The Savage Curtain (TOS)

Star Trek: The Original Series, Series 3, Episode 22. First broadcast on Friday 7 March 1969. Stardate: 5906.4. This week, a feculent alien rock-monster decides to make a TV episode to determine which philosophy is stronger — good or evil. To that end, he gets his friends to dress up as Abraham Lincoln and various racist stereotypes, so they can toss sticks and jabolite rocks at each other until it’s time for The Name of the Game to come on. We’ve seen it all before, but rarely with such an impressive lack of conviction.

Star Trek: Prodigy, Series 2, Episodes 19–20. First broadcast on Monday 1 July 2024. Stardate: 62314.8 and 5 April 2385. Oh, Dal, I wasn’t talking about now. The reason the universe needs you all together, that hasn’t happened yet. Things yet to come, wondrous and terrible things. But you’ll have to wait and see. It’s nearly time to say goodbye to the crew of the USS Prodigy as they fly off in search of new adventures. But before they go, they get to save Earth, Solum and the entire universe, while proving that it was their own bravery and ingenuity that won them the Protostar in the first place. It’s exciting, breathtakingly beautiful, bewilderingly complex and just incredibly entertaining. And we’re sad to see it go.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 2, Episode 1. First broadcast on Sunday 26 September 1993. Stardate: Unknown (2370). It’s Series 2, Episode 1 of Deep Space Nine, and so it’s time for the show to set off in a bold new direction, exploring its premise instead of simply being The Next Generation but in a shopping mall. First item on the agenda: rescue a very dull Bajoran war hero from Soledad Canyon. Second: give him Kira’s job.

Star Trek: Discovery, Series 5, Episode 4. First broadcast on Thursday 18 April 2024. Stardate: Unknown (3191); also 2256, 2257, 2258, 3189 and 3218. This week Michael and her new first officer Commander Rayner are caught in a time loop carefully designed by the Krenim to give Michael the chance to prove that her approach to leadership is the correct one, as usual. Meanwhile, Joe gets a surprising present.

Star Trek: The Next Generation, Series 4, Episode 13. First broadcast on Monday 4 February 1991. Stardate: 44474.5. Many years ago, Joe and Nathan were offered a contract by a shadowy devilish figure, who promised them 180 episodes of peace and prosperity until her return, when she would demand their eternal servitude, mostly consisting of admiring her smile and the fabulosity of her hair. Honestly, they can both see the upside.

Star Trek: Starfleet Academy, Series 1, Episode 1. First broadcast on Thursday 15 January 2026. Stardate: 853724.6 and Unknown (3190s). This week, the children of Earth face a difficult and precarious future — one that they didn’t create but that they must nevertheless endure. And now there’s a new Star Trek series where that’s basically happening too. But in Star Trek: Starfleet Academy, these kids have hope: some weird and kindly people are here, with patience and empathy, determined to help them find a way through.

Star Trek: Voyager, Series 6, Episode 23. First broadcast on Wednesday 3 May 2000. Stardate: Unknown (2376 and 2371). This week, Joe and Nathan struggle to find exactly the right word to express their feelings about this episode.

Star Trek: Enterprise, Series 2, Episode 10. First broadcast on Wednesday 27 November 2002. Stardate: Unknown (2152). Another astonishingly dull and unambitious week aboard Enterprise, as Hoshi Sato is accidentally transported into a high-concept plot that we’ve seen done better half a dozen times in the last fifteen years. Things liven up slightly ten minutes from the end, when we are treated to the dumbest line of dialogue in the history of the franchise.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Series 4, Episodes 1–2. First broadcast on Monday 2 October 1995. Stardate: 49011.4. This week, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine starts again — with a second pilot episode two and a half years after the first one. It’s The Best of Both Worlds, but much faster, funnier and more confident. And this is only the beginning. Again.

Star Trek Movie #5. Release date: 1989.Stardate: 8454.1. The quintessential odd-numbered Star Trek film, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier roared onto our screens in 1989, delighting and enthralling basically no one at all. Still, despite the glacial pace, the lack of incident and the horrendous special effects, it has something to say — something about the love and friendship between weird and grumpy old men who have known and annoyed one another for decades. And if you’ve got that, who needs Sha Ka Ree?