Episode 226 — Brendan Shaw: Grief, Brotherhood, and Finding a Way Forward
This conversation is raw. It’s honest. And it’s one of those episodes that I know is going to help a lot of people, especially anyone who’s carrying grief and doesn’t know what to do with it.
In this episode, Brendan and I talk about what it means to lose a brother, especially in a sudden, traumatic way. We talk about the anger that can show up for men, the guilt that older brothers carry, and the feeling that life splits into “before” and “after” the moment you lose your person.
Brendan also shares practical strategies—real, usable stuff—for what to do when grief hits you out of nowhere. Not the “time heals all wounds” nonsense. He talks about letting the wave hit, not fighting it, and making “small shifts” in your daily life to keep yourself moving forward when you feel stuck.
We also talk about connection—how the relationship doesn’t end, it just changes. The rituals, the photos, the texts, the car conversations, all of it. Because pretending it didn’t happen isn’t strength. It’s avoidance. And eventually that pain comes back with interest.
Brendan gives the background of what happened in April 2022, and how the legal process stretched the pain out for months and months. We also talk about who Philip was—his energy, his impact, and why the people who lose the “good ones” always seem to ask the same question: why him?
I share something I still wrestle with: that feeling of “I should’ve protected him.” Brendan speaks to that in a way that I think a lot of men need to hear.
We talk about how natural those thoughts are, especially for men, and how toxic it becomes if you live there too long.
Brendan explains why grief isn’t a straight line. Some days are calm. Some days the storm comes back and knocks you over. But the ocean is always there.
Brendan shares what he does when that punch-in-the-stomach moment hits:
Don’t run from it
Face it
Use photos or memories when you’re already in the wave
Remind yourself it won’t last forever, even if it feels like drowning
This part is huge. Brendan talks about making tiny changes—trying a new place, taking a new route, doing the thing you’ve been curious about. Not because it fixes grief, but because it keeps you from being trapped in the same mental loop every day.
We talk about texting them, talking to them in the car, listening to old voice clips, and how the relationship continues—because for a lot of us, we think about them more now than we ever did when they were here.
If you do one thing after listening to this episode: be good to people. You don’t know what the person in front of you is carrying.
Website: www.BrendanShawGrief.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brendanshawgrief
Brendan also shares what he and his family built in Philip’s honor: The Phil With Love Foundation, a 501(c)(3) that gives back through scholarships and community impact—supporting domestic violence shelters, animal shelters, food insecurity, youth sports, and more. Their goal is simple: turn pain into something that helps other people.
Become Stronger Industries: becomestronger.com
Finish the Race Apparel: FTRapparel.com
Stay in the Fight (Anthony’s charity): https://www.stayinthefight.am/
If this episode hit home for you, share it with someone who needs it. Someone who’s grieving. Someone who’s holding it all in. Someone who thinks they have to stay strong by staying silent.
And as always—go one step further than you thought you could.
See you next time on Building Men.
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