190. The Mask of the Good Christian Woman: Hyper-Religious, High-Achieving, and Hurting in Silence w/ Vernique Esther, LCSW

For so many women of faith, the desire to honor God in love and marriage runs deep—especially when the faith you hold so dear starts to feel at odds with the reality you’re living.When unhealthy theology is taught in the name of God, it becomes hard to separate what’s true from what’s been twisted.You start to question:Is suffering a part of being faithful?Is silence really strength?Is staying—no matter the cost—what God actually wants?Does submission mean self-abandonment?Am I supposed to endure everything?The truth is, many of us weren’t taught faith—we were taught fear, perfectionism, and performance... and told it was God.In this powerful episode, I sit down with licensed therapist and creator of Trauma Languages™, Vernique Esther, to talk about how faith and trauma can quietly collide—and how so many high-achieving women of faith have been left silently hurting under the weight of spiritual distortion.We dive into:What it really means to be hyper-religiousHow trauma hides behind performance and spiritual languageHow distorted theology has shaped the way women love, suffer, and stayThe seven ways trauma shows up in relationshipsAnd how to begin setting the atmosphere for the kind of relationship you truly desireFollow Vernique on Instagram: @verniqueestherVernique Website: https://www.verniqueesther.com/🎧 DOWNLOAD MY FREE AUDIO GUIDE ⬇️Turning The Page: 7 Healthy Ways To Recover After Divorce/Breakup👉 https://www.tonyacarter.com/turningthepage💻 SCHEDULE YOUR 90-MINUTE STRATEGY INTENSIVE ⬇️👉 https://www.tonyacarter.com/strategy📚 Order my book: Divorce Your Story: A Woman's Guide to Heal & Thrive After Divorce➡️ http://www.divorceyourstorybook.com📦 Also available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2QPWoCnFollow me:📱 Instagram: @iamtonyacarter📘 Facebook: Tonya Carter▶️ YouTube: Tonya Carter**SUBSCRIBE & REVIEW**If this episode spoke to you, take a moment to subscribe and leave a review on Apple or Spotify. Your support helps us reach more women navigating divorce, faith, and healing—so they can find breakthrough, too. 💜

When most people think of divorce, they think of courtrooms, documents, and signatures. But let me be clear: divorce is more than just paperwork. The decisions made around custody, support agreements, and co-parenting aren’t just legal steps — they have lasting emotional, financial, and relational consequences.In this episode, I’m joined by Family Law Attorney Maiya Safikovs — a powerhouse legal mind known for her strategic insight and deeply compassionate approach. Maiya helps individuals navigate the divorce process with clarity, strength, and care. Together, we break down the legal realities of divorce, from parenting plans and custody structures to common myths about child and spousal support. We also discuss how to choose the right attorney — and why the decisions you make now will have a lasting impact on your future.Whether you're early in the process, navigating co-parenting challenges, or revisiting support agreements, this conversation offers the clarity and wisdom you need to make informed, empowered decisions.Maiya Safikov's Website: https://safikovslaw.com/home/Maiya's email: [email protected]**INTERESTED IN WORKING WITH ME 1:1 THIS SUMMER? APPLY BELOW**⬇️https://www.tonyacarter.com/highimpactFollow me on IG - ⁠@iamtonyacarter⁠Follow me on Facebook - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠Subscribe to my YouTube - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠

When you’re a person of faith—someone who honored your vows before God—going through a divorce can shake you to your core. It’s not just the loss of a marriage; it’s the lingering question many struggle with silently: “Does God hate me because I’m divorced?”Scripture has often been misquoted or misinterpreted in ways that leave people feeling condemned, ashamed, and distanced from God—especially in Christian communities that emphasize marriage as the ultimate goal.In today’s episode, I’m joined by Dr. Dharius Daniels for a real, grounded conversation about what the Bible actually says about divorce—and what it doesn’t. We explore how scripture is often interpreted in ways that leave people feeling condemned, how to embrace God’s forgiveness and release the weight of guilt, why singleness is not a punishment but a purposeful season, and how to trust God with what’s still possible—even after divorce.Follow Dr. Dharius Daniels on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dhariusdanielsFollow Dr. Daniels on Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/dharius.danielsDr. Daniels Website: https://dhariusdaniels.com/To learn more about Change Church: https://www.lifechange.org/**INTERESTED IN WORKING WITH ME 1:1 THIS SUMMER? APPLY BELOW** ⬇️https://www.tonyacarter.com/highimpactOrder my book: "Divorce Your Story: A Woman's Guide to Heal & Thrive After Divorce" - http://www.divorceyourstorybook.com. Also available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2QPWoCnFollow me on IG - ⁠@iamtonyacarter⁠Follow me on Facebook - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠Subscribe to my YouTube - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠

When navigating decisions in divorce—whether financial, legal, or related to co-parenting—every choice has long-term effects. Being an active voice in these decisions is necessary to ensure that your next chapter and your children's future remain secure and intact. Failing to be involved in these decisions can leave you vulnerable to outcomes that don’t align with your best interests.Decisions may be made for you that don’t reflect your needs, values, or long-term goals.You may agree to terms that create financial strain or unnecessary hardship.Your co-parenting arrangement may not fully support your children’s well-being simply because you didn’t advocate for what was best for them.Regret can set in when you realize you had the opportunity to shape your future—but didn’t take it.At the end of the day, this is your life, your future, and your chance to create a stable foundation for yourself and your children. Speaking up and being involved in these decisions isn’t just important—it’s essential.In this week's episode, join me as discus why self-advocacy is the #1 skill you need during the divorce process, the common misconceptions about advocating for yourself, 5 ways on what advocating for yourself looks like during the divorce process and seven 7 reflection questions to ensure that you're advocating for yourself. ** DOWNLOAD THE DIVORCE BLUEPRINT FOR FREE BELOW**https://www.tonyacarter.com/blueprint**PREVIOUS PODCAST EPISODE MENTIONED** ⬇️Divorce Prep 101: 7 Essential Steps to Prepare (Ep. #186)**REGISTER FOR DIVORCE MASTERCLASS ON MARCH 31ST**⬇️https://www.tonyacarter.com/divorcemasterclass**SCHEDULE YOUR 90-MINUTE INTENSIVE BELOW** ⬇️https://www.tonyacarter.com/strategyOrder my book: "Divorce Your Story: A Woman's Guide to Heal & Thrive After Divorce" - http://www.divorceyourstorybook.com. Also available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2QPWoCnLet’s Connect! Follow me on IG - ⁠@iamtonyacarter⁠Follow me on Facebook - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠Subscribe to my YouTube - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠

Life-altering events like divorce can shift your entire life plan.  It’s crucial to recognize that this process requires active participation and effort. Divorce doesn’t automatically become smooth, easy, or organized by chance—it takes intentional preparation. While deciding to divorce is an act of courage, it’s equally important to get clear on the steps you need to take to ensure you’re educated and equipped for this journey. Being informed empowers you to: Make informed decisions with clarity on your direction. Take control of your journey, reducing overwhelm. Lay the foundation for the next chapter of your life, knowing that how you manage this stage influences the future.In today's episode, I’m sharing seven strategic steps to help you prepare for this transition. Tune in and learn how to take proactive steps to navigate your divorce with confidence and clarity.** DOWNLOAD THE DIVORCE BLUEPRINT FOR FREE BELOW**https://www.tonyacarter.com/blueprint**SCHEDULE YOUR 90-MINUTE INTENSIVE BELOW**https://www.tonyacarter.com/strategy**PREVIOUS PODCAST EPISODE MENTIONED** ⬇️#116 - "Assembling The Right Team During Your Divorce/Breakup...Your Top Four Advisors That You Need"#181 - "Breaking Up Without Breaking Your Kids: 7 Key Parenting Mistakes to Avoid"Order my book: "Divorce Your Story: A Woman's Guide to Heal & Thrive After Divorce" - http://www.divorceyourstorybook.com. Also available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2QPWoCnFollow me on IG - ⁠@iamtonyacarter⁠Follow me on Facebook - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠Subscribe to my YouTube - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠

A common statement I hear from those who have experienced divorce is the strong desire to build a better life afterward. However, what often gets lost after the process of uncoupling is the ability to reclaim control and intentionally design a life that allows them to thrive. It’s easy to slip into autopilot mode because: You’ve spent so much time navigating the emotional and logistical aspects of divorce that creating a new vision for yourself feels overwhelming. You’re accustomed to prioritizing survival over intentional growth. Old patterns, limiting beliefs, and self-doubt make it difficult to see what’s possible beyond this chapter. The fear of making the "wrong" choices keeps you from taking action toward the life you truly want. But here’s the truth: Thriving after divorce doesn’t happen by chance—it happens by choice. When you decide to take back the reins, shift your mindset, and cultivate the habits that support your growth, you reclaim your power and create a life that aligns with who you are becoming. On today's episode, join me as I share 10 powerful ways to step into a more confident version of yourself and intentionally build a thriving life after divorce. **DOWNLOAD MY FREE AUDIO GUIDE** ⬇️" Turning The Page: 7 Healthy Ways To Recover After Divorce/Breakup": https://www.tonyacarter.com/turningthepage **SCHEDULE YOUR 90-MINUTE INTENSIVE BELOW** ⬇️https://www.tonyacarter.com/strategy **PREVIOUS PODCAST EPISODE MENTIONED** ⬇️ #107 - "What Does Doing The Inner Work Mean?" #117 -"The Skill of Self-Forgiveness & 4 Things You Must Do To Start!" #142 - "Your ex is a "non factor" to your healing" #173 - "Letting Go of Others' Opinions: 6 Questions To Break Free & Live Your Life After Divorce/Breakup" Order my book: "Divorce Your Story: A Woman's Guide to Heal & Thrive After Divorce" - http://www.divorceyourstorybook.com. Also available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2QPWoCn Follow me on IG - ⁠@iamtonyacarter⁠ Follow me on Facebook - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠ Subscribe to my YouTube - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠

2025 is here, and my personal message to you is to give yourself unapologetic permission to show up for yourself this year! So much can unfold in a single year, and while experiencing a divorce or breakup can bring challenges, it also opens the door to new possibilities. This year, I encourage you to embrace change, trust your journey, and step into your true potential without hesitation. You have the power to create the life you desire, and it starts by giving yourself the permission to take bold, intentional action. In this episode, join me as I explore the different things that may be holding you back from moving forward, and I’ll walk you through an exercise to help you start stepping into your full potential. **DOWNLOAD MY FREE AUDIO GUIDE** ⬇️ "Turning The Page: 7 Healthy Ways To Recover After Divorce/Breakup": https://www.tonyacarter.com/turningthepage **SCHEDULE YOUR 90-MINUTE INTENSIVE BELOW** ⬇️https://www.tonyacarter.com/strategy **PREVIOUS PODCAST EPISODE MENTIONED** ⬇️ "Are You Self-Sabotaging? How to Identify and Four Steps to Break Free""Letting Go of Others' Opinions: 6 Questions To Break Free & Live Your Life After Divorce/Breakup" Order my book: "Divorce Your Story: A Woman's Guide to Heal & Thrive After Divorce" - http://www.divorceyourstorybook.com. Also available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2QPWoCn Follow me on IG - ⁠@iamtonyacarter⁠ Follow me on Facebook - ⁠Tonya Carter ⁠Subscribe to my YouTube - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠

Experiencing divorce, navigating its aftermath, and opening up to the possibility of love again—these steps carry a profound significance for men, often requiring them to face emotions they’ve long buried. It’s more than just rebuilding; it’s about redefining who they are as individuals and as partners. For many men, the journey to healing involves embracing vulnerability, overcoming fears of repeating past mistakes, and rebuilding trust in themselves and others. This transformation is essential for establishing genuine connections and rediscovering love. The end of a marriage can trigger intense feelings of shame, failure, and deep grief. Societal expectations frequently pressure men to suppress these emotions, leading them to face their pain in silence and sometimes adopt unhealthy or isolating coping mechanisms. We often overlook that men are dealing with more than just a loss of family structure and limited access to their children; they’re also facing a fractured sense of identity and, for some, the fear of entering a new marriage in the future. In this week's episode, join me as I sit down with Shon Hyneman—a seasoned pre-engagement coach, YouTuber, and host of It’s Scary to Remarry podcast. Shon shares his personal journey through divorce, healing, and his path toward embracing love again. Follow Shon on Instagram: @scarytoremarry Follow Shon on Facebook:  It’s Scary To Remarry Shon's Website:  https://scarytoremarry.com/ **SCHEDULE YOUR 90-MINUTE INTENSIVE BELOW** ⬇️https://www.tonyacarter.com/strategy Order my book: "Divorce Your Story: A Woman's Guide to Heal & Thrive After Divorce" - http://www.divorceyourstorybook.com. Also available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2QPWoCn Follow me on IG - ⁠@iamtonyacarter⁠ Follow me on Facebook - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠ Subscribe to my YouTube - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠

As we close out the month of October, it’s essential to shine a light on an issue impacting millions across the globe—domestic violence. October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a time to recognize the profound impact domestic violence has on individuals and families and to support survivors in their journey to healing and freedom. The statistics are staggering: in the United States alone, nearly 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men will experience severe intimate partner violence in their lifetime. Every minute, 20 people fall victim to physical abuse by an intimate partner—amounting to over 10 million individuals each year. These numbers represent real lives, with stories often hidden behind closed doors, filled with resilience, heartbreak, and bravery. Domestic violence isn’t limited to physical harm; it includes emotional abuse, financial control, and psychological manipulation, all designed to keep victims isolated and powerless. Breaking free from these circumstances can feel impossible, yet many survivors do find the strength to leave, rebuild, and ultimately, to thrive. In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, this episode serves as a reminder of the need to support survivors, raise awareness, and educate ourselves on the realities that victims face. On this week’s podcast, join me as I sit down with Executive Director Lisa Thiombiano, a survivor and advocate who shares her journey from victim to victor. Lisa opens up about the challenges survivors face, what people should understand about victims, and how one can thrive after abuse. She also shares invaluable insights on planning a safe exit and building a life of freedom and hope. Follow Lisa on Instagram: @lisathiombiano_ms Follow Stand Up Survivor on IG: @standupsurvivor For more information on Stand Up Survivor, please visit their website at: https://www.standupsurvivor.org/ **SCHEDULE YOUR 90-MINUTE INTENSIVE BELOW** ⬇️https://www.tonyacarter.com/strategy Order my book: "Divorce Your Story: A Woman's Guide to Heal & Thrive After Divorce" - http://www.divorceyourstorybook.com. Also available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2QPWoCn Follow me on IG - ⁠@iamtonyacarter⁠ Follow me on Facebook - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠ Subscribe to my YouTube - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠

Divorce can be a challenging and emotional time, not only for the parents but especially for the children. While there are many concerns parents have regarding their children's well-being, what can easily get overlooked are the subtle emotional impacts this transition can have on them. Parents may focus on practical aspects like custody, finances, and new living arrangements, but it’s essential not to lose sight of the emotional and psychological needs of the children during this time. In this week's episode, I highlight 7 critical mistakes parents should avoid before, during, and after divorce to ensure their children receive the love, stability, and support they need throughout the process. Tune in for valuable insights on navigating this challenging time with care and intention. **SCHEDULE YOUR 90-MINUTE INTENSIVE BELOW** https://www.tonyacarter.com/strategy Order my book: "Divorce Your Story: A Woman's Guide to Heal & Thrive After Divorce" - http://www.divorceyourstorybook.com. Also available on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2QPWoCn Follow me on IG - ⁠@iamtonyacarter⁠ Follow me on Facebook - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠ Subscribe to my YouTube - ⁠Tonya Carter⁠