306| What to Do When Your Manager Keeps Avoiding the Topic

Nichole walks through when going over your manager's head may be reasonable, when it isn't, and how to handle it professionally if you decide to. In this episode: An honest note that this is a judgment call: it can work well, and it can carry risk to your relationship with your manager depending on your company's culture When it's generally not okay: as your first step, out of frustration or in the heat of the moment, or before giving your manager a fair chance When it may be reasonable: you've made several documented good faith attempts over weeks, your manager can't or won't move forward and can't give a path or timeline, the decision window is closing, your company's process routes requests through a skip-level manager, or there's a fairness concern your manager can't resolve Tell your manager first, since transparency protects your relationship Consider HR or a process contact as a gentler first step Keep the tone professional and curious, asking for guidance rather than filing a complaint Don't criticize your manager, and keep the conversation about your work and goals Bring your preparation: your one-pager, research, and one-sentence story Be ready for a response like "please work through your manager," and stay gracious Think about the bigger picture: if the door stays closed, it tells you whether this place values your growth, and you're allowed to look around Today's task: Write down your own criteria for when you'd consider going above your manager and the steps you'd take first. Optionally draft a short message, but don't send it. Download the 7 Days to Ask for a Raise Challenge to help you confidently ask for a raise here. Connect with Nichole on Instagram @nichole.harrop

Nichole explains what to do when your manager can recommend a raise but someone else makes the final decision, and how to help your manager carry your case to the people who decide. In this episode: Why this is common: a manager may recommend a raise while a director, leadership team, compensation committee, or budget owner makes the final call Why "it's not up to me" changes your strategy but doesn't end it Step one: find out who decides and how, and ask HR about the process if you're not sure you'll get a clear answer Step two: ask what your manager can do, such as recommend, request budget, push for an off-cycle review, or put your name in front of the right people Step three: ask your manager directly to advocate for you Step four: make it easy for them to carry your case with a forwardable one-pager, your one-sentence story, and your ask Step five: ask about timeline and next steps, and put a check-in date on the calendar Step six: ask what the decision-makers care about so you can tailor your case Step seven: ask what's possible beyond base pay, like a title change, a development opportunity, extra time off, or a bonus How to tell whether "it's not up to me" is true or a way to avoid the conversation: look at what happens next Today's task: Write down three questions to ask your manager if they say they can't approve a raise, such as who makes the final decision, what they can do to advocate for you, and when you can check in again. Keep them with your one-pager. Download the 7 Days to Ask for a Raise Challenge to help you confidently ask for a raise here. Connect with Nichole on Instagram @nichole.harrop

Nichole shares a step-by-step approach for when you've asked for the raise conversation and your manager keeps putting it off. In this episode: Why being avoided is frustrating and can make you feel invisible Common reasons a manager may put it off: they're swamped, uncomfortable without good news, don't have an answer yet, or are under budget pressure Step one: follow up in writing, and keep it friendly Step two: make it easy to say yes by offering a shorter meeting and two or three specific time slots Step three: attach it to something already happening, like putting it on the agenda for your next one-on-one Step four: give it a reason and a date Step five: gently ask what's getting in the way Step six: keep a factual, neutral record of the dates you asked, how you asked, and the response Step seven: recap any conversation in writing so a vague "let's talk later" becomes a commitment A gut check: if you've followed up several times over a few weeks with specific times and a clear reason and still hear nothing, that's a pattern, not a scheduling issue Other routes to consider, like HR for process questions or someone above your manager, and whether this is the right place for you to grow Today's task: Start your log by writing down every time you've asked and the date. Then draft one follow-up message that's friendly, specific, and has a date attached.  Download the 7 Days to Ask for a Raise Challenge to help you confidently ask for a raise here. Connect with Nichole on Instagram @nichole.harrop

Nichole explains what anchoring is, why the first number on the table shapes the whole conversation, and how to say your number with confidence and then stop talking. In this episode: What anchoring is: the first number put on the table in a negotiation Why the first number tends to pull the rest of the conversation toward it How the conversation changes when you say "ninety-two thousand" first versus negotiating up from your manager's lower number Three reasons to say your number first: it keeps you from being anchored below what you deserve, you've done more homework than anyone else in the room, and it signals confidence and preparation A simple formula: lead with your reasons, then your number, then stop Choosing a number from the upper part of your range, not the middle or the bottom Why every number in a range should be one you'd be happy with, and why people tend to hold on to the low end Using the pause after your number and letting the silence sit Common mistakes: apologizing before or after your number, softening it with words like "around" or "maybe," and negotiating against yourself in the silence What to do if your manager asks you to go first How to respond if they come back with a lower number: stay calm and ask, "Help me understand how you landed there" A note on fixed pay bands and focusing on where you land within the band Today's task: Write your number sentence in two versions, one with a single number and one with a range. Say each out loud, stop, and count to five in your head.  Download the 7 Days to Ask for a Raise Challenge to help you confidently ask for a raise here. Connect with Nichole on Instagram @nichole.harrop

Nichole wraps up the week with a practice episode, giving you a weekend assignment to rehearse your opening line and your ask out loud. In this episode: A recap of the week: asking for the meeting, deciding about HR, what to send ahead, and helping your manager say yes A reminder of the mission to help 1,000 women ask for a raise before the end of the year, and a note that Nichole is still rooting for you if you're tuning in after the new year Why your voice may wobble the first time you say the words out loud, even with perfect research, a polished one-pager, and good timing, and why practice makes it more natural Step one: writing your opening line, which comes from section one of your one-pager, with a sample you can make your own that is short, direct, and free of apologies Step two: saying it out loud, not in your head, and noticing where you stumble or want to add an apology or hedge Step three: recording yourself on your phone, from your opening line through your ask Step four: watching it back with kindness, and checking three things: pace, filler words, and whether your voice goes up at the end like a question, especially when you say your number Step five: doing two or three takes, since it gets easier each time A tip to pause for a few seconds after you say your number, which gives your manager time to process and signals confidence Going a step further by practicing with a friend or mentor who plays your manager and asks questions like "Why now?" or "What if there's no budget?" This weekend's task: record your opening line and your ask at least twice, watch them back, and pick one thing to improve, with a reminder that feeling awkward means you're doing it right A preview of next week's strategy deep dive: anchoring and why you should say your number first, what to do when your manager keeps avoiding the topic, what if your manager can't approve raises, and when it's okay to go over your manager's head Download the 7 Days to Ask for a Raise Challenge to help you confidently ask for a raise here. Connect with Nichole on Instagram @nichole.harrop

Nichole shares a mindset shift for the raise conversation: your job isn't just to ask, it's to help your manager say yes. In this episode: A recap of the week: asking for the meeting, deciding about HR, and what to send ahead Why a manager who loves you may still need approval from their boss, HR, or a finance team, and why it's harder for them to advocate for you without the right information Giving your manager the story in a sentence or two, and asking yourself what one sentence you'd want them to repeat to their boss Connecting your work to what the company cares about, so your manager can make a stronger case upward Being specific with a clear number or range backed by your research, since specific asks are easy to forward Asking about the process, with questions like "What would you need from me to take this forward?" and "Can you walk me through how this decision gets made and what the timeline looks like?" Offering a written summary after you talk, and why your one-pager is a tool your manager can forward that keeps your case accurate as it moves through the company Preparing for questions they might ask, like "Why now?", "How does this compare to others on the team?", and "What if there's no budget?" Keeping your tone collaborative, not combative, with phrases like "I'd love your help in making this case" Why your manager can be your biggest advocate if they feel you're on the same team Today's task: write your one-sentence story, plus two questions you could ask about the process, and save them with your one-pager Download the 7 Days to Ask for a Raise Challenge to help you confidently ask for a raise here. Connect with Nichole on Instagram @nichole.harrop

After covering the meeting request and HR, Nichole explains what, if anything, to send your manager before you sit down together. In this episode: A recap of the week so far and a check-in on what you decided about HR A clarification that your one-pager still works best as something you bring to reference and offer to send afterward, so what you send ahead of time is a short heads-up Why to think of the heads-up as an agenda, not a case, so your manager shows up prepared and relaxed without a full document to react to A simple three-part structure in three or four lines: the purpose of the meeting, one or two highlights from your year, and what you'd like to leave the conversation with A sample heads-up note you can borrow Why your number isn't in the note: Nichole generally recommends saying it out loud in the conversation, which she'll cover soon Why a short note beats a full one-pager: your manager quickly understands the meeting's purpose, can think about your wins ahead of time, and you stay in control of how the full case is presented What to do if your manager asks for something in writing: share your highlights or your one-pager, as long as you're comfortable having it forwarded Why it's okay to send nothing at all if your relationship is casual and your meeting request already explained the topic A timing tip: send it a day or two before the meeting, not the morning of Today's task: write your short heads-up note, three or four lines with your purpose, one or two highlights, and what you'd like to leave with Download the 7 Days to Ask for a Raise Challenge to help you confidently ask for a raise here. Connect with Nichole on Instagram @nichole.harrop

Following yesterday's episode on asking for the meeting, Nichole tackles a common question: should you involve HR before you talk to your manager? In this episode: A note that every company is different and that Nichole isn't a lawyer, so check your own company's policies Why the default for most people is to start with your manager, who knows your work best and will advocate for you, and why going to HR first can feel like skipping a step and catch your manager off guard Five situations where HR makes sense: Your company has a formal process with set forms, bands, or timelines Your manager doesn't control compensation, because decisions are made higher up or by a committee You're not sure how pay bands work, and HR may be able to share the range, especially where pay transparency laws apply You have a concern about fairness, in which case you should document what you found Your relationship with your manager is strained, or they've been unresponsive after several tries to get on their calendar How to approach HR well: ask process questions, not demands, such as how compensation reviews are handled and when decisions are made Why to keep your manager informed that you're looking into the process, since transparency builds trust and you don't want them to hear about it secondhand A reminder that HR works for the company and isn't your personal advocate the way a manager or mentor might be, so stick to facts A preview that what to do if your manager doesn't have the power to approve raises, or keeps avoiding the topic, comes in a couple of weeks Today's task: decide whether to start with your manager or check in with HR about process, write your reason in one sentence, and if you choose HR, write one or two process questions you'd ask Download the 7 Days to Ask for a Raise Challenge to help you confidently ask for a raise here. Connect with Nichole on Instagram @nichole.harrop

Celebrating the 300th episode, Nichole kicks off a week on setting up the conversation, starting with how to request the time without making your manager nervous. In this episode: A celebration of the 300th episode and how far the podcast has come since launching in 2019 A recap of last week's timing episodes and a look ahead at setting up the conversation itself A reminder of the mission to help 1,000 women ask for a raise before the end of the year, and a welcome to anyone listening after December, since there's no time like the present to start preparing Why this episode is about how the request lands, not just the words, including Nichole's own reaction when her manager sends a "got a second to chat?" message Why a message with no context can send a manager's mind to dramatic places Naming the topic in a positive way, with words like growth, career path, and compensation, and avoiding vague phrases like "something important" that create worry Signaling that you want to stay, with one sentence showing you're looking to build here Keeping your tone the same as how you normally talk to your manager, since a sudden shift can seem suspicious Choosing how to ask: a short written message that gives your manager time to check their calendar, or saying it in a one-on-one and following up in writing What to say if your manager asks, "Is everything okay?" What to say if they ask, "Can we just do it now?", and why you want to use your preparation What to do if you don't hear back: wait a few business days, send a short, friendly follow-up, and remember that silence is usually busyness, not a no Today's task: reread the meeting request you drafted last week and check that it sounds calm, names the topic clearly, and signals that you want to grow here Download the 7 Days to Ask for a Raise Challenge to help you confidently ask for a raise here. Connect with Nichole on Instagram @nichole.harrop

To close out timing and strategy week, Nichole covers the times to avoid, so you don't accidentally set yourself up for a harder conversation. In this episode: A recap of the week: the best time of year to ask, reading the room, before or after a big project, and how to request the meeting A note from Nichole that her DMs are always open and she loves talking all things corporate world, with a reminder that she's a real person who's excited to help A reminder that these are general rules of thumb, and that you know your manager and workplace best Mondays: why they tend to be full of catching up and putting out fires Fridays: why people are often mentally checked out, and why a "let me think about it" can lose momentum over the weekend, with a tip to talk earlier in the day if you do Better times: often midweek, Tuesday through Thursday, earlier in the day when your manager is fresh and not rushed A tip from Nichole to check your manager's calendar, if you can see it, to find when they're most available, and why you might wait a week if they're just back from PTO Right before time off: why your manager won't have the mental space to take in your case, and why you want to be around to follow through too The end of a quarter or other crunch periods Right after bad news, like layoffs, a missed target, or a tough change, and why a noticeable mistake of your own calls for a little distance too How you ask, not just when: avoid hallway chats, avoid doing it only over text, and avoid squeezing it in after back-to-back meetings Why the goal isn't a perfect day, but a moment where your manager can really listen This weekend's task: pick two or three possible dates and times based on the week's episodes, check your calendar and your manager's, and write them down so you're ready to propose them in your meeting request A preview of next week: setting up the conversation, including how to ask for thirty minutes without raising alarm bells, whether to loop in HR first, what to send ahead, and how to help your manager walk in ready to say yes A note that Nichole is hearing great feedback on how quick and easy the 7 Days to Ask for a Raise challenge makes it to go from wanting to ask to feeling confident and ready Download the 7 Days to Ask for a Raise Challenge to help you confidently ask for a raise here. Connect with Nichole on Instagram @nichole.harrop