was so involved in sports and academics that he didn't drink more than two times that he can recall. Kevin went to a small college where he met his wife and while he loved it there, he had to change schools for budget reasons. It was at the bigger school where his drinking took off, Kevin says.   Kevin's parents moved to California and soon after Kevin also moved there. He says his drinking wasn't a major issue through this time period until his dad passed away suddenly while in town for a visit. This was a turning point for not only Kevin's drinking, but his brothers' as well (who are now also in recovery).   Kevin was working for a tech company but was interested in getting into the wine industry after his wife started working in Napa Valley. This is where the conflict began for Kevin. He was drinking frequently after work and was around alcohol all the time. After leaving work he would practice with his band which would involve more drinking. He knew deep down that the way he was living wasn't right.   Kevin began to see a therapist and started doing more research about drinking. He discovered Recovery 2.0 and a podcast episode he listened to was saying exactly what Kevin needed to hear, he says.    Kevin feels he had a spiritual awakening and couldn't work in the wine industry anymore. He wants to dig into things that he is passionate about now – health and wellness, psychotherapies, and yoga teaching.   The last 30 days has Kevin feeling great. He is part of the Café RE community, and he says both the community and the podcast have been a great help to his success so far. He says he is working with a sponsor in AA, living sober out loud and says that his spirituality was the missing link in his life. He is passionate about it.   Kevin's parting piece of guidance: if you are struggling, just keep digging inward.   Recovery Elevator It's all about the journey and not so much the destination. I love you guys,   Café RE RE on Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE Merch RE YouTube  

Today we have Dennis. He is 36 years old and lives near Vancouver, Canada. Dennis took his last drink on September 5th, 2025.   This episode is brought to you by:   Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Café RE – THE social app for sober people   There are some new alcohol-free options coming out. First is Wild AF created by Charlie Sheen and Luba Libations coming out of Wisconsin.   [03:20] Thoughts from Paul:   Paul shares with us an article about stress by Dr. Rebecca Harris   Most stress management advice gets it wrong. We're often told to focus inward and practice self-care like bubble baths, meditation and getting a massage. While these activities aren't harmful, they're missing something critical.   When we experience stress, our bodies release a cocktail of hormones. Most people focus on cortisol and adrenaline, but there's another key player: oxytocin. This is the connection chemical that is primed when we are stressed. Dr. Harris says that 58% of people stress out more when trying to control their stress. She says when researching workplace wellness programs, all of them fail to reduce stress with the exception of those programs that encourage employees to do charity or volunteer work. So, when you are feeling stressed, try finding a way to help someone else. Or a pet? Take a dog for a walk, or your neighbor's dog. Maybe it's the planet. Get a trash bag and walk up and down your road. Get on the phone with someone and don't talk about your problem but ask them how their life is going. The magic of an addiction is that it is trying to bring us back to our roots. When you start feeling the feels, start thinking not about how to make yourself feel better, but how you can make someone else feel better. [10:38] Paul introduces Dennis:   Dennis is 36 years old and lives outside of Vancouver, Canada. He is married and they have two kids and two dogs. For work, Dennis is a millwright working in industrial mechanics.   Dennis grew up with an alcoholic father. When he was younger, he was turned off by alcohol due to what it did to his family, but around age 15 he tried drinking and says it was a problem for him from the beginning. Some early experiences found him in precarious situations,   Dennis met his wife when he was 19 and they drank together until they had kids. His wife was able to cut back while Dennis was not. This put some stress on the marriage over time with his wife trying to give him reality checks that drove him to try and take breaks. Those would last nine or so months and then Dennis would think that he could moderate, but that never lasted long before he was back where he was or worse.   On the evening of September 5th, Dennis was very drunk and behaving poorly. Upon waking the next morning, Dennis passed out and cut his cheek. Instead of going to the hospital, he went to his tee time and played the worst round of golf ever, he says. He was dwelling on the incident and his drinking, realizing that he could not continue living this way.   The first week without alcohol Dennis just tried to stay busy while listening to other people's stories on the RE podcast. This helped him recognize that he couldn't do it alone and he began to burn the ships. This included a talk with his oldest son who told Dennis they were proud of him for wanting to get help.   After the first week, Dennis attended his first AA meeting. For the first time he felt proud of his decision to quit. He had a great conversation with his wife later when she told him she was proud of him. Dennis said since then his life has done a 180.   Dennis says this time he is doing more than just "not drinking". He is exercising, working on being more present, attending AA and relearning his hobbies without alcohol. His goal is to be a better father, husband and person – and just a better version of himself.   Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up. You can do this.   RE on Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes  RE Merch RE YouTube  

Today we have Robyn. She is 49 years old from Columbia, SC and took her last drink on June 30th, 2020.   This episode brought to you by:   Better Help – 10% off of your first month #sponsored Soberlink – sign up and claim your $100 enrollment bonus   We are planting the seed early and inviting you to join us for our 7th annual Restore course coming January 2026. Registration opens Monday, December 1st.   [02:39] Thoughts from Paul:   We have all heard the word recovery, but what does that mean? And does it ever end? Paul recently came across a line he likes that says, "If substance use or drinking no longer interferes with your ability to live a productive and loving life, then recovery has been achieved."   Using the logic of this line, Paul shares with us several ways that we can see if recovery has been achieved. Maybe you'll have to (or get to) attend meetings or chats for the rest of your life or maybe your recovery has already been achieved. So now what?   A simple answer is don't go back to drinking but in addition to that, sticking with the pack or community that helped you achieve recovery in the first place is a good start.   [07:54] Paul introduces Robyn:   Robyn is 49 and she lives in Columbia, SC with her husband, stepdaughter and two pit bulls. She is an office manager for a transportation company and enjoys reading, playing games and spending time with her family. Robyn was previously interviewed on episode 306.   Robyn grew up very shy and quiet and never really felt she fit in. The desire to rebel was building up and when she moved from Maine to South Carolina towards the end of high school, she viewed it as an opportunity to try new things including alcohol and other drugs.   After graduating high school, Robyn met someone and ended up getting married at the age of 18. She didn't realize the issues he had, and it was her first exposure to an abusive relationship with an addict.   Fortunately, she was able to escape that relationship but jumped right into another one that she considers her first real relationship. Their drinking looked normal for their age but over time, it started to create cracks in their relationship, and they split up soon after moving away from friends and family.   Feeling abandoned again and not knowing anyone, Robyn started going out and meeting people at bars alone after work. The relationships she had were with others who partied like she did, which helped her ignore the addictions that were creeping in. Her codependent nature found her feeling stuck in another abusive relationship, but over time she was able to start pulling away and made attempts to regulate her drinking.   After their break-up, Robyn began a close friendship with a friend from work. With his influence and help, she began to explore her traumas and started to organically cut back on her drinking as he rarely drank. They eventually began a relationship, and Robyn happily assumed the role of stepmother to his two children. She still drank, but it looked very different, and "mommy wine culture" made it seem ok.   After the sudden death of Robyn's mother, she took on the role of caretaker to her stepfather. This meant helping him with his grief and moving him closer to her. The drinking was beginning to become unmanageable. In September 2017, she discovered the upside of quitting drinking through a Google search that led her to Holly Whittaker and Annie Grace.   Upon discovering that going alcohol free could be a good thing, Robyn began to read a lot of quit lit and found podcasts. She told her husband about her struggles and felt a weight lift immediately. A few months later she joined Café RE and being part of a community was life changing. There were several stops and starts and she almost gave up quitting just before the announcement of the first Ditching the Booze course. That was the fuel Robyn needed to try again.   Recovery Elevator You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up. We can do this.   Café RE RE on Instagram Sobriety Tracker iTunes