540: The Weirdest, Horniest Episode in a While

 It’s BACK, baby! CELERY SLAM 6!!! Celery Slam, of course, being the infamous (so famous it’s INfamous) contest Zero Issues holds every year (or the past 5 at least) as we ease out of halloween and slide into the christmas season. And we make them fight. Several mystery ‘halloween’ like or inspired characters vs several mystery christmas and holiday inspired/connected characters. And by ‘mystery’ we mean you can just look at the cover pic and recognize 4, maybe 5 of the 8 characters. Join us to get the whole bizarre list as they fight, tournament style, down to one victor! Direct Download: MP3

Hear that magnificent roar in the distance? That atomic blue consuming the horizon? That means it’s Godzilla Season! And because they share a birthday, that also means it’s Kyle Season! And Kyle, like the rest of us, loves him some Godzilla. So this week we dig through the kaiju-created rubble for some oddities and personal favourites that have made Godzilla a fixture in comics since at least 1978! And in particular, and increasingly, the fixture of crossover comics as the Big G goes on a multiversal tour stomping his way through any and every fictional universe he can find! From the Marvel Universe to the Justice League to the Ninja Turtles, stopping in on Jay Gatsby or stomping on Washington, the King of the Monsters makes every panel better. But can even Godzilla contend with… Adam West!? Direct Download: MP3

 This week, we’ve got two terrifying tales of the undead in our not-patented Dramatic Read series that are guaranteed to make you pee. Your. Pants. First off, it’s “The Werewolf Stalks,” which is not a story about a werewolf that eats celery, but rather, a story about a werewolf who is French Canadian! Tabernac! Then, once you’ve washed up and changed your pants, prepare a third set of pants for “The Creekmore Curse!” Yeah, you’d better just have a stack of pants ready.   Direct Download: MP3

 It’s Hallowiener time! This year the boys rank some of the stranger (and not so stranger) characters with their own halloween criteria! When these episodes get put together, the titles always come out of something that’s said during the episode. To give you an idea of the episode ahead, here were the title choices… 1-That pumpkinhead could fit some candy 2-He’s enough of a dork to rock a fanny pack 3-I got a rock 4-Ah! He waves weird! 5-I swear to god, if Geoforce wins this…. 6-Yea, but she doesn’t have a utility belt! 7-I’m trying to get forty cakes! 8-Matter Eater Middle Aged Man 9-Bry, just say six! Enjoy. Direct Download: MP3

Lanterns finished! Have you watched it? We sure hope so, because it’s the only thing we’re talking about on this week’s episode (we’re considerate, we gave y’all an extra week). What did we like? What did we find a little silly?  Will Guy Gardner ever get rid of the bowl cut? What comes next, if anything, because, well, spoilers, but we’re all hoping for more!   Direct Download: MP3

It’s time again for a chat by the Lava Lamp, our name for an extra relaxed episode with no main topic or segments, just a chill time talking about fun stuff. A belated reaction to Spider-Noir leads us down a tangent of Nicolas Cage’s recent filmography highlights! Once the last Toys R Us finally becomes a Mark’s, where does a local comic nerd get their wonderful toys? On that note, which comic-related action figures hold extra-special places in our hearts? What classic TMNT arcade game is the best: the iconic original or the ambitious Turtles in Time? How do we feel about the recent reboot of Miracleman in “Avengers: Armageddon”, from the lovely Chip Zdarsky? What would be the Green Lanterns’ fighting-game “mains”? Would Spider-Man play Scorpion in Mortal Kombat? The 2010s Mega Man comic series from Archie makes a surprise return at Udon, which is thrilling news to at least one of us! We dig into the secret origin of Doctor Druid, thanks to Back Issue Magazine. Hey, just why is there no paper in “Star Wars”? All this and an invitation to participate in HallowInk! Sound like a fun conversation? Then hop on a blob of liquid wax and settle in for this episode! [NOTE: please do not actually hop on a blob of liquid wax under any circumstances] Direct Download: MP3

 It’s card game battle time! The boys use decks of old Marvel trading cards from the 80’s & 90’s to play a battle game they made up and it gets bonkers! Like… weird, horny, nerdy bonkers. All we will say is this…. when two Silver Surfers sixty-nine, do they make a metal clanking sound? Think about it. And let us know. Because we never figure it out. Direct Download: MP3

Chris Claremont! He’s kind of THE GUY when it comes to the X-Men being one of the biggest names in comics for the past 40 years. How did he take what was once one of Marvel’s lowest selling books to the top of the comics industry? Where did he come from, and where has he gone, like some sort of Cottoneye Joe? This week, we shine the spotlight on one of comics’ most influential writers. What changed during his nearly-seventeen year run on the book? What plans did he have, and how did collaboration with artists and editorial decisions challenge those ideas? What has he done besides helming Marvel’s Merry Mutants? Can you ever have too much Sage? We answer these as well as maybe three other questions this episode, tovarisch! Direct Download: MP3

Hey, y’know who doesn’t have enough supervillains to populate their various galleries of rogues? DC Comics! So this week we come up with some all- and/or mostly-new characters, teams, and other villainous entities to plague the Justice League and/or their assorted Super Friends! Which villains would make up Batman’s own Sinister Six? How would Superman contend with twin villains (twillains!) who give him just the absolute worst luck? Maybe Wonder Woman just beats the hell out of Pete Hegseth and Andrew Tate! Green Lantern faces a Generative-AI Manhunter that scraped all his art and constructs! Does The Flash stand a chance against The Backwards Man… or The Cramps? What happens when Hawkman and Hawkgirl face off against The Wind Farm? And can Aquaman stop The Flood from sinking Florida and rebranding it Disneyworld Atlantis!? All this and much more! But first, the triumphant return of Character Storm! In the warm-up, learn all about the sensational character finds of 2026: The HaberDasher, Krank, and Sluggo Buggo! [WARNING: This segment may include WOIMS!] Direct Download: MP3

Kra-Ka-KOOM! It’s lightning round time! So that means the boys go through a number of short topics ‘rapid style’ (as rapid as they go). In this episode you may hear about…. How the American Ninja does in a blind ranking of ninjas. Who would we think could replace the big three in the JLA & Avengers (Hal’s into it). Why we think the Great Lakes Avengers aren’t doing their job in a frank discussion of ‘street level’ characters. Wolverine’s disgusting claw holes. Nuff said, bub. Batman: Knightfall Part 1: Knightfall Knightfell this week. Comic Music Quiz!! Who is the ghost lady?!?!? No, really. We don’t know. Help us! Direct Download: MP3