DEEP DIVE: Laura Vanderkam on "Tranquility By Tuesday"

Laura Vanderkam⁠ is the author of several time management books, including the just-out ⁠"Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters."⁠ She hosts the every-weekday-morning podcast "Before Breakfast" and also co-hosts "Best of Both Worlds" with Sarah Hart-Unger. She lives outside Philadelphia with her husband and five children. Laura explains: How to create a "resilient" schedule How to start small with prioritizing the more important things What keeps people from taking ownership of their time Starting small is the key, Laura says, by investigating how you currently spend your time and using that information as a launch point to move towards a more "resilient" schedule. Here's where you can find Laura: https://lauravanderkam.com @lvanderkam on Twitter and IG @lauravanderkamauthor on FB Buy Laura's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593419007 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, productivity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Amy and Margaret speak with Kate Rope, award-winning journalist and author of STRONG AS A GIRL: Your Guide to Raising Girls Who Know, Stand Up For, and Take Care of Themselves. Together, they unpack the unique challenges and opportunities facing today’s girls—from body image and social media to perfectionism, mental health, and the pressure to be “kind” at their own expense. Kate shares practical strategies for raising confident, resilient daughters who trust their inner voice, understand consent, honor their needs, and navigate a world filled with mixed messages. She offers insights on early messaging around appearance, the rise of eating disorders, how to parent from hope—not fear—and why making mistakes (and repairing them) is one of parenting’s greatest strengths. Here's where you can find Kate: https://katerope.com @kateropewriter on IG https://katerope.substack.com Buy STRONG AS A GIRL: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250904775 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Get 50% Off Monarch Money, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH Ready to raise money-smart kids? Start now with your first month FREE at acornsearly.com/FRESH! Head to GigSalad.com and book some awesome talent for your next party, and let them know that What Fresh Hell sent you. Raising strong girls, parenting daughters, Kate Rope interview, Strong As a Girl book, girls and body image, eating disorder awareness in teens, parenting from hope not fear, empowering young girls, girls and social media impact, teaching girls self-advocacy, mental health for teen girls, parenting girls through anxiety, raising confident daughters, consent and girls, developmental challenges in girls, girls and perfectionism, resilience in girls, parenting advice for mothers of girls, supporting girls’ self-esteem, raising girls in the modern world Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, Amy and Margaret explore the crucial distinction between stress and burnout—two experiences that often blur together in the chaos of parenting, but which are very different in presentation and the attention they require. Stress might be unavoidable, but it can also be motivational and lead to further growth. But when stress becomes constant and unresolved, it turns into burnout: exhaustion, disconnection, cynicism, and the feeling that nothing you do matters. Together, they discuss what burnout looks like physically and emotionally, how to recognize when you’ve crossed that line, and the small, practical things you can do to restore yourself. Whether you’re running on fumes, feeling detached, or just tired of hearing “self-care” as a solution, this episode offers perspective, empathy, and evidence-based tools to help you reset. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: ⁠BURNOUT⁠ by Emily and Amelia Nagoski https://burnoutglobal.com/the-author Suntsova Y.S.: ⁠“Irrational attitudes in thinking and maternal emotional burnout.”⁠ Education & Pedagogy Journal (2023). We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Get 50% Off Monarch Money, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH Ready to raise money-smart kids? Start now with your first month FREE at acornsearly.com/FRESH! Head to GigSalad.com and book some awesome talent for your next party, and let them know that What Fresh Hell sent you.burnout, stress, parental burnout, motherhood, mom life, stress management, emotional exhaustion, self-care for moms, mental health, mom burnout recovery, burnout prevention, Emily Nagoski, Amelia Nagoski, stress cycle, parenting podcast, What Fresh Hell podcast Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

There is no magic formula to making the perfect decision every time, but there are philosophical principles, or "razors," you can use to pare down your options and see your problem more clearly. These razors can cut through the clutter of complexity and help us see the forest for the trees. And while they weren't designed with parents in mind, they can come in pretty handy! Starting with the most famous, Occam’s Razor, we discuss how paring away unlikely hypotheticals leads to the most accurate solutions. Next, we delve into Hanlon’s Razor, which reminds us to avoid attributing malicious intent when there’s a simpler explanation. This principle can help us avoid unnecessary conflict and foster understanding, especially in relationships. Then we discuss Hitchens’ Razor, which places the burden of proof on the person making the claim. This can be a valuable tool for evaluating arguments and avoiding baseless assertions. We also explore Chesterton’s Fence, which encourages us to be cautious about changing things without understanding their original purpose. But that's not all. Listen to the episode to hear the rest, and let us know your own rules for clearer thinking! Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Itamar Shatz for Effectiviology: ⁠"Hanlon’s Razor: Never Attribute to Malice That Which is Adequately Explained by Stupidity"⁠ Farnam Street blog: ⁠Chesterton’s Fence: A Lesson in Thinking⁠ Reallemon for Medium: ⁠Hitchens’s Razor and its Place in Debate⁠ Kendra Cherry for Verywell ⁠Mind: How the Hawthorne Effect Works⁠ ⁠Our episode on decision fatigue⁠ Go to our Facebook group and tell us what rules and razors you live by! ⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, decision-making, decision fatigue, productivity Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Amy and Margaret sit down with Dr. Jean Twenge, renowned researcher of generational differences and author of the new book 10 RULES FOR RAISING KIDS IN A HIGH-TECH WORLD. Dr. Twenge shares what her research reveals about smartphones, social media, and gaming—and how they impact kids’ mental health, sleep, and friendships. From the rise of teen depression since the smartphone boom, to the addictive power of algorithms, to the everyday battles over devices in our homes and schools, this conversation sheds light on what’s really happening when kids spend hours online. Dr. Twenge also offers parents very clear rules around devices that may not be easy to implement—but may be far easier than the small daily fights we're all having about screens. Whether you’re navigating screen time with your elementary schooler or arguing with your teen over TikTok, this episode is full of insights and realistic tools to help your family thrive in the digital age. Here's where you can find Dr. Twenge: www.jeantwenge.com @jean_twenge on X Buy 10 RULES FOR RAISING KIDS IN A HIGH-TECH WORLD: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668099995 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Get 50% Off Monarch Money, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH Ready to raise money-smart kids? Start now with your first month FREE at acornsearly.com/FRESH! Head to GigSalad.com and book some awesome talent for your next party, and let them know that What Fresh Hell sent you. Dr. Jean Twenge, 10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World, smartphones and kids, social media and teens, screen time rules, parenting in the digital age, parental controls, TikTok and teens, smartphone addiction, teen mental health, kids and technology, raising kids with phones, screen time boundaries, algorithms and teens Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Mom firsts? We prefer to reminisce about Mom WORSTS. In this episode we relive some of our all-time lousiest experiences as mothers, from family-wide Coxsackie virus to elaborate homework assignments achievable only with extensive parental participation. Margaret mentions the song "Tim Finnegan's Wake" in this episode, which you can listen to here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRXWWZ74Qe8 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ Get 50% Off Monarch Money, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH⁠ Ready to raise money-smart kids? Start now with your first month FREE at ⁠acornsearly.com/FRESH⁠! Head to ⁠GigSalad.com⁠ and book some awesome talent for your next party, and let them know that What Fresh Hell sent you. mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, mom worsts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

The human tendency to solve problems by adding something is called "additive solution bias." However, sometimes a problem is more quickly and effectively solved by taking something away. In this episode we talk about how "additive solution bias" can play out in our parenting strategies, and how we can become more aware of the times when what we actually need to do is take something away. Amy and Margaret discuss: Why our brains are wired to solve problems by adding things How additive solution bias increases along with the size of the problem we're attempting to solve Why removing something, or doing less, isn't automatically easier Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to ⁠whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm⁠ to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year.  Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Diana Kwon for Scientific American: ⁠"Our Brain Typically Overlooks This Brilliant Problem-Solving Strategy"⁠ Gabrielle S. Adams, et. al for Nature: ⁠"People systematically overlook subtractive changes"⁠ Less is more: Why our brains struggle to subtract Anthony Sanni: ⁠Additive Bias—and how it could be affecting your productivity⁠ ⁠Braess's paradox⁠ Rachel Fairbank for Lifehacker: ⁠"Why You Should 'Subtract' From Your Parenting"⁠ ⁠SUBTRACT by Leidy Klotz⁠ Our Fresh Take with Amanda Montell ⁠Our Fresh Take with Yael Schonbrun⁠ ⁠THE SENSORY CHILD GETS ORGANIZED by Carolyn Dalgliesh⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Margaret sits down with Suzanne Warye—sobriety influencer, host of The Sober Mom Life podcast, and author of the new book THE SOBER SHIFT. Suzanne shares her story of walking away from alcohol, the truth about moderation, the concept of gray area drinking, and why sobriety can feel like abundance, not deprivation. Together, they explore how alcohol affects motherhood, anxiety, and identity, and how community can make the journey toward alcohol-free living possible. Suzanne also discusses the cultural forces targeting moms with “mommy wine culture,” the neuroscience behind alcohol and anxiety, and how embracing sobriety allows for more presence, joy, and connection. Here's where you can find Suzanne: @suzannewarye on IG https://suzannewarye.com Listen to the Sober Mom Life podcast Buy THE SOBER SHIFT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063437616 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Get 50% Off Monarch Money, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH Ready to raise money-smart kids? Start now with your first month FREE at acornsearly.com/FRESH! Head to GigSalad.com and book some awesome talent for your next party, and let them know that What Fresh Hell sent you. sobriety, Suzanne Warye, The Sober Shift, Sober Mom Life, alcohol-free living, gray area drinking, mommy wine culture, sober curious, sobriety influencer, alcohol and anxiety, motherhood and sobriety, women and drinking, quitting alcohol, sober community Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Is your kid extremely resistant to the simplest of requests? Or completely impossible to wake up in the morning? Or sure their peers don't like them, despite pretty clear evidence to the contrary? All of these are extremely typical kid behaviors. All of these also have more intense manifestations—PDA, DSWPD, and RSD, respectively— which meet clinical definitions and which may require more concrete support, for both you and your kid. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss the amorphous lines that often exist between typical child behavior and an issue that may need more attention and scaffolding. From afterschool restraint collapse to ARFID, Amy and Margaret explore the moments when everyday challenges start to interfere with family life, friendships, or school—and what parents can do to respond from a place of understanding and clarity. You’ll learn: How certain behaviors can sometimes point to larger patterns. The value of having names for behaviors—reducing shame, guiding next steps, and helping parents advocate for their kids. Practical strategies parents can use at home to reduce stress, manage transitions, and support kids in ways that actually work. If you’ve ever wondered, is this typical, or is it more?—this episode is for you. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Get 50% Off Monarch Money, the all-in-one financial tool at ⁠www.monarchmoney.com/FRESH parenting podcast, kids behavior issues, child tantrums, picky eating help, rejection sensitivity dysphoria, disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, ARFID in kids, pathological demand avoidance, delayed sleep wake phase disorder, typical vs atypical child behavior, parenting strategies for behavior Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A recent report found that the division of home responsibilities is still grossly unequal. Mothers—whether they are married or single—do significantly more than fathers. In fact, the ⁠“The Free-Time Gender Gap” ⁠report found that “simply being a woman is linked to spending more time on unpaid childcare and household work, and having less free time, even when controlling for age, income, race/ ethnicity, parental status, and marital status." What does it mean for women to have less free time, and how can we keep working to close the gender gap? Amy and Margaret discuss: The differences in socialization between men and women when it comes to our living spaces How time inequality serves to further reinforce and perpetuate gender inequality How "secondary childcare" factors into the free-time gender gap Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Natalia Vega Varela, and Leyly Moridi ⁠“The Free-Time Gender Gap: How Unpaid Care and Household Labor Reinforces Women’s Inequality,”⁠ Gender Equity Policy Institute, October 2024. Allison Daminger for the American Sociological Review: ⁠De-gendered Processes, Gendered Outcomes: How Egalitarian Couples Make Sense of Non-egalitarian Household Practices⁠ Anne Helen Petersen on Substack: ⁠What Makes Women Clean⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, emotional labor, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices