The Pressure to Do Something (and Learning Not To)

When our children are struggling, it’s easy to focus on the problem in front of us. What are they going to do? Should I say something? Should I step in? What if I don’t help and things get worse?But sometimes their struggle is stirring up something in us too.In this episode, I share a recent conversation with one of my adult children that helped me recognize just how much fear, anxiety, urgency, and old patterns can shape the way I show up for the people I love.I talk about what happens when concern gets tangled up with our own discomfort, why fixing can feel so much easier than sitting with uncertainty, and what I’m learning about paying attention to what’s happening inside of me before I react to what’s happening around me.So the next time something uncomfortable rises up, we can pause before we rush to fix, advise, rescue, withdraw, or control.And ask:What is this showing me?What is this stirring in me?What is mine to tend here?If you’d like to partner with Parenting Through the Hard, you can sponsor an upcoming episode by visiting:https://parentingthroughthehard.com/events-donations/

What happens when you’ve spent years building your life around your kids… and they don’t need you in the same way anymore?Lately, I’ve been realizing just how much of my identity, purpose, and emotional world became wrapped up in being a mom. And as my kids have grown, I’ve found myself facing a question I wasn’t prepared for:Who am I when I’m no longer needed the way I used to be?In this episode, I share a personal story from my younger years that has me seeing my own mom...and the way she loved me through some really difficult choices...completely differently now.I’m reflecting on the complicated work of letting our children’s lives belong to them, untangling our identity from being needed, and slowly finding our way back to parts of ourselves we may have lost along the way.Because our kids’ lives belong to them.And ours still belong to us.

After last week's episode about learning to stop fixing and rescuing our kids, I realized there was something I left out: What am I trying to do instead?In this short bonus episode, I'm sharing what letting go and breaking codependent parenting patterns looks like for me in real time. I talk about the urge to give advice, solve the problem, manage my child's emotions, or step in when they're struggling, and the uncomfortable work of learning to pause instead.For parents of teens and adult children who struggle with overfunctioning, boundaries, codependency, or feeling responsible for their child's happiness, this is an honest look at learning to stay connected without taking over.I'm learning that being trusted with someone's pain isn't the same as being handed responsibility for it. Sometimes stepping back gives our kids the chance to show us what they're capable of and gives us the chance to discover that maybe we don't have to carry quite as much as we thought we did.

When our teens or adult children are struggling, uncertain, or making choices we cannot control, the pressure to step in and do something can feel overwhelming. We may call it love or parental responsibility, but sometimes it is anxiety urging us to fix, rescue, or force a conversation before the time is right.In this episode of Parenting Through the Hard, I explore what it means to pause instead of react, wait without abandoning our children, and recognize when fear is setting the pace of our parenting. I reflect on the difference between wise waiting and avoidance, the discomfort of letting go of control, and why staying present without interfering may be one of the hardest and most loving things we do as parents.If you’d like to partner with Parenting Through the Hard, you can sponsor an upcoming episode by visiting:https://parentingthroughthehard.com/events-donations/

I thought I would feel better once things got better with my children. Once the crisis passed, their choices became steadier, and life felt more hopeful, I believed I would finally be able to exhale.But even when things did grow quieter, the peace I had been waiting for didn’t come. Instead, I found myself still scanning, bracing, and wondering what might happen next.In this episode, I explore the uncomfortable realization that I wasn’t simply hoping for my children’s stability. I had begun depending on it to create stability inside of me. I reflect on the difference between caring deeply and becoming internally tied to every shift in our children’s lives, and why a nervous system shaped by uncertainty may struggle to rest even when there is no immediate crisis.I’m beginning to ask a different question: What would it look like for me to be okay, even while their lives are still unfolding?This is an honest conversation about learning to notice what is happening inside of us, sit with what remains unresolved, and experience peace before everything gets figured out.If you'd like to partner with you you can sponsor an upcoming episode by visiting https://parentingthroughthehard.com/events-donations/

What does it look like to stay deeply connected to your teen or adult child while also learning to let go of the responsibility to manage their life?In this episode of Parenting Through the Hard, I sit down with author, motherhood coach, and spiritual director Esther Goetz to talk about one of the hardest shifts parents face as their children grow up.Together, we explore the difference between being responsible to our children and feeling responsible for them, why so many parents slip into overfunctioning, and how stepping back can actually strengthen the relationship we have with our kids.If you’ve ever found yourself fixing, rescuing, or carrying the weight of your child’s choices, this conversation will help you rethink what healthy love and boundaries can look like in this stage of parenting.Because sometimes the most mature form of love is learning how to stay connected while letting go.You can connect with Esther Goetz and learn more about her work with moms of teens and adult children at estherjoygoetz.com/momsofbigs

In this episode, I name something that’s been quietly surfacing beneath my emotions lately. The pressure to disappear in order to be loving, faithful, or helpful.This conversation isn’t about addiction, recovery, or outcomes. It’s about fatigue, resentment, and what can happen when caring deeply turns into self abandonment, especially in long seasons of responsibility.I reflect on the fear of getting it right, the exhaustion no one prepares you for, and a midlife reorientation that’s reshaping how I carry love, including learning to speak honestly instead of shutting down.This episode also marks the close of Season Three of Parenting Through the Hard.As I take a short break between seasons, I’m offering a six-week guided group experience for parents. It’s a small, supportive space to slow down, reflect, journal, and share with others who understand. It’s not therapy. It’s about not carrying everything alone.Learn more and register for the parent group by clicking here.If you’ve ever loved deeply and wondered where you went in the process, this episode is for you.---------If you’d like to partner with us and support the podcast, consider sponsoring an upcoming episode by making a donation of any size to Parenting Through the Hard [by clicking here].Your support keeps this podcast running — and goes directly toward production costs and continuing this mission.For more resources and hope-filled tools, visit parentingthroughthehard.comDisclaimer: The thoughts shared here come from my own parenting and faith journey. Please remember this podcast is not a replacement for professional counseling or medical guidance.

What do you do when the relationship with your teen or adult child feels strained, when there is tension, distance, or an ache you cannot quite explain?In this episode of Parenting Through the Hard, I share a deeply personal reflection on what happens when connection feels stretched thin. I talk about how attachment patterns, generational wiring, anxiety, over involvement, and withdrawal can quietly shape the way we respond to our kids, especially when their choices feel hard or scary.If you have ever felt disconnected from your child, struggled between control and compassion, or wondered how to stay present without losing your peace, this conversation is for you. This is not about fixing our kids. It is about doing our own inner work so we can rebuild connection with humility, steadiness, and hope.—------------If you’d like to partner with us, consider sponsoring an upcoming episode by making a donation of any size to Parenting Through the Hard [by clicking here].Your support keeps this podcast running — and goes directly toward production costs and continuing this mission.For more resources and hope-filled tools, visit parentingthroughthehard.comDisclaimer: The thoughts shared here come from my own parenting and faith journey. Please remember this podcast is not a replacement for professional counseling or medical guidance.

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “I wonder if they’ll ever understand what this was like for me?”In this episode, I talk about a quiet ache many parents of adult children carry.. the longing to be acknowledged for what it cost to love them through addiction, rebellion, mental health struggles, or long seasons of distance.Why does it hurt when your child doesn’t say thank you? Why does appreciation feel so important? And is there a way to let go of needing that acknowledgment without hardening our hearts?I explore identity, boundaries, generational love, and what it means to believe you mattered even if your child never fully articulates it.If you’re parenting teens or adult children and sometimes feel unseen in your story, this conversation is for you.If you’d like to partner with us and support the podcast, consider sponsoring an upcoming episode by making a donation of any size to Parenting Through the Hard [by clicking here].Your support keeps this podcast running — and goes directly toward production costs and continuing this mission.For more resources and hope-filled tools, visit parentingthroughthehard.comDisclaimer: The thoughts shared here come from my own parenting and faith journey. Please remember this podcast is not a replacement for professional counseling or medical guidance.

What happens when your identity has been shaped by being the steady one — and recovery changes your role?In this episode, I talk about codependency in parenting, identity detox, and the grief and anxiety that surface when your child begins to stabilize. We explore how over-functioning can hide inside love — and how stepping back creates space for healthier connection.If you’ve ever wondered who you are without crisis to manage, this conversation is for you.If you’d like to partner with us and support the podcast, consider sponsoring an upcoming episode by making a donation of any size to Parenting Through the Hard [by clicking here].Your support keeps this podcast running — and goes directly toward production costs and continuing this mission.For more resources and hope-filled tools, visit parentingthroughthehard.comDisclaimer: The thoughts shared here come from my own parenting and faith journey. Please remember this podcast is not a replacement for professional counseling or medical guidance.