Ep 4. Where did my confidence go?

The messy truth about midlife friendshipsCan you miss a friend and still know that the friendship doesn't quite fit your life anymore?We talk a lot about romantic relationships ending, but what about friendships? The ones that gradually drift, the ones we hold onto because of shared history, and the ones that surprise us by coming back into our lives years later.In this episode of The Messy Midlife Toolkit, Vivienne and Janine explore what happens to friendships as we get older, change direction and start wanting different things from life.From moving countries and making new friends in midlife to navigating friendships when one person has children and the other doesn't, we talk about loyalty, guilt, people-pleasing and the uncomfortable question: are we still friends because we enjoy each other's company, or because we've known each other for 30 years?And how do you know whether you've genuinely grown apart or whether a friendship simply needs a little more attention?Your Messy Midlife ToolkitWe share a simple Friendship Circles exercise to help you reflect on the people in your life, the friendships you want to nurture, and whether there's room for somebody new.Read more about friendshipsVivienne has written a Substack article, How to Tell if a Friendship Has Reached Its Use-By Date, which explores these ideas further and includes the Friendship Circles exercise.Read the article here.Want to work with us?We're both coaches, working individually with people navigating change, uncertainty and the questions that come up at different stages of life.Work with Vivienne: Life and career coaching for people who know something needs to change but aren't sure what they want instead.Work with Janine: Wellbeing coaching and support for people navigating changes in their careers, health and everyday lives.Come and join the conversationWe'd love to hear your experiences of friendships that have changed, faded or found their way back.Find us on Instagram: @themessymidlifetoolkitAnd if you enjoyed this episode, please follow the podcast and share it with a friend. It really helps us reach more listeners.

What if you’re good at your job, but it doesn’t give you what it used to?You don’t have to hate your job to start wondering whether it still fits.In this episode, we talk about why career questions can get louder in midlife, the guilt that can come with questioning a perfectly good job, and how being good at something can sometimes keep you stuck doing more and more of something you no longer want.We explore the difference between needing a completely new career and simply wanting a different version of your working life - and share our Career Fit Check: More, Less, Keep, Explore, a simple tool to help you work out what you want next without having to make any big decisions.And remember: A coffee isn’t a resignation letter.Blog: Where’s the Jigsaw Piece? When something feels missing in your life.Follow The Messy Midlife Toolkit on Instagram.Find out more about us:Janine: https://thewellbeingadvantage.comVivienne: https://www.lifecoachingbyvivienne.com

How can you have so much life experience, and somehow trust yourself less?In this episode, we’re talking about confidence: where it goes, what or who can knock it, and why feeling less confident in one part of your life doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly become an unconfident person.We look at the difference between confidence and familiarity, why courage often comes before confidence, and why waiting until you feel completely ready can keep you stuck.We also introduce this episode’s addition to the Messy Midlife Toolkit: The Hype File - a place to collect the evidence of what you’ve done, what you’re good at and the things other people have reflected back to you, for those days when your own brain conveniently forgets.And we leave you with one question: If you trusted yourself just 10% more, what would you do?Plus, we talk about Janine’s own wobbles around putting herself out there, including writing her book, The Wellbeing Advantage: 7 Transformative Habits to Thrive in Work and Life. Follow The Messy Midlife Toolkit:Instagram: @themessymidlifetoolkitFind out more about us:Vivienne: https://www.lifecoachingbyvivienne.comJanine: https://thewellbeingadvantage.comBuy Janine's book here: https://shorturl.at/sqGkA

Why can you feel exhausted when, physically, you haven’t actually done that much?Sometimes it’s not the things you’re doing that are wearing you out. It’s everything you’re remembering, anticipating, organising, checking, worrying about and keeping track of in the background.In this episode, we talk about the invisible load: the mental and emotional work that rarely makes it onto a to-do list, but can leave you feeling as though you’re permanently on call.We look at why capable women so often become the person who holds everything together, why “just tell me what you need me to do” isn’t always as helpful as it sounds, and how caring for other people can sometimes slide into feeling responsible for them.And, of course, we add another practical tool to The Messy Midlife Toolkit: the three-tab reset, a simple way to look at what’s taking up space in your head and decide what is yours, what can be shared, and what you might be ready to close.Just because you noticed it doesn’t automatically make it yours.Follow The Messy Midlife Toolkit:Instagram: @themessymidlifetoolkitFind out more about us:Vivienne: https://www.lifecoachingbyvivienne.comJanine: https://thewellbeingadvantage.comBuy Janine's book here: https://shorturl.at/sqGkA

Ever found yourself snapping at someone you love, lying awake overthinking, doom scrolling, or feeling completely overwhelmed by something that normally wouldn’t bother you?When we’re carrying too much for too long, it can be easy to assume that we’re the problem.In this episode of The Messy Midlife Toolkit, we talk about what happens when life leaves us at capacity - and why trying to make big decisions from that place can make everything feel even harder.We share our own experiences of busy lives and competing demands, introduce our snow globe analogy for understanding overwhelm, and ask a rather different question:Instead of “Why can’t I cope anymore?” what if you asked “What am I carrying?”And we add another simple tool to your Messy Midlife Toolkit: The Permission Slip.Remember, maybe you don't need an answer just yet. You might just need to let the snow settle first.Follow The Messy Midlife Toolkit:Instagram: @themessymidlifetoolkitFind out more about us:Vivienne: https://www.lifecoachingbyvivienne.comJanine: https://thewellbeingadvantage.comBuy Janine's book here: https://shorturl.at/sqGkA

What happens when the life you’ve built no longer feels quite like you?In this episode, we talk about that strange midlife feeling of losing touch with yourself, when nothing is necessarily wrong, but something doesn’t quite fit anymore.We explore identity, values, the roles we take on over the years, and why feeling lost doesn’t necessarily mean you need to blow up your life and start again.Maybe you haven’t lost yourself. Maybe who you are has changed, but your life hasn’t caught up yet.Follow The Messy Midlife Toolkit:Instagram: @themessymidlifetoolkitFind out more about us:Vivienne: https://www.lifecoachingbyvivienne.comJanine: https://thewellbeingadvantage.comBuy Janine's book here: https://shorturl.at/sqGkA

Welcome to The Messy Midlife Toolkit.Who We Are & Why We're HereWho are we, why did we start this podcast, and what exactly is The Messy Midlife Toolkit?We're Dr Janine van Someren and Vivienne Berryman, two coaches who believe there's a lot more to midlife than the usual conversations about getting older.Perhaps you're questioning a career you've spent years building, wondering who you are beyond your everyday responsibilities, navigating an unexpected change, or asking yourself, "Is this it?"Or maybe life is going pretty well, but you're curious about what else it might have to offer.In this introductory episode, we share a little about ourselves, the work we do and why we decided to start having these conversations.Vivienne is a life and career coach who works with people who know something needs to change but aren't quite sure what that change looks like or what they want instead.Janine is a wellbeing consultant and coach who helps people untangle what's really going on, understand what's getting in their way and find practical ways forward.Together, we explore identity, confidence, careers, relationships, the invisible load, life's unexpected twists and the questions that can crop up as we move through midlife.Expect honest conversations, humour, different perspectives, questions that might make you think, and practical coaching tools you can try for yourself.We're not here to tell you how to live your life. We're here to help you look at it a little differently.And although many of our conversations reflect women's experiences, this podcast is for anyone interested in exploring what comes next.Meet your hostsVivienne Berryman | Life & Career Coachhttps://www.lifecoachingbyvivienne.comDr Janine van Someren | Wellbeing Consultant & Coachhttps://thewellbeingadvantage.comFollow The Messy Midlife ToolkitInstagram: @themessymidlifetoolkitFind out moreExplore individual coaching with either of us through our websites above.Janine's book, The Wellbeing Advantage: https://shorturl.at/sqGkASubscribe to The Messy Midlife Toolkit and join us for conversations that might just change how you look at your own life.

Welcome to The Messy Midlife Toolkit.In this short introductory episode, Vivienne shares how the podcast came about and some of the topics we'll be exploring in future episodes.From identity shifts, burnout, confidence and relationships, to the invisible load many women carry, changing priorities, friendship shifts, and the question so many of us find ourselves asking at some point:"So what's next for me?"The Messy Midlife Toolkit is a podcast for women navigating change, seeking clarity, and making sense of the messy middle of life.Follow The Messy Midlife Toolkit:Instagram: @themessymidlifetoolkitFind out more about us:Vivienne: https://www.lifecoachingbyvivienne.comJanine: https://thewellbeingadvantage.comBuy Janine's book here: https://shorturl.at/sqGkA