Ep. 176 How Our Attention Shapes Our Experience

In order to grow spiritually forgiveness is one of the most important tasks we need to accomplish. And forgiving ourselves is a necessary step before we can fully forgive others. In a companion Soulcode Post I've written about why self-forgiveness is so hard to do. In this episode I share some practical steps to actually move through letting go of self-blame and guilt. This episode includes:Why self-compassion is needed before we start this workTaking an honest look at our past actions that may have done harmHow to separate guilt from shameThe need to repair what can be repairedAllowing our past mistakes to become our teachersCreating a ritual for self-forgivenessDownload the Handout on Patreon.com/eoluRead my latest ⁠Substack⁠ post on Letting Go of GuiltExplore the Seven Paths of What Really Matters hereLearn about my books hereCheck out End-of-Life University PodcastMake a donation here

This special Father's Day episode is a companion to my latest post on Soulcode: We Need Another Word for Grief. I'm sharing some thoughts about how grief grows and changes over time by telling the story of my niece who died too soon of cancer, and a synchronicity involving roses after she died. This episode includes:How Father's Day is a complicated day for many of us and has arrived with the solstice this yearHow the anniversary of Tracey's death has converged on this day as wellEncountering roses during times of griefMy ritual with flowers for TraceyHow life goes on and we carry our grief, eventually recognizing that everything is connected.Explore the Seven Paths of What Really Matters hereLearn about my books hereCheck out End-of-Life University PodcastRead my latest Substack postMake a donation here

This episode is a companion to two previous EOLU Podcast episodes and a Substack post on Medical Aid in Dying. Here I share the story of a colleague with ALS who wanted to use MAID and my thoughts about grief after a chosen death. This episode includes:Obstacles faced by many who want to use MAIDAmbiguous grief after death by MAIDGrief when the ending feels unfinishedRemembering not to postpone saying goodbyeLearn about my books hereCheck out End-of-Life University PodcastRead my latest Substack postMake a donation here

This episode is a companion to the previous 3 episodes on Levels of Consciousness (173), Kindness (174) and Presence (175.) I share how what we pay attention to in our environment shapes our experience of reality and why we need tools to help us expand our awareness. This episode includes:How the brain is wired to focus on negative events in order to protect us from dangerHow to shift our attention to more positive occurrences around usWhy this is not the same as Toxic PositivityHow presence helps us stabilize our nervous system so we can notice more possibilitiesHow flexible attention allows to see more kindness in the worldHow kindness reinforces our regulated nervous systemMicro-practices for training our attention to hold both the negative and positive events of lifeLearn about my books hereCheck out End-of-Life University PodcastRead my latest Substack postMake a donation here

In this episode I talk about the foundational skill of Presence: being able to focus on the present moment and also remaining calm in the midst of difficulties. This episode includes:Why calm presence is contagiousHow having greater presence helps you practice kindnessHow humans are hard-wired to co-regulate their nervous systemsPractices for developing greater PresenceHow to return to calmness after being triggered emotionallyBook recommendation: Present Through the End by Kirsten DeLeoLearn about my books hereCheck out End-of-Life University PodcastRead my latest Substack postMake a donation here

In this episode I'm sharing research by Dr. Jonathan Haidt that demonstrates the ripple effects transmitted from each and every act of kindness. When other people see us being kind it changes them. And this moment in time--when people are feeling overwhelmed, polarized, frightened, and uncertain--is exactly when kindness is needed. "Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing." from the poem Kindness by Naomi Shihab NyeThis episode includes:How we collectively know deep sorrow at this time in historyApples: a simple story of kindness becoming contagiousDr. Jonathan Haidt's research findings about kindnessNoticing the effects of kindness on othersThe Kindness Walk as a practiceInvitation to share your kindness stories with me at [email protected] about my books hereCheck out End-of-Life University PodcastRead my latest Substack postMake a donation here

In this episode I share a useful and simple metaphor for levels of consciousness that can help us understand why there are so many opposing views of the world in our society right now - and how to navigate them. This episode includes:The "building" metaphor for levels of consciousnessHow the view differs from the ground floor to the penthouseWhy we need to have compassion for people who have only seen life from the ground floorPractices to move up the staircase of consciousnessWisdom is knowing which floor the conversation is happening onWatch full video hereLearn about my books hereCheck out End-of-Life University PodcastRead my latest Substack postMake a donation here

In this episde I share two interlocking stories about the burden we carry when we hold onto resentment, anger, self-blame, and self-loathing. Find out how I learned to begin to let it go. This episode includes:My forgiveness gardenHow I finally recognized the cost of carrying negative emotionsThe healing of long-ago relationship disruptionsFinally releasing myself from blameHow creativity flows more freely when we're no longer carrying the heavy weight of self-blameLearn about my books hereCheck out End-of-Life University PodcastRead my latest Substack postMake a donation here

War is unfolding in many parts of the world right now, yet for many of us life continues largely unchanged.In this episode I reflect on the difference between how earlier generations experienced war—especially during World War II—and the distance many of us feel from today’s conflicts.Drawing on a story from my father’s experience in the war, I explore how we might remain present to the suffering of others without becoming overwhelmed or turning away.I also invite listeners to consider creating a simple Sunday evening vigil—a moment to pause, light a candle, and hold the people of the world in compassion.Download the Sunday Evening Vigil Learn about my books hereCheck out End-of-Life University PodcastRead my latest Substack postMake a donation here

This episode is a companion for my latest post on Substack which you'll find a link to below. Many of us are reaching a stage in life where it is important to begin cultivating our life's wisdom in order to move into the role of an elder for our society. Read about that on the post first and then listen to this episode which includes practices for becoming an elder:Set aside time every day for reflection or journalingLovingkindness BlessingLetting go ritualsSlowing downPractice recording storiesEmbrace physical changesCultivate humorSee yourself as a mentorLearn about my books hereCheck out End-of-Life University PodcastRead my latest Substack postMake a donation here