Ep #390: When Helping Hurts: Codependent Habits in the Healing Professions

#391: This week, I explore the question so many of us struggle with: how do we stop overextending ourselves and self-abandoning… without losing the parts of ourselves that genuinely love supporting others? Tune in this week to learn how to recognize when you’re giving from a place of genuine care versus fear, obligation, or a need to prove your worth. I’ll guide you through understanding how your nervous system drives people-pleasing patterns, how resentment can be a clue that you’ve crossed your own boundaries, and how setting limits can actually be one of the most loving things you do for yourself and your relationships. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/391 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join The Shift today!You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshiftThe Shift

Tenderoni Hotline #40: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tender Hotline, the soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most intimate and layered questions about healing, nervous system care, and reclaiming your self-trust.In this episode, we’re diving into three powerful questions that so many emotionally outsourced folks grapple with: Do I have to fully love myself before I’m ready for real love? How do I know if I’m truly healing or just coping while everything stays the same? And is focusing on myself while the world feels like it’s falling apart actually selfish?Together, we unpack the myth that healing has to happen in isolation. You’ll hear why real love isn’t reserved for the “fully healed,” and how our capacity for connection grows not in perfection, but in proximity and presence. We also explore how nervous system regulation can sometimes turn into a strategy for tolerating the intolerable, and how to shift from performative calm to embodied clarity and action.We talk about how emotional outsourcing, or looking to others for your sense of safety, belonging, and worth, distorts love and keeps you stuck in survival mode. And we name the ways that focusing on your own healing and self-connection is not selfish, but a radical act of reclamation that serves both you and the collective. So my love, go ahead and grab your softest blanket, pour something warm and grounding, and settle in. I’m so glad you’re here.Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] more about Anchored and join the waitlist here: https://www.beatrizalbina.com/anchored Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Mentioned in this episode:Join The Shift today!You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshiftThe Shift

#390: Have you always been the person who knows how to help? The one who notices everyone else’s needs, steps in quickly, and feels responsible for making things better? In this episode, I explore why so many people in healing professions struggle with exhaustion, over-functioning, and self-abandonment. We look at how becoming “the helper” often starts long before your career, and how those early survival strategies can follow you into your work as a nurse, therapist, teacher, coach, social worker, or other caring professional. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/390 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join The Shift today!You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshiftThe Shift

#389: Have you ever felt like failure defines you? Like missing a goal, making a mistake, or falling short is proof that you’re broken or incapable? In this episode, I explore what failure really is and how our interpretation of it shapes whether we get stuck or grow. Drawing on my own experiences, from life coaching to ceramics, I explore how the stories we tell ourselves after failure can either trap us or propel us forward. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/389 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join The Shift today!You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshiftThe Shift

Tenderoni Hotline #39: Hello my love, and welcome back to the Tenderoni Hotline, our soft and spacious corner of the Feminist Wellness Podcast where we explore your most tender questions about healing, nervous system care, and returning home to yourself.In today’s episode, we’re diving into three powerful questions that illuminate just how deeply our nervous systems are wired to protect us, even when those protections feel confusing or frustrating.First, why do I feel anxious and disoriented after talking to my mom, even when the conversation seemed “fine”? We’ll explore how old relational patterns, emotional labor, and unspoken survival strategies can leave your body braced and buzzing long after you hang up.Next, we unpack what’s really going on when you pull your hair without realizing it. If you’ve ever felt ashamed about this, please know you are not broken. You’ll learn how body-focused behaviors like hair pulling can be unconscious attempts to regulate or ground when your system doesn’t have other tools.Finally, we explore what it means to be physically present, but mentally checked out. If you’ve felt like you’re watching your life from a distance or constantly lagging behind real time, this conversation on dissociation and functional freeze will help you understand why, and what you can do about it.You’ll walk away with insight, compassion, and nervous-system-centered practices to support your healing from the inside out. Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join The Shift today!You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshiftThe Shift

#388: Do you ever notice how the way you talk to yourself shapes everything - your mood, your decisions, and how you show up in the world? Join me today to learn how to notice your habitual self-talk, pause to observe it, and begin shifting it with intention. I guide you through understanding the power of your “second brain” and how old thought patterns shape your feelings and actions. We’ll also explore useful tools for pressing pause on our thoughts to consider whether they're helping us build the healthy, fulfilling life that we deserve. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/388 Check out my courses here:https://beatrizalbina.com/workwithme/ Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join The Shift today!You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshiftThe Shift

#387: Are you exhausted by the endless drive to be perfect? Do you find yourself constantly overthinking, overproducing, or feeling like nothing you do is ever enough? This week, I dive into the patterns behind perfectionism and why striving for flawless results can keep you stuck. We’ll explore how perfectionism shows up in your daily life - from over-preparing and overexplaining to people-pleasing and second-guessing yourself - and why these habits aren’t personal failures, but survival strategies your nervous system learned early on. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/387 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join The Shift today!You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshiftThe Shift

Tenderoni Hotline #38: What if chronic pain, anxiety, burnout, and people pleasing all stem from the same underlying pattern?In this episode, I sit down with bestselling author, psychotherapist, and mind-body medicine expert Nicole Sachs to explore the hidden connection between trauma, the nervous system, and what I call emotional outsourcing. Emotional outsourcing is the habit of looking outside yourself for safety, belonging, and worth instead of cultivating those things within.Together, we unpack why so many of us learned to disconnect from ourselves in order to stay connected to others, how those survival strategies become wired into the nervous system, and why healing is about far more than managing symptoms.We also explore how people pleasing, perfectionism, and codependent patterns contribute to chronic stress, why boundaries can feel so threatening, and how small, intentional shifts can help you rebuild self-trust.Whether you're living with chronic symptoms, struggling to set boundaries, or simply longing to feel more at home in yourself, this conversation offers a compassionate and science-informed perspective on what healing can look like.If this episode resonated with you, be sure to follow the podcast and share it with someone who might need this conversation.Got a question for the Tenderoni Hotline? Send it to me at: [email protected] your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=en Learn more about Nicole Sachs: https://www.yourbreakawake.com Mentioned in this episode:Join The Shift today!You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshiftThe Shift

#386: Do you ever find yourself giving to others while quietly wondering if your own needs are being met? Are you unsure how to identify what you truly want versus what you think you should want? In this episode, I explore the often overlooked patterns that make it hard to distinguish your genuine wants and needs from the expectations of those around you. By the end of this episode, you’ll understand how to notice the difference between your authentic needs and habitual responses, reclaim your sense of agency, and start making choices that honor both your values and your well-being. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/386 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join The Shift today!You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshiftThe Shift

#385: Do you feel like your confidence vanished when the structure, role, or life you relied on disappeared? Have you ever wondered why you feel shaky, uncertain, or like a stranger to yourself after major life transitions? This week, I explore what happens to our confidence after a rupture and how to rebuild it in a way that is truly yours. I dive into the difference between borrowed confidence and internal confidence, and why relying on roles, approval, or external validation sets you up for wobble when life inevitably changes. Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://beatrizalbina.com/385 Order your copy of End Emotional Outsourcing here: https://beatrizalbina.com/book/ Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/beatrizvictoriaalbinanp/?hl=enMentioned in this episode:Join The Shift today!You cancel plans with yourself the moment someone else needs something. You say yes when everything in you means no. You have watched yourself do it and been genuinely bewildered. The Shift is 12 weeks of structured somatic practice built around the three needs at the root of every Emotional Outsourcing pattern: safety, worth, and belonging. The same foundational methodology as Anchored, structured entirely around your own life. Check it out here: https://feminist-wellness.captivate.fm/theshiftThe Shift