The Writing Milestone Nobody Talks About

The Writing Milestone Nobody Talks AboutForget the book deal. This is the moment that makes it all worthwhile.Last night, I was sitting in my living room with my husband, reading responses from a group of writers who are helping me test my new book, Write Big.They’d read Chapter 1 and answered the questions I’d asked them to consider. I was preparing for our next coaching session, and I wanted to see how the work was landing.I put down my computer, looked at my husband, and said, “Oh my god! I did it!”I was practically bursting with joy.These writers were doing exactly what I’d hoped they would do. They were getting clear about what they wanted from their writing. They were thinking deeply and honestly about their ambitions. They were making connections I had worked so hard to help them make.The thing I’d written was doing the thing I’d written it to do.I can’t tell you how good that felt.I’ve spent years thinking about this book, writing it, revising it, questioning it, trying to get it right. I’ve also spent a lot of time thinking about how to publish it, how to sell it, how to get it into the world.But sitting there last night, none of that mattered.I had reached my ideal readers. They were responding to my work in exactly the way I’d dreamed they would. And I felt this incredible connection to them, and to the work, and to everything that had brought me to that moment.I was so overwhelmed that at 11:15 p.m., I went into my office and recorded a podcast episode because I wanted to capture the feeling before it faded.I think we writers spend an awful lot of time imagining the moment we’ll get an agent, sign a book deal, hit a bestseller list, or win some kind of recognition.We imagine those moments will make us feel like we’ve finally done it.And maybe they will.But last night I experienced something that felt like the whole point of writing.I made something I loved, shared it with the people I made it for, and watched it matter to them.Not a million people. Just the right people.And it was enough to make me feel like the luckiest writer in the world.When you imagine your book succeeding, what are you imagining?Are you picturing a publishing milestone? Or can you picture an actual reader, somewhere, having the experience you most want your writing to create?What would that reader be thinking or feeling or understanding? What would make you say, Oh my god. I did it?I hope you’ll listen to this week’s short Write Big episode. It’s spontaneous and emotional and probably a little messy, because I recorded it in the middle of feeling all these things.But I wanted to share it because I want this for you, too.I want you to know what it feels like when the work you’ve poured yourself into reaches someone else and comes back to you as something bigger than you imagined.It’s why we write.#amwriting is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.You can buy Blueprint for a Book here, or take my $19 Blueprint for a Book video course, which includes the full text of the book plus 14 video lessons that walk you through the process. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit amwriting.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit amwriting.substack.comThe messy middle doesn’t necessarily happen in the middle of your book because it’s not a destination. It’s a phase in the creative process.It can happen on page 20. Or page 50. It can happen if you’ve laid a strong foundation for your book and know exactly what you’re trying to write. (Planning is critical, but it doesn’t save you from doing all the hard work!)What happens is that a character surprises you. A plot point stops making sense. The pages aren’t living up to what you imagined.Now what? Do you revise? Rethink your plan? Keep writing?After twenty years of coaching writers, I’ve come to recognize three very different kinds of mess—and the trouble is that writers often respond to all three in exactly the same way.That’s a mistake that can cost you months.In this week’s episode, I’m breaking down the three kinds of mess, how to recognize which one you’re in, and what to do next.And for paid subscribers, I’m sharing something specialm below: an hour-long coaching session with novelist Andrew Parrella, whose journey to writing a gothic horror novel we’ve been following, plus his first 50 pages with my coaching notes in the margins.Come see what this work looks like in action.Want to do the Blueprint yourself? In addition to helping writers start their books, it’s an effective tool to figure out why you’re stuck in the middle. You can buy Blueprint for a Book here, or take my $19 Blueprint for a Book video course, which includes the full text of the book plus 14 video lessons that walk you through the process.#amwriting is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Stop Asking Beta Readers If They Liked Your BookWhen you give your manuscript to a beta reader, what do you want to know?Most writers want to know if the reader liked it. Did they connect with the characters or ideas? Did the whole thing work? There’s a much more useful way to approach beta reading.Your job as a writer is to create an experience for your reader. You want them to feel certain things, wonder about certain things, and understand certain things at just the right moment.How do you know if you’re pulling that off?On this week’s episode of #amwriting, KJ and I are both deep in revision and talking about how we’re testing our manuscripts before sending them out into the world.KJ hired a cold reader for her new thriller—someone who knew absolutely nothing about the story. Instead of asking for an evaluation, she asked her reader to record what she was thinking, wondering, and feeling as she went. Where was she confused? What did she think might happen next? When did the momentum drag? What surprised her?I’m doing something similar with my nonfiction book, Write Big: Stop Playing Small and Step Into Your Creative Power (I changed my subtitle!) I’ve had my book coach do a final read, and now I’m taking a group of writers through the process I teach in the book to see how it actually works for them. Are the questions landing? Is the process helping them get the clarity I intend it to give them? These are different kinds of books, but we’re both trying to answer the same question: Is the experience we’re creating on the page the experience our readers are actually having?Try this with your own writingChoose a chapter and ask yourself three questions:* What do I want my reader to know?* What do I want my reader to wonder?* What do I want my reader to feel?Then find a way to test those intentions with someone who hasn’t read your work before.The gap between what you intended and what they experienced is where some of your most important revision work may be waiting.And remember: Your reader is the authority on their experience. You’re the authority on what to do with that information.In this week’s episode, KJ and I get into the nitty-gritty of how we’re approaching these final stages of revision, what we’re learning from our readers, and how we’re deciding what to change and what to keep.Whether you’re writing fiction or nonfiction, it’s a chance to think differently about what feedback can do for your book.Listen to this week’s episode of #amwriting: Stop Asking Beta Readers If They Liked Your Book.#amwriting is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.You can buy Blueprint for a Book here, or take my $19 Blueprint for a Book video course, which includes the full text of the book plus 14 video lessons that walk you through the process.Books Mentioned* Playing the Witch Card by KJ Dell’Antonia * The Secrets We Hide by Karin Slaughter* The Road to Tender Hearts by Annie Hartnett This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit amwriting.substack.com/subscribe

When you open a book, what are you actually looking for?Sure, we want a good story or useful information. But at a deeper level, most of us read because we’re looking for a mirror. We want someone who has wrestled with the hard, messy realities of being human and figured out something we haven’t quite articulated for ourselves yet.That’s why there’s nothing more frustrating—as a reader, as a book coach, and as a human—than reading a book where the writer holds back.In this Write Big session, I’m talking about a concept that blew my mind while listening to grief expert David Kessler on the Mel Robbins podcast. He spoke about the idea of “half-felt feelings” in relation to grief and emotional processing.The second I heard that phrase, I knew it was the exact diagnosis for what happens when a writer hesitates on the page:* In fiction, it shows up as characters who are only halfway experiencing their stakes.* In memoir, it’s a protagonist who protects themselves instead of being vulnerable.* In nonfiction, it’s an author who is so focused on sounding like a polished authority that they strip away the deep human heart of their topic.When we hold back, equivocate, or hedge our bets, we become emotionally stingy with our audience. But our job as writers isn’t just to arrange words; our real medium is human emotion.In this episode, I challenge you to look closely at your current draft and ask: Where am I settling for half-felt feelings, and where can I go deeper?The goal is to stop being afraid of what’s scary to say, step into real vulnerability, and write pages that actually resonate.#amwriting is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.You can buy Blueprint for a Book here, or take my $19 Blueprint for a Book video course, which includes the full text of the book plus 14 video lessons that walk you through the process.Resources Mentioned in This Episode* The Mel Robbins Podcast — Episode 352: “Your Grief and Heartbreak Will Get Better The Moment You Listen To This” (Featuring David Kessler).* Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski (and Amelia Nagoski) * On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit amwriting.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit amwriting.substack.comJess Lahey is the OG host of the #amwriting podcast and the author of The Gift of Failure and The Addiction Inoculation. She’s a teacher, a speaker, and a very accomplished journalist who writes for The Atlantic, The Washington Post and other media outlets.Now she’s writing a novel.Jess has been working on this novel, on and off, for fifteen years, and recently put it through my Blueprint for a Book process — a method of inquiry for getting your book out of your head and onto the page. When I read her Blueprint, I had one overwhelming reaction: she was holding back.The story she wants to tell is about memory and identity and family and the enormous weight of other people’s expectations. But on the page, it felt careful, contained, and buttoned up.When I said this to Jess, she immediately knew what I was seeing. She had written the Blueprint the way she writes nonfiction: carefully. She is used to getting things right, backing things up, not overstating the case. And whenever she had written something that felt too emotional or too big, she’d cut it.What was fascinating was that when we stopped talking about the Blueprint and Jess started talking about the actual kids she has taught over the years, all that carefulness disappeared. She was passionate and emotional and absolutely certain about what mattered to her.I thought: There it is. That’s what’s missing from the page.This is one of the strange things about becoming good at something. The skills that have served you well can become the skills you hide behind. Jess knows how to be careful. That’s part of what makes her such a good nonfiction writer. But this book is asking something different of her.At one point, she told me she was afraid that if she really let herself go, she might go over the edge and write something overblown or overwrought. I told her I didn’t think she could go over the edge if I paid her a million dollars!Where have you decided something is too emotional, too strange, too ambitious, too earnest, too much—and pulled back?Maybe it is too much. But you don’t actually know that yet.You can always pull back in revision. First, you have to let yourself go far enough to find out where the edge really is.Want to try the Blueprint on your own book?You can buy Blueprint for a Book here, or take my $19 Blueprint for a Book video course, which includes the full text of the book plus 14 video lessons that walk you through the process.Want to check out the full Hot Seat Coaching session and get access to Jess Lahey’s blueprint and Jennie’s editorial notes? Become a paid subscriber below.#amwriting is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

I want to take you inside my favorite yoga studio in Santa Barbara. It’s called Yoga Soup, and it’s a giant, grounding mix of movement, actual nutrient-dense soup in a crockpot, fresh fruit from local trees, and community.My husband Rob and I practice there a few times a week, and one of our favorite instructors—who is also a middle school English teacher—starts every class by reading a poem. She weaves its themes throughout our practice and reads it again at the end.Now, I’ll be honest with you: these classes are often equal parts healing and deeply unsettling for me. Why? Because I’m in there without a notebook or phone, frantically trying to memorize brilliant lines so I don’t lose them!A few weeks ago, she read a poem by Mary Oliver called “Today” from her 2012 collection A Thousand Mornings. One line hit me like a bolt of lightning:“Today I’m flying low, and I’m not saying a word. / I’m letting all the voodoos of ambition sleep.”I spent the rest of the class scrambling to hold onto that concept because the “voodoos of ambition” are my constant companions. They’re the noisy, bossy, pushy engine behind everything I make, write, and build. They drive the desire to “play big.” And if you’re listening to this podcast, I bet your voodoos are pretty loud, too.But as I wrestled with Mary Oliver’s words, a new thought took root: What would happen if we actually let those voodoos take a day off?In this Write Big session, I’m reflecting on:* The double-edged sword of high ambition and why we need energy to drive big work.* Why scrambling to capture every thought is just another “voodoo” in disguise.* How giving your ambition a rest—letting it sink into child’s pose—is actually what allows it to wake up re-energized and full of life.Writing big requires big energy, but it also requires rest. This week, I’m offering you a permission slip to fly low, be quiet as a feather, and let your ambition sleep for a little while.Until next time, stop playing small and write like it matters!#AmWriting is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Books Mentioned* A Thousand Mornings by Mary OliverTranscriptHi, I’m Jennie Nash, and you’re listening to the #amwriting podcast, the place where we help writers of all kinds play big in your writing life, love the process, and stick with it long enough to finish what matters most. This is a Write Big session, where I’m bringing you short episodes about the mindset shifts that help you stop playing small and write like it matters.Today, I’m talking about ambition, and specifically I’m talking about some thoughts on the poet Mary Oliver and desire And I want to tell you a story about my yoga studio and a particular yoga teacher that I adore. So my yoga studio in Santa Barbara, California, is called Yoga Soup, and what its name implies is that there’s all different kinds of things that happen in this space.There’s all different kinds of yoga and all different kinds of teachers. It’s a giant mix of different kinds of ways of doing yoga, and [00:01:00] there’s also actual soup. In the front room of the studio, there are couches and a coffee table and benches, and there’s a Crockpot of soup. It’s made by a local soup kitchen that makes just killer local nutrient-dense soup.And oftentimes there’s bread from the local bakery, and you can put $5 or $10 in the tip jar and sit down and have a bowl of warm soup, even on a warm day, which we often have here in Santa Barbara. There also tends to be bowls of things from the farmers market or from people’s trees. So there might be oranges or carrots or strawberries or something there that you can have.And one of my practices is I love to come out of yoga class and sit down and have a carrot. It always makes me feel rooted in a very specific and physical way and grounded. So that’s the vibe of my yoga studio. And I practice yoga with my husband. It’s a thing that we do together, that we love to do together, and we try to do two or [00:02:00] three times a week.Rob actually goes to yoga more than I do, and he is really good at it, and he’s really strong. And I know we’re not supposed to compare, but I do. But regardless, I love going with him and practicing alongside of him. And one of our favorite teachers is also a middle school English teacher. And at the start of every one of her yoga classes, she reads a poem, and then she weaves the lessons of that poem throughout the yoga practice.So while you’re doing a pose or transitioning from one pose to another, or in your resting pose, she’ll talk about words or phrases or ideas from the poem, and then she usually reads it again at the end. And I, of course, love this so much because words and poems and weaving them all into movement, it just feels so healing and powerful, and I just adore it.And I’m not alone. Her classes are always packed with all different kinds of people, and you have to get there early, and you have to bring your patience [00:03:00] because there’s so many people clamoring for this specific kind of experience. But oftentimes this class is also really hard for me because the teacher will say something in the middle that I wanna remember, and I’m in there without paper and I’m without my phone, and I feel sort of quite naked ‘cause I’m like, “I gotta write this down.I gotta remember what she said,” because I’m not trusting that she’ll remember what she said if I went up to her after class and said, “What was it that you said about that thing?” And I’m not sure that I will remember correctly. And so I kind of spend the whole class in this panic about remembering whatever it was that she said.I certainly am not gonna not try to remember. That’s just not in my DNA. So I often have somewhat unsettling experiences in this class as well. And a few weeks ago, the instructor shared a Mary Oliver poem, and I happen to know that Mary Oliver is one of her favorite poets. She often [00:04:00] reads things from her.And I’ve read a lot of Mary Oliver, and I recognize a lot of the poems. But on this one day, this poem that she read, I had never heard of, and I couldn’t believe I’d never heard of it because it just blew my mind. I found out after class, my Googling told me that this poem is from the book A Thousand Mornings, which was published in 2012, and the poem is called Today Today I’m flying low, and I’m not saying a word.I’m letting all the voodoos of ambition sleep. The world goes on as it must, the bees in the garden rumbling a little, the fish leaping, the gnats getting eaten, and so forth. But I’m taking the day off, quiet as a feather. I hardly move, though really I’m traveling a terrific distance. Stillness, one of the doors into the temple.So there I am in yoga, scrambling to remember the line, letting all the voodoosof ambition sleep. Because that [00:05:00] line, that concept, I was just like, “What? The voodoos?” I mean, trying to remember the line of a poem while doing yoga is one of those voodoos. The voodoos of ambition are all up in my brain, and they’re all over my body and my gut.They just are my constant companion. And the second I heard that line, I was like, “Ugh, yes, I love the voodoos of ambition.” They’re what drive me and propel me and keep me coming up with ideas and things I wanna write and make and do. They are what is the engine of writing big and playing big. And there’s so much that I wanna make and write and do in the world.And I feel like the voodoos of ambition get it. They’re dancing, and they’re cheering and propelling me on. But of course, I also find them hard to deal with because you know, the voodoos are so noisy. They’re so bossy. They’re so pushy and voodooy. And as soon as I heard that [00:06:00] poem, and as soon as I got home and studied it and looked at it again, I thought, “Gosh, what would it be like to not say a word and let the voodoos of ambition sleep?”I don’t know, and I don’t know if I want to know. Flying low is n… This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit amwriting.substack.com/subscribe

You’ll get a regular Write Big episode tomorrow!Hi!As you may know, after ten years of #amwriting, KJ, Jess and Sarina are moving on to other endeavors and have handed the reins of the podcast to me. I’m honored—and very excited—to carry it forward.For the past nine months, I’ve been trying things, listening to what resonates with you, and weighing my own energy and my options for what #amwriting could become.And I’ve landed on a new plan.The goal is to keep the spirit of what #amwriting has always done—help writers get their best work done—and to offer more ways to see your own work more clearly.This is one of the hardest things about being a writer. Is this working? What’s not working? Is the problem on the page—or in the way I’m thinking about the book? Am I solving the right problem? What should I do next?There is endless writing advice out there. What I want #amwriting to give you is something different: the chance to listen to writers work through real problems, hear the thinking behind the solutions, and get better at seeing and solving problems in your own work.And this is work I know how to do. I’ve trained more than 400 book coaches and spent years developing frameworks for coaching writers through the decisions, problems, and stuck places that come up as they make books. That means I also have a deep bench of skilled Author Accelerator certified book coaches I can bring into #amwriting.I think that puts me in a unique position to make a different kind of writing podcast—one built around showing you what good coaching looks like in action and helping you become better at thinking through your own work.You’ll continue to get free #amwriting episodes every week, including Write Big, my episodes about what it takes to do your best work and keep doing it; and Margin Notes, short episodes that take a close look at a particular question, problem, or moment in the writing life. That is where I will often have guests join me.And, I’ve started writing the Substack posts each week as mini lessons for those who want to read rather than listen. Before, they were generic summaries and no one wants to read that. But a big part of this new #amwriting is now going to happen for paid subscribers.Why I’m asking you to pay $8/monthBookLab and Hot Seat Coaching take real time, effort, and energy to produce. They involve reviewing work, preparing for coaching conversations, bringing in the right coaches and guests, recording, editing, and producing the episodes.I love doing this work. I want to do more of it. And I need the support of paid subscribers to make it sustainable.So I’m making BookLab and Hot Seat Coaching part of the paid #amwriting membership.If you want to get better at seeing your own work clearly, making stronger writing decisions, and knowing what to do when you get stuck, I’m asking you to support this work by becoming a paid subscriber. It’s $8/month.For $8/month, here’s what you get* All the regular weekly #amwriting episodes, including Write Big and Margin Notes.* BookLAB — We take apart real submissions—first pages, book jackets, query letters, and more—to see what’s working, what’s not, and why. The more you learn to see in someone else’s work, the more you can see in your own. I plan to share a BookLAB episode each month.* Hot Seat Coaching — Listen as real writers work through real writing challenges with me and Author Accelerator certified book coaches. You’ll hear not just what they decide to do, but the thinking that gets them there—so you can get better at working through your own challenges.* The complete #amwriting archive — Ten years of conversations about virtually every stage of the writing life, organized by topic so when you hit a problem, you can find the conversations that can help. (This will take us a little while to organize but we’re already working on it!)If you want to do more than listen, you can come further into the work.Annual — $80/yearAnnual subscribers get everything in the $8/month membership for a more affordable price, plus:* Attend our monthly BookLABs live on Zoom. Join us each month as we work on writing in real time. Raise your hand to share your first pages, book jackets, query letters, and other work for possible coaching and feedback* BookLABs will happen on zoom. We’ll email links out before each episode. Times of these sessions will vary but the next three will be: * Thursday, Oct. 15 at 9 am PT* Thursday, Nov. 19 at 9 am PT* Thursday, Dec. 17 at 9 am PT* Get private recordings as I do a last-pass read-through of my forthcoming book, Write Big: 7 Questions That Will Change Your Writing Forever. I’ll read the book and decide what to change or tweak as I go, sharing the process with annual subscribers.For writers who want even more access and coaching:The #amwriting Writers’ Room — $180/yearGet in the room where we do the work.Writers’ Room members get everything in Annual, plus invitations to join me and Author Accelerator certified book coaches for more intimate coaching experiences throughout the year, including Blueprint challenges for starting and revising a book.We’re kicking off the Writers’ Room with something I’m especially excited about: the very first Write Big Coaching Sessions.This will be a five-week experience where we’ll work through the seven questions at the heart of my forthcoming book, Write Big: 7 Questions That Will Change Your Writing Forever.* Before each call, you’ll receive a private audio episode of me reading a chapter. * The live calls (Pacific Time) are:* October 19 — 8:00 a.m.* October 21 — 4:30 p.m.* October 26 — 8:00 a.m.* October 28 — 4:30 p.m.* November 2 — 8:00 a.m.* November 4 — 4:30 p.m.* November 9 — 8:00 a.m.* November 11 — 4:30 p.m.* Then we’ll come together on Zoom to write, talk, and work with the questions. * We’ll have a private Slack channel throughout the five weeks for questions and conversation, and a community manager who will help direct the conversation and connections. We’ll also post recordings there, so it’s okay if you need to miss some of the live calls.You’ll be part of the very first cohort to experience the book this way. You’ll help me choose the book jacket, and I’ll include your name in the acknowledgments of the finished book.The idea is to use these seven questions to look closely at your own writing and writing life: what you want, what you know, what’s getting in your way, and what you want to do next.So you can decide how far you want to come into the new #amwriting:* Keep listening for free.* Get better at seeing and solving writing problems for $8/month.* Bring your own work into the conversation for $80/year.* Get in the room and get coached for $180/year.I’m really excited about what we’re building next—and I hope you’ll come with me.Thanks for your support!Jennie This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit amwriting.substack.com/subscribe

Have you ever looked at a project you’ve poured years of your life into and realized… it’s fine? Not catastrophic. Not terrible. Just fine.No one wants to read a book that’s fine — and I am certain you don’t want to write one.The first step in making sure you do better than fine is to catch yourself when you know you’ve hit a wall — which is way easier said than done.We get so used to plowing ahead, getting the words down, prioritizing FINISHING that we often forget to stop and make sure we are writing what we really want to be writing. Think of that pause like checking in with your gut or your heart: do you love this?Because if you don’t love it, your readers aren’t going to love it, either.In this Write Big episode, KJ and I sit down for an honest, behind-the-scenes look at what happens when you hit a wall—and decide to set off a stick of dynamite instead of trying to climb over it. Both of us recently threw out huge portions of our current projects (my Write Big book, and KJ’s novel) to start fresh from page zero.I share the story of my 12-hour wrestling match with ChatGPT over the books subtitle (yeah — 12 hours on the subtitle), the “tough love” reality check I got from #amwriting recurring guest therapist Dr. Diana Hill, and how answering one simple question—are you actually centering your reader?—changed everything about my book’s tone, structure, and voice. Meanwhile, KJ opens up about why she threw out her protagonist, embraced a dual-timeline structure, and ignored the well-meaning advice of friends who told her NOT to keep starting over.We talk about:* How to recognize when a book is polite or timid instead of alive.* The difference between an echo chamber (which AI can sometimes be) and a true truth-teller.* A method for salvaging the gold from an abandoned draft without getting bogged down by old words.* Why starting over isn’t “falling behind”—it’s standing up for your conviction.If you’re feeling stuck, lost, or secretely suspecting your current draft needs a radical pivot, we encourage you stop playing it safe and build something alive.Let’s get back to work and finish work we LOVE.#AmWriting is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Books Mentioned* Austin Kleon’s Steal Like an Artist* John Wooden’s books on coaching basketball* Serena Bowen’s novel: Big Stick Energy* Virginia A. Evans’s The CorrespondentTranscriptJennie: [00:00:00] Hi, I’m Jennie Nash, and you’re listening to the #amwriting podcast, the place where we help writers of all kinds play big in your writing life, love the process, and stick with it long enough to finish what matters most. This is a Write Big episode, where I bring you short conversations, this one might not be so short, about the mindset shifts that shape the work, and today I’m talking to KJ.Jennie: Hi, KJ.KJ: I’m so excited to be here. This is... Uh, you know. I’ll be here lots. This is great. Uh, the, the behind-the-scenes stuff- Is the behind the scenes stuff? KJJennie: often-KJ: And here we are just to like, you know, having a nice normal, um, a podcast, soJennie: yeah. I know. I’m so excited to talk to you and to share this conversation with our listeners, and we’re talking aboutJennie: So we’re talking about the mindset shifts that shape the work. That’s what Write Big is all about, and [00:01:00] oof, some big ones just happened for us both. Yep. Um, if you’ve been listening for a while, you know we’re both working on projects. They’re very different projects. Um, KJ’s is a novel, mine is a nonfiction book, and I just m- literally dropped a bomb on mine and totally blew it up and started in a new direction, and this is years into it, and you recently did that too, and you- I didKJ: something very similarJennie: you were shy about sharing it with me, which I thought was funny. Um- Oh. ‘Cause you were like- Yeah ... “She’s not in the book anymore.” I was asking her aboutKJ: something. That’s right. You’re like, “Oh, and this could be s- “ I, I mentioned something, and I was like, “Oh, yeah.” Yeah,Jennie: I just mentioned changes. That was when we were in person.Jennie: We, KJ and I were in person, and you know what? We didn’t take a picture.KJ: Oh my God, we didn’t. You’re right. Oh, well.Jennie: We both tra- We have aKJ: lot of things. Travel It just means we have to do it again [00:02:00] soon.Jennie: We both traveled great distances in order to have lunch and go shopping and talk about books, and we were walking and chatting about KJ’s book, and, and that’s when I learned she had blown everything up.Jennie: So how areKJ: you- We both blew things up. So I got questions. I’m sure you have questions. I have. My first question- Yeah ... you just did this, so how did you know you had to do this?Jennie: Yeah, I did it yesterday.KJ: I think that’s ... I know. I think that’s the thing that people wanna know, like, “How did you, how did you know?”KJ: Okay. “Was it gradual? Was it sudden?” Just-Jennie: Yeah ...KJ: you know, j- tell, tell us how we should know if we should do the same thing, which I already did, and I have an answer to this too, so.Jennie: Yeah, yeah.KJ: How didJennie: you know? So I was ... I had a finished manuscript, and I asked two people to read it for very particular reasons, these beta reas- readers, and they, neither of them were people that I would callJennie: They’re not the kinda typical people that I would go to. [00:03:00] They were, they were more, um, regular readers, if that makes sense. They’re, they’re not insidery people like you. I mean, you and I- Me ... have a lot of insidery, inside the industry people. These were not those people. So I had a full manuscript. I took it out to both of them.Jennie: I got feedback from both of them, and the, the first, the first person’s feedback was- Fine? It was, it was fine. It was like, “This is fine. I want more of this or that.” And it was, it was kind of like, not-KJ: Fine, huh? Great ...Jennie: not what anybody wants. Fine. I either want my reader to be like, “Oh, hell yes,” or, “I co- totally don’t get it.”Jennie: Like, I want, I don’t want fine. So that was the first thing, and then the second reader [00:04:00] said, “I ha- I got some tough love for you.” And this was happened after I was really struggling. I was trying to rewrite while they were doing the beta read, and, you know, f- with my own critique and my own next steps and my own thing, and I found myself unable to go forward because of the title.Jennie: I kept changing my mind on the title. Like, what really is this? And what, it’s particularly the subtitle. What, what am I doing? Like, after all this time, after all this time, after a million blueprints, a million conversations, a whole manuscript, I’m still asking myself, “What is the point? Who is this for?Jennie: What am I doing?” And I, when I say that I was wrestling with that, I felt that I couldn’t revise until I got it right because I, the revision now is very [00:05:00] specific. It’s not let’s just get some words down.KJ: Mm-hmm.Jennie: And so I think I spent, I mean, I’m not even exaggerating- 12 hours? I’m not kidding. Playing- No,KJ: I, I believe-Jennie: Playing with my title.Jennie: And-KJ: And you kept sending me things, and I’d be like, “Eh.”Jennie: Yeah, you were like, “Meh.” I was playing in Chat GPT- I was super helpful ... and the reason that I spent so much time was it was really fun. It was, it was like, “Well, what about this? Well, what about the other? I don’t like that word.” Like I was fighting with the machine, which I sort of enjoyed, and, and it was, it wasJennie: It says, you know, it says ridiculous things all the time. “This is your most original idea.” I’m like, “Blah.” You know? Yeah. Just I was kind of wanting to- Yeah, you,KJ: you, you can’t listen to it. No. You can only listen to what it’s making you say.Jennie: I was wrestling with my own mind. Yeah. That’s what I was doing.Jennie: Mm-hmm. And, and I would land on… This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit amwriting.substack.com/subscribe

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On the #amwriting podcast’s Margin Notes, host Jennie Nash talks with Dr. Diana Hill, author of Wise Effort, about how writers handle mishaps and self-talk when juggling book-related obligations. Hill describes accidentally booking two plane tickets to a Washington, DC conference, prompting a discussion about shifting the story from “I’m disorganized” to one of abundance and opportunity. Hill introduces Buddhism’s “wise speech” filters—helpful, kind, timely, and true—and distinguishes guilt (which motivates clean-up and repair) from shame (which labels the self as bad and can paralyze writers). They share examples of painful feedback and feelings of insignificance, discuss the “worldly winds” (fame/insignificance, pleasure/pain, blame/disrepute, gain/loss), and conclude that choosing to “pay the price” of a busy, opportunity-seizing life can be healthier than spiraling into blame or defensiveness.#AmWriting is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.Read Wise Effort by Dr. Diana HillTranscriptJennie: [00:00:00] Hi, I’m Jennie Nash, and you’re listening to the #amwriting podcast, the place where we help writers of all kinds play big in your writing life, love the process, and stick with it long enough to finish what matters most. This is Margin Notes, the place in the podcast where we talk about the big decisions writers face in their work or creative lives.Jennie: And I’m here again with Dr. Diana Hill, author of Wise Effort, and we’re gonna talk about a really interesting reality that you and I have both noticed, Diana, which is that when you’re out there in the world with your book as a writer and you’re juggling all the things, you’re ... You have interviews, you’re putting, you know, inquiries out, you’re showing up for conferences or workshops or events or things, and sometimes things don’t always go the way that you planned.Jennie: So today you have a little experience [00:01:00] with that, which is why we’re even talking today.Diana: Well, it’s, it’s more like things don’t go the way that I plan. It’s more like I had no idea about my own plans because I’m juggling so much. Bec- I, I’m on my way to this pretty, uh, big conference in Washington, DC, and I’m going to present on a book that I wrote, uh, called I Know I Should Exercise, But: 44 Reasons Why We Don’t Move and How to Get Over Them.Diana: And I’m going to present to a bunch of researchers and therapists about this sort of model of what gets in the way of us exercising. And I open up my American Airlines app and realize I have booked myself a ticket today and a ticket tomorrow. I bought two plane tickets to this conference without any awareness that I had already bought one.Diana: And so I had to decide, am I gonna go tomorrow or gonna go today? And, uh, I canceled and said, “Hey, I’d rather...” And I called you, I texted you right away, “Hey, I have an open af- afternoon. Do you wanna meet up, Jennie?” But this is the case, right? [00:02:00] W- when you have so much on your plate because you’re, you are moving pieces around to make things happen, little bits of sand drop through the cracks.Diana: I think, yes, that’s, that is a problem. But what’s the bigger problem is how we treat ourselves after that or during that, or the stories we tell ourselves about who we are and our capabilities. I think I said, “I’m so disorganized,” and you said, “Oh, I’m so disorganized.” And then we said, “Wait a minute, maybe we need to change our script.”Diana: Right? Which is hilarious because that’s what your entire book is about, is telling yourself a different story, not believing the first story that y- comes into your head, which is, oh, well, what happened was you told me that you did this and I laughed and I said, “Oh, I, I do things like that all the time. I c- I think of myself as a terribly disorganized person.”Diana: And that’s when we both stopped and said, “Well, wait a minute. What would the other story here be?” So that’s what- Yeah ... we thought we would talk about. Yeah. I often [00:03:00] think of the Lucille Ball episode when the chocolates are coming down the conveyor belt, and they start speeding up, and she’s stuffing them in her bra, and she’s stuffing it in her face, and they’re, and they’re flying off.Diana: And then you realize, well, wait a minute here, there’s an abundance of chocolate coming your way. Like, this is, this may be a good thing, you know? Like, you have a conference that you’re going to, or you have all these different opportunities that you’re juggling. And we could start there with, uh, shifting to that type of a story, which is a story of there’s so much ‘cause it’s an experience of abundance.Diana: It’s an experience of opportunities, of possibilities, which already shifts our mind into a different place. And you could notice that even in your body when you shift from, “I’m a disorganized mess,” to, “Oh, I have so many opportunities and possibilities right now.” Well, and what’s interesting in your case is that you, it, it wasn’t like you didn’t have a plane ticket.Diana: You had two plane tickets. So in some ways there’s a story of [00:04:00] you’re quite organized. You were gonna get yourself to this conference no matter what. Or a story of I didn’t trust myself, that I bought the plane ticket. So I had, I had to do it twice. But yes, I mean, the, the nature of the human mind is that it’s a story-making machine, and actually everything that we experience comes through the, our, our mental filters, and we get to be the chooser of which stories are most helpful.Diana: In Buddhism, there’s something called wise speech, and wise speech has these four qualities to it. The first quality is, is it helpful? The next one is, is it kind? The next one, which I think is a very useful one, is, is it timely? Like, is it a good time for m- for me to tell myself this story? Sometimes you might wanna tell yourself the story that you’re disorganized and you need to go get organized.Diana: You need to, you know, clean stuff up, do a little , spring cleaning. But telling yourself that when you’re in the middle of a ton of other things and now you have to deal with your low mood and feeling bad about yourself isn’t helpful. And then the fourth [00:05:00] quality of wise speech is, is it true? Sometimes we do need to question, is it true?Diana: Is it not true? But most of the time, if we’re getting all wrapped up with the, is it true? Is it not true? Am I disorganized or not? We’re just doing black and white thinking, and it’s m- usually more a little bit of both. That type of questioning our thoughts or questioning our stories and asking ourselves what would be the most helpful, what would be the most kind, what would be the most timely, and maybe what would be the most true, is a better angle to take with it, I think.Diana: I love that. I love that so much. I know another thing that happens when writers are juggling all the things is sometimes we, we drop one of the balls and w- we disappoint someone. So let’s say in a different iteration of this that you actually were supposed to fly yesterday, and so you missed the conference.Diana: You know, that, that happens when you have a whole bunch of things going on, or you wrote the time wrong down for the podcast interview, or you missed [00:06:00] some critical deadline, and now you have on top of that like, “Oh, I, I let these people down. I said I was gonna show up, and I’m not.” Or, you know, what, what do we do when the disorganization leads to those kinds of thoughts?Diana: Mm-hmm. Well, if, if there is something you need to clean up, sometimes we do need to clean up. Yeah. I mean, that’s kind of getting radically honest with ourself, and there’s, there’s t- two layers to that. Guilt is a, actually an emotion that we evolved as humans for a good reason, to clean stuff up. I made a mistake, I feel a little guilty, I go apologize.Diana: Um, I’ve,… This is a public episode. 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