Silence

Sometimes the overwhelming pain can be too much. Not being able to feel sometimes is okay. Give yourself permission to be happy.

The first anniversary of losing a loved one can be the most difficult. I hope that by hearing my experience- you can not feel so alone and know that everyone handles grief differently.

Sometimes grief can be too hard to face- and that’s okay. It’s extremely important to deal with things on your own terms and in your own way.

Diving into my most recent loss (my dad in January. That was last month, right??) has been super challenging. Here’s a little dive into my brain when I’m in those states of mind to better help you understand why this process is taking me longer than expected. I’m still here, and working on it. But it is A LOT. Be prepared.

My life was slipping away from me right in front of my eyes. The only thing I could think about was being able to see my children again. This terrifying experience was something I never saw coming- but I made it through and I’m thankful every single day. It wasn’t my time. But what was coming next might make me wish differently. Stay tuned for the last and most recent part of my story, “My Story Part 4. Dad- It’s just me now.” with loss and grief.

Here is my message to you that it’s okay to NOT be okay. Grief is a complicated, vicious animal that comes out to play whenever it wants to. We are human, be gentle with yourself, give your self permission to feel.

The loss of my other half- my older brother Chase and our Abuelo. The loss of a sibling at any age is devastating. One of the hardest parts for me as I grew and matured into an adult was the fact that he was only 24. Once I surpassed the age he was when I died, I realized it was eternal. The pain I feel for his young, sweet soul leaving us so soon will always hold a very heavy spot in my heart. Each time a loved one dies, they take a piece of your heart with them. But remember that they will always live in what’s live in what’s left of it. 🖤

The beginning of my grief journey and my first experiences.

Follow me through my journey of grief to start healing. You’re never alone.