Officer Involved Domestic Violence: The Murder of Abby Bieber

What happens when your abuser carries a badge and a gun? For victims of officer-involved domestic violence, the journey to safety becomes a dangerous maze with few exits.Bruce Bieber joins us with the heartbreaking story of his daughter Abby – a rising star deputy sheriff who was murdered by her intimate partner, himself a detective in the same sheriff's office. This wasn't a random tragedy but the culmination of systemic failure, as her killer had previously been reported for domestic violence years earlier, only to have the incident swept under the rug.Through tears and determination, Bruce reveals how his quest for answers uncovered layers of institutional protection that prioritized shielding officers over protecting victims. When he discovered that approximately 40% of police families experience domestic abuse – potentially hundreds of thousands of households – he transformed his grief into purpose.The parallels between Abby's case and countless others expose a chilling pattern: documentation disappears, investigations vanish, and perpetrators not only remain employed but often advance in their careers. Questions about the failure of fellow officers to intervene when Abby was killed reveal uncomfortable truths about the "blue wall of silence" that protects abusers in uniform.Bruce is now fighting for legislation requiring Florida's law enforcement agencies to adopt protocols for handling cases when the abuser wears a badge. His urgent message resonates beyond one family's tragedy: if we immediately act when officers commit robbery or deal drugs, why do we still treat domestic violence as a private matter rather than the crime it is?Share this powerful episode with someone who needs to hear it, and join us in breaking the silence around officer-involved domestic violence.

When Lynn Stroud was 20 years old, her boyfriend deliberately violated their agreed-upon method of contraception following a birth control failure. His casual dismissal – claiming he "forgot" and was "drunk" – masked a calculated attempt to trap her through pregnancy. What followed was a harrowing journey through reproductive coercion, a form of intimate partner violence that remains largely invisible despite affecting a quarter of domestic violence survivors.Lynn's powerful testimony takes us through the red flags she missed, the isolation she felt when facing an unwanted pregnancy while her partner pressured her toward marriage, and the trauma of seeking care without support. Her boyfriend's refusal to help – financially, emotionally, or logistically – underscores the complex dynamics of reproductive coercion. This wasn't merely about pregnancy; it was about control, power, and the systematic dismantling of her autonomy. The relationship later escalated into stalking, intimidation, and further abuse that continued for years.Today, Lynn channels her painful experiences into education and advocacy. She helps survivors recognize the warning signs of reproductive coercion: pressure and guilt around pregnancy decisions, unreasonable excuses to avoid contraception, and threats related to reproductive choices. While legal protections remain woefully inadequate – only four U.S. states have specific laws addressing even one form of reproductive coercion (stealthing) – Lynn's advocacy points toward a future where survivors have both voice and recourse. Her message resonates powerfully in our current climate, where reproductive rights face significant challenges and the conversation around consent continues to evolve. By sharing her story, Lynn offers both validation for survivors and a blueprint for change in how we understand, discuss, and address this hidden form of abuse.

Navigating the aftermath of sexual assault often leaves survivors feeling adrift without a comprehensive roadmap. Cheyenne Wilson transformed her own traumatic experience into a powerful resource that builds bridges over these information gaps. Her book, "We Are the Evidence: A Handbook for Finding Your Way After Sexual Assault," provides the comprehensive guide she desperately sought but couldn't find during her own healing journey.Wilson masterfully unpacks the critical role language plays in survivors' experiences. She explains how definitions have evolved from narrow constructs that excluded many victims to more inclusive terminology that validates diverse experiences. When survivors question whether their experiences "count" if they didn't fight back or say no, these clarifications become lifelines. The distinction between advocacy language and legal definitions helps survivors navigate both healing and justice pathways with greater confidence.The episode illuminates the vital differences between community advocates (who maintain confidentiality and focus on survivor wellbeing) and victim witness advocates (who work with prosecution). For women of color and indigenous women, additional cultural and historical barriers make accessing support even more challenging. Wilson compassionately addresses these complexities while highlighting specialized resources like the National Organization of Sisters of Color Ending Sexual Assault.What makes Wilson's approach revolutionary is its trauma-informed methodology. She integrates survivor stories for validation, builds in mindful check-ins for processing, and structures the handbook to be accessed in any order based on individual needs. This acknowledgment that healing isn't linear empowers survivors to engage with difficult information on their terms. Whether documenting assault evidence, understanding reporting options, or exploring alternatives like restorative justice, Wilson ensures readers maintain agency throughout.Join us for this essential conversation about creating pathways to healing that honor survivors' experiences and needs. Whether you're supporting someone who's experienced sexual assault or seeking resources for yourself, this episode offers concrete tools, validation, and hope for the journey ahead.

Melissa Flynn, APR, MBA, brings nearly three decades of PR and marketing expertise to this powerful conversation about finding your voice during life's most challenging moments. What begins as a discussion about traditional crisis communication for organizations transforms into an empowering exploration of how these same principles can help women navigate personal crises with confidence and clarity.Drawing from their shared professional experience, Melissa and host Maria MacMullin explore how communication strategies used in high-pressure corporate settings can be adapted for women navigating the challenges of discussing domestic violence, sexual assault, or everyday discrimination. For these and other adverse situations, Melissa offers a remarkably practical framework: in urgent situations, focus solely on stating the facts and expressing what you need. For situations with more preparation time, organize your thoughts around the facts first, then provide context before sharing your full story.The conversation takes a personal turn when Melissa shares her own experience of being mistaken for an assistant in a business meeting despite being the leader of the presentation. These everyday indignities contribute to what the speakers identify as the broader crisis facing women – the systematic undermining of women's voices in personal and professional settings.What makes this episode truly valuable is its emphasis on practical application. Melissa walks through specific examples of how to respond when someone interrupts you, talks over you, or disrespects you. The key? Practice neutral, fact-based communication before you're in a crisis, focus on what you can control, and recognize that finding your voice is a lifelong journey of small, consistent acts of self-advocacy.Whether you're navigating workplace discrimination, courtroom testimony, or difficult conversations with a partner, this episode provides concrete tools to help you communicate effectively even in emotionally charged situations. Because everyone has a voice – and everyone deserves to be heard.

In honor of Women's History Month this episode features the extraordinary journey of Lola Reid Allin from surviving domestic violence to becoming a groundbreaking female aviator with over 6,000 flight hours and numerous historical firsts in aviation. Lola shares how flying became both her passion and her path to freedom from an abusive marriage.~When Lola Reid Allin's husband suggested they take flying lessons together, she never imagined aviation would become both her passion and her escape route from domestic abuse. This powerful conversation traces her remarkable journey from controlled spouse to groundbreaking female pilot—accumulating over 6,000 flight hours and becoming the first woman to hold numerous prestigious positions in aviation during an era when women were actively discouraged from such pursuits.With unflinching honesty, Lola shares the reality of recognizing abuse patterns and finding the strength to leave. The tipping point? Her husband calling her flight instructors to announce her pilot certification before she could share her own accomplishment—a seemingly small but profoundly controlling action that crystalized her decision. Beyond her aviation achievements, Lola reveals her fascinating second chapter living in Mexico as a scuba dive master and immersing herself in Maya communities across Belize and Mexico. Her anthropological adventures living with indigenous families showcase her boundless curiosity and courage.Most striking is Lola's revelation about writing her memoir "Highway to the Sky" after discovering in 2014 that despite progress, only about 5% of commercial pilots today are women—barely higher than during her active flying years. Her story illuminates how breaking free from controlling relationships and breaking through gender barriers require the same qualities: unwavering self-belief and the courage to venture into uncharted territory.

Ever wondered how those who help others manage their own well-being amidst the chaos? Licensed professional counselor Aubrey Richardson joins us to share her journey from researcher at Johns Hopkins University to providing care in clinical settings across Texas. She highlights her mission, focusing on helping therapists, caregivers, and healthcare professionals navigate the challenges of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and burnout, particularly as amplified by the shared trauma of the COVID-19 pandemic. Aubrey's approach emphasizes holistic healing and advocates for a balanced life in a world that often glorifies relentless hustle.The conversation takes a thoughtful exploration into the evolving landscape for healthcare professionals in a post-pandemic world, where mental health services face soaring demand. We shine a light on the necessity for healers themselves to seek therapy, with a significant percentage doing so at some point in their careers. Aubrey and I delve into the timeless nature of the therapeutic role and the profound responsibility that comes with supporting others through their darkest times. We also discuss the signs that indicate someone might benefit from therapy, underscoring the importance of connection and the therapeutic alliance.The episode takes a compassionate turn as we examine professional burnout, vicarious trauma, and their symptoms, such as chronic lateness and hypervigilance. Aubrey offers insights into the systemic changes needed to address these issues, stressing that self-care alone cannot suffice. The conversation concludes with an empowering spotlight on Genesis Women's Shelter and Support, highlighting their pivotal role in combating domestic violence. Listen in to discover strategies for supporting those on the front lines, while also fostering a culture of care and understanding within the mental health profession.

The episode explores the vital role of youth in achieving gender equity through empowerment and education, focusing on the GET Project led by Ariella Neckritz, Director of Youth Programs at The Representation Project. It discusses the importance of addressing systemic issues and stereotypes while fostering an inclusive dialogue that equips future leaders with necessary tools for change. Our conversation is an essential primer on the topic of equality that includes key films and curriculum that empower youth. Through the lens of influential documentaries like "Misrepresentation" and "The Mask You Live In," Arielle offers an inside look at how media representation shapes societal perceptions and the critical mission of the Representation Project, founded by Jennifer Siebel Newsom, in combating sexism with compelling narratives and educational campaigns.

Uncover the profound journey of transformation faced by domestic violence survivors as we sit down with Ruth Guerreiro and Jordyn Lawson from Genesis Women's Shelter & Support. In this episode, we discuss how the transtheoretical model of change, a tool often used for weight loss and smoking cessation, can be a lifeline for those navigating the complexities of abuse. Discover the emotional and psychological stages survivors traverse, from the survival-focused pre-contemplation stage to the empowering action stage, and learn how understanding these stages can significantly enhance support strategies.Ruth and Jordyn guide us through the intricate dynamics of these stages, emphasizing the non-linear path survivors often tread. By sharing relatable examples, like the challenges of adhering to a healthier diet, we illuminate the nuanced process of change that transcends typical setbacks and relapses. The discussion underscores the importance of meeting survivors where they are, recognizing that what might seem like regression could be a strategic decision for survival amidst limited and unsafe options.This episode offers opportunities for survivors, service providers, and loved ones to both understand and apply the stages of change model to experiences of domestic violence. For those who want to learn more, the Stages of Change training can be scheduled at https://www.genesisshelter.org/get-involved/request-a-speaker/

Unlock the transformative power of advocacy as we sit down with Nora Mosby and Cara Jones from the Missouri Coalition Against Domestic & Sexual Violence. Guided by a commitment to supporting survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence, we uncover the vital role advocates play in connecting individuals to essential resources, from medical care to public transportation. The journey of advocacy is traced back to its roots in the women’s liberation movement, highlighting its evolution into a crucial profession that addresses the isolation and trauma faced by survivors.Together, we examine the distinct roles of community-based and systems-based advocates, each contributing uniquely to the fight against domestic and sexual violence. From grassroots efforts to structured professional networks, we discuss the importance of addressing the root causes of violence, such as oppression and inequality. Nora and Cara share their insights on culturally sensitive services and the necessity of continuous training to adapt to evolving laws and community needs. We emphasize the shared mission of empowering survivors and fostering social equality through informed advocacy.Don’t miss our exploration of the pathways to becoming an advocate, as we share personal stories and the significant progress made since the 1970s. Learn about initiatives like the Telesane program, designed to expand access to critical care for sexual assault survivors, and discover how the Crime Victims Stabilization Act is making strides in the movement against violence. By highlighting both advancements and challenges, we celebrate the collective efforts that drive meaningful societal change, encouraging you to engage with this impactful cause.

We welcome back Edy Nathan, a renowned therapist and grief expert, who shares her poignant journey through grief as shaped by personal experiences of profound loss. Edy opens up about the transformative impact of losing her partner to cancer in her late twenties, a pivotal event that led her to a deeper understanding of grief and its manifestations beyond the death of a loved one, including domestic violence. Her insights challenge traditional views, urging us to see grief as a non-linear process that offers the potential for growth and resilience.Grief can shape our lives in unexpected ways, especially in the context of abusive relationships. In our conversation, we explore how such environments lead to a complex form of grief marked by the loss of self and identity. Edy sheds light on the silent struggles of survivors who often put their children's safety before their own well-being, and the resulting grief that often goes unnoticed. The discussion extends to the ways children express their grief, emphasizing the importance of finding the right language and support to facilitate healing for both adults and children trapped in silence as a coping mechanism.This episode includes personal stories of experiences with death, dying, illness, grief, intimate partner violence, anxiety and agoraphobia that some may find troubling or triggering. Please take care of yourself while listening to this conversation. These stories, the personal experiences of our guest Edy Nathan, are not shared or intended to stand alone or be an end in themselves. Rather, Edy uses her personal experiences as teachable moments for both herself, and generously, for all of us. As such, this episode also includes examples of bravery in the face of adversity, the courageous spirit of a survivor who uses both her voice and her work to empower others, and the extraordinary ability of the human spirit to survive violence, confront trauma, embrace grief, and emerge from all of it resilient, though not unchanged.