359. How to TRULY detach

In your 20s you're told to be as ambitious as you can be, go after your dreams, work hard, be delusional, pursue your passion at any cost. How can we do that without our lives and health crumbling? What is the balance between ambition and appreciation? In today's episode we bring on Amina AlTai, author of The Ambition Trap to talk about:  Why having more ambition doesn’t always make you more successful How a scarcity mindset can ruin your 20s How to find your ‘zone of genius’ When to say ‘no’ to something you really want to do How to lean into the slower seasons of life The miserable paradox of success When do you need to ‘lock in’ & when do you need to have fun? If you've ever struggled with balancing your big goals with your desire to enjoy life, this episode is for you.  Buy Amina's book HERE  Follow Amina HERE   Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We can be so fixed on a job, a person, an outcome that we fuse our identity to it – and, crucially, forget that we’re okay without it. In today’s bonus episode, we unpack detachment: why we cling so tightly to people and outcomes, what over-attachment does to our mind and mood, and how to loosen the grip in a way that feels calm, kind, and clear.We explore: •        Why we become attached to certain people or outcomes•        The impact of becoming overly attached on our behaviours, thoughts and emotions•        The Buddhist concept of ‘non-attachment’•        How detaching from the outcome can keep us grounded•        The value of the Stoic mindset Listen now! ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

There is a huge emphasis on treating romance as the main marker of a successful life – from questions from family, to seemingly perfect online couples – it’s hard to believe anything else when society celebrates this kind of ideal. In this episode, we look at how romance is often seen as the main focus of our 20s, what it can distract us from, and how we can start to approach it differently. We explore: •        The social script of our 20s•        The role of milestone anxiety and FOMO•        How this can lead to us neglecting other areas of our lives, including our goals•        Emotional bypassing and avoiding the deeper work•        What a healthy approach to love looks like•        5 tips to decentre romantic love If you’ve ever felt like your life is on pause until your relationship status changes, this episode is for you.  ORDER MY BOOK: https://www.psychologyofyour20s.com/copy-of-book Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbegFollow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcastFor business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We’ve all been there - telling ourselves that ‘life is short’ as we click add to cart. Whether it’s an expensive dinner, a holiday you can’t quite afford, or another ‘little treat’, doom spending has become the defining financial habit of our generation. In this episode, we unpack why we spend when the world feels uncertain - the psychology, the emotion, and the cultural forces behind it. From dopamine and control to social media, fatalism, and escapism, we’ll explore how uncertainty reshapes our relationship with money and why buying things can feel like the only way to feel better. We explore: •        Why spending can feel emotionally soothing and self-regulating•        How financial stress, uncertainty, and global instability fuel impulsive habits•        The rise of ‘little treat culture’ and the illusion of control•        The role of social media in pairing crisis with consumption•        Signs that your coping mechanism has turned into doom spending•        How to break the cycle - from doom saving to mindful spending If you’ve ever felt the urge to spend when everything feels out of control, this episode is for you. ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Going through a breakup is always going to be devastating. Heartbreak is one of the most gut-wrenching human experiences: it affects our brain, our body, our routines, our identity, and our sense of the future. Why does it hurt so much, and how do we actually get through it? In this episode, we break down the psychology of surviving a breakup: the science, the emotions, and the practical tools that help you heal, find clarity, and eventually believe in love again. We explore: The story of my TWO big breakups  Why heartbreak activates the same neural pathways as physical pain The three psychological “waves” of a breakup and what to expect in each Why “what ifs,” longing and mind-pops keep us stuck How to support your healing with five research-backed strategies The psychology of rebounds, moving on, and knowing when you’re ready to date again If you’re feeling lost, devastated, or convinced you’ll never love again, this episode will help you understand your pain, soften it, and slowly rebuild your sense of self. ORDER MY BOOK Watch on Youtube Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Our 20s are sold to us as the decade of peak desire - full of passion, spontaneity, and effortless intimacy. But for so many of us, that isn’t the reality. When libido dips or fluctuates, it can feel confusing, isolating, and even shameful. In this episode, we ask why it is so common to struggle with libido in our 20s, what’s actually happening beneath the surface when desire feels distant, and how to make sense of the emotional and physical shifts that come with it. We explore: •        How it feels when our libido fluctuates•        Why so many of us struggle with this in our 20s•        The dual control theory of sexual response•        Libido as a reflection of safety•        The role of hormones, stress and mental health •        Identity development and the impact of shame•        Tips to reconnect with pleasure If you’ve ever wondered why you don’t feel the same drive as others seem to, this episode is for you. ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We all have habits we wish we could change - patterns we repeat even when we know they’re hurting us. So why is it so hard to stop? In this episode, we explore the psychology behind toxic habits. How they form, why they become automatic, and what they’re actually doing for us emotionally. We explore: •        How habits become wired through repetition and reward•        Why some people are more vulnerable to toxic habit loops•        The role of emotional regulation and self-soothing•        The four key mistakes that keep us stuck•        Practical tools to implement positive habits If you’ve ever thought, ‘I know better… so why don’t I do better?’, this episode is for you.  ORDER MY BOOK Watch on Youtube Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We’ve all heard someone say, “I’m such a perfectionist”, like it’s a badge of honour. But what does perfectionism really mean - and what’s hiding beneath it? In today’s bonus episode, we unpack the psychology of perfectionism: the fear, the origins, and how to finally let go of “never good enough”. We explore: •        The three types of perfectionism - self-oriented, other-oriented, and socially prescribed•         Why perfectionism often disguises itself as discipline•        How it’s linked to procrastination, burnout, and anxiety•        Where it develops - from conditional love, insecurity, and need for control•        Real-world costs on relationships, wellbeing and creativity•        Tools to reframe perfectionism  Listen now! ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Have you ever met someone who always seems to see themselves as the one who’s been wronged - or maybe noticed that pattern in yourself? The sense that life is happening to you, not for you? It might not just be negativity - it could be a victim mentality, a learned way of seeing the world that often begins as a form of protection. In this episode, we take a look at the psychology behind the victim mindset - why it develops, how it impacts our relationships, and what it really takes to move from powerlessness to self-trust. We explore: •        What exactly is the victim mentality?•        How trauma, learned helplessness, and chronic fear shape this mindset•        The overlap between victimhood and covert narcissism•        Why relationships with ‘perpetual victims’ can feel draining or triggering•        How to support someone without losing yourself•        When compassion becomes enabling, and when to let go If you’ve ever struggled to understand why some people - or even parts of yourself - stay stuck in stories of unfairness or defeat, this episode is for you. ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]  The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

We’re always told that gratitude is the route to happiness – that we should be grateful for every experience we have. But when life feels like it’s falling apart, gratitude can feel less like a comfort and more like pressure. In reality, gratitude and pain often have to coexist. In this episode, we ask whether gratitude actually does make us happier - what it really is, how it rewires the brain, and why it sometimes feels impossible. We explore: •        What makes gratitude so powerful•        The cognitive and neuroscientific mechanisms behind gratitude•        Toxic gratitude when life simply feels hard•        The gratitude paradox•        The guilt associated with not being grateful enough•        Some alternatives for when gratitude feels inaccessible If you’ve ever struggled with the idea that you ‘should’ be thankful for the hard times in life, this episode is for you.   ORDER MY BOOK Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast For business: [email protected]    The Psychology of your 20s is not a substitute for professional mental health help. If you are struggling, distressed or require personalised advice, please reach out to your doctor or a licensed psychologist.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.