Ep 151: Spiritual Maturity and Surrender: A Conversation with Matt Kahn

We are sadjoy to announce that this is the final episode of Bliss+Grit. Coincidentally it's publishing almost exactly at the 4-year mark of when we began. This has been such a fulfilling project for both of us. It's created huge shifts in our personal evolution and a chance for us to connect as friends who live long distance to one another. But most importantly it's meant so much to hear from all of you that it's also had a useful and beneficial impact on your lives. It's been so touching to receive so much feedback that this little podcast we started created so many shifts for all of you. You can listen in to hear all the details of why we are moving on and where we are headed next, but a couple of easy links to find us are: www.vanessascotto.com www.brookethomas.me www.liberatedbeing.community On intagram: @vanessascotto @brookethomas108 @liberatedbeing

In our recent conversation with Matt Kahn we talked about his first golden rule: you've done nothing wrong. It's timely then that we both are up against some old internal narratives about things we have done "wrong" or that are "wrong" about ourselves. As always, we are examining these truisms from the inside out. In this episode we look at what hooks us into narratives about wrong-ness, and ways to work with that when it arises. How do we un-velcro ourselves from seeing ourselves as the thoughts or beliefs? How do we invite genuine tenderness in for the one who believes they are wrong? And if and when this pattern shifts- what are we when we're not wrong? What happens when we don't view our lives through the lens of "mistake".

Matt Kahn is a spiritual teacher and empathic healer who is the author of the bestselling books Whatever Arises, Love That, and Everything is Here to Help You. His newest book, The Universe Always Has a Plan: The 10 Golden Rules of Letting Go is what we gathered together to discuss today. Currently, we are all living through a global pandemic together. Instead of a typical "book interview" instead we discuss how the new spiritual paradigm is relevant to our current challenging times. As Matt says, we have all be invited into a collective, global dark night of the soul. So what does dark night ask us to shed? What does it offer us as we are transmuted by it? And how can we use our spiritual paths for our own and the collective's greater good instead of upholding old ideas that turns us against ourselves or creates a bypass. We discuss the role of nervous system regulation, surrender, the potency of stillness, and lots of spiritual myth-busting. You can find more of Matt's work at www.mattkahn.org Show notes live at www.blissandgrit.com. We also see clients privately, and you can find more information about our practices at the website as well.

Can we bio-hack ourselves into better states of mind and being with embodied “positive thinking?” Today we are discussing neuro-reprogramming methods and the effects they can have on your body and mind- including ways in which they can create harm. Last year we both engaged with a program called Dynamic Neural Retraining Systems (DNRS) and in some ways this conversation is an update on how that program helped us since so many of you ask. (We have experienced health shifts and reduced anxiety just to name a few.) From a larger perspective though, we are having a broader conversation on how we can all better approach our own thoughts and feelings to get true healing results. We discuss what worked best for us in terms of navigating our mental-emotional loops, as well neuroscience and practical tips for how you can become your own best ally and create transformation in your life. Sign up for our newsletter at www.blissandgrit.com

We speak a lot about trauma and healing from trauma on the show, but we've never done an episode that truly asks the question, "What is trauma?". Drawing on inspiration like Dr. Edith Eva Eger and Peter Levine we look at if PTSD should drop the "D" for disorder, what it means that trauma is a charge, and if that's true, how do we "discharge" that charge? It's a very humanizing and hopeful take on trauma and we hope it's helpful to all of you.

Today we are discussing healing that is not a part of our individual histories, but instead is carried in us- in our very dna- from our ancestors. It might seem like a not-so-cheery New Year's Eve episode, but actually we find this point of view to be surprisingly relieving. It opens up so much space to meet our experience and tempers some of the more shame-oriented points of that personal healing can sometimes take on. We discuss what ancestral trauma feels like when it arises, and some of our own experiences as we discovered that the pain we were sitting with was truly not personal. As we see this, it can open up a whole world of tenderness for ourselves and all that we are doing to clear pain, as well as so much compassion for all of humanity and the wounds that we all sit with and bring up to the light to be transmuted.

Co-dependency has been such a big pattern for both of us that we’re back again deepening our conversation on the differences between co-dependency and interdependency. Meaning, what would an end to co-dependence look like in relationships? The pictures we can receive about what it means to heal co-dependency can be someone who does not empathize and is not moved into service by the suffering of others. This couldn't be farther from the reality of empathic souls. Of course we care when people suffer, and of course we want to help- often it’s genuinely loving to offer our support. All of this is to say that there is no formulaic answer, it’s more about bringing awareness, attunement and discernment to our relationships. However, we do have some tips to offer based on our experience that can help you gain insight into when you’re interdependent vs codependent. Join us as we explore our own shifts away from co-dependent patterns and all that can arise as we open our hearts in relationship to others. For more information on Bliss + Grit, or on the hosts Brooke Thomas and Vanessa Scotto, please go to www.blissandgrit.com, where you can also subscribe to our weekly newsletter. Join us on instagram at @blissandgritpodcast

Today we are speaking with our special guest John Prendergast. This is our second time speaking with him to our great delight. John beautifully integrates the awakening path with psychotherapy. He is a licensed Therapist,and a former adjunct professor of psychology at CIIS. He is also the author of two books, today we are talking with him about his most recent book. The Deep Heart. We talk all about what he means by this phrase “the deep heart” and what can happen when we are able to land there and experience it. We get into themes around developmental trauma, how we meet the existential emotions like loneliness and grief, and important themes around how we are able to experience safety as we open. You can find more of John's work at listeningfromsilence.com

*This episode contains upcoming changes to the format of Bliss + Grit. Please tune in to stay up to date. It’s different to change to get out of pain then it is to change out of an intuition or a new vision. In this weeks episode we’re exploring meeting change and transformation, and most specifically, what happens when something you love changes; when rather than moving away from something painful, you’re getting the internal signal to change something you love or have valued in the past. This conversation is arising out of a recent process of change we are having with Bliss + Grit, but holds so much relevance to the conversation of transformation at large since one of the primary fears that can arise in an unfolding process is the fear of losing something or someone we value. Together we explore the new change that has presented itself for Bliss+Grit, how we navigated that, how we’ve met other changes in our lives like divorce, and how we can hold ourselves as we go through the process of transformation. For more information on Bliss + Grit, or on hosts Brooke Thomas and Vanessa Scotto, please go to www.blissandgrit.com where you can find episode resources, information about coaching sessions and subscribe to our weekly newsletter.

Today we are talking about how ingrained the impulse can be to always automatically look at “What is it about me? What am I doing wrong? What do I need to heal? What’s wrong with me that I am... being judgy, feeling angry, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted?” Are these feelings a signal that there is yet more material we need to heal so that we can always be “better” at tolerating things? Or are there perhaps things that we are accurately perceiving are out of alignment for us, or are taxing or overburdening us? In this episode we talk about: - How we can begin to notice if we are always scanning ourselves internally with the intent of figuring out “What’s wrong with me?” - How we can then learn to turn our attention to our outer world and see honestly what we the things are that are just genuinely not a good fit for us. - What conflict avoidance has to do with the pattern of always making it about how we need to heal ourselves. - How we may be imagining that our path will lead us to being the kind of people who become reaction and/or preference-free. - Both the genius and the pitfalls of being adaptable.