470. How to End Comparison and Competition for Good - Psychology tools that work

Why do you keep comparing yourself to everyone else, even people you love? Why does competition creep into friendships, relationships, work, and social media… even when you know it’s making you feel worse? In this episode, I break down the psychology of comparison and competition. Why your brain gets stuck in it, why some situations trigger you more than others, and how to end the comparison cycle permanently, not just “manage” it. We talk about: Why comparison isn’t the problem, loss of self-trust is How triggers reveal where you’ve outsourced your worth The difference between healthy ambition and toxic competition Why comparing yourself to friends and siblings hurts the most How social media intensifies insecurity without you realising The psychology behind competing for validation, attention, and approval How to stop competing in friendships, dating, and everyday life The mindset shift that makes comparison lose its power for good This episode is for anyone who feels behind, constantly measures themselves against others, or is exhausted by the quiet mental competition they can’t seem to turn off. If comparison is draining your confidence, affecting your relationships, or keeping you stuck, this episode will help you understand why it happens and exactly how to step out of it for good. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

BONJOUR! Head Noise today! So many questions coming through so we are ramping up these Head Noise episodes. Today we cover dating curses and how to break out of them, issues with friends who have given you the silent treatment, how to advance at work and stop being a soggy lemon and what to do when you take a step back for the sake of your mental health but it causes your mental health to continue to suffer because of the dreaded identity crisis. Lets get into it!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On this HN episode, I get to answer your questions and they are GOOD. ⁠We get to the bottom of: Why you may be so bad at picking the right partner, how to change something within you to make better choices moving forward. Why you do not have to feel guilty for cutting a friend off even if they have zero friends (ahem, accountability) How to deal with a painfully negative mother (whom you adore and do not want to cut out) And what to do if you are at the 7 year mark, unsure if you should stay or leave when there is a house and 2 dogs involved. Don’t forget to send through YOUR Head Noise questions to ⁠⁠[email protected] Sydney Live Show February 4th, tickets are on sale ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  Join the ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠DYFM Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Group  Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@doyoufkingmind⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠on IG   Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@dyfmpodcast⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠on TT Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@⁠⁠⁠⁠alexisfernandezpreiksa⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠on IG    Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@alexispredez⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ on TT Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@mindsetrecreationclub⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠on IG    Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@mindsetrecreationclub⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ on TT Order your Brain Journal here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.mindsetrecreationclub.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If rejection (or even perceived rejection) feels physically painful, overwhelming, or impossible to shake, this episode is for you. In this episode, we explore the psychology behind Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) a widely recognized experience (though not a formal diagnosis) that’s especially common in people with ADHD, and anyone who struggles with intense emotional reactions to rejection, criticism, or disapproval. This episode covers: What RSD actually feels like and why it can feel physically painful The difference between real rejection and perceived rejection Common triggers (and why perception matters more than reality) What’s happening in the brain during an RSD spiral Signs you may be experiencing RSD Why people-pleasing, avoidance, overachievement, and rumination don’t actually help How RSD differs from “normal” emotional sensitivity The link between RSD, ADHD, and emotional dysregulation This episode isn’t about “toughening up” or stopping emotions from happening. It’s about learning how to move through rejection without losing yourself to it and rebuilding a sense of control, safety, and self-trust. If you’ve ever thought, “I know this is irrational, but it feels unbearable,” this conversation will help you understand why and what to do next. Sydney Live Show February 4th, tickets are on sale ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  Join the ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠DYFM Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Group  Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@doyoufkingmind⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠on IG   Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@dyfmpodcast⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠on TT Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@⁠⁠⁠⁠alexisfernandezpreiksa⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠on IG    Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@alexispredez⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ on TT Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@mindsetrecreationclub⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠on IG    Follow ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@mindsetrecreationclub⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ on TT Order your Brain Journal here: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.mindsetrecreationclub.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 10 – Choosing Peace Is the Power Move (How Stability, Clarity, and Balance Actually Give You Everything You Want)The Reset You Actually Need For a long time, hustle culture convinced us that being busy meant we were getting somewhere. In Episode 10 — the final episode of The Reset You Actually Need , we explore why choosing peace isn’t giving up on ambition, but refining it into something sustainable, intelligent, and far more effective. This episode breaks down: Why hustle culture confuses motion with real progress How constant urgency fragments attention and fuels anxiety Why peace of mind increases performance rather than complacency How balance isn’t a compromise it’s an optimisation strategy Why inconsistency creates anxiety and the illusion of “falling behind” How overstimulation kills clarity, creativity, and fulfilment Why slower, long-form thinking leads to better decisions and deeper satisfaction We talk about the gap between where you are and where you think you should be and how that gap is often the source of chronic anxiety. Not because you’re failing, but because you’re trying to sprint instead of stabilise. Choosing peace doesn’t mean doing less. It means doing the right things, consistently, without burning yourself out. This episode is about redefining success so you don’t have to escape your own life to survive it. This episode concludes a 10-day mini-series designed to help you reset your mindset, rebuild self-trust, and step into the year calm, clear, and self-led. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Day 9. Less Proving, More Choosing The Reset You Actually Need So much exhaustion comes from trying to prove your worth. In Day 9 of The Reset You Actually Need, we explore what happens when you stop performing for validation and start making decisions from clarity, self-trust, and alignment instead. This episode breaks down: The difference between proving and choosing and why it matters Why proving is reactive, while choosing is grounded and powerful How the need to prove often comes from unresolved self-doubt Why proving keeps you busy, but choosing actually moves you forward How choosing makes boundaries feel simpler and more natural The discomfort that comes with choosing and why it’s necessary This episode isn’t about becoming cold, dismissive, or disconnected. When you stop trying to convince people of your value, your decisions get quieter, clearer, and far more effective. Part of a 10-day mini-series designed to help you reset your mindset, rebuild self-trust, and move through the year with calm authority and direction. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Day 8 – Until You Learn to Rest, You Will Not Get Ahead The Reset You Actually Need So many people think they’re resting but they’re actually avoiding. In Day 8 of The Reset You Actually Need, we explore why confusing rest with avoidance keeps you feeling overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and stuck in the same place, even when you’re “taking breaks.” This episode covers: The difference between real rest and avoidance behaviours Why your mood and energy don’t change when rest isn’t restorative The kinds of tasks people avoid and why How to tell if you truly rested or just numbed out Why sleep alone doesn’t fix exhaustion Forms of rest that actually restore energy and calm the nervous system Why some activities are more restful than bed rotting How to wind down on your own without avoidance If you feel like you’re constantly tired, overwhelmed, or needing more time off — this episode will help you understand what kind of rest you actually need, and how to get it without sabotaging your momentum. Part of a 10-day mini-series designed to help you reset your mindset, rebuild self-trust, and move through the year with clarity and calm self-leadership. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Self-trust doesn’t disappear because you fail. It erodes because you keep negotiating with yourself and breaking the deal. In Day 7 of The Reset You Actually Need, we talk about why so many people struggle to trust themselves, even when they’re capable, intelligent, and motivated, and how constant internal negotiation quietly destroys confidence. This mini episode explores: Why every excuse sounds reasonable in your own voice The difference between a valid reason and a repeated pattern How negotiating with yourself teaches your brain that your word is flexible Why discipline isn’t harsh, it’s relieving and freeing The balance between self-compassion and accountability Why small promises matter more than big goals Self-trust isn’t built through motivation, grit, or hype. It’s built through follow-through. When you stop arguing with yourself, life gets simpler. Decisions feel lighter. Confidence starts to return naturally. This episode is about becoming someone who does what they say, without punishment, drama, or burnout. Part of a 10-day mini-series designed to help you reset your mindset, rebuild self-trust, and move through the year with clarity and calm self-leadership. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Reset You Actually Need Feeling constantly disappointed in people, in situations, or in yourself is exhausting. In this episode of The Reset You Actually Need, we unpack why disappointment is rarely about bad luck, and more often about repeating the same patterns, ignoring behaviour, and abandoning your own boundaries often without realising it. This episode explores: Why disappointment is often self-created (and how to stop doing that) How repeating the same goals or relationships erodes self-trust Why listening to words instead of behaviour keeps you stuck The psychology of repeated rejection and loss of control How taking responsibility restores agency (without self-blame) Why self-respect is the fastest way back to emotional stability This isn’t about becoming cynical or emotionally closed off. It’s about regaining control by changing what you tolerate, repeat, and negotiate with. If you’re tired of feeling let down, drained, or stuck in cycles that keep hurting you, this episode will help you reset your expectations, rebuild self-trust, and move forward with clarity. Part of a 10-day mini-series designed to help you reset your mindset, raise your standards, and step into the year with calm self-leadership. Episode 217 - https://open.spotify.com/episode/5sXGur29se1TajjfWjMiNB Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Episode 5 – Stop Waiting to Feel Ready: Why Action Changes Identity The Reset You Actually Need – Day 5 So many people believe confidence, clarity, or motivation comes before they act. In Day 5 of The Reset You Actually Need, we unpack why waiting to feel ready is one of the most common (and invisible) ways people stay stuck, and how identity is shaped by action, not intention. This episode explores: Why the brain doesn’t reward planning, it rewards movement How repeated action updates self-concept and confidence The psychology behind hesitation and “I’ll start when…” thinking Why readiness is a byproduct, not a prerequisite How to begin changing your identity through behaviour, not self-talk If you’ve been waiting for motivation, certainty, or the perfect moment before making a change, this episode will help you understand why that moment rarely arrives , and what actually creates momentum instead. This isn’t about forcing yourself or pushing harder. It’s about letting action do the psychological work for you. Part of a 10-day mini-series designed to help you reset your mindset, rebuild self-trust, and move through the year with calm direction. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices