Breaking Chains: Independence from Old Marriage Patterns

Tired of the mental exhaustion that comes from constantly wondering what others think of you? In this episode, bestselling author and pastor Sharon Hodde Miller, Enneagram 7 (7-3 pairing) reveals why examining our life without just gazing inward, but also up at God and outwardly to others can also help us to break free from the self-focused scripts that keep us trapped in insecurity. Although some Enneagram patterns fuel self-preoccupation, others fuel giving in excess so today we talk candidly for all types about what it looks like to find true rest in our relationship with God rather than our performance. Whether you're a perfectionist who can't stop self-critiquing or someone whose marriage triggers more anxiety than peace, this conversation offers a grace-filled path to freedom from the exhausting cycle of self-focus that keeps us from truly connecting with God and others. Watch on YouTube! Sharon's book, Free of Me, JUST relaunched here! https://a.co/d/0Bnrggf Her beautiful book devotional, Gazing at God, is on sale for pre-order here! https://a.co/d/f9U3PEz Follow Sharon on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/sharonhmiller/?hl=en For more relationship tips, allow yourself time to peruse our page right here! www.EnneagramandMarriage.com Find all things Enneagram & Marriage on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/enneagramandmarriage/?hl=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Sometimes the most powerful chains in marriage are the ones we can't see. In this transformative episode, discover how to identify and break free from the four invisible patterns that keep couples stuck: the Scorekeeper Chain (mental tallies and resentment), the Mind-Reading Chain (expecting partners to anticipate needs), the Perfection Chain (redoing your partner's efforts), or any past-pattern fun/blindly following family-of-origin habits. Through real couple success stories and practical tools, learn how awareness + compassion + choice + action equals true relationship freedom. Stop fighting each other and start fighting the patterns that bind you both - because the strongest marriages aren't perfect, they're free. Find more help for your relationship, including coaching help and our membership here at www.EnneagramandMarriage.com or find some of our summer fun mystery games at www.SupperSleuths.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What can hobbits, elves, and the wisdom of Middle-earth teach us about relationships? In this special conversation, Christa sits down with Philip Nation, publisher at Thomas Nelson and lifelong Tolkien enthusiast, to explore the profound relationship wisdom hidden within J.R.R. Tolkien's beloved stories. From the faithful friendship of Sam and Frodo to Tolkien's own enduring relationships with family and friends, this episode uncovers timeless principles for building lasting connections. Philip shares how Tolkien's conceptualization of good and evil in every person and the "Gollum in all of us" can both humble us and also draw us back into the light of healthy fellowship in redemption. Watch on YouTube! You'll discover how themes of sacrificial love, patient perseverance, and unexpected grace from The Lord of the Rings and across Middle Earth offer hope and practical wisdom for real-world connections. Perfect for Tolkien fans, literature lovers, and anyone seeking deeper meaning in their relationships - whether romantic, family, or friendship. Includes book recommendations, insights from Tolkien's approach to relationships, and how beauty, truth, and goodness can strengthen all your important connections. Book recommendations in this episode: The Hobbit: https://a.co/d/2WjAMOA Lord of the Rings: https://a.co/d/e3dYL4v The Proverbs of Middle Earth: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0999591401?ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_QVSYCRNNZADVJC737YW2&bestFormat=true The Letters of JRR Tolkien: https://a.co/d/73lAT0U The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde: https://a.co/d/3Kitwsb Visit www.EnneagramandMarriage.com for more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Here in this E + M mini, Christa explores the concepts of masculinity and femininity, as well as the tendency of certain types to lean toward different qualities, and how understanding this can transform your marriage dynamics. Learn which qualities come naturally to your type, which ones you might need to develop, and how accessing both strength and tenderness both offers us more resilient, balanced partnerships. Whether you're a Type 8 learning vulnerable collaboration or a Type 2 developing assertive boundaries, this episode offers practical insights for becoming more integrated, healthy, and awake in your relationships. Find more help for your relationship, including coaching help and our membership here at www.EnneagramandMarriage.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Join Christa for a crucial conversation with Rachel Clinton Chen, MDiv and faculty at The Allender Center, about spiritual abuse and its unique impact on marriages. Rachel brings both professional expertise and Type 2 heart-centered wisdom to this difficult but necessary topic. Discover how spiritual abuse differs from general church hurt, the specific challenges it creates for couples when one spouse's faith is shaken while the other's remains intact, and how partners can support each other's healing without minimizing their experience. Rachel shares insights on rebuilding trust in your own perceptions, navigating intimacy after spiritual trauma, and finding hope for post-traumatic growth. Whether you've experienced spiritual abuse yourself, are supporting someone who has, or want to better understand this critical issue, this conversation offers validation, practical guidance, and hope for the healing journey. Rachel's marriage to Reverend Michael (a beautiful 2-9 pairing) provides unique perspective on how couples can walk through spiritual trauma together while protecting their relationship during vulnerable seasons. Rachel has graciously offered our listeners 20% off The Allender Center's Spiritual Abuse & Healing Online Course here with code enneagrammarriage20 through December 2025. https://theallendercenter.org/offerings/online-courses/spiritual-abuse-and-healing/ Check out The Allender Center Podcast here, https://theallendercenter.org/category/podcast/ Find other courses and connections at The Allender Center at The Seattle School here: https://theallendercenter.org/ Find Rachel Clinton-Chen on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/rachaelclintonchen/?hl=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Join us for an inspiring conversation with filmmakers Nathan (Type 4) and D'Lytha (Type 5) Myers as they share their unique journey of marriage, parenting, and creating meaningful entertainment together. Nathan, known for his work on The Chosen and now running Grafted Studios, brings passionate creativity, while D'Lytha offers thoughtful wisdom. Together, they've created the award-winning film "Aria Appleton Shines," which tackles technology's impact on children and parental authority through the spunky and realistically spirited Gen Z/Alpha Gen Aria Appleton and her friends. Discover not only tech tips and more about the new movie, but also about how this couple's different Enneagram types create beautiful synergy in their marriage and creative partnership, how they navigate homeschooling decisions and running a production company together, and their approach to protecting children from unhealthy technology while embracing creative media. Whether you're interested in Enneagram dynamics in marriage, navigating technology with kids, or supporting faith-based entertainment, this conversation offers practical wisdom from a couple living out their values creatively and intentionally! Watch on YouTube! Watch the BRAND NEW award-winning film 'Aria Appleton Shines' and discover how this powerful story is helping families navigate technology with wisdom and intention. Film Website: https://www.ariaappleton.com/  Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/ariaappletonfilm/  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ariaappleton/?hl=en Learn more about your type and relationship at www.EnneagramandMarriage.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does it mean to bring light to the darkest seasons of life and faith? In this deeply moving post-Father’s Day episode, Mike Donehey, lead singer of the reunited Tenth Avenue North, shares the heart behind their new album “Learning to Trust.” As a social Type 4 married to a Type 2, Mike demonstrates the courage to go to those dark feelings, sit with them, and grapple with them honestly—both in his music and his marriage. The album, which explores “the midnight hour in a person’s faith,” was born from personal family struggles, including his 12-year-old daughter hitting rock bottom with anxiety and his own journey of learning to trust God when you can’t see the path ahead. Mike opens up about how their lead song “Running with You in the Dark” captures the essence of moving forward with faith through uncertain seasons, and how influences like Jay Stringer’s work on sexuality and faith have shaped their music. Whether you’re walking through your own dark season, supporting your spouse through difficult times, or learning what it means to trust when life feels uncertain, this conversation offers both vulnerability and hope, with beautiful songs and timeless truths to guide you through. Find the album here on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/0G3VRMNpInROdMyGAabE0t Find the band here: https://www.tenthavenuenorth.com/ Follow Mike with 300K others here on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mikedonehey/?hl=en Follow Tenth Avenue North on IG https://www.instagram.com/tenthavenuenorth/?hl=en Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When emotions run high in relationships, knowing how to self-soothe can make the difference between connection and disconnection. In this practical mini-episode, we explore a few way each instinctual variant, Self-Preservation, Social, and Sexual/One-to-One, approaches calming when feelings are intense. We also break down a bit further to designate heart types of each instinctual variant needing emotional safety, head types seeking mental clarity, and body types requiring physical grounding. In this mini-show, let Christa guide you to just a few ways you'll discover specific techniques that strengthen rather than strain your relationship so you can truly come back as healthily differentiated partners, rather than staying in the wounding together. For more relationship help or to sign up with an E + M Coach or affiliate, visit www.EnneagramandMarriage.com Visit our Instagram @enneagramandmarriage https://www.instagram.com/enneagramandmarriage/? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if the key to a stronger marriage isn't avoiding conflict, but learning to dig in and work through difficult moments? In this practical episode, marriage therapist and relational life therapist Zach Brittle, 8 brings over a decade of professional wisdom combined with personal insights from his Type 8-Type 2 marriage. Host of the popular Marriage Therapy Radio Podcast, Zach shares his gifted perspective on the stories that often lie beneath our relationship struggles and offers Terry Real's RLT (Relational Life Therapy) tips and a powerful 4-part formula you can use for getting unstuck again and again whenever conflict hits. As a Type 8 married to a Type 2, he opens up about how even two passionate types can learn to navigate tension in healthy ways, emphasizing that conflict isn't something to fear but a pathway to deeper connection. Whether you're afraid of rocking the boat or tend to dive headfirst into disagreements, Zach's blend of therapeutic expertise and real-life vulnerability offers hope and practical strategies for working through the messy, beautiful work of marriage. Follow Zach here on his website: https://zachbrittle.com/ Follow Zach at Marriage Therapy Radio here: https://marriagetherapyradio.com/ Find Zach on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/marriagetherapyradio/?hl=en Miss the Subtypes EnneaSummit? Get the all-access pass to the Enneasummit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here! https://www.tylerzach.com/subtypes/enneasummit-aap?ref=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tylerzach.com%2Fa%2F2148111986%2FLS2nNmzL⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does it mean to age with strength and wisdom? In this powerful episode, Kathleen Henderson, 8 (8-9 pairing) shares her honest journey and OR nursing background to help others through health challenges, empowering you to use your voice and your spouse through the seasons through health challenges and through the evolution of marriage in later seasons of life. As a Type 8 married to a Type 9 with adult children, Kathleen opens up about self-advocacy in healthcare, life, and work settings, supporting her Type 9 spouse Ken through difficult health seasons, and the surprising ways her Type 8 energy has both served and taught her across seasons. From practical wisdom about preparing for life's later seasons to the liberating realizations that come with maturity, Kathleen's no-filter honesty addresses the realities many couples face but rarely discuss before they hit the harder moments. Show Notes: www.Drugs.com (This site tells you the percent of side effects you may experience as you deal with symptoms) The EnneaSummit is this week. To sign up for the EnneaSummit on Subtypes, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠sign up here!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Get the all-access pass to the Enneasummit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here!⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices