Reading Backwards

I've been forced to steal out of necessity. My survival depended on it. Now that I'm older, wiser, and more independent I've been able to release that version of me. That's until i realize I actually haven't. Trauma lays a biofilm that everything else adheres to. By bringing this story out in the open I hope to let go of some of the pain.

A show for those who are alone tonight, or who just feel alone. Christmastime can be a right bastard. I get it.

Learning to accept love is difficult after a major loss. This episode takes you into a mind learning how to love and trust again. Trauma is a specter; haunting us in broad daylight and in our dreams. It infiltrates everything. The ghost will take you if you don't learn to fight it. Find a support system immediately! Learn how to accept help before attempting anything further. Ya know, all that "grab your own oxygen mask first" bullshit..... Turns out it's true.

I use the word depression in this episode, but a more accurate label (in my case) is psychological trauma. The signs and symptoms of trauma line up more closely for me than depression does. Every day is a different experience, and it takes an extrordinary amount of energy to stay focused; because of this, I consider myself to be "high functioning". Since I'm able to function relatively well, I feel it is my duty to help those that that may need someone to commiserate with. I got you!

(and other dumb shit people believe when they cannot cultivate a feeling of self worth outside of their ability to incite fear in others where, in turn, they automatically become a savior who knows how to alleviate the aforementioned dread)

Podcast-a-day! Raising funds for Umbrella. This one sheds light on toxic power dynamics and the services out there that help folks get through. Please have a listen!!!

I've always had a difficult time managing my cognitive "abnormalities", but am now realizing that they are what make me successful. I am compelled to seek fundamental knowledge at all cost. The urge to go deeper grants me an intimacy with the world that otherwise would be missed. It also guarantees me a lifetime of seeking and never settling. I'm ok with that now.