The Grief Seasons; Wintering & the Value in Hibernation

Today I share my conversation with Blake & Lisa. They are Zach Carter's mom and oldest brother. Zach died by suicide in 2022. The 3 of us talk about many things including, but not limited to, Zach's devotion to family, to his job and even to Crocs...yes, the cushy, bright colored charm-adorned shoes! We talk about his joys and his struggles and even his love for pizza! There is something in this one for everyone. From Zach's brother:“On June 22nd, 2022, my life was turned upside down. We lost my brother and best friend, Zachary, to suicide at the ripe young age of 21. After losing him we were all impacted by the lack of resources available to those facing anxiety, depression, and grief. It was this unfortunate loss, and the need to continue Zach’s love of mental health advocacy that led us to launch ZTC.”“Today’s mental health care system, in my eyes, is a joke. After the loss of Zach we were filled with depression, anxiety and grief and needed to seek professional help. Family members contacted multiple facilities just to be told the wait was 6-18 months or just didn’t receive a call back. If we struggled to find help while we were still functioning with mild depression and anxiety, how are those that are severely suffering getting treated when they are reaching out for treatment that could be life or death?”From Zach's Mom:“This foundation is very important to me.  It’s a way we can honor my youngest son Zachary, who lost his battle with Mental Illness when he was only 21.  We would love to help others going through struggles and trying to find help.  After my son passed away, I found it very hard to get the help I needed.   I was told I would be put on a waiting list and it could be 12-18 months.  This is just unacceptable!!  I was lucky to find a church that offered a grief counseling program.  It was so helpful to me.  We want to help others, whether its help funding therapy or guiding them with the resources to get help.I have also started zachsbutterflies.org.  Be sure to check it out sometime.  My husband and I, along with some family members, are crocheting butterflies and leaving them around for others to find.  We leave a little note of encouragement with it.   Maybe one day you will find one while you’re out and about.HERE are all of the LINKs as promised:The ZTC Foundation WebsiteZach's Butterflies   &  Zach's Buddy BenchesFacebook & InstagramThe (infamous) You Matter HoodiesAnkits Hope AppQPR (Question, Persuade, Refer) Training__________________________________________________________________________My WEBSITE "The Leftover Pieces; Rebuilding You" is support central.If you, or someone you know, is struggling ww suicidal thoughts, reach out:CALL 988 in the US or Canada OR, you can also TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USA & CanadaSupport the show

Today I tackle another precarious topic in life after suicide loss  --remember, as always, take what serves you, and leave the rest.  In today's Down the Rabbit Hole, I discuss this topic of what I call the "Wintering" and Grief Seasons. It's not a long one, but something to think about!  Come with me today and let's explore grieving through all of the seasons, but today, we take on "Winter" - or looking ahead to "un-wintering", with all of its intricacies and nuances ...and the promise of Spring ahead! Here is the Sesame Workshop Video I discussed and promised. I hope there is something of use here. AND AGAIN ... Bravo for the grief affirming message. We need SO. MUCH. MORE. of this in the world!!The Poem (by author/poet Ullie-Kaye)Winter.winter reminds me that ihave a greater appreciationfor the warmth when I ammade to endure the cold.my heart has a winter too.Have you seen the latest MOMs RETREAT scheduled for May 28- June2, 2025 (held here in sunny Puerto Rico) that is out? LOOK HERE And what about Legacy? Let's remember your child together!! I start the ONE & ONLY Legacy Project this year (2025) on March 5 --- there's still time to talk to me & see if this is your year!! LET"S CHAT - SCHEDULE A CHAT HERE  It would be my honor to do this work with you -- I wish I had opportunities like this earlier in my grief, but I didn't...so now you do! My hearts mission is to provide meaningful, real-help-resources and healing opportunities for suicide loss survivors and one-on-one with other moms like me. Be sure to check out my website for tons of free resources and recommendations as well as other healing opportunities. AND watch emails in Jan and February for some new options. I don't add a LOT, but what I do add is always designed for maximum impact.Sending love, peace and enough hope for us both! (See, that's just one way community helps -- we need others to be our strength and motivators and accountability partners when we can't get there alone!) "This is so lonely, but you do not have to be alone." - XO Melissa__________________________________________________________________________Go to my WEBSITE "The Leftover Pieces; Rebuilding You" is support central.PS....The Legacy Writing Project in 2024 has finished. Volume 5 is out in the world ...GET ON THE LIST NOW for the SINGLE DATE start for 2025For a way to leave a Legacy of your child - GO HEREIf you, or someone you know, is struggling ww suicidal thoughts, reach out:CALL 988   OR, you can also TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USASupport the show

Today I release an impactful conversation that I had recently with Peyton James' dad - David. Peyton was an incredible young man who died by suicide in 2014 and while his dad will feel his absence for the rest of his life, he takes some comfort in spreading the ripple effects of Peyton's life with hope through the legacy foundation started in his sons' name - The Peyton Heart Project.  You should ALL take a look and consider getting involved at the link below-- they make it super easy!!Among other things we discuss stigma, mental health in schools, organ donorship and how dads grief matters - deeply - and yet often feel forgotten or like they have nowhere to turn to find support. We also discuss how suicide loss is different. This dad has definitely leaned into his pain to find purpose. This is one for everyone to listen to! READ MORE HERE on the Peyton Heart WEBSITEAt the Peyton Heart Project, our mission is to raise global awareness about suicide, bullying, and to help end the stigma surrounding mental health issues.We’re doing this through our campaign of distributing small, knitted and crocheted hearts with inspirational messages in locations where we hope they’ll be easily found. To date, we’ve scattered over 100,000 hearts all across the country and the world.You can help us spread our message by making hearts and shipping them to us or scattering them yourself, or we’ll gladly ship you a package of hearts that you can use to spread our message. Our project is donor-funded, so we ask that you keep us in mind in your giving plans. Thank you for your generous support. We couldn’t do it without you."David is the father of The Peyton Heart Project’s namesake, Peyton James. After losing Peyton to suicide in 2014, David set out to raise awareness of mental health issues and suicide so that other families wouldn't feel the pain of losing a loved one to suicide.  Knowing that education is the key to prevention, David has lobbied for laws in his home state of Texas that require educators to be trained yearly in suicide awareness. He also speaks at various events using Peyton’s story to help others.  He resides in the Texas Hill Country with his wife Lisa, daughter Emmalee, and two corgis Earl and Zelda."  Again --- Find all of the great things they do HERE__________________________________________________________________________My WEBSITE "The Leftover Pieces; Rebuilding You" is support central.PS....The Legacy Writing Project in 2024 has finished. Volume 5 is out in the world ...GET ON THE LIST NOW for the SINGLE DATE start for 2025For a way to leave a Legacy of your child - GO HEREIf you, or someone you know, is struggling ww suicidal thoughts, reach out:CALL 988 in the US or Canada OR, you can also TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USA & CanadaSupport the show

Today I speak with Michelle. Michelle lost her husband to suicide in April of 2016 - and she has so much to share about loss, life & mindfulness in the surviving places! She is an incredible light of a soul, and I am so glad we connected & even happier that I get to share her wisdom with you.... she says it but I agree, we feel like 'soul sisters'. Be sure to see all of the Links to books etc. that we mention below!Here are just some of the things we hit on in this incredible chat!  We are all over the topic of mindfulness because it is both of our 'grief love language' I thinkHer compound losses including the loss of her husband to suicideHear her address Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs & the four A'sThe power of the "Pause" and meeting your own needsShe even addresses faith -- and how that can matterAnd soooo much more....And OH...also hear her call me out on something -- it's all good!! She was not wrong! It was a great 'catch' ;)Michelle Ann Collins is a dedicated professional who helps individuals navigate grief, trauma, and loss through her organization, Inhabit Joy. As a certified mindfulness meditation teacher, grief educator, wellness coach, and yoga therapist, she combines her knowledge of positive psychology, neuroscience, and mindfulness to guide clients toward resilience. Her personal journey through significant losses, including her mother’s death and her husband's suicide, transformed her trauma into growth and inspired her bestselling books, "Surviving Spouse or Partner Suicide Loss" and "Supporting a Survivor of Spouse or Partner Suicide Loss." In addition to her private practice, Michelle conducts workshops and wellness programs in corporate settings. She emphasizes mindfulness, yoga therapy, and wellness strategies, particularly for suicide loss survivors, aiming to normalize conversations around grief and suicide. Her mission is to help individuals cope with loss while rediscovering joy and purpose.Find her HERE (you will be glad you did) on her Inhabit Joy WebsiteFind her books Surviving Spouse or Partner Suicide Loss" and "Supporting a Survivor of Spouse or Partner Suicide Loss." HERE HERE's  Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl (mentioned in the podcast)And HERE is the book I refer to A Walk in the Wood; Meditations & Mindfulness from a Bear Named Pooh JUST GET IT --- It's INCREDIBLE! __________________________________________________________________________Please Listen to my Start Here - Meet Melissa Episode if you are new to the podcast & have not listened (or if you are not new, it was updated in Feb 2025 & you may learn something new:) Go to my WEBSITE "The Leftover Pieces; Rebuilding You" is support central.PS....The SINGLE DATE start for 2025 Leave a Legacy of your child - GO HEREIf you, or someone you know, is struggling ww suicidal thoughts, reach out:CALL 988   OR, you can also TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USASupport the show

As a sort of "Re-Boot" for The Leftover Pieces; Suicide Loss Conversations podcast after taking the last 6 weeks of 2024 "off" I am choosing to 'start over' this way .... please listen weekly to Down the Rabbit Hole episodes dropped at the start of each week and / or listen daily to these readings from The Daily Stoic-- nuggets as I call them -- of wisdom passed along from Ryan Holiday. Stephen Hanselman and the ancient Greek Philosophers such as Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca. I hope you will do both. I hope you will consider journaling along with me. I hope it provides some inspiration, even motivation to keep going, to how we do what we do, to why we do what we do in moving forward 'after'...I hope it is a tool that you (like me) might find useful in your life after loss by suicide.The following is an excerpt directly from the book -- they are not my words and are placed here as a sample to help you journal. The full book must be purchased to follow along all year. I am ONLY doing this in January (on the podcast).TODAYS READING January 31 - PHILOSOPHY AS MEDICINE FOR THE SOULGet your own copy of The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday & Stephen Hanselman**“Don’t return to philosophy as a task-master, but as patients seek out relief in a treatment of sore eyes, or a dressing for a burn, or from an ointment. Regarding it this way, you’ll obey reason without putting it on display and rest easy in its care.” —MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 5.9 The busier we get, the more we work and learn and read, the further we may drift. We get in a rhythm. We’re making money, being creative, and we’re stimulated and busy. It seems like everything is going well. But we drift further and further from philosophy. Eventually this neglect will contribute to a problem—the stress builds up, our mind gets cloudy, we forget what’s important—and result in an injury of some kind. When that happens, it’s important that we tap the brakes—put aside all the momentum and the moment. Return to the regimen and practices that we know are rooted in clarity, good judgment, good principles, and good health. Stoicism is designed to be medicine for the soul. It relieves us of the vulnerabilities of modern life. It restores us with the vigor we need to thrive in life. Check in with it today, and let it do its healing." -  all above quoted words from the credited to the authors**I SURE HOPE THAT YOU TOOK SOMETHING VALUABLE AWAY FROM THIS MONTH! i KNOW I DID.  - SENDING MY LOVE & PEACE - MELISSA__________________________________________________________________________Go to my WEBSITE "The Leftover Pieces; Rebuilding You" is support central.PS....The SINGLE DATE start for 2025 Leave a Legacy of your child - GO HEREIf you, or someone you know, is struggling ww suicidal thoughts, reach out:CALL 988   OR, you can also TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USASupport the show

Today it is my honor to once again welcome back a resilient, inspirational survivor mom -- Lynn Lewis. I first spoke with Lynn in April of 2022. At that time Lynn was 3 years in after the loss of her "favorite man child" as she often refers to her precious son, Daniel.  HERE is that Episode Lynn Brooks-Lewis's Story; "I Choose to Live" after the Suicide Loss of her Son from Season 3 of this podcastSo, it's time to 'catch up' with Lynn .... she has indeed been up to alot, and I want to share with you so that you can celebrate with me where she is now along with acknowledging all of the critical support (& tools) she is providing to other survivors of suicide loss. Let's find out why 'denial isn't always a bad thing.' Let's be inspired. Let's find hope.About Lynn: Lynn Lewis, a Certified Grief Educator, is the Visionary and Chief Empathy Officer for Destined to Thrive Grief Coaching, a speaker and an author. After her son’s death on August 4 of 2019, Lynn Lewis made the choice to not be consumed by the grief of her tragic loss. Lynn readily shares her grief story “I Choose to Live in the Aftermath”. She talks about how she strives daily to keep moving forward, why she does it and the positive impact self-love has on how she manages grief. She supports adults who are ready to move forward with living meaningful and impactful lives despite having experienced the loss of a loved one Lynn is the co-author of "Prepare for Purpose – Your Invitation to The Next Level" and author of "My Suicide Grief Journey Journal; Memory Book." She is happily retired from the automobile claim industry with 39 years of service and resides in N. Chesterfield, VA with her husband, Keith D. Lewis.For more information go to www.destinedtothrivegriefcoaching.com  Here is the journal she wrote (on Amazon) My Suicide Grief JourneyShe is the Co-Author of Prepare For Purpose: Your Invitation to the Next Level is an inspiring and practical guide that seeks to help readers discover and nurture their individual paths to living meaningful lives.Watch her in a candid TV Interview HEREHer INSTAGRAM is HERE__________________________________________________________________________My WEBSITE "The Leftover Pieces; Rebuilding You" is support central.PS....The Legacy Writing Project in 2024 has finished. Volume 5 is out in the world ...GET ON THE LIST NOW for the SINGLE DATE start for 2025For a way to leave a Legacy of your child - GO HEREIf you, or someone you know, is struggling ww suicidal thoughts, reach out:CALL 988 in the US or Canada OR, you can also TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USASupport the show

As a sort of "Re-Boot" for The Leftover Pieces; Suicide Loss Conversations podcast after taking the last 6 weeks of 2024 "off" I am choosing to 'start over' this way .... please listen weekly to Down the Rabbit Hole episodes dropped at the start of each week and / or listen daily to these readings from The Daily Stoic-- nuggets as I call them -- of wisdom passed along from Ryan Holiday. Stephen Hanselman and the ancient Greek Philosophers such as Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca. I hope you will do both. I hope you will consider journaling along with me. I hope it provides some inspiration, even motivation to keep going, to how we do what we do, to why we do what we do in moving forward 'after'...I hope it is a tool that you (like me) might find useful in your life after loss by suicide.The following is an excerpt directly from the book -- they are not my words and are placed here as a sample to help you journal. The full book must be purchased to follow along all year. I am ONLY doing this in January (on the podcast).TODAYS READING January 30 - YOU DON’T HAVE TO STAY ON TOP OF EVERYTHINGGet your own copy of The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday & Stephen Hanselman**“If you wish to improve, be content to appear clueless or stupid in extraneous matters—don’t wish to seem knowledgeable. And if some regard you as important, distrust yourself.” —EPICTETUS, ENCHIRIDION, 13a One of the most powerful things you can do as a human being in our hyperconnected, 24/7 media world is say: “I don’t know.” Or, more provocatively: “I don’t care.” Most of society seems to have taken it as a commandment that one must know about every single current event, watch every episode of every critically acclaimed television series, follow the news religiously, and present themselves to others as an informed and worldly individual. But where is the evidence that this is actually necessary? Is the obligation enforced by the police? Or is it that you’re just afraid of seeming silly at a dinner party? Yes, you owe it to your country and your family to know generally about events that may directly affect them, but that’s about all. How much more time, energy, and pure brainpower would you have available if you drastically cut your media consumption? How much more rested and present would you feel if you were no longer excited and outraged by every scandal, breaking story, and potential crisis (many of which never come to pass anyway)?" -  all above quoted words from the credited to the authors**I hope you are considering journaling along with us in January__________________________________________________________________________Go to my WEBSITE "The Leftover Pieces; Rebuilding You" is support central.PS....The SINGLE DATE start for 2025 Leave a Legacy of your child - GO HEREIf you, or someone you know, is struggling ww suicidal thoughts, reach out:CALL 988   OR, you can also TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USASupport the show

As a sort of "Re-Boot" for The Leftover Pieces; Suicide Loss Conversations podcast after taking the last 6 weeks of 2024 "off" I am choosing to 'start over' this way .... please listen weekly to Down the Rabbit Hole episodes dropped at the start of each week and / or listen daily to these readings from The Daily Stoic-- nuggets as I call them -- of wisdom passed along from Ryan Holiday. Stephen Hanselman and the ancient Greek Philosophers such as Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca. I hope you will do both. I hope you will consider journaling along with me. I hope it provides some inspiration, even motivation to keep going, to how we do what we do, to why we do what we do in moving forward 'after'...I hope it is a tool that you (like me) might find useful in your life after loss by suicide.The following is an excerpt directly from the book -- they are not my words and are placed here as a sample to help you journal. The full book must be purchased to follow along all year. I am ONLY doing this in January (on the podcast).TODAYS READING January 29 - KEEP IT SIMPLEGet your own copy of The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday & Stephen Hanselman**“At every moment keep a sturdy mind on the task at hand, as a Roman and human being, doing it with strict and simple dignity, affection, freedom, and justice—giving yourself a break from all other considerations. You can do this if you approach each task as if it is your last, giving up every distraction, emotional subversion of reason, and all drama, vanity, and complaint over your fair share. You can see how mastery over a few things makes it possible to live an abundant and devout life—for, if you keep watch over these things, the gods won’t ask for more.” —MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 2.5 Each day presents the chance to overthink things. What should I wear? Do they like me? Am I eating well enough? What’s next for me in life? Is my boss happy with my work? Today, let’s focus just on what’s in front of us. We’ll follow the dictum that New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick gives his players: “Do your job.” Like a Roman, like a good soldier, like a master of our craft. We don’t need to get lost in a thousand other distractions or in other people’s business. Marcus says to approach each task as if it were your last, because it very well could be. And even if it isn’t, botching what’s right in front of you doesn’t help anything. Find clarity in the simplicity of doing your job today." -  all above quoted words from the credited to the authors**I hope you are considering journaling along with us in January__________________________________________________________________________Go to my WEBSITE "The Leftover Pieces; Rebuilding You" is support central.PS....The SINGLE DATE start for 2025 Leave a Legacy of your child - GO HEREIf you, or someone you know, is struggling ww suicidal thoughts, reach out:CALL 988   OR, you can also TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USASupport the show

As a sort of "Re-Boot" for The Leftover Pieces; Suicide Loss Conversations podcast after taking the last 6 weeks of 2024 "off" I am choosing to 'start over' this way .... please listen weekly to Down the Rabbit Hole episodes dropped at the start of each week and / or listen daily to these readings from The Daily Stoic-- nuggets as I call them -- of wisdom passed along from Ryan Holiday. Stephen Hanselman and the ancient Greek Philosophers such as Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca. I hope you will do both. I hope you will consider journaling along with me. I hope it provides some inspiration, even motivation to keep going, to how we do what we do, to why we do what we do in moving forward 'after'...I hope it is a tool that you (like me) might find useful in your life after loss by suicide.The following is an excerpt directly from the book -- they are not my words and are placed here as a sample to help you journal. The full book must be purchased to follow along all year. I am ONLY doing this in January (on the podcast).TODAYS READING January 28 - WATCHING THE WISEGet your own copy of The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday & Stephen Hanselman**“Take a good hard look at people’s ruling principle, especially of the wise, what they run away from and what they seek out.” —MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 4.38 Seneca has said, “Without a ruler to do it against, you can’t make crooked straight.” That is the role of wise people in our lives—to serve as model and inspiration. To bounce our ideas off and test our presumptions. Who that person will be for you is up to you. Perhaps it’s your father or your mother. Maybe it’s a philosopher or a writer or a thinker. Perhaps WWJD (What would Jesus do?) is the right model for you. But pick someone, watch what they do (and what they don’t do), and do your best to do the same." -  all above quoted words from the credited to the authors**I hope you are considering journaling along with us in January__________________________________________________________________________Go to my WEBSITE "The Leftover Pieces; Rebuilding You" is support central.PS....The SINGLE DATE start for 2025 Leave a Legacy of your child - GO HEREIf you, or someone you know, is struggling ww suicidal thoughts, reach out:CALL 988   OR, you can also TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USASupport the show

As a sort of "Re-Boot" for The Leftover Pieces; Suicide Loss Conversations podcast after taking the last 6 weeks of 2024 "off" I am choosing to 'start over' this way .... please listen weekly to Down the Rabbit Hole episodes dropped at the start of each week and / or listen daily to these readings from The Daily Stoic-- nuggets as I call them -- of wisdom passed along from Ryan Holiday. Stephen Hanselman and the ancient Greek Philosophers such as Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca. I hope you will do both. I hope you will consider journaling along with me. I hope it provides some inspiration, even motivation to keep going, to how we do what we do, to why we do what we do in moving forward 'after'...I hope it is a tool that you (like me) might find useful in your life after loss by suicide.The following is an excerpt directly from the book -- they are not my words and are placed here as a sample to help you journal. The full book must be purchased to follow along all year. I am ONLY doing this in January (on the podcast).TODAYS READING January 27 - THE THREE AREAS OF TRAININGGet your own copy of The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday & Stephen Hanselman**“There are three areas in which the person who would be wise and good must be trained. The first has to do with desires and aversions—that a person may never miss the mark in desires nor fall into what repels them. The second has to do with impulses to act and not to act—and more broadly, with duty—that a person may act deliberately for good reasons and not carelessly. The third has to do with freedom from deception and composure and the whole area of judgment, the assent our mind gives to its perceptions. Of these areas, the chief and most urgent is the first which has to do with the passions, for strong emotions arise only when we fail in our desires and aversions.” —EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 3.2.1–3a Today, let’s focus on the three areas of training that Epictetus laid out for us. First, we must consider what we should desire and what we should be averse to. Why? So that we want what is good and avoid what is bad. It’s not enough to just listen to your body—because our attractions often lead us astray. Next, we must examine our impulses to act—that is, our motivations. Are we doing things for the right reasons? Or do we act because we haven’t stopped to think? Or do we believe that we have to do something? Finally, there is our judgment. Our ability to see things clearly and properly comes when we use our great gift from nature: reason. These are three distinct areas of training, but in practice they are inextricably intertwined. Our judgment affects what we desire, our desires affect how we act, just as our judgment determines how we act. But we can’t just expect this to happen. We must put real thought and energy into each area of our lives. If we do, we’ll find real clarity and success." -  all above quoted words from the credited to the authors**I hope you are considering journaling along with us in January__________________________________________________________________________Go to my WEBSITE "The Leftover Pieces; Rebuilding You" is support central.PS....The SINGLE DATE start for 2025 Leave a Legacy of your child - GO HEREIf you, or someone you know, is struggling ww suicidal thoughts, reach out:CALL 988   OR, you can also TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USASupport the show