Working With The Reticular Activation System (RAS) | CP181

Today, we're diving into the power of play, especially for kids with big emotions that feel too large for their small bodies to handle. These big-feeling kids often experience surges of emotion that can lead to outbursts, clinginess, or even cycles of frustration and shame. But with the right kind of play, we can help them release these overwhelming feelings and teach them how to self-regulate.In this episode, I’ll share specific, playful strategies designed to calm and engage children who have these intense emotional needs. Through therapeutic play, we can offer them a safe way to discharge pent-up energy and reset their emotional state, creating moments of connection and calm that help them—and us—break out of negative cycles.Jennifer's Takeaways:Sensory Play for Kids with Big Feelings (00:00)Understanding Kids' Emotional Surges (03:25)Therapeutic and Sensory Play Ideas (04:29)Additional Sensory and Grounding Techniques (08:28)Outdoor and Low-Sensory Activities (10:56)Teenagers and Adrenaline Play (14:34)Resources and Final Thoughts (16:27)Meet Jennifer KolariJennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

In this episode of Connected Parenting, we’re diving into a fundamental concept in effective parenting—self-regulation. Titled “Be That to See That,” this episode explores the critical role our own emotional regulation plays in helping our children manage their emotions and behaviors.Parenting is a journey filled with joy, laughter, and priceless moments, but it’s also exhausting, anxiety-provoking, and often frustrating. To truly connect with our kids and help them co-regulate, we first need to master self-regulation ourselves.Jennifer's Takeaways:Understanding Self-Regulation in Parenting (00:00)The Role of Parents as Substitute Frontal Lobes (04:43)Consistency and Validation in Parenting (05:00)Strategies for Parental Self-Regulation (08:59)Alternative Yelling and Repairing Relationships (13:31)Resources and Support for Parents (16:46)Meet Jennifer KolariJennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

In this episode of Connected Parenting, I dive into a concept I call emotional glare—a phenomenon that every parent of a strong-willed, reactive child has likely experienced. If you have a sassy, feisty, gladiator child who seems to be in constant conflict with the world, you know exactly what I’m talking about.Emotional glare is what happens when you reflect back your child’s feelings, set limits, or share your own emotions—and instead of calming things down, it triggers an even bigger emotional explosion.This episode unpacks why traditional parenting strategies often fail spectacularly with reactive children and offers solutions that actually work. We’ll explore ways to diffuse emotional glare, help your child build distress tolerance, and establish calm communication strategies that strengthen your relationship without escalating conflict.Jennifer's Takeaways:Understanding Emotional Glare (00:00)Characteristics of Gladiator Kids (01:53)Common Parenting Strategies and Their Effects (04:08)The Calm Technique for Gladiator Kids (08:27)Handling Emotional Protests (12:10)Maintaining a Neutral Tone (14:51)Meet Jennifer KolariJennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

For most kids Halloween and the time leading up to it can be really fun and they love it. But for a lot of very sensitive children the feelings and reactions can be quite the opposite and extremely anxiety provoking.Everywhere they look they are seeing scary images on every lawn, and on every commercial on television, there’s images of witches, ghouls and ghosts.If this is something you are facing this Halloween season, then join me for this week’s episode to talk about what we can do as parents to support our more sensitive kids and help them when it comes to managing their thoughts and feelings surrounding what leads up to and comes with the trick or treating holiday of October 31st.Meet Jennifer KolariJennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

One of the most common things I hear from parents is, “What if I had found you sooner?”It’s such a powerful question, and my answer is always the same—it’s never too late. Whether your kids are young, teenagers, or fully grown adults, repair is possible, and it can transform your relationships.Parenting is a delicate dance between setting boundaries and nurturing your child’s emotional well-being. It’s challenging, especially when your child might be thrashing against the world or trapped in anxiety. Repair helps bridge those moments when things don’t go as planned.In this episode, I share personal stories and practical advice on how embracing connected parenting as a philosophy—not just a strategy—builds trust and stability within families. I also explain how the Calm Technique allows you to develop emotional capital, so even when things go off track (as they sometimes will), you can always find your way back to connection.Jennifer's Takeaways:Understanding Repair in Connected Parenting (01:55)Situational Repair and Apologies (04:59)The Calm Technique and Its Components (07:38)Practicing Repair and Self-Regulation (11:17)The Flow of Connected Parenting (14:57)Meet Jennifer KolariJennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

In today’s guest series episode, I had an incredible conversation with Eli Harwood, a licensed therapist, attachment expert, and mother of three from Colorado. Eli has spent the past two decades immersing herself in attachment research and is on a mission to make the world a better place, one relationship at a time. We discussed the critical importance of attachment, co-regulation, and empathy as interventions in parenting, and how these can shape children's lives for the better.Whether you’re a parent who already practices attachment or someone who is interested in learning more, this episode will give you insights into how to build stronger relationships and foster emotional security in your family. Tune in for an enlightening conversation that blends real-life experiences with actionable advice.Jennifer's Takeaways:The power of attachment in raising secure, emotionally resilient children.Navigating your own upbringing and experiences to be the best parent you can be.Actionable tips for creating a connected, nurturing environment for your kids.Meet Eli Harwood:With a career spanning 17 years, I've devoted my life to the intricate art and science of attachment relationships. My mission is simple: to share this invaluable knowledge with you.Connect with Eli:Website: https://attachmentnerd.com/aboutMeet Jennifer KolariJennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

Welcome back, connected parents!Today we’re diving into the fascinating world of the brain, specifically the Reticular Activation System (RAS). You might be wondering—what is the RAS, and why should it matter to you as a parent?In this episode, we’ll explore how the RAS filters information and determines what we pay attention to, how it influences our reality, and more importantly unlock the secrets of this powerful brain system and learn strategies to make it a positive force in your parenting journey!Jennifer's Takeaways:Understanding the RAS System (00:00)The Role of the RAS in Daily Life (02:45)Impact of Limiting Beliefs on the RAS (05:43)Practical Tips for Improving the RAS (09:29)Meet Jennifer KolariJennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

In this episode of Connected Parenting, we dive into the difficult topic of putting kids in the middle of adult conflicts. It's tempting, especially in the heat of the moment, to say things like, "Did you see what daddy just did?" or "Can you believe your mother just talked to me like that?" Even though we know this isn't the right thing to do, it's a common mistake many parents make.We'll explore why putting kids in the middle of disagreements creates an impossible situation for them and how it can affect their emotional well-being. More importantly, we’ll discuss strategies to avoid this behavior and healthier ways to handle conflict in front of your children. Join me as we look at how to protect your kids from being caught in the crossfire of adult disputes while fostering a more positive family dynamic.Jennifer's Takeaways:Normalizing Conflict and Modeling Emotional Recovery (02:15)Examining Personal Patterns and Using the Calm Technique (06:16)Using Sounding Boards and Managing Anger (08:38)Stimulating the Insula for Emotional Regulation (14:37)Repairing Relationships and Teaching Emotional Resilience (18:36)Meet Jennifer KolariJennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

In this episode of Connected Parenting, we’re diving deep into the world of gladiator kids—those feisty, strong-willed, and intensely challenging children who push back at every turn. These spirited kids often test the limits, leaving parents feeling exhausted, judged, and overwhelmed. Parenting a gladiator child can be incredibly tough, and it’s a journey that demands understanding, patience, and a lot of support.Join me as I explore what makes these kids tick, the unique challenges parents face, and practical strategies for managing their behavior without losing your own calm. Whether you’ve heard my previous episodes on gladiator kids or are tuning in for the first time, this episode will provide fresh insights and tools to help navigate the daily battles—and find more peace along the way.If you’re feeling overwhelmed by parenting a strong-willed child, you’re not alone—this episode is for you.Jennifer's Takeaways:Understanding Gladiator Kids (00:00)Gladiator Kids Are Change Makers (03:48)What Parents Are Feeling (11:09)Gladiator Kids Will Sabotage Themselves (12:06)The Role of Parents and Children (20:11)Characteristics and Challenges of Gladiator Kids (20:23)Parental Emotions and Support (20:43)Strategies for Parenting Gladiator Kids (21:02)Connecting with the Child and Seeking Help (21:48)Community and Support for Parents (24:58)Meet Jennifer KolariJennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).

Whether it's tasting a new food, petting an unfamiliar dog, or watching a thrilling movie, each child faces unique challenges when it comes to taking risks.But what if we could help them build the courage to face the new and unknown?Imagine how those brief moments of bravery could boost their confidence and enrich their life experiences.In this episode, we dive into the importance of strengthening this 'courage muscle' in children, especially those who are hesitant to take risks. We'll explore strategies to support them in trying new things, discovering joy, and overcoming their fears.Jennifer's Takeaways:Building a Child's Courage Muscle (00:00)Starting the Conversation and Setting Small Goals (03:08)The Role of Imagination and Visualization (04:34)Acting It Out and Maintaining a Playful Approach (06:29)Parental Support and Neutrality (07:26)Creating an Accomplishment Book (09:13)The Long-Term Nature of Parenting (10:07)The Importance of Risk-Taking and Growth (10:57)Resources and Support (11:39)Meet Jennifer KolariJennifer Kolari is the host of the “Connected Parenting” weekly podcast and the co-host of “The Mental Health Comedy” podcast. Kolari is a frequent guest on Nationwide morning shows and podcasts in th US and Canada. Her advice can also be found in many Canadian and US magazines such as; Today’s Parent, Parents Magazine and Canadian Family.Kolari’s powerful parenting model is based on the neurobiology of love, teaching parents how to use compassion and empathy as powerful medicine to transform challenging behavior and build children’s emotional resilience and emotional shock absorbers.Jennifer’s wisdom, quick wit and down to earth style help parents navigate modern-day parenting problems, offering real-life examples as well as practical and effective tools and strategies.Her highly entertaining, inspiring workshops are shared with warmth and humour, making her a crowd-pleasing speaker with schools, medical professionals, corporations and agencies throughout North America, Europe and Asia.One of the nation’s leading parenting experts, Jennifer Kolari, is a highly sought- after international speaker and the founder of Connected Parenting. A child and family therapist with a busy practice based in San Diego and Toronto, Kolari is also the author of Connected Parenting: How to Raise A Great Kid (Penguin Group USA and Penguin Canada, 2009) and You’re Ruining My Life! (But Not Really): Surviving the Teenage Years with Connected Parenting (Penguin Canada, 2011).